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Old 11-01-2019, 02:54 AM   #21
dpaterso
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

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Congratulations to the winners!
They know who they are!
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Old 11-01-2019, 03:53 AM   #22
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

Okay just for fun, my votes went like:

1st - The Credit Bureau
2nd - Pandemic
3rd - The Wish

And my thoughts went like:

Body In The Woods

Dammit I would'a just shot Sommerville, doesn't matter if they're not in the right killing spot, he's too blabby and annoying. Bert and Ernie are well named. This worked for what it was, it just missed a vote.

Bury Me Deep

One of mine, see, they know Sylvester's doppelganger is scheduled to be buried, so they dump Sylvester in the already dug hole and cover him over, and I should have added that line into the script, shouldn't I?

Digging Up Bones

Amos Moses is happy and Detective Archy Stillman is happy too, hard luck everybody else. The detective's appearance had me puzzled though, was that just luck or was he staking out the field? The repetition of their full names began to stick out after a while, I guess it's just a personal style choice, but it made a muscle under my eye twitch. Just missed a vote.

Pandemic

"an unconscious blond" made me think a blond-haired guy was in the wheelbarrow. Oh "common" means "c'mon" okay. What happens to her in the lab is goddamn horrific. The recorded Nixon seems to be seeing stuff as if he's actually looking at it right now. And typos abound. And it just kinda ends, dammit I wanted to know if he would ever make a breakthrough. But it's memorable for its Sci-Fi slant, gets a vote.

The Credit Bureau

Weird in a David Lynch bizarro characters way but well done, good twist at the end, didn't see it coming, gets the vote.

The Wish

I didn't realize Jollene was a female demon or genie, maybe you could mention this. Bryan's stupidity was funny. The rewrite made me groan but then it became funny too. Gets a vote!

The Wop

Another of mine, meh. A fevered dream in the trunk of the killer's car, then waking up to reality. Clap clap clap clap.

The Chemist

Wow, what a family. Good read, full of period details. Just missed a vote by a hair. I felt sorry for Tucker, he was a good boy.
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Old 11-01-2019, 07:37 AM   #23
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

My favorite was Bury Me Deep. I thought it was clever and written well. I appreciate these contests, as they let me compare my clunky, rigid writing (The Wish) to others who are much better with adjectives and imagery.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:24 AM   #24
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

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Digging Up Bones

Amos Moses is happy and Detective Archy Stillman is happy too, hard luck everybody else. The detective's appearance had me puzzled though, was that just luck or was he staking out the field? The repetition of their full names began to stick out after a while, I guess it's just a personal style choice, but it made a muscle under my eye twitch. Just missed a vote.
Look up the names. (Reference: Amos Moses; David Wayne Spence; Frederick Bailey Deeming; Archy Stillman)

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The Chemist

Wow, what a family. Good read, full of period details. Just missed a vote by a hair. I felt sorry for Tucker, he was a good boy.
It seemed that one way for me to memorialize my mother, father, brother, and our dog was to put them in an 8-page script for this contest. Glad that I skipped dinner those two days.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:26 AM   #25
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

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So noted! If their being real matters then BASED ON ACTUAL PERSONS at the top might not have gone amiss. Not sure if that changes my thoughts on the repetitive use of their full names, though?

I hope the author sought permission from the families & estates to use the names and likenesses of real persons in a work of fiction! /ducks and runs

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It seemed that one way for me to memorialize my mother, father, brother, and our dog was to put them in an 8-page script for this contest. Glad that I skipped dinner those two days.
LOL to that one.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:29 AM   #26
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

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So noted! If their being real matters then BASED ON ACTUAL PERSONS at the top might not have gone amiss. Not sure if that changes my thoughts on the repetitive use of their full names, though?

I hope the author sought permission from the families & estates to use the names and likenesses of real persons in a work of fiction! /ducks and runs
All of them are either dead or are fictional characters in the Public Domain.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:33 AM   #27
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

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Quote: “It seemed that one way for me to memorialize my mother, father, brother, and our dog was to put them in an 8-page script for this contest. Glad that I skipped dinner those two days.”

LOL to that one.
Why are you laughing at that? My mother did this. My family is dead.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:34 AM   #28
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

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My favorite was Bury Me Deep. I thought it was clever and written well. I appreciate these contests, as they let me compare my clunky, rigid writing (The Wish) to others who are much better with adjectives and imagery.
I figured including a good-looking widow-woman with good legs busting a chair over a clown's back had to get a vote or two.
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Old 11-03-2019, 11:17 AM   #29
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

The scoring has been requested. Hopefully the formatting holds up in some respects.

Southern-Land..... Body in the woods .... 1 2 .............= 3
Dpaterso ........... Bury me Deep ......... 2 3 1 2 ..........= 8
Tiger Fang .....'''. Diggin' up bones ............ 3 ........... = 3
Southern-Land . Pandemic.............. 2 3 ............... = 5
john ................. the credit bureau ....... 3 3 ........... = 6
jmpowell7 ....... The wish ............... 1 .................. = 1
Dpaterso .......... the wop .............. 1 2 ................. = 3
Tiger Fang ....... The chemist............... 1 ................ = 1

....
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Last edited by Southern_land : 11-03-2019 at 11:27 AM.
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Old 11-03-2019, 04:47 PM   #30
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Default Re: October 2019 Contest + results

Thank you discerning readers for your votes!

A couple of folks I half-expected to enter, didn't enter. We are literally down to a handful.

Related perhaps, usually there's some opinions and discussion following the results announcements, but like the previous contest, even that's falling away too.

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