Description Lines And Grammar

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Description Lines And Grammar

    Hi Guys,

    I was curious about this, and I was hoping to see if someone could shed some light on it. Sorry if this seems arbitrary.

    If you open an action line with the subject, is it acceptable to then lose the he/she/they/name for the following actions on the same line? I think it reads quicker, and I've seen it done in other scripts; however, it does create fragments.

    Just as an example:

    INT. STORE

    John enters. Draws his gun. Meets the clerk's nervous glare.

    Commas would be incorrect without connecting words like and, then, etc, and adding those words would make it more cumbersome. The same for putting he or John before everything.

    Like:

    INT. STORE

    John enters. He draws his gun. He meets the clerk's nervous glare.

    Can anyone help out on this?

  • #2
    Re: Description Lines And Grammar

    I want to say depends on style. But I'll tell you, I'm going with option 1 over option 2 every single time.

    Option 2 just annoys the hell out of me.

    Sacrifice grammar for the cleaner read. I'm sure others will chime in with their thoughts -- I'm only a newbie

    Edit: Unless you really want to change the speed to draw a scene out.
    -chris

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Description Lines And Grammar

      Commas would be incorrect without connecting words like and, then, etc, and adding those words would make it more cumbersome.


      I'm also just fine with this:

      John enters, draws his gun, meets the clerk's nervous glare.

      The described scene is tense, so get readers eyes from the top of the page then to the bottom, fast. You do this with the way you write and the content. Unless of course you're trying to slow them down for whatever reason.
      -chris

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Description Lines And Grammar

        Fragment sentences are the staple of the screenplay world.
        Chicks Who Script podcast

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Description Lines And Grammar

          +1 for what's been said. If it's the same person, no need to repeat pronouns. Preferable that you don't.
          Vancouver Screenwriters Meetup Group

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Description Lines And Grammar

            Thanks for all your input. I appreciate it.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Description Lines And Grammar

              Yes, it's a style thing. Here's two more:

              John bolts in, draws gun, meets clerk's nervous glare.

              John bolts in ... draws gun ... meets clerk's nervous glare.
              "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
              - Clive Barker, Galilee

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                John bolts in. He draws his gun and meets the clerk's nervous glare.
                "A screenwriter is much like being a fire hydrant with a bunch of dogs lined up around it.- -Frank Miller

                "A real writer doesn't just want to write; a real writer has to write." -Alan Moore

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                  As long as you don't sacrifice clarity, fragments and other pieces of incorrect grammar are entirely fine if not expected. Keep in mind, though: there are some grammatical rules you can break and others you can't. Capitalization, sentence fragments, liberal use of dashes and colons and weird line spacing and interjections and whathaveyou -- go for it. Subject/object disagreement, incorrect use of commas, split infinitives, getoffamylawn.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                    The fragmented sentences really help make the script a breeze.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                      Originally posted by jcgary View Post
                      As long as you don't sacrifice clarity, fragments and other pieces of incorrect grammar are entirely fine if not expected. Keep in mind, though: there are some grammatical rules you can break and others you can't. Capitalization, sentence fragments, liberal use of dashes and colons and weird line spacing and interjections and whathaveyou -- go for it. Subject/object disagreement, incorrect use of commas, split infinitives, getoffamylawn.
                      That's really helpful. Thanks!

                      Are incorrect use of commas acceptable if their purpose is to make the story move faster?

                      Like someone mentioned before: John enters, draws his gun, meets the clerk's nervous glare.

                      Would that work the same as fragments?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                        At the risk of sounding overly didactic, it's killing me that no one seems to be mentioning that these different versions, while all "acceptable," have subtley different meanings. The one you should use is the one that most clearly indicates how you see the scene unfolding. Feel the flow of the action you're describing and punctuate accordingly.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                          Originally posted by Downontheupside View Post
                          That's really helpful. Thanks!

                          Are incorrect use of commas acceptable if their purpose is to make the story move faster?

                          Like someone mentioned before: John enters, draws his gun, meets the clerk's nervous glare.

                          Would that work the same as fragments?
                          That isn't an incorrect use of commas, but is missing "and" before the word "meets." Either way, it's still entirely fine. Again -- clarity. Without the "and," I still know what you mean.

                          But also: know what grammatical rules you're breaking and understand WHY you're breaking them. E. E. Cummings didn't just crap all over poetic form because he was lazy -- he wrote sestinas and sonnets for years before he started playing with form. Understand what you're doing and why you're doing it, and do it with intention.

                          Lastly: split an infinitive and I'll take your script and use it as toilet paper.

                          And Joe's right -- each of these things reads subtly different. Do the thing that imparts the meaning you mean.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                            Originally posted by jcgary View Post
                            Lastly: split an infinitive and I'll take your script and use it as toilet paper.
                            Split infinitives? "Shirley, you jest," said Tom airily, yet planely.

                            So you want us to fvcking stop that? Or, do you want us to stop fvcking that?

                            "The former, unlikely; the latter, never," asserted Tom, priapically.

                            _____

                            I am a grammar nerd. Doesn't mean that I am an expert, just that I care. I know my gerund from my gerundive. I hate reading, "Everyone must do their part." I hate that the NY Times style book has banned the use of "such as" and requires "like" in every instance, as if they were equivalents. I may well dangle a participle here or there, but when I realize my crude mistake, I cringe. But split infinitives? Maybe it's from my years of Latin, but word order - a modifier before versus after the verb - can make a difference in meaning. Besides, the "rule" against split infinitives wasn't even much of a rule way-back-when, when I learned grammar, and now it seems more a ghost. And as for meaning, while a dangling participle can create ambiguity, as can other grammar mistakes, I don't see that as a problem with a split infinitive.

                            In any event, I've never found a grammar mistake more irritating than the rubbing of printer paper against my nether regions. OTOH, and pardoning the mixed metaphor, YMMV.
                            Last edited by Manchester; 08-19-2011, 08:23 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Description Lines And Grammar

                              I only notice grammar on boring scripts.

                              Same thing with typos.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X