Hello fellow Done Deal pro members. I am ecstatic to have found this community and thrilled to be making my first post. Although I'm not enthused as to the subject matter I'm posting about.
I want to ask the fellow forum members a serious question in reference to the business in general. I posted this same question on moderator Emily Blake's blog this morning. There I gave a brief summation of my problem, but here I feel like I can elaborate more on the situation, that the question stems from.
Here it is:
This morning my mother said to me these words, "writing films, doing this film thing, trying to do any business, trying to get some big hit was all a fantasy. I'm living in a fantasy world." Then she implied I need to wake up and give up fantasies altogether.
Now this hurt me to my core. Below are the reasons why it did:
I am not a lazy person either.
When I had a sliver of time to myself I participated in the Arts.
Here is a short film called 'Busboys' submitted to Steven Spielberg's On The Lot reality show, Vine Film Festival, and countless others. I play a soldier in the trenches.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2NO-7PUhTg&feature=plcp
'Running Scared', a comedy where I play a husband terrified of an innocent creature. This short won Best Film at the colleges' film festival and was awarded 750 bucks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HieqF0vkb1w&feature=plcp
'We Run the Web' is a remix music video to Jayz's 'Run This Town'. I wrote, performed, edited it thru trial an error, with my own green screen and a broken video camera in 5 days, in my bedroom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-S...0&feature=plcp
Here is my YouTube channel consisting of 5 other short films, where I played a drug addict executive, thugs, and a crazed drug induced criminal.
https://www.youtube.com/user/AstanBi...V?feature=mhee
I am showing all of this not to brag or boast for these projects are years old, but to illustrate I am a hard worker. I'm not begging for handouts or jigging with a cup for change. Im not a lazy person, siphoning my parents for money. I do what I gotta do to get to where I want to go and willing to work with whomever who wants to come with me to the best of my ability.
Right now I'm looking for a job, to add on to my new, fledging, retail business and try to get rid of these student loans in 6 months to a year. In the mean time I am working on a sci-fi action epic screenplay to be submitted to Amazon Studios, Circle of Confusion in Queens or to New York managers in general.
I would like anyone willing, to ask themselves 'how would you feel if you have done or suffered all I have stated above for your family and someone you love, says your dreams are fantasy and you need to wake up?'
How would your respond to that? Personally I have been pissed all day and feel like walking out the door as I type this. I feel like because I'm not the breadwinner, I don't mean much in my family, well at least my word is as good as monopoly dough.
Do you think I'm overreacting? Think I'm an @$$hole or whatever. Let me know, I'm looking for some sort of advice on handling this appropriately.
Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to shed some gravity on the situation.
Thank you all in advance for your comments, time and consideration.
P.S. to Moderator Emily Blake: This post is not meant to circumvent the post I left on your blog today. I wanted to type all of this, there, but I felt it would be inappropriate due to your post being about Carson Reeves specifically. I didn't want to just take over from your post. But if you still feel my plight warrants its own post on your blog, then BY ALL MEANS, BE MY GUEST. =)
I want to ask the fellow forum members a serious question in reference to the business in general. I posted this same question on moderator Emily Blake's blog this morning. There I gave a brief summation of my problem, but here I feel like I can elaborate more on the situation, that the question stems from.
Here it is:
This morning my mother said to me these words, "writing films, doing this film thing, trying to do any business, trying to get some big hit was all a fantasy. I'm living in a fantasy world." Then she implied I need to wake up and give up fantasies altogether.
Now this hurt me to my core. Below are the reasons why it did:
- For 11 years out of my parents 17 year marriage my stepfather due to ignorance, addictions to cigarettes, alcohol, porn and other drugs, beat me on a weekly basis. Controlling and strict, if I didnt go to bed at 5pm, leave the house so he can get his "free time" or do whatever he said without question, he beat me for it. (Note: I was about 11 when he started, 130lbs while he was 300lbs. I have numerous marks around my body if pictures are needed, hopefully no one would ask me to show em though.) He tried to beat my brother, but I wouldn't allow it, since my little brother has Autism, so I got double servings occasionally. I have kept this haunting secret to myself to preserve the family unit as my mother requested, so I never called the cops or anything, I lived like everything was A OK.
- At 21 years of age, after one huge fight we had, the cops were called on me and I was homeless for the next five months. I lived at a friends house on DeBalk Avenue in Brooklyn until my friend threw me out and I lived on benches around the city and the school I was going to at the time.
- I got desperate and my mom asked me to come back home so they can get a new apartment, in a great neighborhood that needed 4 people to live in it for my family to have it. So I came back home. Now at this new place it is rent controlled, so the more money we make the more money we pay. I have quit 3 jobs so the rent doesn't go up so my family can afford to live there. (Note: If I lost a job, the rent would remain the same for a year due to the contract they signed, so to avoid that, my mom asked me to quit them beforehand, and I obliged for the preservation of the family unit).
- I helped pay internet and phone bills. Sometimes my phone was the only one working in the house so I let my family use it.
- I remember at least 3 times I paid $500-$600 dollars towards the $1000+ rent for my family.
I am not a lazy person either.
- I have worked in New York Presbyterian Hospital as a Nutrition Assistant right out of high school and received a Service Excellence Award and Falcon Award after 10 months of working there. (Note: I was on a probationary period for 6 out of those 10 months.)
- Worked at the colleges I attended as an assistant in the film, fashion and business departments.
- At Westchester Community College, I worked as an IT Help Desk Tech, helping teachers in providing education through the technology we had; and helped over 1,000 students attain there Associates Degree.
- I worked in Kohls retail toy department helping parents decide what to get for their kids, as those kids, ravaged the very area I spent 6 hours building/cleaning. So I'm no stranger to chaos or customer service.
- For 5 months I worked at Lenscrafters making prescription glasses. What takes the average worker to learn in 4-6 months, I learned in one month. I started Dec 26 2010 and by Jan 21 2011 I was doing 80 percent of the lense-making process. I went from 4 hours to 12 hour days. Sometimes I had to walk 5 miles to work adn back home, if I didn't have enough money after I paid some student loan or contributed to the household.
- With the money I managed to save I invested it in some student loans and started a retail business online. For months I studied, inquired interviews, bought merchandise, filed for a tax I.D., all kinds of things to set something up for the long term.
When I had a sliver of time to myself I participated in the Arts.
Here is a short film called 'Busboys' submitted to Steven Spielberg's On The Lot reality show, Vine Film Festival, and countless others. I play a soldier in the trenches.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2NO-7PUhTg&feature=plcp
'Running Scared', a comedy where I play a husband terrified of an innocent creature. This short won Best Film at the colleges' film festival and was awarded 750 bucks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HieqF0vkb1w&feature=plcp
'We Run the Web' is a remix music video to Jayz's 'Run This Town'. I wrote, performed, edited it thru trial an error, with my own green screen and a broken video camera in 5 days, in my bedroom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-S...0&feature=plcp
Here is my YouTube channel consisting of 5 other short films, where I played a drug addict executive, thugs, and a crazed drug induced criminal.
https://www.youtube.com/user/AstanBi...V?feature=mhee
I am showing all of this not to brag or boast for these projects are years old, but to illustrate I am a hard worker. I'm not begging for handouts or jigging with a cup for change. Im not a lazy person, siphoning my parents for money. I do what I gotta do to get to where I want to go and willing to work with whomever who wants to come with me to the best of my ability.
Right now I'm looking for a job, to add on to my new, fledging, retail business and try to get rid of these student loans in 6 months to a year. In the mean time I am working on a sci-fi action epic screenplay to be submitted to Amazon Studios, Circle of Confusion in Queens or to New York managers in general.
I would like anyone willing, to ask themselves 'how would you feel if you have done or suffered all I have stated above for your family and someone you love, says your dreams are fantasy and you need to wake up?'
How would your respond to that? Personally I have been pissed all day and feel like walking out the door as I type this. I feel like because I'm not the breadwinner, I don't mean much in my family, well at least my word is as good as monopoly dough.
Do you think I'm overreacting? Think I'm an @$$hole or whatever. Let me know, I'm looking for some sort of advice on handling this appropriately.
Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to shed some gravity on the situation.
Thank you all in advance for your comments, time and consideration.
P.S. to Moderator Emily Blake: This post is not meant to circumvent the post I left on your blog today. I wanted to type all of this, there, but I felt it would be inappropriate due to your post being about Carson Reeves specifically. I didn't want to just take over from your post. But if you still feel my plight warrants its own post on your blog, then BY ALL MEANS, BE MY GUEST. =)
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