Trim Down That Spec

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  • #31
    Re: Trim Down That Spec

    Originally posted by Novelist View Post
    I'm struggling with my first screenplay project so this thread comes at a good time for me. A couple of random thoughts came to mind.

    Trim down...

    I'm a novelist by nature and I thought that I could take a novel like Michaelangelo with a block of marble and chip away until I had a the bones of a screenplay. But after studying screenplays and actually trying to put ink on the page, I found it to be the opposite. In finding my voice, I have to retell the entire story from the ground up in a dialect of Tarzan-speak, then add just enough to capture the mind's eye of the reader.

    Tarzan could say all he needed to say in 3-4 word sentences with no definite articles, few modifiers and simple gestures.

    Jane go river.
    becomes
    Jane goes to the river still thinking about Tarzan.

    My inner novelist wants to add some kind of descriptions, even toxic adverbs, "wistfully" or "angrily" But, the reader has to already know that from context, dialog or relevant setting.

    Like any foreign language, the more scripts I read, the more fluent I become in the screenwriting Tarzan-speak.

    Page count...

    I'm shooting for the 110 page count despite any artistic compromises. Even if I manage to write a really great screenplay, when I hit the streets with it as an unknown newbie with a first project, I need to stack as many cards in my favor as I can.

    I'm also preparing for the fact that by the time I finally have a viable product, the standard page count will have dropped to 105 and I'll need to cut 5 pages.
    I write brief and concise action lines because that is how I naturally write. Making things "literary- for me is not easy. I would not squash that part of your voice if you have a natural predilection toward vivid imagery. You can be concise and literary. Definitely not mutually exclusive.

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Trim Down That Spec

      If the pros can write a script that comes in under 120, I'd better be able to do it, too.

      This is why outlining can help. Some people can write with their outline in their head, so I'm not saying everyone should do it the same way. I am saying know where you're going and what you need to get there.

      Here are suggestions on how to trim fat out.

      Scene Work:
      Every scene MUST be required to stay in the script, so much so that if you remove it, the story doesn't make sense. This will also help you when you are rewritten, because the less the rewrite writer can change in your script the better chance you have at receiving some kind of credit.

      Advancement
      The scene must advance the story. If we end the scene in the same place we started, nothing has been accomplished. The scene must move forward. Something must happen that either BLOCKS the protagonist's attempts to achieve their goal (this is progress in the way of struggle), or ALLOWS the hero to advance a step toward their goal.

      Scene Function
      The scene must have an objective. It must have conflict in achieving that function. In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke goes to train with Yoda, so all of those scenes are about that training and readying Luke for the battle against Darth Vader. Han and Leia's journey is about escape and evading both the Empire and a bounty hunter-- all those scenes focus on that goal.

      Every scene has a function to deliver in the story. Something needs to happen. That function should be achieved through obstacles and conflict. There must be stakes. Is there a twist or a turn? The main character of the scene needs to be active and driving the scene. The scene should end on some kind of button that pulls us forward in the next scene. Scenes can have positive or negative outcomes, but something must change.

      Scene Efficiency and Economy
      The scene must be efficient and economic. Start late. Get out early. Be efficient and economic. Start as late and as deep into the scene as possible. That means do NOT start the scene with the date arriving at the restaurant, giving "air kisses," sitting down, ordering drinks and food, having the food delivered...

      Instead, consider jumping to the real meat of the scene, which means it can be after one person has finished their entire meal whereas the other sits with arms crossed having not touched a single bite of their food. The Eater looks up, finally notices that the other character hasn't touched their meal and says:

      "Something wrong with your meal?"

      It tells us a lot about that relationship in 1/4 page. That one line can reveal a lot about what's going to happen next. And let's say the Crossed character just gets up and leaves? Just walks out on the Eater without another word? That's conflict. DON'T give us all the "prep" work for a scene, UNLESS it is necessary and CANNOT BE REMOVED or the story will fall apart. If it's NOT necessary it will end up on the cutting room floor.

      The opposite end of the scene needs to end as soon as the FUNCTION of the scene has been achieved. Allowing little bits of clever dialogue to HANG on at the end of a scene is a writer's indulgence. When the scene is over, it's over. Take a critical eye to your work. Make sure the point is CLEAR, and then get out. I will often draw a red line when a scene ends and X out what is below.

      Another part of efficiency and economy is pacing. There will be times when you may be on a roll with dialogue having character banter going back and forth. There may be times when a clever couple of responses (even good ones) that if removed improves the pacing of the scene. Also look for LOOPS where the scenes progress is stalled because your rehashing the same BEAT in the conversation. Make the point once and move the scene forward. Going back to the same point stalls the scene, kills pacing and allows boredom to creep in. Kill redundancies.

      Read every action line with an eye to rewrite yourself into a shorter paragraph. At this point we are thinking critically not creatively. If it's three lines rewrite it to two or even one. Consider whether the scene even needs the paragraph-- sometimes action is implied and an entire short paragraph can be deleted. Combine two paragraphs to a shorter more effective paragraph. force yourself to KILL every widow. Sometimes this can be achieved by combining two paragraphs into a shorter, more effective one.

      I know some will be worried about stifling their VOICE, but you can keep your voice, just make sure you keep the passages where your voice has the most meaning and impact. Sometimes you will have to opt for the sparse version because voice isn't impactful.

      Do a pass where you critically examine dialogue passages and get rid of any fat. Focus on lines that make a difference, and tighten up where added statements within the dialogue might stall, loop, or duplicate. If I have a dialogue passage with two sentences, I critically evaluate if those two lines actually say the same thing in a different way. Sometimes when we write, we will (without realizing it) make an on the nose statement ahead of, or behind, a more subtextual statement. I always opt for the subtext, because people are instinctively trying to hide their vulnerabilities with subtext.

      Cut All Extraneous Scenes
      Delete any scene that does not advance the goal of the protagonist. I have written scenes I love in my last script and when I went to rewrite it, I had to remove them. It took the second draft to actually do that. So know that we all have those fun scenes that we want to keep because WE love them. But if they don't serve the story and are simply clever, they need to be deleted. It doesn't mean the scene is of poorer quality, it only means it's not necessary.

      Duplication in Dialogue and Action Lines
      Do not repeat what is in action lines in dialogue lines. Or vice versa. It is not only redundant it's boring. Show first, hear second, say third. In that order.

      Example:

      INT. GREG'S TESLA - DAY

      NANCY drives with the skill and speed of a FORMULA ONE driver, weaving in and out of CITY TRAFFIC, when:

      A BEATER CUTS into her lane, SLAMS ON ITS BRAKES, smoke billowing from their tires as the BEATER screeches to a HALT.

      Nance BRAKES HARD. It seems she going to stop in time, when--

      BAM! She SLAMS INTO THE BEATER. WHOMP! WHOMP! Both airbags explode in Nancy and Greg's faces.

      NANCY
      I think he was drunk.

      GREG
      I can't believe I let you drive.


      The point is rely on what we SEE first, then what we HEAR if it can't be communicated fully with only what we see and hear, then rely on dialogue to deliver what sight and sound cannot. In the quick example above an actor would be able to deliver that line with a look of astonishment. And remember, it should be additive not redundant. Each element must enhance the emotional experience. It must be necessary. And if it isn't. It should be cut.

      The ULTIMATE GOAL is to make this as smooth and as fast a read as possible.

      Is it possible to cut too much? Yes, but you'll have an indication when someone reads it and says, "I don't understand what just happened." That observation most likely will come from a virgin read, because you have ALL the story information stored in your head, so you MIGHT not as easily catch where your delivery is falling short.

      Read Your Script Aloud
      If you read your script out loud, or have your software read it aloud you can discover typos and sentence structures that don't quite hit the ear well. None of your sentences should stop, or bump a reader. This usually happens when the sentence creates confusion. Creating story questions is good. Creating questions about your meaning or intent are NOT. This is one very good reason to write with shorter sentences that get to the point more than complex ones.

      In order to become an expert rewriter, you need to be able to separate your emotional connection to your writing and do the hard work of an editor. No one says it's easy. But it can be done.

      Cut the sh!t and your writing will be better for it.

      Story Elements
      Sometimes cutting down a story can be about the actual story itself. Maybe the story works well without an entire subplot? Maybe you need to combine characters? Maybe you need to eliminate your favorite scene because it is extraneous? I once cut an entire subplot from a script once-- 15 pages in 15 minutes. By doing the hard work of cutting you can reduce pages significantly, but it takes discipline, a critical eye and the desire to achieve THAT goal.

      Okay, that's all I have for now.
      FA4
      "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Trim Down That Spec

        Originally posted by JoeNYC View Post
        I don't know what you're referring to with "Main thing I saw" and I noticed that quotes was used for "rule," but I want to make a strong point anyway that the industry standard of 90 to 120 pages is not a rule, it's a guideline.

        Screenplays under and over this range have obtained representation for its writers and have sold.

        But yes, if there is anyway possible for a writer to tell his story within this range, without hurting character and story, then do so.

        Click on the article -- i was just cut and pasted what seemed like "main takeaway" of article as I knew no one would actually click on any of the links.


        But that 65 page 12,000 word spec coverage breakdown was interesting as hell. Or Hell. Oh hell. Damn me to hell. Or Hell? ****k.

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Trim Down That Spec

          Originally posted by JoeNYC View Post
          But yes, if there is anyway possible for a writer to tell his story within this range, without hurting character and story, then do so.
          Good point overall -- but I'd say no, at least this stage, we have to keep it at most 110 pages for best chances. So you may have to take a character you love and shoot him like Old Yeller to save pages.

          It's the reason movies based on real events combine characters -- they'll take 3 cops and make it a hybrid ONE COP character to save time, pages, etc. So it's of course losing something --- but for the greater good.

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Trim Down That Spec

            Originally posted by Bono View Post
            Good point overall -- but I'd say no, at least this stage, we have to keep it at most 110 pages for best chances. So you may have to take a character you love and shoot him like Old Yeller to save pages.

            It's the reason movies based on real events combine characters -- they'll take 3 cops and make it a hybrid ONE COP character to save time, pages, etc. So it's of course losing something --- but for the greater good.
            Or like Ulana Khomyuk in Chernobyl who is the culmination of several scientists that came together to reveal the terrible danger that was coming.
            "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Trim Down That Spec

              I haven't seen show yet -- but yes that's what I mean.

              It's real life and they still change real life stories into movie stories that fit the parameters set up for conflict, drama, and of course time. So if they can get rid of real people we can certainly cut off a foot in fake land.

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Trim Down That Spec

                Or the three cops turn into one cop...that doubles as a love interest of economy's sake.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Trim Down That Spec

                  Originally posted by Novelist View Post

                  ... I'm a novelist by nature and I thought that I could take a novel like Michaelangelo with a block of marble and chip away until I had a the bones of a screenplay. But after studying screenplays and actually trying to put ink on the page, I found it to be the opposite. In finding my voice, I have to retell the entire story from the ground up in a dialect of Tarzan-speak, then add just enough to capture the mind's eye of the reader.

                  Tarzan could say all he needed to say in 3-4 word sentences with no definite articles, few modifiers and simple gestures.

                  Jane go river.
                  becomes
                  Jane goes to the river still thinking about Tarzan.

                  My inner novelist wants to add some kind of descriptions, even toxic adverbs, "wistfully" or "angrily" But, the reader has to already know that from context, dialog or relevant setting.

                  Like any foreign language, the more scripts I read, the more fluent I become in the screenwriting Tarzan-speak. ...
                  (Boldface mine)

                  I started in prose fiction, too. And though it may seem the screenplay format is cramping your novel-writing descriptive style, it doesn't squelch your voice. Of course, that depends on one's definition of "voice."

                  For me, voice is not the descriptive style (as you say, Tarzan-speak) a writer uses in action lines.

                  Voice is rooted in the story the writer chooses to tell. The theme(s) the writer chooses to explore in the story. The characters the writer chooses to bring to life. Simply put, "voice" is the writer's point of view.

                  If you look at Charlie Kaufman's script, Being John Malkovich, or Fargo, by the Coen Brothers, their descriptive style in action lines is "just the facts, ma'am" -- showing only what will be seen on the screen. No extraneous details. But, oh my -- the voice in the stories these writers chose to tell.

                  To bring it back on topic -- trimming action lines does not take anything away from the writer's voice. If it seems like it does, if trimming it down to "just the facts" makes it a less interesting read, the issue to be resolved is the story itself.

                  Screenwriting is the epitome of the writing truism: show don't tell.
                  Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Trim Down That Spec

                    I'm 99% the main issue is Act One is too long. In my mind, it's a road trip movie, so until the 2 leads begin that journey (act 2) the rest is setup. And right now Act 2 starts on page 33.

                    I read some screenwriting book once (I do know it, but i doubt anyone cares) that said Act One should be around 17 pages. And at the time I was told 30 pages -- but that advice really stuck with me and espeically for comedy has helped a ton.

                    If you watch enough movies these days -- Act 2 sometimes starts in the in the credits. They do not waste much time with setup these days it seems.

                    So it reads good on the page -- but 126 pages vs 110 is a huge difference. And when I think of cutting stuff in Act 2, I'm like, wait a minute that scene is really funny and full of conflict and story as it's the two main guys.

                    I have too much setup -- some of that is based on notes I've gotten. Some is based on story. Some stories take more time to set up. But it's up to me to find a way to Take a 33 page Act one and make it 17-20 pages.

                    First full draft I turned in was 108 pages -- page 25 was Act one. Writing is hard.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Trim Down That Spec

                      Originally posted by Bono View Post

                      I'm 99% the main issue is Act One is too long. In my mind, it's a road trip movie, so until the 2 leads begin that journey (act 2) the rest is setup. And right now Act 2 starts on page 33.
                      If you feel Act 1 is too long because you've overwritten, then yes, trim, cut, whatever you got to do to make it work, but I suggest not to cut just to meet a supposed reader's expectations.

                      Serve the story, not a reader's page count expectations.

                      In some cases, it's natural for the act one set up to run longer, like 30% of the story and act three run 20% of the story where it expresses an urgency toward the climax.

                      Whatever works to tell the story you want to tell.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Trim Down That Spec

                        But you have to juxtaposed that with the reality a rep won't take out a long spec and the goal is 110 pages.

                        110 pages -- spec goes out

                        125 pages -- you love it, spec doesn't go out

                        So that's the game we are playing. In some way it's getting shorter. Maybe it will be 112 pages or 115 or 108 pages, but I know it's going to be within 5 pages of 110 to meet what will make my rep comfortable. And I assume all reps.

                        But I got a strong feeling it's going to be 110 AT MOST and that's probably for the best to get it sold/future work.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Trim Down That Spec

                          Originally posted by Novelist View Post
                          My inner novelist wants to add some kind of descriptions, even toxic adverbs, "wistfully" or "angrily" But, the reader has to already know that from context, dialog or relevant setting.
                          If you believe this then you need to read pro screenplays to see that you're hampering yourself.
                          M.A.G.A.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Trim Down That Spec

                            Originally posted by SundownInRetreat View Post
                            If you believe this then you need to read pro screenplays to see that you're hampering yourself.
                            I once hampered myself. Worst picnic ever.
                            Know this: I'm a lazy amateur, so trust not a word what I write.
                            "The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never." ~ Oscar Wilde

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Trim Down That Spec

                              It is very hard to make act one shorter to accomplish one thing and thus lose things that give the work the heart you need. In other words -- writing is hard! And you have to find a way to sometimes say something in 1 page when you used to need 10. That's the key to rewriting to me.

                              One of the hardest things to do is change something you like , your friends like, your rep likes and it's been in draft after draft -- you don't even think about it anymore -- but trying to read a draft like it's not your work -- and that only happens by letting it be for a bit -- is so hard. So hard.

                              But it must be done.

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                              • #45
                                Re: Trim Down That Spec

                                I've decided to lose the main character. Going to save me 50 pages easily...

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