Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise 2012

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  • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

    Hi guys, just wanted top point out some more impressions on scripts


    Delivery

    - This piece was one of the few that left me feeling uncomfortable, in a good way. It tapped into a fear of mine - imagine being accused of a terrible crime and having no way to prove your version of things.

    - Liked the main character, I was rooting for him.

    - I didn't like the two pieces missing at the end, but that's just because I would have left it more ambiguous, so not a real negative.

    Maskerade

    - Really liked this! Great characters that I loved hating.

    - The twist at the end was awesome. The writer really had me hating the group by the ending, so as creepy as it was I was still rooting for the protagonist.

    - Top 3 without a doubt.

    The Phantom Divorce Attorney

    - There were glimpses of a fun voice from the writer, but it all did feel a bit rushed. Not that I'm being critical, that sort of happened with me too.

    - I would have structured it a bit differently to make it more mysterious - I figured out what was going on pretty much immediately.

    - As I think back, it seems clear the writer didn't want it to be too mysterious - halfway through the protagonist says "do you want me to sign it in blood?"

    - Liked the final scene between the lawyer and protagonist. An interesting way to visualize him collecting his 'fee.'

    The Haunted Outhouse

    - Fun story, enjoyed the ending.

    - My only comment is I wish there'd been more action with the original group, rather than them having so much of the story told to them.

    - But I liked the vibe, the tension, the characters were likeable.

    - The disappearing marshmallow was a fun touch, made creepier by the homeowner's nonchalance.



    I think I got my top 3, PM'ing them now.

    Best of luck to everyone and kudos to dpaterso and The Road Warrior for putting this together!

    Comment


    • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

      I think I'm going to get creamed on this one, looking at the feedback, my entry (in there somewhere) didn't really work out.

      I just realized we're voting almost on the same day as the American elections, bizarrely...
      Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

      Comment


      • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

        I'm dying to know who won.

        Anyway, here is my take on the 4 (not my own) that I was most favorably impressed by, in ascending order:

        Night of the Pumpkins -
        Very interesting idea in this -- pumpkins as kind of an "evil sponge." Could have been tightened up, but I liked it.

        Delivery --
        Great energy in this. I liked the protagonist, and the sense of onrushing panic. Quite readable, too.

        Maskerade --
        Holy crap was that demented! Not as readable for me as "Delivery," but the characters made my flesh crawl and I loved how they got their comeuppance.

        Siren --
        Wow! Brilliant idea, and bonus, female nudity! Fluid and readable; I could see it happening. I voted for this as the winner.

        Now:

        WHO WROTE WHAT?
        WHO WON?

        I'm really anxious to know!

        Comment


        • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

          I think that when we release the results, we could set it up as a new thread, if that's okay Dpat?

          And then everybody can discuss away under those results, anything they wish to!

          We've encouraged entrants to say what they were up to in the past, what inspired them, what for them went wrong/right and so forth, and that would contrast quite well with any feedback for those entries... it rarely happened in the 5-7 entry comps of the last few years, but I reckon that will change this year...

          and we all learn from reading that stuff too...

          I know mine is full of snippets I'd like to have edited out with time/ a few days of lettiing it stand, dialogue that didn't quite work and fell flat... or action lines that were superfluous, needed deleting altogether, or just trimming down.

          But remember peeps, we were all on a tight deadline: idea + draft + rewrite + enter, and before you can say Homer Simpson, it's slapped up on the boards in glorious daylight for all to see, pick over and enjoy even.

          Now, those voting results are imminent...



          drum roll...

          tension builds...

          Last edited by The Road Warrior; 11-07-2012, 11:22 PM. Reason: typos
          Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

          Comment


          • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

            <dings bell>

            Last call for votes, ladies and gentlemen!

            Comment


            • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

              I got 11.35pm L.A. time, it's L.A. who is last call isn't it, around 9 hours behind UK, on the West Coast, Australia are ahead of us all, but don't know if we got any Aussies entered in this one, so anyway...

              22 mins to last vote... tick... tick

              ....anybody around/ still up in L.A. drinking strong coffee?



              -it's 8.40am Thursday morning here in the UK. Grey light coming up on a wintry Autumn day, cold winds blowin' through yesterday... the Halloween ghosts are back in their graves now.
              Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

              Comment


              • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                Originally posted by Anagram View Post

                Best of luck to everyone and kudos to dpaterso and The Road Warrior for putting this together!
                Indeed. Thanks gentlemen.

                We await yet another election return.
                INT. DR. GONZO'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

                A glass of BOURBON in one hand and a COMPUTER MOUSE in the other,
                Dr. Gonzo contemplates getting off the message board and back to his script.

                Comment


                • A Musical Peek Behind THE HAUNTED OUTHOUSE

                  [Open this link on another tab for the Midi music.]

                  From "Our Miss Gibbs", (lyrics by Adrian Ross and Percy Greenbank, music by Ivan Caryll and Lionel Monckton).

                  [Hughie:] Though I'm a man of noble birth
                  I'm trying all the time
                  To win renown throughout the earth
                  By daring deeds of crime!
                  But when for deeds that I have done
                  I'm brought before the beak,
                  He doesn't even make a pun
                  And will not let me speak!
                  For when he hears my name
                  He always says the same!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!
                  [Girls:] It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  [Hughie:] For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!

                  [Hughie:] Last week I had a splendid job
                  And miss'd it by a fluke,
                  I thought that I would go and rob
                  My uncle-- that's the Duke.
                  In getting in I caught my foot,
                  The Duke sat up in bed,
                  I took him by the throat and put
                  My pistol to his head.
                  He did not seem unnerv'd
                  But quietly observ'd:
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!
                  [Girls:] It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  [Hughie:] For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!

                  [Hughie:] I thought last year that I could win
                  In all the Press a place,
                  If I could be defendant in
                  A breach of promise case!
                  I ask'd a dancer for her hand,
                  She gave it at the first--
                  And then I wouldn't marry, and
                  I bade her do her worst!
                  But when the case was tried
                  The judge leant back and sigh'd:
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!
                  [Girls:] It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  [Hughie:] For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!

                  [Hughie:] A girl I thought I would abduct
                  And get her to elope,
                  So right inside her room I chuck'd
                  A letter and a rope;
                  A worthy maiden aunt look'd out,
                  And saw me steal her niece,
                  I hoped that she would raise a shout
                  Of Murder! Thieves! Police!
                  But she put out her head
                  And very calmly said:
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!
                  [Girls:] It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  I knew he was Hughie,
                  There are few Such as Hugh
                  In the Zoo-oo-oo,
                  Not two all through Who's Who!
                  It's Hughie, just Hughie,
                  The clue is too true,
                  [Hughie:] For it's Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] It's who-o-o?
                  [Hughie:] Just Hugh-ugh-ugh!
                  [Girls:] That's you!
                  [Hughie:] Hugh!
                  JEKYLL & CANADA (free .mp4 download @ Vimeo.com)

                  Comment


                  • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                    I think we're just waiting on a couple of votes chaps. PMs have been sent.
                    Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Halloween Hellraisers Writing Exercise [voting in progress, due close Wed 7 Nov]

                      Yes indeed, folks in the USA should be awake now and hopefully checking their email! I'll give it another couple of hours and see if anything comes back. The vote columns are populated, just gotta do some basic adding up, then I'll post the results. Patience please!

                      Thank you to Fortean for the musical interlude.

                      Update: results posted, see here!
                      Last edited by dpaterso; 11-08-2012, 10:14 AM.

                      Comment

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