Super effective query letter?

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  • Super effective query letter?

    Hi guys,

    this is more a cry for help really. In the last couple of months I have sent query letters to about 100 agents and managers combined - only by email though. I got 5 replies, entirely from managers, requesting to read my script. A couple of them passed since then, still waiting to hear from the rest though.

    I know that I have a good premise (or I like to think I do) and my query letter is about 3/4 of a page - to my understanding that's a good length.

    However I hear that people from this msg board have 20%-25% success with queries, even from agents in big companies.

    Is anyone willing to give some advice on query letters?
    Any chance I can use your query letter as the basis for mine?
    Do you think it's the email thing the reason I am not getting enough rejections? hehe - Seriously, shall I query them by snail mail?

    I'd love to exchange experiences, letters etc. Any help on this will be highly appreciated. We can PM each other, if that's what you prefer.

    Many thanks

    "Artificial Intelligence will never match the efficiency of Natural Stupidity"

  • #2
    Re: Super effective query letter?

    spacefarer,

    What has helped with me, is first off getting down that solid concept, you said you got that, so let's move onto to something I do which may or may not help when it comes to querying.

    When I first write a query email and send it, I actually don't include a logline. What I include is a brief description of what I've sold/optioned/done to date. I include everything I can (while keeping it very short) that bascially says to the exec/agent/manager that IF YOU READ MY MATERIAL, IT ACTUALLY SHOULD BE GOOD (which let's face it, probably 90% of material submitted to them just doesn't cut it).

    Then I ask if I can take a moment of their time, and send over a logline for their consideration. This approach should effectively get their attention, and make them want to contact me.

    A second trick I've employed of late, is if other companies have requested the same material, I actually include those companies in the first query too (Benderspink and Energy have requested this material...bla-bla-bla)

    Then I send it.

    Sometimes I get nothing. Other times I get "Sure, send it over...".

    That way I know there's someone active on the other end of that email (let's face it, people move around, get fired, etc) and they hopefully have a good impression of me, and they should be waiting for my logline to arrive.

    I of course send over the logline, and the rest is up to them.

    Just thought I'd share a tactic that's I've been employing lately that's been working for me.

    EJ

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Super effective query letter?

      Also another thing to consider is your source information for email addys. They change and move about (like the people behind them) and can often be out of date.

      So if you're using old information, then of course that is going to bite into your query rate.

      EJ

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Super effective query letter?

        Also, solid post from Deus when asked about querying THE MATRIX.

        This is how I would do it.



        Quote:
        Dear Agent,




        The world you see.

        The people you love.

        The air you breathe.

        Is not real.

        It's THE MATRIX.



        In a future where people are unaware they live in virtual reality while their bodies are actually used to power artificially intelligent machines, a young hacker is recruited by the commander of a rebel army to lead a dangerous mission that will free humanity by defeating the machines in a cyber war.

        THE MATRIX is a sci-fi thriller that plays out in the post-apocalyptic real world and the artificial reality of the ordinary world we live in.



        Fight the future.

        Contact me for a copy of THE MATRIX.

        Sincerely,

        WRITER

        Contact info.


        THE FIRST PART

        The hook. Hopefully it does two things: 1) Pique the reader's interest and 2) clearly and concisely explain the underlying concept of the Matrix in a way that is easy to understand.

        The Matrix can be a complicated and confusing concept if not properly explained. And understanding the concept of the Matrix is essential if you are to understand the drama that unfolds from it and against the backdrop of it.

        I like to use a hook to open a query just as I would if I was pitching the idea in person.

        The hook draws the reader's/listener's interest and lays the conceptual cornerstone for the story that follows.

        THE SECOND PART

        The logline. The logline being the heart of the pitch, it builds on the hook and continues to develop the concept through the hero's dramatic journey.

        Because the world of the story is so different from our own and the concept is so complex, it needed to be expanded on and explained in a clear and concise blurb in order for the reader to really understand and "see" the story. For stories like this where the world or concept is so different from our own you need to find first orient the reader to this new and alien environment of the story in order for the reader to not be confused by your pitch and to be able to easily grasp the story.

        The logline focuses on Neo's journey and his mission to free humanity by defeating the machines. I focused on the dramatic core of the hero's journey rather than on the individual story beats and subplots. This way the BIG IDEA is conveyed rather than the accumulation of small ideas.

        I think a logline is at its most effective when it offers the BIG IDEA.

        THE THIRD PART

        The summary or synopsis. I personally try to get out of the pitch as soon as possible. Once I've laid out the BIG IDEA it's time to go. Anything else that the reader wants to know can be answered by reading the script.

        In this case, I felt that the pitch needed some final contextualizing by indicating the genre. It also needed to have the concept brought back to something the reader could easily grasp and understand.

        I wanted most of all to be sure the reader didn't finish the letter thinking this was a movie about a guy typing on a computer. I wanted to be sure the cinematic potential was clearly indicated by saying the war plays out in a post-apocalyptic world as well as our ordinary world.

        THE FORTH PART

        I am not a fan of asking for permission to send a script. I don't like the neutrality of that kind of language. I prefer an affirmative and compelling call to action.

        I wanted to end the script with that affirmative confident call to action.

        I also wanted to connect it with the story by using "fight the future". I did that hoping to make the reader feel as if he was in the hero's place, as I did with the hook, so he could feel that call to action that Neo had when he was recruited by Morpheus. I am commanding the reader to fight the future like the hero does, and the way for the reader to fight the future is to get a copy of the script.


        That's my reasoning behind the query.


        HTH
        EJ

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Super effective query letter?

          IMHO, the only thing the agent/manager/prodco cares about is the logline. You could include two paragraphs about how you like to kill small animals and are a big supporter worldwide genocide--but as long as you have a killer logline for a great concept, they'll request the script.

          I think 3/4 page for an email is way too long. email is too easy to scan through and ignore the majority of the message. I would suggest 1 or 2 sentence intro, then logline, then 1 or 2 sentence closing. If you've placed in contests, sold/optioned other scripts, etc. you should include that.

          Again, opinions are like a**holes, everyone's got and some are louder than others. I haven't sold anything and I only have a couple scripts under my belt...but, this is what I follow and it's been somewhat successful in getting reads.
          If Lindsey Lohan has a child, and that child will lead...I will follow.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Super effective query letter?

            Space, just so you don't feel so bad -- I've never heard of anyone who gets a 20-25% request rate from a query.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Super effective query letter?

              Your percentage isn't that bad. I don't believe the 25% return either. I try to personalize queries as much as possible. You might include a sentence (no more!) saying why you're querying them in particular. And I try to send emails during work hours, because I'm convinced that a lot of people (like me) begin the day by automatically throwing out the overnight spam. And yes - 3/4 of a page is too much, in my opinion. These people are busy and they get hundreds of these things. You have to respect their time - or at least, give them the impression that you do!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Super effective query letter?

                Thanks a lot, guys. There is accumulated wisdom in your replies. I took my query letter down to 1/2 page - honestly that's the best I can do since I have to include background information.

                I blasted it to about 50 agents/managers the other day. I got 5 responses of the type: "Email me the script", "Sure, send it over" etc. Like writing philosophical treatises on varied themes...

                Out of my small experience if they don't reply in the first or second day, I move on.

                A month down the line I pester the ones that hasn't replied. Just to let them know that I have rejected their rejection. **** 'em.

                Thanks again.



                "As a planet in unity"

                "Artificial Intelligence will never match the efficiency of Natural Stupidity"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Super effective query letter?

                  Originally posted by spacefarer View Post
                  Thanks a lot, guys. There is accumulated wisdom in your replies. I took my query letter down to 1/2 page - honestly that's the best I can do since I have to include background information.

                  I blasted it to about 50 agents/managers the other day. I got 5 responses of the type: "Email me the script", "Sure, send it over" etc. Like writing philosophical treatises on varied themes...

                  Out of my small experience if they don't reply in the first or second day, I move on.

                  A month down the line I pester the ones that hasn't replied. Just to let them know that I have rejected their rejection. **** 'em.

                  Thanks again.



                  "As a planet in unity"
                  Now now, no reason to burn bridges, 'cause when you right that next script and feel like sending over a query, they'll be ones saying **** em....
                  Write.Sell.Repeat.

                  Theoretically...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Super effective query letter?

                    tha son:

                    you're right. But I will still re-send my query. They will just delete it again that's all.

                    "Artificial Intelligence will never match the efficiency of Natural Stupidity"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Super effective query letter?

                      If you have something positive behind you, a sale or film on the way to production or competition win etc then I think you should mention it. For Hollywood managers who are concept led then I would include the log line. Keep the query, short and sweet.
                      Blog: http://writinglounge.blogspot.com
                      Email: kidcharlemagne108[at]yahoo[dot]co[uk]

                      "What is your greatest ambition? To become immortal and then die." - Breathless

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Super effective query letter?

                        You're getting 5%. That's good. The problem is you only sent out 100 queries. Send 1000. You're percentage will go down, but so what. In fact, send 3000. It's a numbers game.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Super effective query letter?

                          The shorter, the better, IMO.

                          State who you are.

                          What you've done.

                          What you are submitting.

                          The end.

                          I don't believe I have ever sent a query that was longer than 3-4 lines, at the most.

                          These people get hundreds of queries, a day, and believe me, they only "skim" through them quickly.

                          If you were busy, and had to read tonnes of emails, which would you give more attention to?

                          The easier read, that is mostly white space, and only a few lines?

                          Or the full page letter, full of paragraphs?

                          You be the judge.
                          il faut d'abord durer

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Super effective query letter?

                            Recently I've been getting a lot of reads by targeting individuals in a prodco. I've had no luck sending anything to info@ or submissions@ or scripts@. Find a person in Development. Find out what they've done or been involved with. Say - I have sopmething that might be of interest to you because it's similar to xxxx that you produced - or whatever. And keep it to one short paragraph. The tone shouyld be cool, professional, to the point. DCon't ever tell them how great it is - and above all, don't beg!

                            This way they will usually ask for a pdf and they will actually READ IT THEMSELVES!!!

                            And the passes will come rolling in!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Super effective query letter?

                              Are you guys saying no synopsis?

                              Dear Schmo:
                              I'm Joe Screenwriter and last year my script, TEENAGE SEX COMEDY, won the National Screenwriters Are Gods Award. My new script is a slasher flick called THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

                              A teenage screenwriter goes on the set of an Oscar-Winning film and slashes everybody to death-- or was it his MOM?

                              Please contact me at the below address if you'd like me to send you a copy.

                              Sincerely,
                              Joe Screenwriter

                              Just like that? No paragraph about how Joe worked on Indiana Jones 4 as the cobra wrangler for Mr. Spielberg or how his short, I WAS A TEENAGE COBRA WRANGLER, got into Sundance?

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