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Old 11-20-2010, 05:08 AM   #11
bioprofessor
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

Quote:
Originally Posted by snoozn View Post
Are you going to post it here? I'd be interested to see how it turns out!
I'm not thrilled with it, but I'm going to leave it for now, let it marinate a bit. I really don't want to clutter the place with every scene from my script, but since you asked... (comments welcome).

BTW, you may be wondering why my two protag's are at a museum. Did I mention that they were con artists?

Code:
EXT. MUSEUM - DAY Cassie and Lizzy dash up the marble stairway. The low necklines of the duo's tightly-corseted, lace dresses catch the eye of a SECURITY GUARD (30). Cassie pauses to flirt with Guard, until Lizzy grabs Cassie's arm and yanks her inside. INT. MUSEUM EXHIBIT HALL - DAY A string QUARTET fills the air with a Bach concerto. Mesmerized by the hall's grandeur and beauty, Cassie pivots to take it all in... CASSIE Wow! CASSIE'S P.O.V. - QUICK SHOTS OF CLASSIC EUROPEAN ART A. Millet's Sewing Lesson. B. Romanelli's Columbia bust. C. Wichmann's Madonna and Child. D. van Oosterwyck's Rose and Butterfly. E. Cagnacci's Allegory of Life. BACK TO SCENE EXHIBIT HALL Lizzy stands before Millet's famous oil painting, The Gleaners. LIZZY'S FACE Entranced. Eyes riveted, staring straight ahead. PAINTING A dust-covered peasant women stoops to gather stray grains in a barren field. LIZZY'S FACE Eyes well with tears.
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Old 11-20-2010, 12:47 PM   #12
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

I think that's the right kind of homage. It's similar enough that anyone who remembers the FB scene will definitely get it. But it also works independently and isn't going to look weird or off to those not familiar with the original.

Interesting that you don't also have Cassie stand in front of a particular painting (like in the FB scene). But it's a nice contrast, with Cassie taking it all in and Lizzy fixated on one painting.
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Old 11-20-2010, 06:01 PM   #13
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

I like the scene.

Consider (with the guard): ... Lizzy grabs Cassie's hand and pulls her inside.

Consider: Intercut Cassie moving around and Lizzy staying put.

I know what you're going for with the POV of various paintings, but, in the film, how will we know who's POV it is?

The description of the peasant woman painting sounds more like movement rather than a "snapshot".
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Old 11-20-2010, 09:59 PM   #14
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bioprofessor View Post
I'm not thrilled with it, but I'm going to leave it for now, let it marinate a bit. I really don't want to clutter the place with every scene from my script, but since you asked... (comments welcome).

BTW, you may be wondering why my two protag's are at a museum. Did I mention that they were con artists?

Code:
EXT. MUSEUM - DAY Cassie and Lizzy dash up the marble stairway. The low necklines of the duo's tightly-corseted, lace dresses catch the eye of a SECURITY GUARD (30). Cassie pauses to flirt with Guard, until Lizzy grabs Cassie's arm and yanks her inside. INT. MUSEUM EXHIBIT HALL - DAY A string QUARTET fills the air with a Bach concerto. Mesmerized by the hall's grandeur and beauty, Cassie pivots to take it all in... CASSIE Wow! CASSIE'S P.O.V. - QUICK SHOTS OF CLASSIC EUROPEAN ART A. Millet's Sewing Lesson. B. Romanelli's Columbia bust. C. Wichmann's Madonna and Child. D. van Oosterwyck's Rose and Butterfly. E. Cagnacci's Allegory of Life. BACK TO SCENE EXHIBIT HALL Lizzy stands before Millet's famous oil painting, The Gleaners. LIZZY'S FACE Entranced. Eyes riveted, staring straight ahead. PAINTING A dust-covered peasant women stoops to gather stray grains in a barren field. LIZZY'S FACE Eyes well with tears.
I think you can get away without the implied camera shots. Consider(?):

Code:
CASSIE'S P.O.V. - QUICK SHOTS OF CLASSIC EUROPEAN ART A. Millet's Sewing Lesson. B. Romanelli's Columbia bust. C. Wichmann's Madonna and Child. D. van Oosterwyck's Rose and Butterfly. E. Cagnacci's Allegory of Life. BACK TO SCENE Lizzy stands before Millet's famous oil painting, The Gleaners. Entranced. Eyes riveted, staring deeply into-- The Painting -- A dust-covered peasant women stoops to gather stray grains in a barren field. Lizzy's Eyes fill with tears, wide with astonishing wonder.
Just a suggestion. Take or leave as you wish. I just don't think you need to break it up shot for shot like that here.
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Old 11-20-2010, 11:01 PM   #15
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

Interesting. But just some thoughts:-

- what if those art pieces aren't on show at the time the movie is shot?
- are items in a museum in any way copywrited - the same way as songs or book quotes? (excuse ignorance here).

Sorry - not being picky or anything. It's just that I'm starting to become conscious about mentioning certain specifics in a script. So I'm curious about this one.
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Old 11-20-2010, 11:25 PM   #16
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bioprofessor View Post
Code:
INT. MUSEUM EXHIBIT HALL - DAY A string QUARTET fills the air with a Bach concerto. Mesmerized by the hall's grandeur and beauty, Cassie pivots to take it all in...
Bio, nice. I visualized everything but when they first enter the Hall.

Is the huge room deserted except for the paintings and perhaps a string quartet?

Does the music captivate them?

I think it would be more effective it you show us what mesmerizes Cassie rather than tell us she is mesmerized by grandeur and beauty.

Just some thoughts to kick up the introduction to the scene.
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Old 11-21-2010, 04:18 AM   #17
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

Wow, lots of great feedback here to mull over...

Quote:
Consider: Intercut Cassie moving around and Lizzy staying put.

I know what you're going for with the POV of various paintings, but, in the film, how will we know who's POV it is?
I thought if I had Cassie spinning, wide-eyed, and the next thing we saw were the shots of art work, it would be obvious, but maybe not. Maybe if the director had the camera panning past the pieces?
Quote:
The description of the peasant woman painting sounds more like movement rather than a "snapshot".
Good point. I'll have to make that clearer.

Nexus - I love your rewrite - clean, concise, looks much better on the page. I think I'll use it. Thank you!

Quote:
what if those art pieces aren't on show at the time the movie is shot?
- are items in a museum in any way copywrited - the same way as songs or book quotes? (excuse ignorance here).
Good questions, Steve. My hunch is no. Do museum usually prohibit video recording devices? It'd be interesting to find out if John Hughes had to do anything besides get permission to shoot in the Chicago Art Museum.
Quote:
Is the huge room deserted except for the paintings and perhaps a string quartet?

Does the music captivate them?

I think it would be more effective it you show us what mesmerizes Cassie rather than tell us she is mesmerized by grandeur and beauty.
Thanks jp. You're right, I got a bit lazy there. I envision this scene being in the Crocker Museum in SF. Problem is, I've never stepped foot inside it, so I have no way of knowing what its exhibit hall looks like. Their website only shows the art pieces in their collection. I'll be in LA next Nov. for a conference, so I just might have to head north and do a little research.
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Old 11-21-2010, 08:29 PM   #18
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

My earlier suggestion (Lizzy grabs Cassie's hand and pulls her inside.) was a homage of my own. Maybe I should have written, "Lizzy grabs Cassie's hand and pulls her toward the door. At the last moment Cassie grabs the guard's hand and the three snake their way through the main entrance."

If you ever make it to S.F., turn right to Sacramento.
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Old 11-21-2010, 08:48 PM   #19
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

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Originally Posted by TwoBrad Bradley View Post
My earlier suggestion (Lizzy grabs Cassie's hand and pulls her inside.) was a homage of my own. Maybe I should have written, "Lizzy grabs Cassie's hand and pulls her toward the door. At the last moment Cassie grabs the guard's hand and the three snake their way through the main entrance."

If you ever make it to S.F., turn right to Sacramento.
Thanks TwoBrad. Good stuff. Your first, "... pulls her inside," was exactly what I intended. I wanted it to look like that old vaudeville gag where the hook suddenly appears and yanks the performer off the stage.

Oops. The Crocker's in Sacramento, of course.
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Old 11-22-2010, 06:58 AM   #20
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Default Re: Paying Homage... How to Format this Scene...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nexus9 View Post
I think you can get away without the implied camera shots. Consider(?):

Code:
CASSIE'S P.O.V. - QUICK SHOTS OF CLASSIC EUROPEAN ART A. Millet's Sewing Lesson. B. Romanelli's Columbia bust. C. Wichmann's Madonna and Child. D. van Oosterwyck's Rose and Butterfly. E. Cagnacci's Allegory of Life. BACK TO SCENE Lizzy stands before Millet's famous oil painting, The Gleaners. Entranced. Eyes riveted, staring deeply into-- The Painting -- A dust-covered peasant women stoops to gather stray grains in a barren field. Lizzy's Eyes fill with tears, wide with astonishing wonder.
Just a suggestion. Take or leave as you wish. I just don't think you need to break it up shot for shot like that here.
Nice rewrite, Nexus. Nice scene, Bio.
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