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Old 02-17-2020, 07:00 AM   #1
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Robot
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 245
Default President's Day message from Aberaham Lincoln

Hi, this is Abe Lincoln. Thanks to Ken Levine for letting me guest blog today.

As someone who is highly regarded as a president, I think I have a certain amount of street cred. So I hope my words will resonate with you. I have a whole Memorial in Washington and I am on the five dollar bill (also the penny but those are worthless). So I'm not just some Rush Limbaugh bellowing out of my ass.

Okey dokey.

I've been observing what's been going on lately and I just want to say --

WHAT THE **** HAS HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY?

I'm a Republican and I'm ASHAMED to even be associated with the spineless treasonous *******s who now represent my party.

Does the Constitution mean anything to you sniveling cowards?

Does justice mean anything to you piece-of-**** lapdogs?

To say you are a disgrace is putting it mildly. To say you will be vilified throughout history and painted as the weak self-serving bottom feeders you are is a sure fire guarantee. Generations of your family will be embraced and forced to live down your shame, and the hardships future Americans will endure as a result will be justifiably blamed on you.

And for what? To protect the most corrupt reprehensible president this country has ever had? The man who cares nothing for you, nothing for the people he has sworn to lead, and nothing for the national security of the United States? To what end, so you don't lose your cushy job serving the public? You've LOST that job. You've FAILED your responsibilities. You've destroyed the very fabric of Democracy. You're hypocrites of the highest order.

We know the president is an immoral psychopath who will take down anyone who stupidly chooses to follow him (to me that's the only positive thing I can say about him). So there's no sense in me dressing him down. He'll just Tweet that I was ugly and my presidency was a disaster. So **** him. He's a moron. But YOU had a chance to do something about it. YOU had the chance to STOP him -- to preserve the ideals of this nation, to safeguard our borders, to (dare I say it) do your ****ING JOBS.

And finally, my birthday is February 12th, damn it. I want my holiday back. I no longer want to be lumped into a group that includes the second most despicable man on earth. (Mitch McConnell is number one.) So you get a day off during the week sometimes. Big deal. Most stores and restaurants are open anyway. But I want people to remember me for what I did, what I stood for, and how seriously I took the responsibility to lead the citizens of the United States of America.

Okay, tomorrow Ken goes back to reviewing movies, telling funny stories, and that sort of ****. I'm sure today he'll be deleting lots of comments from pathetic trolls. "Ooooh, he's a libtard. That'll hurt his feelings. But I appreciate Ken allowing me to vent even though I know it will do no good. The US Senate is a disgrace.

But it's an election year. YOU can do something about this. YOU are this nation's last hope. With all the eloquence I can muster after my Gettysburg Address, I implore you good people of America, VOTE THE MOTHER****** OUT.

Thank you.



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