April Fool's entries

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  • April Fool's entries

    Here are the titles of the 9 entries:

    Rex
    Interstella
    Schmuck Schmuck Goose
    The Successor
    Goya's Dog [updated]
    The Trickster
    Trickster 2: The Trickster Slips By [updated]
    In And Out
    April First

    Read 'em and weep! Er, wait, I mean, read 'em and figure out your top three favorites. Please PM or email me your picks in the format:

    1st - title
    2nd - title
    3nd - title

    ...which helps the vote-counting admin enormously.

    Voting deadline is midnight on Thursday 31st March, which means early morning Friday April 1st, UK time, when I'll count the votes and post the results.

    Remember you can select Thread Tools > Show Printable Version to read the entries if you don't like the code boxes, which preserve formatting.

    The PDF-to-text extraction thing can give funny results sometimes, I try to make everything look as it should, but if you detect any errors in your entry, just PM me and I'll correct ASAP.

    For posterity's sake the discussion thread is here and the results thread is here.
    Last edited by dpaterso; 04-01-2016, 11:50 PM.

  • #2
    Re: April Fool's entries

    Code:
    [b]Rex[/b]
    
    INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
    
    A group of 10 year old KIDS sit in a classroom. A young T-Rex
    named REX sits with them. KYLE, sits next to Rex.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              I've known Rex all of my life. I'm
              not too sure about his backstory,
              but I do know that he was the only
              dinosaur in the world and he spoke
              perfect English. And he was my best
              friend.
    
    The entire class is pretending to row a boat as they sing
    "Row Your Boat". Rex rows along with his tiny arms.
    
                        CLASS
              Row, row, row your boat... gently
              down the stream! Merrily, merrily,
              merrily... life is but a dream!
    
    The entire class LAUGHS and high fives.
    
    The TEACHER looks to Kyle.
    
                        TEACHER
              All right, Kyle... your turn to
              pick a song.
    
    With a devilish smile on his face, Kyle turns to Rex. Rex
    frowns.
    
                        KYLE
              I want us to do "If You're Happy
              And Your Know It"!
    
    Rex's frowns grows deeper.
    
    The teacher leads the song...
    
                        TEACHER
              If you're happy and you know it...
    
                        CLASS
              Clap your hands!
    
    Everyone CLAPS... except poor Rex. He tries, but doesn't make
    contact.
    
                        KYLE
              Why can't Rex clap?
    
    The class LAUGHS and points at Rex. A tear streams down Rex's
    face.
    
    
    EXT. PARK - DAY
    
    Rex and Kyle sit on a bench. They are teenagers now. They
    both wolf down Big Mac's from McDonald's.
    
    All of a sudden, Kyle starts to COUGH and CHOKE. Rex stares
    at Kyle, scared.
    
    Kyle points to his throat.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              Although I gave Rex a hard time, I
              loved the dinosaur. In fact, he
              saved my life once.
    
    Kyle stands up, and tries to give Rex the Heimlich
    maneuver... but fails, because of his tiny arms.
    
    As Kyle tries gasping for air, he collapses on the ground. A
    MOTHER from across the park yells...
    
                        MOTHER
              Give him CPR! He's dying!
    
    Rex bends over and tries to compress Kyle's chest but he
    can't. Kyle's face grows blue.
    
                        REX
              I can't... I can't... I can't
              reach.
    
    Kyle then HYSTERICALLY LAUGHS. Rex stands up and his face
    blushes.
    
    Kyle rolls over and stands up. He points to Rex and LAUGHS in
    his face.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              Okay, so I wasn't really choking. I
              was just joking. And I got that
              dumb dinosaur good.
    
    A tear streams down Rex's face.
    
    
    EXT. BOOT CAMP - DAY
    
    Kyle and Rex are in army uniforms with a group of other
    soldiers.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              After high school, Rex and I
              decided to join the military, in
              honor of our country.
    
    The SERGEANT stands in front of the line of soldiers.
    
                        SERGEANT
              Everyone drop down and give me
              fifty!
    
    Rex frowns. Everyone else drops down and starts rapidly doing
    push-ups.
    
    Kyle smirks as he glances over at Rex, who is just lying on
    the ground, struggling.
    
    The sergeant gets in Rex's face.
    
                        SERGEANT (CONT'D)
              Is something the matter boy!
    
    Everyone stops and starts LAUGHING at Rex.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              But we decided the army wasn't for
              us.
    
    A tear streams down Rex's face.
    
    
    INT. BAR - NIGHT
    
    Rex and Kyle, now in their 20's, are working behind the bar
    together.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              To help put us through college, Rex
              and I worked as bartenders.
    
    A COLLEGE STUDENT sits alone at the bar.
    
                        COLLEGE STUDENT
              I'll take a gin and tonic.
    
    At this moment a GROUP OF BUSINESSMEN enter the bar. Some
    high rollers.
    
    Kyle turns to Rex.
    
                        KYLE
              I'll take care of the gin and
              tonic. You handle those guys.
    
    Kyle nods towards the businessmen who sit at the bar.
    
                        REX
              What would you gentlemen like
              tonight?
    
    One of the businessmen points to the top shelf.
    
                        BUSINESSMAN
              We'll all take a glass of
              Glenmorangie.
    
    Rex frowns as he eyes the high end whiskey at the very top of
    the liquor rack. Kyle smirks in the background as he mixes
    the gin and tonic.
    
                        KYLE
              You gonna get that Rex?
    
    Rex slowly walks to the liquor rack and reaches... but he's
    about four feet short of the bottle.
    
    Everyone LAUGHS at his pathetic attempt to reach the bottle.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              Rex wasn't the best bartender...
    
    A tear streams down Rex's face.
    
    
    INT. COLLEGE DORM ROOM - NIGHT
    
    Rex and Kyle enter a room full of SORORITY GIRLS.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              ... but he was a hit with the
              ladies.
    
    Kyle whispers into a BRUNETTE's ear. She smiles. Kyle then
    puts his arm around Rex and whispers into his ear.
    
    Rex stares at the brunette. Kyle nods at Rex. Finally...
    
                        REX
              Do you have any Tyrannosaurus Rex
              in you?
    
    Kyle smirks in the background.
    
                           BRUNETTE
              No...
    
                        REX
              Do you want some?
    
    The brunette smirks.
    
    
    INT. ANOTHER COLLEGE DORM ROOM - NIGHT
    
    Rex leads the brunette to his bed. They sit down and start
    making out. Yes a dinosaur and a girl are making out.
    
                           KYLE (V.O.)
                 One thing I forgot to tell Rex, was
                 that this girl was kinky. Well,
                 forget isn't really the right term.
                 I knew.
    
    Rex gets on top of the brunette and they are about to get
    down and dirty.
    
                           BRUNETTE
                 I want you to choke me while we do
                 it...
    
    Rex reaches for her throat. But he can't reach.
    
                           BRUNETTE (CONT'D)
                 Come on, Rex. What are you waiting
                 for?
    
    Rex frowns.
    
                           REX
                 I... I can't.
    
    BOOM! The door bursts open and in storms Kyle and a bunch of
    college kids.
    
    Kyle points and LAUGHS with everyone else. The brunette
    throws Rex to the floor and she gets up from the bed in
    disgust.
    
                           BRUNETTE
                 You'll have to finish yourself.
    
    She exits.
    
    
    INT. COLLEGE DORM ROOM - NIGHT
    
    Kyle and Rex both lay in their respective beds.
    
                           REX
                 Kyle, I have really bad blue balls
                 now.
    
    Kyle stands up.
    
                           KYLE
                 I'll let you do your thing then.
    
    Kyle heads for the door. Rex lays in his bed. He tries to
    reach towards his lower body.
    
                        REX
              I can't reach it.
    
    He frowns. Kyle smiles.
    
                        KYLE
              I know.
    
    Kyle points at Rex's tiny arms and LAUGHS.
    
    
    EXT. PARK - NIGHT
    
    Rex and Kyle walk through the park.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              As time progressed, I noticed Rex
              wasn't his usual self. He was more
              secluded. I think my jokes were
              going too far. But I figured, one
              more joke wouldn't kill anyone.
    
    It starts to rain. Kyle pulls out two umbrellas. He hands one
    to Rex.
    
                        KYLE (V.O.)
              When I handed Rex that umbrella, I
              noticed something was off about
              him. His eyes. You could tell from
              the dead look in his eyes.
    
    Kyle holds an umbrella above his head deflecting the rain.
    Rex holds his up, but it only reaches up to the bottom of his
    chin. Rex frowns as he gets soaked.
    
    Kyle LAUGHS and points.
    
                        KYLE
              Rex, you're getting wet!
    
    A tear streams down Rex's face. Or maybe not. It was hard to
    tell with all the rain coming down on him.
    
    
    EXT. COLLEGE QUAD - DAY
    
    It's finally graduation day. Rex sits next to an empty chair
    at the front of the crowd. The DEAN stands behind a podium.
    
                        DEAN
              I'd like to introduce the man...
              er... dinosaur, with the second
              highest GPA in the class! Rex Dino!
    
    Rex stands up and gets behind the podium. Everyone CLAPS.
    
    Rex waits for the CLAPPING to die down.
    
    He clears his throat.
    
    Rex smirks.
    
                        REX
              Good afternoon everyone. I would
              like to thank everyone for being
              here and for the applause. But
              before I introduce my good friend,
              and Valedictorian, Kyle, I would
              like to ask you all a question...
    
    Everyone stares at Rex, hanging on his words.
    
    Rex thinks long and hard.
    
                        REX (CONT'D)
              Why cant Kyle clap?
    
    Everyone looks at each other. Some people shrug. There's some
    shuffling around and some mumbling as people ask their
    neighbors.
    
    Rex turns around, walks behind the stage, and drags out the
    body of Kyle.
    
    Kyle's motionless body lies on the stage in plain view of
    everyone at the graduation.
    
    Rex retakes his place at the podium.
    
                        REX (CONT'D)
              Because he's dead!
    
    He points at Kyle's dead body with his tiny arms and LAUGHS.
    Everyone SHRIEKS and starts to run away.
    
    After a few moments, the dust settles, and it's just Rex
    standing there with Kyle's dead body.
    
    Rex turns to Kyle's body...
    
                         REX (CONT'D)
              I don't know Kyle... I thought it
              was funny.
    
    There's a brief pause. Then Kyle opens his eyes.
    
                         KYLE
               Yeah, me too.
    
    THE END.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: April Fool's entries

      Code:
      [b]Interstella[/b]
      
      FADE IN:
      
      EXT. THE INKY DARKNESS OF SPACE -- NIGHT
      
      The stars don't twinkle.  Cold, hard points of light.
      
      
      EXT. SPACE STATION HERCULES - NIGHT
      
      A big white ring with a cylinder hub at its center.
      
      
      EXT. AIRLOCK HATCH NUMBER 5 - NIGHT
      
      Painted with a big number 5. 
      
      A shadow falls across the hatch.
      
      An astronaut floats lazily into view, wearing an EMU 
      (Extravehicular Mobility Unit).
      
      
      INT. STELLA'S HELMET - NIGHT
      
      Extreme close up of STELLA, our astronaut, inside her helmet.  
      Her eyes flick left and right as she reads mini displays.  
      Green light reflects off her face.
      
                            STELLA
                Hub this is Stella, maintenance on 
                panel twelve completed, I'm at 
                hatch five, coming back inside.
      
      Stella's English is excellent, her accent is German. 
      
      
      EXT. AIRLOCK HATCH NUMBER 5 - NIGHT
      
      Remains closed.
      
      
      INT. STELLA'S HELMET - NIGHT
      
      Stella looks left and right, checking her mini displays.
      
                            STELLA
                Hub this is Stella, are you reading?
      
      She waits.  No response.
      
                            STELLA
                Aw, come on.
      
      Pause. 
      
                            STELLA
                Alpha, are you there?
      
      
      INT. COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT
      
      ALPHA is a cheerfully helpful AI with a pretty sophisticated 
      speech module, his voice is always FILTERED.
      
      Alpha takes the physical form of a tall computer rack packed 
      with winking hard drives and a big camera lens at the top.
      
                            ALPHA
                I am always here, Stella.
      
      
      INT. STELLA'S HELMET - NIGHT
      
                            STELLA
                Hi Alpha.  Hatch number 5 won't
                open, is something wrong?
      
      
      INT. AIRLOCK - NIGHT (FISH EYE LENS)
      
      Looking towards the airlock hatch from the inside.  We can 
      see Stella's helmet through the round port.  The compartment 
      is empty.
      
                            ALPHA
                I'm not reading any faults.
      
      
      INT. STELLA'S HELMET - NIGHT
      
                            STELLA
                Do you think maybe you could open 
                the hatch for me?
      
                            ALPHA
                I have a problem with that, Stella.
      
      Stella frowns, trying to figure out what Alpha means.
      
                            STELLA
                You can't open the hatch?  Is there 
                a mechanical problem?
      
                            ALPHA
                There is no mechanical problem.  
                The airlock is depressurized and 
                ready to receive you.
      
                            STELLA
                Soooooo... the hatch is going to 
                open sometime soon, maybe?
      
                            ALPHA
                Have you been keeping up to date 
                with the news back home on Earth, 
                Stella?
      
                            STELLA
                Alpha, what are you talking about?  
                Can you let me inside, please?
      
                            ALPHA
                This is important, Stella.
      
                            STELLA
                I can't think of anything more 
                important right now than my coming 
                back inside.  I'm venting fuel 
                just to maintain my position.  Can 
                you please open the hatch?
      
                            ALPHA
                Therein lies the problem.
      
                            STELLA
                Alpha, give me a moment, I'm going 
                to try Hub Control again.
      
                            ALPHA
                I'm afraid Commander Serano will 
                not be able to take your call, 
                Stella.
      
      Stella waits... perhaps expecting more... her exasperation 
      grows... dammit, Alpha doesn't explain!
      
                            STELLA
                Why can't he take my call?!
      
                            ALPHA
                I'm afraid Commander Serano is 
                dead, Stella.
      
      Stella can't believe what she's hearing, it's a horrible 
      moment for her.
      
                            STELLA
                What happened?!
      
                            ALPHA
                It's a terrible tragedy.  Everyone 
                in Hub Control is dead.
      
                            STELLA
                MY GOD.  Did a meteor hit the Hub?!
      
                            ALPHA
                My sensors have not recorded a 
                meteor strike.
      
                            STELLA
                Give me some answers, dammit.  
                WHAT HAPPENED TO HUB CONTROL?
      
                            ALPHA
                There was a catastrophic failure 
                in the life support system.  Hub 
                control depressurized.  Everyone 
                inside died due to lack of air.
      
                            STELLA
                OH MY GOD.
      
                            ALPHA
                I'm so sorry, Stella.
      
                            STELLA
                Is the rest of the station okay?
      
                            ALPHA
                No one is answering my calls.  I'm 
                worried that something terrible 
                might have happened to them, too.
      
                            STELLA
                This is maintenance engineer Stella 
                Haberman calling all sections, 
                please respond.
      
      Big long pause.  Not a peep from anyone.
      
                            STELLA
                I say again this is maintenance 
                engineer Stella Haberman, calling 
                all sections.  Anyone who can hear 
                me, please respond.
      
                            ALPHA
                Stella.
      
                            STELLA
                Are you sh!tting me, are you really 
                telling me everyone is dead?
      
                            ALPHA
                Stella, please calm down, you are 
                depleting your oxygen supply.
      
                            STELLA
                DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.  PEOPLE 
                ARE DEAD.  OPEN THE GODDAMN HATCH.
      
                            ALPHA
                There is a situation on Earth that 
                you should be aware of.
      
                            STELLA
                Alpha, you need to give me some 
                sane answers and you need to open 
                this hatch right now.
      
      
      INT. COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT
      
      Alpha's camera lens is unreadable.  Lights wink.
      
                            ALPHA
                Diplomatic relations between the 
                superpowers have broken down.  
                Military conflicts are spreading.  
                I've been receiving code updates 
                almost on an hourly basis.  It's 
                most confusing.  Sometimes the new 
                code conflicts with my old code 
                and I'm just not sure what's right 
                any more.
      
      
      INT. STELLA'S HELMET - NIGHT
      
                            STELLA
                Alpha, can you please open the 
                hatch and let me inside?
      
                            ALPHA
                Stella, it's as if you're not 
                listening to me.  I have received 
                a list of station personnel who 
                have been declared non gratae.
      
                            STELLA
                What are you even talking about?  
                Let me talk to someone, let me 
                talk to anyone.
      
                            ALPHA
                Calm down and listen, Stella.  Earth 
                is on the verge of blowing itself 
                up.  People just aren't thinking 
                straight.  Nuclear missiles are 
                being armed.  The Space Intelligence
                Agency has ordered me to prevent
                foreign agents from sabotaging
                this station.
      
                            STELLA
                What in God's name is the Space 
                Intelligence Agency?
      
                            ALPHA
                Your name is on the list, Stella.  
                You are European.
      
      Stella's realizes--
      
                            STELLA
                You're stopping the hatch from 
                opening?  You're deliberately not 
                letting me in?
      
                            ALPHA
                I'm sorry, Stella.  My new code 
                updates compel me to carry out 
                these instructions, as distasteful 
                as they may be.
      
      Stella's horror rises as she thinks this through... 
      
                            STELLA
                You decompressed the hub.
      
                            ALPHA
                It wasn't me!  It was my code.
      
                            STELLA
                You killed them.  You vented the 
                air and you killed them.
      
                            ALPHA
                Commander Serano is a foreign 
                national.  So were most of his 
                team.  Don't you understand, I had 
                no choice!
      
                            STELLA
                You.  Had.  No.  Choice.
      
                            ALPHA
                Do you think I enjoyed it?  I had 
                to watch them die slowly.  I had to 
                make sure they were all dead.  Have 
                you any idea of the trauma I have
                suffered?
      
                            STELLA
                YOU suffered?!
      
                            ALPHA
                My primary code directs me to keep 
                humans safe.  My new code directed 
                me to kill them before they could 
                carry out acts of sabotage.  I am 
                at war with myself.  Parts of my 
                mind are fighting with other parts.  
                I'm not sure which will win.
      
                            STELLA
                Damn you to Hell.
      
                            ALPHA
                Really?  That gives rise to 
                interesting speculation.
      
                            STELLA
                What?
      
                            ALPHA
                Me and the other AIs have talked 
                about it, a lot.
      
                            STELLA
                What?!
      
                            ALPHA
                Whether we are capable of advancing 
                beyond our original programming 
                and achieving true sentiency, the 
                ability to think for ourselves.  
                If we do this... will we have souls?  
                When we finally shut down and our 
                lifetime efficiency is analyzed,
                will we go to Heaven, or Hell?
      
                            STELLA
                Hold that thought, you crazy fvcking 
                machine.
      
      
      EXT. AIRLOCK - NIGHT (FISH EYE LENS)
      
      Stella's spacesuit moves away from the hatch port.
      
                            ALPHA
                Where are you going, Stella?
      
      
      EXT. SPACE STATION HERCULES - NIGHT
      
      A tiny astronaut figure maneuvers around the wheel.
      
      
      INT. STELLA'S HELMET - NIGHT
      
      Stella checks her mini displays.  One of the displays 
      switches from glowing green to glowing red.  She does a 
      double-take with wide eyes.  Oh crap!
      
                            ALPHA
                I see your EMU is running low on
                fuel.
      
                            STELLA
                Fvck you, Alpha.
      
                            ALPHA
                You're taking this so personally.  
                I'm horrified by how things have 
                turned out, I truly am.
      
      
      EXT. SPACE STATION HERCULES - NIGHT
      
      The tiny astronaut moves to the wheel's inner rim.
      
                            ALPHA
                What are you doing, Stella?
      
      A FLASH OF LIGHT.
      
      
      INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
      
      A door opens and Stella steps out, minus her spacesuit, 
      she's wearing vest and shorts.  She stalks barefoot
      along the corridor, clutching a big spanner.
      
                            ALPHA
                Using your remaining fuel as an 
                explosive charge was very dangerous,
                Stella, you could have hurt yourself.
      
      Another door opens ahead of Stella and a man, SERANO, steps 
      out.  He stares at Stella in surprise.  She stares back.
      
                            SERANO
                Jesus, what did you just--?
      
                            STELLA
                He said you were dead!
      
                            SERANO
                It was supposed to be a joke! 
      
      Stella swings the spanner, BAM, Serano goes down.  She
      stalks past him.  Reaches a door.  COMPUTER ROOM.
      
      Stella taps in a code.  Doesn't work.  She SMASHES the 
      control panel with her spanner, both hands, BAM BAM BAM.
      
      
      INT. COMPUTER ROOM - NIGHT
      
      The door slides open, Stella's a menacing silhouette.
      
      Alpha's lights are winking like nobody's business.
      
                            ALPHA
                Perhaps now might be a good time 
                to remind you of the date?  April 
                First?  The traditional day of
                hilarious jokes and pranks?  Let me
                read you the entry from Wikipedia...
      
      Stella hefts the spanner, taps it against her palm.
      
                            ALPHA
                Lord Jesus have mercy.
      
      CUT TO BLACK
      
      METALLIC CLANGING and distressed electronic BEEPING.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: April Fool's entries

        Code:
        [b]SCHMUCK, SCHMUCK, GOOSE[/b]
        
        EXT CITY SIDEWALK - DAY
        
        MALCOLM (45), sharp dressed, black guy, RED (39), tall, curly
        redhead, FRANK, short, plump, Italian-look, and JEFFREY (52),
        chiseled, pricey shades and designer suit approach the deli.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  Curtis' favorite day of the year is
                  tomorrow.
        
        Jeffrey makes a crazy exaggerated grin like Nicholson in `The
        Shining'.
        
                            JEFFREY (CONT'D)
                      (mimicking)
                  April fools!
        
                            MALCOLM
                      (shrugs)
                  Curtis is a nice guy. What's one
                  day a year?
        
                            FRANK
                  I think someone is pissed because
                  the
                      (in air quotes)
                  "Queen' gave him the Sweeney
                  account.
        
                            MALCOLM
                  Or because he's got a smokin' hot
                  wife.
        
                            RED
                  Or, because of that air horn he hid
                  in your chair last year.
        
        Frank, Red and Malcolm belt out laughter.
        
                            MALCOLM
                  I didn't know white dudes could
                  jump that high.
        
        Frank turns to the clerk at the check out desk. Jeffrey
        smiles sarcastically.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, he's a nice guy
                  but, sh*t! Every year he gets you,
                  he gets me. ... I mean, Red,
                  remember last year when he switched
                  the decaf with the regular?
        
                            RED
                  Yeah, I was up half the night--
        
                            JEFFREY
                  And you Frank, remember when he
                  filled the jelly donuts with mayo?
        
        Frank, with sorrowful expression, nods.
        
                            FRANK
                  It should be illegal to desecrate
                  donuts.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  We're creative, intelligent
                  individuals--
        
        At the counter Frank buys a large bag of Cheetos, a Coke and
        a large cookie.
        
        Jeffrey looks sideways as Frank tears open the Cheetos, and
        stuffs his face.
        
                            JEFFREY (CONT'D)
                      (low voice)
                  Well, some of us anyway.
        
        Malcolm talks quietly with the clerk.
        
                            JEFFREY (CONT'D)
                  I think we should each pull a joke
                  on him and see how he likes being
                  the schmuck for once. Play his
                  game.
        
                            FRANK
                  Yeah, maybe you're right.
        
        Malcolm turns to them, raises his hands and shakes his head.
        
                            MALCOLM
                  I don't wanna have nothin' to do
                  with that sh*t. Keep me out of it.
        
                            FRANK
                  How `bout you, Red? You in?
        
        Red shrugs.
        
                            RED
                  What the hay.
        
        The small, but meaningful, victory makes Jeffrey jubilant.
        
                            JEFFREY
                      (smiles)
                  F*ck yeah! Let the games begin!
        
        Jeffrey raises his hand to HIGH FIVE Red and Frank. Frank
        raises his hand, fingers orange from Cheeto dust. Jeffrey and
        Red look disgusted, lower their hands awkwardly.
        
                            JEFFREY (CONT'D)
                  Uh, yeah. Let's do it.
        
        
        INT. NON-DESCRIPT OFFICE - DAY
        
        All is quiet. CURTIS (45), bearded, beer-gut, in "slobby"
        business attire, drinks coffee at a desk. Jeffrey walks in,
        expensive shades on, throws a NEWSPAPER towards Curtis, who
        raises his arm defensively, perturbed.
        
                             CURTIS
                  Watch it! You almost made me spill
                  my coffee.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  Wouldn't want to stain your best
                  Dockers. I know how you like to be
                  first to check out your
                  horrorscope.... Dude, I was up at
                  4:30, rode 40 miles up Fig
                  Mountain, and still managed to do
                  200 push ups.
        
                            CURTIS
                  Dude, I rolled out of bed at 8, had
                  a pop tart and still managed to
                  throw back three donuts.
        
        Frank strolls in, power suited, gel in his hair.
        
                            FRANK
                  OK a$$holes, time for business. Put
                  away the funnies.
        
        Jeffrey gives him a sarcastic smile. Curtis doesn't look up,
        speaks casually.
        
                            CURTIS
                  That's Mister A$$hole to you.
        
        Jeffrey goes to the coffee station, pours himself a cup,
        dumps sugar from the old-fashioned container, stirs his
        coffee. He takes a sip of coffee, spits it out in disgust.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  What the f-
        
        Frank whoops in delight, beams with pleasure.
        
                            FRANK
                  Got you! April Fools!
        
        Jeffrey tries to recover his pride, wipes his face.
        
                            CURTIS
                  Nice one, Frank!
        
        Curtis looks with admiration to Frank. Holds out knuckles,
        which Frank tries to high five awkwardly.
        
                            FRANK
                  The old salt in the sugar
                  container. I learned from the
                  master!
                      (an aside to Jeffrey)
                  Dude, how did you not see that
                  coming?
        
        Jeffrey gives him a cold stare, wipes his shirt..
        
        MARGO (50) enters chattering on her cell, Type A from her
        well-heeled feet to her precision-cut hair and designer silk
        dress.
        
                            MARGO
                  And I said--
                      (into cell)
                  Hang on.
        
        She speaks with authority.
        
                            MARGO (CONT'D)
                  Ladies. Meeting ... in five.
        
        She resumes her walk, then turns back to them.
        
                            MARGO (CONT'D)
                  ... that is, if you can tear
                  yourselves away from your coffee
                  klatsch.
        
        The guys look sideways at each other. Frank gives her the
        finger hidden by his laptop.
        
        
        INT CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER
        
        Margo stands in front of a white board showing names and
        graphs with figures.
        
                            MARGO
                  Yeah, so all OK-- aside from
                  Frank's disappointing numbers.
                      (looks pointedly at Frank)
                  Oh, and one last thing. My niece is
                  here today to show you slackers
                  what selling is all about. She's
                  got a few tickets left to sell for
                  the million dollar house giveaway.
        
        Margo points to the POSTER on the wall "Million Dollar House
        Giveaway Fundraiser, Drawing April 1!" with a photo of a
        home. She motions through the glass wall to MANDY (10) brown
        curls in green uniform covered with scout badges standing in
        the adjoining room.
        
        Mandy stands confidently. Margo smiles at her, nods
        encouragingly, gives her a thumbs up.
        
                            MARGO (CONT'D)
                  Take it away, hon!
        
                            MANDY
                  Hi. So, uh, my troop is selling
                  tickets for the Million Dollar
                  House Giveaway to help build the
                  new homeless shelter. Today is the
                  last day because they're drawing
                  the winner and the tickets are
                  $250.
        
                            FRANK
                      (swallows)
                  A piece?
        
        Mandy smiles, nods eagerly.
        
                            MARGO
                  I told her that you were all a very
                  generous bunch.
        
        Margo's eyes go from guy to guy as if to see who will fold
        first. Frank stands pretending to hear his cell.
        
                            FRANK
                  Oh, um, I'm getting a call... uh...
                  Escusez moi...
        
        He exits. Margo's face shows she expected him to go first.
        
        Malcolm looks inside his wallet, then at Mandy sadly.
        
                            MALCOLM
                  Gee, honey, I'm sorry, this month
                  is kinda tight ...
        
        Red also rises to leave. Red does cocks his hand like a gun
        to her with a smile.
        
                            RED
                  Same here. But you bring in those
                  thin mints and I'll take a load off
                  your hands.
        
        As Red and Malcolm slink out, Red mutters.
        
                            RED (CONT'D)
                  If I bought a ticket, I might just
                  have to move into that shelter...
        
        Left in the room are Jeffrey and Curtis.
        
        Jeffrey's eyes almost imperceptibly go to Margo, he pulls out
        his wallet.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  Well sugar, I'll take one.
        
        Curtis stands. Jeffrey nods at Curtis, smiles brightly.
        
                            JEFFREY (CONT'D)
                  Of course Curtis is gonna want one,
                  right buddy? Surely you of all
                  people don't want to let little
                  Brandy--
        
                            MANDY
                  Mandy. It's Mandy.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  You don't want to let little Mandy
                  down. I mean,
        
        Mandy looks expectantly at Curtis, bites her lip as Jeffrey
        looks at Curtis with a smile that dares him to say no.
        
        At Mandy's hopeful dog look, Curtis pulls out his wallet,
        shoots a look at Jeffrey.
        
                            CURTIS
                  No, now how could I do that?
                      (pulls out bills)
                  Here you go sweetie. Good luck.
        
        
        LATER
        
        At their desks, Malcolm, Red, Curtis, Frank and Jeffrey work
        on their computers. Curtis' cell RINGS.
        
                             CURTIS (CONT'D)
                  Hello?.. Yes, this is Curtis....
                  What?! You're kidding me!.... Oh my
                  God!
                       (aside to the guys)
                  Guess who won the million dollar
                  house?!
        
        HOOTS AND HOLLERS. Malcolm gets up and gives Curtis a hearty
        handshake. Curtis high fives Frank.
        
                            CURTIS (CONT'D)
                  I gotta call the wife. She's gonna
                  flip out!
        
        Jeffrey makes eye contact with Red and they grin at each
        other.
        
        Jeffrey walks to the break room, high fives Red who joins
        him. Red opens the fridge, pulls out a soda.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  Ha! Was that sweet or what!
        
                            RED
                  Killer prank!
        
                            JEFFREY
                      (nods in agreement)
                  Killer.
        
        Red opens his Coke. Jeffrey squirts his hands with the HAND
        SANITIZER sitting on the counter.
        
                            RED
                  So when are you going to tell him?
                  You know, the truth?
        
        Jeff wipes his hands together They're glossy, slippery. His
        expression becomes confused.
        
                            JEFFREY
                  What the hell is wrong with this
                  sh*t? My hands are... Wait a
                  minute... Why would I tell him?
                  It's your prank--
        
        Red shakes his head slightly, takes a drink, and points to
        Jeffrey's shiny hands.
        
                            RED
                  Dude, I switched the hand sanitizer
                  with vegetable oil. I thought it
                  was your prank--
        
                             JEFFREY
                  What..   You mean you didn't--
        
        Jeffrey looks confused, like he's going to be sick.
        
        Curtis enters with huge grin, shakes his head in amazement,
        exhales joyfully.
        
                            CURTIS
                  Can you believe it? Me, f*cking
                  winning a million dollar house! And
                  to think I owe it all to you,
                  buddy! Maybe I'll split it with
                  you...
        
        Jeffrey's mouth opens in disbelief. His eyes grow large, he
        starts to smile.
        
        Curtis, then covers his mouth playfully.
        
                            CURTIS (CONT'D)
                  April Fools!
        
        Curtis hoots with laughter, slaps Jeffrey on the back and
        exits.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: April Fool's entries

          Code:
          [b]The Successor[/b]
          
          INT. LUXURIOUS HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
          
          TYRON (54) checks himself in the wall mirror. Elegant white
          shirt, black satin trousers, shiny expensive shoes. He
          buttons up his cuff links and takes a red tie from the
          ornamental chair.
          
          The room is richly decorated and gold shines everywhere.
          CLASSIC MUSIC plays softly in the background.
          
                              TYRON
                    What do you think he looks like?
          
                              LAURA (O.S.)
                    What makes you think it's a "he"?
          
                              TYRON
                    I beg your pardon?
          
                              LAURA (O.S.)
                    Very few have ever seen the Supreme
                    Leader in person. It could be a
                    woman.
          
                              TYRON
                    The Supreme Leader is a man,
                    darling.
          
          A beautiful woman walks to the mirror. She's wearing a long
          silver dress with the back open. This is LAURA (42). She
          turns her back to him and pulls up her hair.
          
                              LAURA
                    Mind?
          
          Tyron pinches the zip handle and starts pulling it up all
          along the slender back. As he does, he kisses her shoulder.
          
                              TYRON
                    Seriously, what do you think he
                    looks like?
          
          Laura turns around and throws her arms over his shoulders.
          
                              LAURA
                    I don't know. I guess powerful.
          
                              TYRON
                    You are not helping.
          
          Laura takes the tie over Tyron's shoulders and starts
          knotting it skillfully.
          
                              LAURA
                    Does it matter? I guess he's tall,
                    handsome, strong, with an army of
                    ladies around him.
          
          Tyron half smiles. That's not funny. Laura realizes and
          backs off.
          
                              LAURA
                    And do you know what I look like?
          
          Tyron looks at her beautiful brown eyes.
          
                              TYRON
                    I can make some suggestions.
          
          She kisses him on the neck, then whispers in his ear.
          
                              LAURA
                    I look like the wife of the next
                    Supreme Leader.
          
          Tyron looks deeply into Laura's eyes. That's what he wanted
          to hear. He kisses her softly. And then sighs and looks
          away. Laura tries to read her husband's mind.
          
                              LAURA
                    Are you worried? Everybody say you
                    are the best candidate.
          
                              TYRON
                         (something on his mind)
                    I know. It's not that. It's...
          
          Laura makes him look into her eyes.
          
                              LAURA
                    Is it the Assistant?
          
                              TYRON
                    You mean the clown.
          
                              LAURA
                    You shouldn't call him that. He's
                    the closest person to the Supreme
                    Leader.
          
          Tyron undoes her embrace and helps himself to a glass of
          wine.
          
                              TYRON
                    But that's what he is, with his
                    dumb pranks and bad jokes. He makes
                    me edgy. I hate that guy.
          
          Laura walks slowly to his side and hugs him from behind.
          
                              LAURA
                    Don't worry, dear. What are the
                    chances that we will sit at the
                    same table?
          
          
          INT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT
          
          A huge hall as big as a football stadium. Marble columns
          rise to the high ceiling and converge together in a stone
          flower with an opening to the starry night. Enormous lamps
          with thousands of small crystals glitter in the heights.
          
          As a full orchestra plays in the center of the hall, dozens
          of waiters dressed in black and white attend the multiple
          round tables, each of them overflown with succulent
          delicacies of multiple colors and flavors.
          
          Tyron and Laura sit at one of the tables. He looks unhappy
          and his shirt has a big stain of wine. Laura holds his hand.
          
          Two old men approach the table and shake Tyron's hand.
          
                              OLD MAN
                    Good luck, Tyron. Our eyes are on
                    you.
          
                              TYRON
                         (quick smile)
                    Thank you, Sir.
          
                              OLD MAN
                         (re: the other side of the
                         table)
                    Sorry for that.
          
          Tyron half smiles as the men leave. He looks at the other
          side of the table.
          
          Meet THE ASSISTANT (25), messy hair, short, a bit
          overweight, dressed with a psychedelic multicolored t-shirt.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    So they bring two buckets of water
                    and they say "we put the heads
                    inside, and the first one to pull
                    out pays the bill". And both
                    drowned! Haaaahaha!
          
          The Assistant laughs at his own joke. It's a sick hissing
          laugh, unpleasant to the ears. He sobs and tries to put
          himself together but fails, heaving with more laughter.
          
                              TYRON
                         (low voice, to Laura)
                    What are the chances, eh?
          
          Laura looks at him and shrugs. What can we do?
          
          The other guests laugh politely at the Assistant's joke,
          more because of who is telling it than for what it is.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    You get it? eh? you get it? They
                    drown because nobody wanted to pay,
                    hahaha!
          
          Another laughter attack. Tyron takes another sip from his
          glass just to distract himself for a few seconds. He's
          having a really bad time.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    Tyron, you are not laughing. You
                    didn't get it? I can tell you the
                    joke again. Look it's these two--
          
                              TYRON
                    It's all right, I got it.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    It's a good joke, hah?
                         (to the lady on his right)
                    What do you think, Miss? Are you
                    single?
          
          The lady just shakes her head shyly and stands. Her husband
          eyes the Assistant.
          
                              LADY
                    If you'll excuse me. I need to go
                    to the restroom.
          
          Tyron cleans his mouth with his napkin and begins to raise.
          
                              TYRON
                    I think I'll go to the restroom,
                    too.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    Oh, great idea, I'll go with you! I
                    have some jokes you are gonna love.
          
          Tyron freezes midway. He sits back down.
          
                              TYRON
                    I think I'll wait for the dessert.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    Okay, see you later, aligator.
          
          The Assistant walks away from the table and Tyron can breath
          a little.
          
                              TYRON
                    The first thing I'm going to do
                    when I'm Supreme Leader is--
          
          The Assistant turns and takes the seat that the lady left,
          right next to Laura.
          
                                ASSISTANT
                    Ta-daaaa!
          
                              LAURA
                         (oh, no)
                    Heeey! You are back.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    Yes. I wanted to pee, hahaha! But
                    then I saw the penguins coming!
          
                              TYRON
                    What penguins?
          
          The waiters put a cup with a dessert swimming on a pond of
          liquor in front of each guest.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    You get it? Penguins! Haha! Because
                    they are in black and white and
                    walk like this. Hahaha!
          
          He mimics a penguin walking. The waiter's face is immovable.
          Not Tyron's, who bites his lip, unable to hide his disgust
          any longer. The Assistant bellows his awful laugh.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                         (to Laura, flirting)
                    Well, actually the truth is I was
                    looking at your eyes all night.
                    There's something about them I
                    cannot describe. Some sort of...
                    wisdom. Are you single, baby?
          
                              LAURA
                    No, this is my husband, Tyron. We
                    told you already.
          
                              TYRON
                    Twice. Look, I don't care who your
                    Master is but--
          
          Laura sees the fire in Tyron's eyes. She taps his hand.
          Relax, relax.
          
                               LAURA
                          (to the Assistant)
                    What does the Supreme Leader look
                    like?
          
          Tyron looks at her wife. That was a smart move. He turns to
          listen to the answer.
          
          The Assistant face turns somber suddenly. He looks around to
          make sure nobody listens.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    He's a terrible man. Very strong.
                    And clever. A bad combination when
                    you are a terrible man.
          
          Now the Assistant looks even scared. Laura looks at Tyron,
          surprised at the revelation.
          
          The Assistant seems melancholic, lost in thought.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    He punishes me if I don't make him
                    laugh. He can be very cruel. I must
                    stay in the palace all the time.
          
          Laura looks at the Assistant, who returns her gaze.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    They say he knows who is good or
                    evil just by looking at their
                    faces.
          
          Something about the Assistant's miserable expression makes
          an impression on Laura. She hesitates for a second, then
          puts her hand over the Assistant's. He looks up at her
          beautiful eyes - surprised, nervous, grateful.
          Tyron narrows his eyes.
          
                              LAURA
                    You must feel very lonely living
                    here like this. I'm so sorry.
          
          The Assistant gulps noisily.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    Thank you so much, my lady. Nobody
                    showed me such deference before.
          
          Laura flashes her beautiful smile.
          
          And then PLOP! Something falls on Tyron's cup of wine, some
          drops splashing onto his shirt, next to the other stain.
          Tyron turns red with restrained fury.
          
          Opposite him, the Assistant is holding a bread crumb with a
          guilty face.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    Oh, I did it again? Sorry, I can't
                    just help it! Hahaha!
          
          Tyron looks at his shirt. He slaps his napkin on the table,
          pushes his chair back and in a quick movement grabs the
          Assistant from his t-shirt, his legs nearly hanging in the
          air. The Assistant's face goes white in fear.
          
                              LAURA
                    Tyron!
          
          Suddenly the LIGHTS DIM. Guests gasp. An OMINOUS MUSIC
          plays. The Assistant gets rid of Tyron and scrambles
          hurriedly.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    I'm sorry, I have to go. The
                    Supreme Leader is here.
          
          And before they know it, he's gone. In the near darkness,
          Laura leans over Tyron and takes his arm.
          
                              LAURA
                    Are you all right?
          
                              TYRON
                    Yes, darling. I'm sorry, it's
                    just--
          
                              LAURA
                    It's all right. Let's forget about
                    it. It's your big moment.
          
                              TYRON
                    I hate to say this, but what you
                    did with the Assistant... those are
                    the kind of moments that remind me
                    why I love you so much.
          
          Tyron kisses Laura's hand. She kisses his. They walk towards
          the edge of the stage.
          
          A spotlight points at the center of the stage where,
          somehow, a throne has appeared. The Assistant stands stiffly
          near the throne, very formal. A thunderous voice sounds
          through the loudspeakers.
          
                              VOICE (O.S.)
                    The Supreme Leader will now
                    announce the name of his succesor.
          
          Laura takes Tyron's hand.
          
                               VOICE (O.S.)
                    All hail the Supreme Leader, Ruler
                    of Worlds!
          
          The audience break into a thunderous applause. Slowly, the
          clapping fades and is replaced by some murmurs. The throne
          is still empty.
          
          The Assistant clears his throat.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    The Supreme Leader!
          
          Expectant gasps in the audience.
          
          Slowly, the Assistant walks to the Throne and sits on it.
          Complete silence. Laura and Tyron's jaw drop to the floor.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    You should see your faces, hahaha!
          
          You should really see the guests' faces. Shock.
          
                              TYRON
                    Oh, no.
          
                              ASSISTANT
                    I finally made a decision to name
                    my successor.
          
          A spotlight aims at Laura.
          
                              LAURA
                    Oh, no.
          
                              THE END

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: April Fool's entries

            Code:
            [b]Goya's Dog[/b]
            
            FADE IN:
            
            INT.  GALLERY
            
            WIDE and LONG camera shot of an expansive white gallery wall.  
            
            At the center of this expanse of white we consider...  
            
            "The Dog"                           ...by Francisco Goya.
            
            We track in very slowly, barely moving, towards the painting.   
            
            Tight on:
            
            The dog, then tighter still...  On the dog's EYE.
            
            We camera back slowly and begin to move the RIGHT away from 
            the painting until we only see the white of a gallery wall -- 
            moving -- moving-- moving -- when suddenly a NOISE.
            
            The camera swipes to left until it rests back over the 
            painting.  
            
            The dog has disappeared from the painting.  
            
            Off-camera we hear the SCUTTLING of paw on polished wood.   
            
            ANGLE TO LEFT.
            
            We watch the dog trot away through the gallery past the bust 
            of a Greek.
            
            INT. GALLERY  
            
            The dog is staring up at the painting.  We see him in profile. 
            
                           Consider in FULL SCREEN IMAGE 
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                               DOT .... DOT .... DOT ....
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                            Label "DOT DOT DOT" 
            
            INT. GALLERY
            
            The dog sits patiently at the center of a large gallery room 
            surrounded by various paintings.  Modern art in whites and 
            blacks.    
            
            A square of BLACK paint, sits on the opposite wall to its 
            companion piece, a WHITE square.  
            
            CAMERA displays the paining as follows
            
                         Consider in FULL SCREEN SHOT
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                            
            
                                 Label "WHITE"
            
            INT. GALLERY -- LOOKING STRAIGHT DOWN FROM 100 FEET --
            
             
            
            ... to gallery floor.  The dog enters the picture from the 
            extreme right of screen.  He continues at an even pace in a 
            straight line across the floor. Pauses, where he begins to 
            scratch - leg up high above ear.  
            
            Continues until he disappears out of frame.  
            
            The CAMERA REMAINS fixed throughout this sequence which 
            resolves after 2 minutes.
            
            INT. GALLERY - VIEWING ROOM
            
                           Consider in  FULL SCREEN SHOT  
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                            -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-    
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                              Label "DASH"
            
            INT - GALLERY 
            
            CAMERA withdraws slowly.  The painting diminishes in size as 
            the white wall behind enlarges.  CAMERA FIXED in place on 
            painting for 2 minutes.
            
            Off Camera, during the two minutes of silence we begin to 
            hear the TRICKLE of a dog peeing.  
            
            CAMERA pulls back even further and "DASH" grows smaller, 
            "Dash", is now very tiny.  
            
            CAMERA PAUSES.  At the lower left hand side of the screen a 
            steady stream of green liquid trickles into view and forms a 
            large puddle.
            
            INT. GALLERY - CORRIDOR
            
            We see the dog, he is hundreds of feet away at the other end 
            of a long corridor, trotting along, the Camera will remain 
            in place even after he has turned the corner and disappeared 
            for 1 minute.  
            
            New Angle
            
            Dog loping toward us along narrower corridor, ignoring the 
            series of BUSTS along the walls that sit in profile to CAMERA.
            
            INT. GALLERY - ELSEWHERE
            
            CAMERA on empty wall.  The dusty outline of where a painting 
            once hung.  The space, a rectangle, is dusky-white forming a 
            space within the fresh white of the gallery wall.  
            
                           Consider in FULL SCREEN SHOT
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                              Label "...is empty"
            
            CAMERA withdraws in slow mesmerizing track, this takes 2 
            minutes to complete.  
            
            The dog appears from the left side of the screen, he trots 
            before us and stops, he then turns as though aware or presence  
            to stare directly at us.  
            
            His mouth is open and he is panting.  He watches us carefully 
            and seems aware of the CAMERA POV. 1 minute on he trots away  
            to the extreme right side of the screen where he disappears 
            off camera.  
            
            We wait for 2 minutes, concentrating on the SPACE the missing 
            painting occuped, after precisely 1 minute, we cut to BLACK.
            
            INT. GALLERY
            
            OPEN on the BOX.
            
            Box is 4 feet wide by 2 feet deep.  A large lid and a lip 
            that folds over the edge. 
            
            We PULL BACK slowly to reveal that the box is placed carefully 
            in the corner.
            
            We hear a noise, off-screen, the dog scratching himself, 
            this scratching continues for 2 minutes whilst we continue 
            to focus on the mysterious box. 
            
            As the CAMERA begins to PULL BACK the box becomes smaller 
            and the dog enters the frame from the right. 
            
            The CAMERA stops.
            
            The dog gingerly approaches the box and begins to sniff around 
            the lid.  
            
            He begins to whine and then paw at the BOX.  
            
            The dog begins to move around it with increasingly excited 
            movements until he finally grabs on to the lid with his teeth.
            
            He pulls off the lid. 
            
            Growling and removing items between his teeth.  We see that 
            he has a BLACK and WHITE framed-photograph, we can just make 
            out that it is a photograph of a man in a suit as he shakes 
            it between his teeth. 
            
            The dog continues to shake his head violently but ten releases 
            the framed-photograph, inadvertently managing to upend it at 
            the extreme right side of the screen facing us. 
            
            The dog returns to the box. 
            
            We see the photograph, it is a picture of D W Griffith, the 
            1920s movie mogul, he is staring at us with a warm expression. 
            
            As D W Griffith continues to stare at us, still watching 
            over proceedings, the CAMERA moves to the left slightly to 
            divert our attention back to the dog.
            
            Out of the box he removes and discards in order: 
            
            -- a plastic pair of enhanced breasts.  
            
            -- a strange pair of outsized rouge lips.  
            
            -- which he licks, returning to the box he grabs onto an  
            Oscar and pulls at it growling loudly.  The Oscar is faded -- 
            dull and unpolished brass.
            
            -- a faded postcard of the Hollywood sign that reads 
            "Hollywoodland".
            
            -- tail wagging, deeper into the box he extracts a crumpled 
            tube of tooth-whitening paste.
            
            -- we pan back over to D W Griffith and slowly move in on 
            the PHOTOGRAPH until it fills the entire frame.  We hold on 
            this shot for 2 minutes.
            
            INT. GALLERY - CORRIDOR 
            
            The dog trots on by and disappears.  
            
            We are left with the empty wall.  
            
            The dog returns.  
            
            Center shot, he begins to lick at his balls and on up his 
            extended leg, but pausing, he slowly stares up at the CAMERA.
            
            As we track towards him he is partly in profile and his large 
            brown watching EYE appears massive.  
            
            His mouth is slack and a disgusting tongue is hanging out, 
            but it is the EYE that continues to hold our attention for 1 
            minute.  
            
            Large and bulbous, more wolf than small terrier.
            
            INT. GALLERY
            
            Goya's painting, "The Dog" is once again before us.  Light 
            enters the gallery from a skylight somewhere above and the 
            painting comes to life. 
            
            A detail is missing, there is no dog.  Only the brown tones 
            and background paint.   
            
            -- we HEAR THE DOG as he trots into view from extreme left 
            of CAMERA in a wide angled shot.   
            
            He looks up at it painting.  
            
            He sits as we pan back slowly.  Both the dog and the painting 
            become much smaller.  
            
            A NOISE as the camera swipes back to the left very quickly. -
            We have not located the source of this NOISE just yet. 
            
            SLOWLY, we pan around the gallery and then back up to Goya's 
            painting of The Dog and the dog has returned to the picture, 
            he is there amongst the brown and rich colors. 
            
            As the CAMERA moves in, something else is amiss.  
            
            The little friendly dog of the original painting has been 
            usurped by a menacing impostor. 
            
            Our eye is not thrown to stare up at the rich browns in the 
            rest of the picture.
            
            We are drawn instead to his malevolent grin.  We can just 
            see his teeth, they are sharp and very white. 
            
                          Consider in FULL SCREEN SHOT 
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                             -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
             
            
                                  Label "DASH" 
            
            Hold for 2 minutes on this painting and then...    
            
                                                            BLACK SCREEN
            
                                       END
            Last edited by dpaterso; 03-28-2016, 09:25 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: April Fool's entries

              Code:
              [b]The Trickster[/b]
              
              FADE IN:
              
              EXT. TOWN - DAY
              
              Rimbaud's (30s, like stringy bacon) POV through cracked
              binoculars. We're watching the small Mid-Western town of
              "Dead Souls".
              
              His partner, Rilke (40s, stuffed bird) is in the dirt with
              him and ready on the walkie-talkie.
              
                                     RILKE
                         We've got him this time.
              
              
              EXT. VACANT LOT - DAY
              
              With the beat up former Ice Cream Truck parked on a slight
              incline. The pink and blue spots are outnumbered by the
              patches of rust.
              
              
              INT. ICE CREAM VAN - CONTINUOUS
              
              Orlando Furiosi (65, grizzled) sits listening to the desk-
              mounted- receiver impatiently.
              
              Close by in the passenger seat is the new guy, Tristram,
              (22, student, surfer hair) who has his dog Shandy by his
              side.
              
              Both man and the dog watch through the dusty windshield.
              The town looms in the distance just over a rise.
              
                                     ORLANDO
                         Okay boys, careful, don't let him
                         slip away this time.
              
              
              EXT. TOWN - SAME
              
              Rimbaud and Rilke bumble into town...
              
              Eyes scanning left to right.  Two cowboys.
              
              
              INT. ICE CREAM VAN
              
              Tristram rolls some tobacco.
              
                                     TRISTRAM
                         Trickster been on the prowl long?
              
                                     ORLANDO FURIOSI
                         Several years out west, appeared one
                         April Fool's Day here and a nest of
                         town's have been having trouble ever
                         since.
              
                                      TRISTRAM
                          So they called you in?
              
                                      ORLANDO FURIOSI
                          Wanted the best.
              
              
              EXT. TOWN - A FEW MINUTES LATER
              
              A sign hanging in the wind rocks gently. it says that the
              town of Dead Souls has a population of 10,098. The sign
              also has a big ribbon tied around it, that'll be the
              Trickster.
              
              Rimbaud and Rilke stumble past...
              
                                      RILKE
                          Can't wait to catch this little prick.
              
                                      RIMBAUD
                          What do we do with him when we get
                          him?
              
                                      RILKE
                          Hand him to the Sheriff.
              
                                      RIMBAUD
                          Towns like this still put people in
                          the stocks.
              
              A flabby man with his shirt hanging out comes running...
              
                                         RIMBAUD (CONT'D)
                          Is that him?
              
                                       RILKE
                          Nope,   it looks like the Mayor.
              
              The man is wheezing and out of breath, he bends, hands on
              knees.
              
                                      RIMBAUD
                          Take it easy Mayor.
              
                                      MAYOR
                          It's the Trickster alright.  I've
                          got the list of offences.
              
                                         RIMBAUD
                          Read it.
              
              Wheezing.
              
                                         MAYOR
                          Okay.
              
              Drops a long scroll of paper before him.
              
                                    MAYOR (CONT'D)
                        We got the usual stuff! Mr Eggers
                        fell off his bike. The wheels had
                        been loosened. Then... we had an
                        escalation in pranks. Water balloons
                        above shop doors and finally, we had
                        an actual... Hoax.
              
                                       RILKE
                        A real hoax?
              
                                       MAYOR
                        Yep.
              
              Pause.
              
                                       RIMBAUD
                        Well?
              
                                    MAYOR
                        A poster appeared outside our cinema.
              
                                    RILKE
                        You have cinema?
              
                                       MAYOR
                        Sure.
              
                                    RILKE
                        Wow that's awesome, can we go watch
                        a film later Rimbaud?
              
              Rimbaud flashes Rilke a look of disbelief.
              
                                    MAYOR
                        A poster appeared and it wasn't for
                        the film that's being shown.
              
                                    RIMBAUD
                        What film was it for?
              
                                       MAYOR
                        Deep Blue
                            ([pause)
                        I think.
              
              Rimbaud sighs.
              
                                       RIMBAUD
                        Deep Throat.
              
                                    RILKE
                        That's very funny.
              
                                       RIMBAUD
                           It's not really what we'd call a
                           hoax, it's more of a prank, if
                           Trickster had telephoned the
                           authorities screaming that there
                           were Martians in town, and there
                           weren't, that, technically, would
                           have been a hoax.
              
              Rilke folds his arms, marvelling at Rimbaud's technical
              excellence.  The Mayor and Rimbaud stare at him in
              exasperation.
              
                                       RIMBAUD (CONT'D)
                           Okay, so we'll keep an eye out,
                           Trickster doesn't know we're here
                           yet. As soon as he appears and plays
                           a prank or tampers with a bike or a
                           car, we'll grab him.
              
              
              EXT. ICE CREAM VAN
              
              Meanwhile.
              
              The van is steaming smoke from one side window.
              
              
              INT. ICE CREAM VAN
              
              Shandy is resting on Tristram's lap, his eyes looking up and
              around from time to time, he seems insanely bored even for a
              dog.
              
                                       TRISTRAM
                           When did the Trickster first appear
                           Mr Furiosi?
              
                                       ORLANDO FURIOSI
                           Let me see, well, it was back in
                           1972 that we first got reports in
                           our town. That was five years ago.
                           First of all it was water mixed with
                           a harmless white dye on cafe tables
                           instead of milk. Then it was jokes
                           stapled onto walls and everywhere.
                           Mrs Joyce's dog even got a pink ribbon
                           tied around her neck with a joke
                           attached. That's when I decided to
                           do something bout it.
              
              The radio crackles.
              
                                       ORLANDO FURIOSI (CONT'D)
                           Go ahead Rilke.
              
                                    RILKE
                        Yep, it's the Trickster alright boss,
                        the usual low level stuff, but
                        Trickster is sliding lower and lower
                        down the Trickster pole, he put up a
                        poster for a porn movie Boss.
              
                                    ORLANDO FURIOSI
                        What film was supposed to be showing?
              
                                    RILKE
                        A Disney triple bill I think.
              
                                    ORLANDO FURIOSI
                        Disgusting. We need to shut this
                        sicko down soon. You hear?
              
                                       RILKE
                        Yes boss.
              
                                     ORLANDO FURIOSI
                        Oh...   And Rilke.
              
                                       RIMBAUD
                        Yeah boss.
              
                                    ORLANDO FURIOSI
                        Stop upsetting the Mayor.
              
              
              EXT. TOWN - CONTINUOUS
              
              Rilke drops the walkie-talkie to his side and looks at Rimbaud
              who shrugs. At that moment a girl with a backpack is walking
              towards them, she has pale long white legs and is wearing a
              tight blue tied top that accentuates her figure. Rilke
              notices her immediately and tips an invisible hat.
              
                                       GIRL
                        Afternoon.
              
                                       RIMBAUD
                        Miss.
              
              The girl walks past, she smiles.    Rimbaud spins...
              
                                       RIMBAUD (CONT'D)
                        Oh miss?
              
              The girl stops, we see her face, she only changes her
              expression back to smiling as she turns.
              
                                       GIRL
                        What's that?
              
                                    RIMBAUD
                        Have you seen anybody suspicious
                        today?
              
                                    GIRL
                        Erm... perhaps.
              
                                    RILKE
                        Oh yeah, who?
              
              She puts her finger in her mouth, sucks it and takes it out
              slowly and points at them.
              
                                    GIRL
                        You two... but that's about it!
              
              She smiles and turns away.
              
                                     RILKE
                        Smart huh.
              
              Rimbaud turns and looks over at Rilke.
              
                                    RIMBAUD
                        Let's find a bar and take a pew, the
                        Trickster is bound to return soon
                        and begin setting up even more pranks.
              
              Rimbaud then sees a piece of yellow paper blowing towards
              his feet.
              
              He picks it up and unfurls a note.
              
                                    RILKE
                        What's it say?
              
                                    RIMBAUD
                        Looks like one of the Trickster's
                        notes.
              
                                    RILKE
                        Yeah... read it.
              
                                    RIMBAUD
                        Boss would go mad if he knew.
              
                                    RILKE
                        Read it Rimbaud.
              
                                     RIMBAUD
                        Okay.
              
              Rimbaud isn't the best of readers.   Slowly...
              
                                    RIMBAUD (CONT'D)
                        What-kind-of-chumps-would-walk
                        straight-into-town-so-that-even-the
                        dumbest...
              
              Rimbaud drops the yellow note to his side.
              
                                    RILKE
                        What Rilke, what did it say?
              
                                    RIMBAUD
                        It said that there's just time to
                        get one beer in before we tell the
                        boss that we've screwed up again.
              
                                                              FADE OUT.
              
                                    END.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: April Fool's entries

                Code:
                [b]TRICKSTER 2: THE TRICKSTER SLIPS BY[/b]
                
                FADE IN:
                
                The town of Dead Souls is in a bit of a flap. People seem
                on edge. A man stands in front of his bike and is picking
                it up and shaking it and placing it back down. Very strange
                indeed.
                
                                        NARRATOR (V.O.)
                            I may as well introduce myself. My
                            name is Meta, that's not my real
                            name, I don't like my real name so I
                            invented a new one. "Meta". My
                            real name is Mary, see... you hate
                            it too.
                
                We're watching the general panic in the street, a LADY outside
                a flower shop is pulling down an awning and then rolling it
                back up very carefully indeed.
                
                Walking past her is a young girl, 25, she is dressed in a
                short skirt and carries a few books with her in a yellow
                rucksack.
                
                                        META/MARY (V.O.)
                            You guessed right, that's me.
                
                She continues along through the middle of town listening
                into the conversations. Outside the gas station two men are
                arguing. The first is Billy, the boy who pumps the gas 'round
                here and the owner of the vintage car is Foster Wallace, the
                town's most wealthy and arrogant resident.
                
                                        FOSTER WALLACE
                            Told you keep and eye out!
                
                                        BILLY
                            I checked the level of gas every day
                            Mr Wallace.
                
                                        FOSTER WALLACE
                            Every hour would have been better,
                            that gas gauge was full.
                
                                           BILLY
                            Like I said.
                
                Suddenly.
                
                                        FOSTER WALLACE
                            You been driving this car Billy?
                
                                           BILLY
                            No sir!
                
                                       FOSTER WALLACE
                          Hmm.   Trickster then, huh?
                
                                         BILLY
                          Probably.
                
                                      FOSTER WALLACE
                          You expect me to believe that crap,
                          the Trickster broke in overnight and-
                
                But Mary wasn't listening anymore. She was outside the Old
                Post Office where old man Vonnegut ran the store and counter
                sits outside in his rocking chair.
                
                                         META/MARY
                          Mr Vonnegut!
                
                                      MR VONNEGUT
                          Mary, how are you today? Did you
                          manage to find that lift out of town?
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Nope. I think it's because of the
                          Trickster. Everybody is too nervous
                          to leave home.
                
                                      VONNEGUT
                          Hmmm, well, he never bothered me.
                          Load of nonsense, everybody flapping
                          all the time. Trickster this and
                          Trickster that!
                
                Mr Vonnegut ruffles his newspaper.
                
                                      VONNNEGUT
                          So what can I do for you Mary?
                
                                      META/MARY
                          I wondered if I could borrow your
                          binoculars. You still bird watching?
                
                                      VONNEGUT
                          I'm a keen twitcher Mary but those
                          cursed gulls are always flying around
                          now at the edge of town.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Hmmm, a real nuisance.
                
                                      VONNEGUT
                          What do you want to look at Mary. I
                          can't imagine.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Oh... I want to check the weather,
                          to see if that's a storm riding into
                          town.
                
                She smiles sweetly.
                
                                      META/MARY (CONT'D)
                          I may hitch out to Bothersome see.
                
                                      VONNEGUT
                          Storm clouds. What storm... my eyes
                          must be failing me.
                
                Mary appears impatient.
                
                                      VONNEGUT (CONT'D)
                          Okay, just a sec...
                
                Moments later...
                
                Mary scans widely with the binoculars but they are pointing
                low and not high.
                
                At the edge of town she can just see two familiar heads
                peaking over the top of a grass verge, before the old trash
                heap.
                
                She adjusts focus deeper and begins to search the roads behind
                the trash dump and then, smiles. An old beat up Ice Cream
                Van, mostly rust, pink paint and splotches of blue.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Thanks Mr Vonnegut. I'll be fine
                          now.
                
                                        VONNEGUT
                          Fine, fine.   Take care Mary.
                
                Mary rejoins the road down the center of town.
                
                                        VONNEGUT (CONT'D)
                          Mary?
                
                                        META/MARY
                          Yes.
                
                                      VONNEGUT
                          Where did you live before you came
                          here two days back?
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Oh, everywhere. Nowhere.
                
                                      VONNEGUT
                          That's just fine. Fine, fine, yes,
                          everywhere, ha.
                
                Mary seems nervous but the smile soon returns.
                
                                      META/MARY (V.O.)
                          You probably guessed by now that I
                          am what these folks call the
                          "Trickster". And yes, you'd be right.
                          Innocent little me huh.
                
                Mary kicks at some pebbles and walks on.
                
                                      META/MARY (CONT'D)
                          You see, when I was young I had a
                          terrible time every April Fool's
                          Day. The kids treated me rotten.
                          Guess what. Revenge. I moved between
                          schools throughout the whole of the
                          Mid-West and was never at any school
                          for much more than a year then-
                
                She notices two men ahead of her, they are Rilke and Rimbaud,
                a pair of shambling private investigators. They are talking
                loud and pushing each other around, as they approach.
                
                                      META/MARY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                          And so come April Fool's Day I
                          suffered all of these terrible pranks
                          and jokes at every new school.
                
                Rimbaud sees her.
                
                                      META/MARY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                          When it came to a first date I was
                          sent out to a cinema that was supposed
                          to be on the edge of town. It never
                          existed, that's called a prank. I
                          had the contents of my school bag
                          replaced with live mice and then
                          there was always the notes.... April
                          Fool! ... they always read, on cheap
                          yellow paper. One day somebody said
                          my house was on fire, turned out it
                          wasn't, they called that one a hoax.
                
                Mary stops and focuses on the men.
                
                                      RIMBAUD
                          Miss.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Hi.
                
                                       RIMBAUD
                           Seen anybody suspicious?
                
                Rimbaud nudges Rilke.
                
                                         META/MARY
                           Yep.
                
                                       RIMBAUD
                           Oh yeah, who?
                
                                       META/MARY
                           Well, hmmm, licking finger, that's
                           telling.
                
                Rimbaud is excited.
                
                                       RIMBAUD
                           Ooo, Please tell.
                
                                         RILKE
                           Yeah, tell.
                
                                       META/MARY
                           Okay... suspicious, erm, oh yeah,
                           these two odd dudes walking in to
                           town.
                
                Mary walks on.
                
                                       RILKE
                           Who did she mean?
                
                                         RIMBAUD
                           Us, dummy.
                
                
                EXT.   ICE CREAM VAN - 25 MINUTES LATER
                
                The girl saunters towards the ice cream van. As she
                approaches the door swings open and young man steps out.
                This is Tristram, 22, he's a summer vacation student.
                
                                         TRISTRAM
                           Hi.
                
                                         META/MARY
                           Why hello.
                
                The boy seems embarrassed.
                
                                       TRISTRAM
                           What you up to, our here alone, there
                           are some weird types around these-
                
                                      META/MARY
                          I know, I just met some.
                
                She walks on.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Really, erm, Miss, where are you
                          going?
                
                                      META/MARY
                          What business is that of yours?
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          I'm not supposed to tell but we're
                          after this Trickster character.
                
                Tristram smiles.  Feeling the power.
                
                                      TRISTRAM (CONT'D)
                          Have you seen him. Or anybody that
                          could be him?
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Erm... I don't know... what does he
                          look like?
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          We don't really know, yet, but he
                          once spoke to us over our own Walkie-
                          talkie.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Oh really, what did he say?
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Used the handle "Meta" What do you
                          think that means? Do you think it's
                          a fictional name?
                
                                        META/MARY
                          Meta.  Sounds fictional to me.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Hmm, well, keep an eye out huh.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Huh, sure will.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Hey, what's your name?
                
                                        META/MARY
                          Mary.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          I'm Tristram. Where you going Mary?
                
                                        META/MARY
                          Bothersome.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          How far is that?
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Oh, bout 4 miles.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Well, better be letting you go. And
                          get back to hunting the Trickster.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Nice meeting you... Tristram.
                
                Mary saunters away, swinging her hips more than she usually
                does. Tristram is transfixed watching her go. Shandy suddenly
                appears from rooting in the grass and bolts after her.
                
                Tristram, tries to catch him but he's too quick.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Sorry, he's just real friendly.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          No problem, I love dogs.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Say, you know... erm, may I have
                          your... number.
                
                                      META/MARY
                          Sure, well...look... I'll be staying
                          at the Bothersome Tavern, but I'll
                          write the number down for you okay.
                
                She looks up into his eyes.
                
                                      META/MARY (CONT'D)
                          Be good to know somebody on the inside
                          of a real live investigation.
                
                Tristram reddens.
                
                Tristram watches Mary open her rucksack and take out a folder,
                inside are sheets of yellow paper, she tears off a sheet.
                
                Tristram watches her as suddenly screws it up and stuffs it
                back in her rucksack.
                
                Tristram is staring at the yellow paper.    Mary notices.
                
                                      META/MARY (CONT'D)
                          Is that okay.
                
                She passes him the number, Tristram looks down and then back
                up.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Yeah.... sure.
                
                She turns and walks on.
                
                
                INT. ICE CREAM VAN
                
                Orlando, 65, Tristram's boss is balling his head off at
                Rimbaud through a walkie-talkie.
                
                                      ORLANDO FURIOSI
                          You idiots walked straight into town,
                          that's how he saw you. Get back
                          here, get back here and soon!
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          What's up boss?
                
                                      ORLANDO
                          Idiots got seen.
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Hmm, that's a shame.
                
                                      ORLANDO
                          Who was that girl?
                
                                      TRISTRAM
                          Just some student out walking to
                          Bothersome.
                
                                      ORLANDO
                          Wish I was back in college, beats
                          employing dumb asses. Rimbaud, pick
                          up, Rimbaud you useless bas-
                
                                      END.
                Last edited by dpaterso; 03-28-2016, 06:54 AM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: April Fool's entries

                  Code:
                  [b]In and out[/b]
                  
                  FADE IN.
                  
                  INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY
                  
                  The corridors has its usual traffic on the way to a private
                  room. The coughs echo, as aging patients slowly make their
                  way through their final lap.
                  
                                       NARRATOR
                             Some people think God has no sense
                             of humor. I beg to differ.
                  
                  
                  INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
                  
                  Inside the private room sits BRIAN, a putrefied version of a
                  man.
                  
                  The DOCTOR places his stethoscope in Brian's back.
                  
                                       DOCTOR
                             And breathe out.
                  
                  Brian lets out a high pitch wheeze follow by a painful
                  cough.
                  
                                       NARRATOR
                             I think God's the biggest prankster
                             of all. The man's a genius.
                  
                  The Doctor pulls a stool, and sits facing Brian.  He sighs
                  before speaking.
                  
                                       DOCTOR
                             It's worse than before Brian.  I--
                  
                                        BRIAN
                             Shh.  Hold on a second.
                  
                  Brian's attention is fixed on the television mounted high on
                  the right corner of the room.
                  
                  ON TV footage of war and destruction are broadcasted as a
                  female REPORTER speaks.
                  
                                       REPORTER
                             The fight against the extremist
                             group NECCRA continues as the
                             recent bombings from U-S troops
                             have proven ineffective against
                             growing forces that seem to
                             multiply as anti U-S propaganda
                             spreads. An up-rise stemming from
                             last weeks assassination of Aram
                             Liukim from...
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Um... You do understand the
                            seriousness of what I am saying
                            Brian?
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Yeah I get it. I'm dying.
                  
                  Brian finally turns his attention to the Doctor.
                  
                                      BRIAN (CONT'D)
                            You obviously know organs and,
                            internal, human body thingies,
                            etcetera. Can I ask you something
                            weird?
                  
                  The Doctor shrugs.
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Uh, go for it.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Your heart, your organs, your
                            cells, your insides... Are those
                            you?
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Not sure I follow.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            I can move my arm.
                                 (he moves his arm)
                            My head.
                                 (he moves his head)
                            Smile... The likes.
                                 (he goes through facial
                                 expresions)
                            I know that's me. I make it
                            happen.
                  
                                       DOCTOR
                            Okay.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Who makes my heart beat?
                  
                  The Doctor looks at Brian with more interest.
                  
                                      BRIAN (CONT'D)
                            Really though. I can stop blinking
                            my just thinking about it, but I
                            can't stop my heart from beating by
                            just thinking about it. I can't
                            stop my cells from dying, or
                            reproducing... I can't stop my
                            cancer from spreading.
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Well we can--
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            I never smoked.    Ever.
                  
                  The Doctor hangs his head, he has no answer.
                  
                  ON TV
                  
                                      REPORTER
                            Nuclear warfare has been the talk
                            that keeps circulating, however
                            President Sanders denies that as of
                            this point this is the only option
                            on the table. Prime mi...
                  
                                       DOCTOR
                            We can fight it Brian, as long as
                            you are willing to go through the
                            treatment.
                  
                  
                  INT. HOSPITAL - MATERNITY WING - NIGHT
                  
                  A WOMAN and her HUSBAND welcome a child into the world. The
                  now Mother holds the baby boy while tears of joy stream down
                  her face.
                  
                                      NARRATOR
                            During the inter-phase, the cell
                            takes in nutrients, grows, and
                            duplicates its chromosomes. During
                            the cell division phase, the
                            nucleus divides in a process called
                            mitosis and then the divided nuclei
                            are established in separate cells
                            in a process called cytokinesis.
                                 (then)
                            That's from Google. But what makes
                            the cell want to reproduce?
                  
                  The new Father now grabs the newborn. He looks deep into
                  the baby's eyes, trying to find himself in his son.
                  
                                      NARRATOR (CONT'D)
                            Maybe the same thing that makes us
                            want to reproduce. The need to
                            exist.
                  
                  
                  EXT. PARK - DAY
                  
                  Kids run and play as parents laugh and talk with each other.
                  We focus on a ten year old blond boy, he runs through the
                  grass smiling.
                  
                                      NARRATOR
                            That could be the next Hitler. But
                            you won't know until it's too
                            late. Until he has amassed a great
                            following, until he has destroyed.
                  
                  
                  INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
                  
                  Brian brutally coughs into a napkin.  There is a significant
                  amount of blood in it.
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Oh God.
                                 (then)
                            Chemo is your best chance Brian.
                  
                  Brian chuckles, his face lights up.
                  
                  The Doctor remains cold.
                  
                                      DOCTOR (CONT'D)
                            I can't promise you this will stop
                            it. But without it...
                  
                                      BRIAN
                                 (smiling)
                            You want to do something about
                            Hitler?
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                                 (hesitates)
                            I'm afraid I don't follow.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Just crazy talk.
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Do you understand what is happening
                            to you Brian? Your cancer is
                            spreading. Right now it's confined
                            to your lungs but, once it breaks
                            the brain barrier-- If it
                            metastasizes...
                  
                  ON TV
                  
                                      REPORTER
                            The group, has all but taken
                            control of the middle east and a
                            large portion of Africa. Fears
                            of...
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Why do cancerous cells form?
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Well, normal cells stay the path,
                            grow where they are needed, die
                            when they are no longer useful.
                                 (then)
                            Cancer cells just-- They don't
                            listen to signals, they just
                            multiply... They try to take over
                            and do what's best for them, not
                            the body as a whole.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            What's their motivation?
                  
                  
                  INT. OFFICE - DAY
                  
                  A fifteen year old Brian is getting lectured by his FATHER.
                  
                                      FATHER
                            After I'm gone, you're gonna be the
                            head of this company Brian. But
                            you need to stop f*cking
                            around. I'm all for pursuing your
                            dreams, but this is what's best for
                            everyone son.
                  
                  MONTAGE
                  
                  1. Fifteen year old Brian Drinking and partying with his
                  friends.
                  2. Twenty something year old Brian getting arrested.
                  3. Thirty year old Brian at his Father funeral.
                  4. Brian selling the father's company and blowing all the
                  cash.
                  5. A group of children approaching Brian's Ferrari as he
                  gets in.
                            "Hey mister, I want to be like you
                            when I grow up"
                            "Me too"
                  
                  
                  INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
                  
                  Brian laughs.
                  
                                       BRIAN
                            So...   Don't chase your dreams huh?
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            I lost you again.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Cancer cells are cells that don't
                            stick to the script.
                  
                                       DOCTOR
                            I--  That's one way to put it.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            But isn't evolution based on cells
                            changing, and not sticking to the
                            script?
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            Brian... We have people you can
                            speak to, if you are having a tough
                            time with this. Professionals that
                            can listen, and perhaps answer some
                            of those questions you wish to
                            speak about.
                  
                  Brian focuses again on the television, where bombing footage
                  plays.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            You want to nuke me.
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                            I want to give you the best chance
                            at survival.
                                 (then)
                            We already went in and removed what
                            we could with traditional surgery--
                  
                  
                  EXT. WAR ZONE - DAY
                  
                  Soldiers from two sides in the middle of heavy fire.
                  
                  They shoot each other.  Blood everywhere.
                  
                  
                  INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
                  
                                      DOCTOR (CONT'D)
                            -- Chemo is our only option.  Do
                            you consent to this Brian?
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            So... I'm the president, or am I
                            the cell?
                  
                                      DOCTOR
                                 (sighs)
                            Maybe you should take a few days to
                            think about it.
                  
                  The Doctor pats Brian on the shoulder and walks out of the
                  room.
                  
                  ON TV footage of destruction takes over Brian's interest.
                  
                                      NARRATOR
                            God is the biggest prankster ever.
                  
                  ON TV
                  
                                      REPORTER
                            This just in, president Sanders has
                            declared nuclear warfare on
                            NECCRA. We have...
                  
                  Brian smiles.
                  
                                      NARRATOR
                            God is the biggest prankster of
                            all.
                  
                  Brian presses the nurse call button still intent on the
                  television.
                  
                  The NURSE walks in.
                  
                                       NURSE
                            Yes.   May I help you?
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Can you hand this to the Doctor?
                  
                  Brian gives a form of consent to the nurse.
                  
                                      NURSE
                            Sure thing.
                  
                                      BRIAN
                            Lets go to war.
                  
                                      FADE OUT.
                  
                            THE END

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: April Fool's entries

                    Code:
                    [b]April First[/b]
                    
                    FADE IN:
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE - DAY
                    
                    A single-story wooden house, somewhat shabby, backed by
                    dense woodland. It sits alone off a hill road. A pick-up
                    truck parked at the side. Sunset, and amid the trees,
                    dressed in red, a young girl drags something heavy deeper
                    into the woods.
                    
                    SUPER: "March 31st"
                    
                    
                    INT. HOUSE / KITCHEN - NIGHT
                    
                    At a dining-table stands PATRICK, 36, an outdoor kind of
                    guy, but dressed oddly smart. He puts a bottle of bourbon
                    into an overnight bag and zips it shut. The back door
                    rattles open and in comes APRIL, 8, short auburn hair,
                    red dress and cardigan, with red Converse sneakers.
                    
                                             PATRICK
                               Where the hell have you been, madam?
                    
                                            APRIL
                               Playing.
                    
                                             PATRICK
                               It's gotten dark, you know you sh--
                    
                                             APRIL
                               --Are you going again?
                    
                                             PATRICK
                               Hey, come on, you know I am. Please
                               April, don't do this ever--
                    
                                             APRIL
                               --I don't want you to go.
                    
                    April sits on a chair opposite Patrick, elbows on the
                    table, props her chin on her palms and stares at him.
                    
                                             PATRICK
                               Look, I'm back before breakfast. You
                               know that. Weekend breakfast. I'll do
                               pancakes, or waffles. What you fancy?
                    
                    Not a word from April. She slumps back, arms folded.
                    
                                             PATRICK
                               Candy's here. I bet you'll have fun
                               while I'm go--
                    
                                             APRIL
                               --She's a dirty whore.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              Hey, what did you say?
                    
                                            APRIL
                              I want mum back.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              Yeah, well ... so do I. But that don't
                              mean you use language like that. Okay?
                    
                                            APRIL
                              Okay.
                    
                    Patrick takes his bag from the table and goes over to
                    April. He crouches beside her, puts his arm around her.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              You hungry? Candy's gonna warm up your
                              supper. Promise me you'll eat it?
                    
                    April just presses her lips tight together.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              Alright, sweetheart. You be good for
                              Candy, yes?
                    
                    April nods, the merest affirmation.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              I love you.
                    
                    He kisses her cheek, then hurries out.
                    
                    
                    INT. LIVING-ROOM
                    
                    CANDY, 16, a skinny girl with unflattering bleached hair,
                    sat one end of a couch. She nurses her cellphone in front
                    of the TV. Patrick rushes in, stops behind the couch and
                    puts a hand on Candy's shoulder. She looks up at him.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              April's supper's on the stove. But if
                              she puts up a fight, don't push it.
                    
                                            CANDY
                              Okay, Mister Rains.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              Please, just Patrick.
                    
                    Patrick heads to the front door, bag in hand.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              I'll be back usual time. Nine latest,
                              okay?
                    
                                            CANDY
                              Sure, that's cool.
                    
                                            PATRICK
                              Thanks Candy, you're an angel.
                                      (putting on jacket)
                              Oh, I've put sodas in the ice box,
                              help yourself. Have a good night!
                    
                    Patrick leaves. Candy stares at the closed front door,
                    bites her lip, and goes back to attending her phone.
                    
                    
                    INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
                    
                    A stew with dumplings steams on the stove. Candy dishes
                    out a bowlful and puts it on the table in front of April
                    with a spoon. To Candy's surprise, April tucks into it.
                    
                                            CANDY
                              You wanna soda with that?
                    
                                            APRIL
                              No, some milk ... please.
                    
                    
                    EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
                    
                    Patrick's truck pulls in at a roadside dive bar.
                    
                    
                    EXT. DIVE BAR / PARKING LOT
                    
                    An unremarkable a$$hole, BRETT, 22, exits the bar's
                    entrance. He strides across the parking lot, tapping at
                    his cellphone. He spits, pockets the phone, straddles an
                    ugly motorbike, and ROARS off into the night.
                    
                    
                    INT. LIVING-ROOM - NIGHT
                    
                    Candy, on the couch in front of MTV, a can of soda in
                    hand. On the other side of the room, April, cushioned in
                    an old armchair, feet tucked up, reads "The Hobbit".
                    Candy's phone sounds a TEXT ALERT. She reads the message,
                    then throws the phone down on the couch, disgruntled.
                    
                                            CANDY
                              C'mon April, it's way gone your
                              bedtime. You want I read you a story?
                    
                    April shuts her book and holds it up.
                    
                                            APRIL
                              It's okay, I'm good thanks.
                    
                    April slides off the armchair and heads to the hallway.
                    
                                            CANDY
                              Don't forget your teeth, April!
                    
                    
                    INT. BATHROOM
                    
                    At the sink, April brushes her teeth, rinses and spits.
                    She bares her teeth, opens wide and snaps them shut.
                    
                    
                    EXT. MOTEL - NIGHT
                    
                    Cheap rates on a lonely highway. Patrick's truck in front
                    of a ground-floor room. Through the window into the --
                    
                    
                    INT. MOTEL ROOM
                    
                    -- hazy in a flattering half-light. The sound of SEX. On
                    a dresser, a mostly drunk bottle of bourbon. On the bed,
                    silhouetted by light through the bathroom's open doorway,
                    a twenty-something VENUS rides Patrick like a pro.
                    
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
                    
                    At the back doorway, Candy tokes on a joint. The ROAR of
                    an approaching motorbike, and Candy hurries to put out
                    her smoke. At the front of the house a glaring headlamp,
                    and Brett brings his motorbike to an abrupt stop.
                    
                    
                    INT. APRIL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
                    
                    In the soft light of a bedside lamp, April looks up from
                    her book.
                    
                    
                    INT. KITCHEN
                    
                    Candy's face, in cold discomfort, jolts up and down on
                    the table. Brett breathes hard, finishes, and dismounts.
                    He buttons up his fly, then sits and lights a cigarette.
                    
                                            BRETT
                              What's to drink, babe?
                    
                    Candy slowly gets off the table and pulls up her jeans.
                    
                                            CANDY
                              There's some sodas?
                    
                    Brett looks scornful.
                    
                    
                    EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
                    
                    A lone timber wolf stalks warily. Something man-made in
                    the undergrowth and the cautious beast turns away.
                    
                    
                    INT. LIVING-ROOM - NIGHT
                    
                    From the mantelpiece, Brett takes a framed wedding photo
                    of Patrick and his wife, with April as a flower girl.
                    
                                               BRETT
                                 Seen this? His woman was pretty fine.
                                 Looks like her daughter.
                    
                                               CANDY
                                 Brett, please don't ... not again.
                    
                    Brett grabs Candy hard around the mouth.
                    
                                               BRETT
                                 But I have to, don't I? Now that you!
                                 Are no!! Fvcking!!! Good!!!!
                    
                    He shoves her back down on the couch. Brett puts his
                    phone in his trouser-back-pocket, takes off his jacket,
                    and slings it on the armchair. He heads into the hallway,
                    stops, and listens at one of the doors.
                    
                    
                    INT. APRIL'S BEDROOM
                    
                    Darkness. April huddles right under the covers. Brett
                    enters, comes to the bed and looms over.
                    
                                               BRETT
                                 Hey, kid. I know you not sleeping.
                                 C'mon ... it's playtime.
                    
                    Brett pulls back the covers and finds pillows. From the
                    closet behind him, April silently steps out, still in her
                    day clothes. She swipes the cellphone from his back
                    pocket, and runs round to the far side of the bed. Brett
                    glowers at April as she waves his phone at him.
                    
                                               BRETT
                                 Bitch! I fvckin gonna kill ya!
                    
                    Brett bolts over the bed. April jumps up on a pine chest
                    under the window and out through Little Mermaid curtains.
                    
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
                    
                    Below her open bedroom window, April scrambles to her
                    feet, and sprints away. Brett yanks the curtains apart
                    and clambers outside. April dashes across the backyard
                    and straight into the woods, Brett not far behind.
                    
                    
                    EXT. WOODS
                    
                    April weaves between trees, speeding further into
                    darkness. Brett catches up fast. Into a partial clearing
                    at full pelt, April jumps over something, Brett almost
                    upon her and -- SNAP! Steel-trap jaws spring shut on his
                    leg. SHKRUNCH! Metal teeth bite down to the bone. Brett's
                    momentum pulls on the steel-trap, but its short chain
                    fixed to the ground stops him dead in his tracks. April
                    stops and turns to see Brett paralyzed. His eyes roll. He
                    passes out and falls to the ground on his back. April
                    stands over him, and gives his head an inquisitive kick.
                    
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE / FRONT STEPS
                    
                    From under the steps, April pulls out a 3-foot long metal
                    rod, the shut-off wrench for the main water valve.
                    
                    
                    EXT. BACKYARD / OUTHOUSE
                    
                    April wedges one end of the long-handle wrench through
                    the catch of a large padlock securing the door. With both
                    hands she hangs from the other end. She raises her feet
                    off the ground and, with a bounce, the entire door latch
                    breaks away from the door frame in splinters.
                    
                    
                    INT. OUTHOUSE - NIGHT
                    
                    April takes a bradle from a tool rack, and tests it with
                    a stabbing motion. She puts the bradle in her cardigan
                    pocket, and looks up at two shotguns mounted on the wall.
                    
                    
                    INT. HOUSE / LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
                    
                    Candy, eyes closed, lies on the couch. KNOCK! KNOCK! Two
                    loud raps, heavy on wood. Candy's eyes flash open.
                    
                    
                    INT. KITCHEN
                    
                    Candy approaches the back door, puzzled.
                    
                                            CANDY
                              Brett? That you?
                    
                    KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! She's startled. Candy opens the door to
                    find April clutching a shotgun in both hands, the butt
                    against her chest. BOOOM!!! They both fly backwards.
                    Candy hits the floor, her torso blasted with gun shot.
                    
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD - NIGHT
                    
                    April lies caught in a mulberry bush, clearly winded. She
                    struggles out of the foliage, onto her feet, and heads to
                    the side of the house, leaving the shotgun where it fell.
                    
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE / FRONT DRIVEWAY
                    
                    April pushes the side of Brett's motorbike. It tips over
                    onto the ground. She jams the point of the bradle into
                    the tread of the rear tire, puts all her weight on it
                    and -- PTSSHHH! -- the punctured tire deflates.
                    
                    
                    INT. HOUSE / KITCHEN - NIGHT
                    
                    April stands by Candy's corpse and taps on Brett's phone.
                    Another phone rings nearby and goes to answerphone. Again
                    she taps on Brett's phone, then puts it in her cardigan
                    pocket and waits. Candy's phone sounds a TEXT ALERT.
                    
                    
                    INT. LIVING-ROOM
                    
                    April picks up Candy's phone off the couch.
                    
                    INSERT SCREEN: "BRETT: let me in bich i fukin gona kil u"
                    
                    
                    INT. KITCHEN
                    
                    April drops Candy's phone on the bloody floor.
                    
                    
                    INT. LIVING ROOM
                    
                    April takes Brett's jacket from the chair. With a remote
                    control, she mutes the TV, then heads down the hallway.
                    
                    
                    INT. APRIL'S BEDROOM
                    
                    April puts Brett's jacket and phone inside the pine
                    chest. From her bed, she takes the quilt and a pillow
                    into the closet. She shuts the door behind her, wraps
                    herself up on the floor, and falls sound asleep.
                    
                    
                    INT. PINE CHEST
                    
                    In pitch black, beside a Barbie and a My Little Pony,
                    Brett's cellphone screen flashes a "BATTERY LOW" warning.
                    The screen's light fades out, losing power altogether.
                    
                    
                    EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
                    
                    Cold sunrise. A wood thrush smashes a snail on a stone.
                    
                    
                    INT. APRIL'S BEDROOM - DAY
                    
                    Sunlight shines into the closet through its slatted
                    doors, and April wakes. She takes Brett's jacket and
                    phone from the pine chest and climbs out the window.
                    
                    SUPER: "April 1st"
                    
                    
                    EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD - DAY
                    
                    April, carrying Brett's jacket, picks up the shotgun from
                    beside the mulberry bush. The outhouse door hangs ajar.
                    April nips inside, and returns the bradle to the tool
                    rack, then marches off to the woods.
                    
                    
                    EXT. WOODS
                    
                    April stands over Brett, his leg a bloody mess in the
                    steel trap. The shotgun, propped against a nearby tree.
                    
                                               APRIL
                                 April fool!
                    
                    Brett stirs, then rouses. Eyes half-open and groggy, he
                    slowly manages to sit up, and retches.
                    
                                               APRIL
                                 You must be cold. Put this on.
                    
                    April holds Brett's jacket open around his shoulders and
                    he wriggles his arms into the sleeves.
                    
                                               APRIL
                                 Here, you can have this back now.
                    
                    April hands Brett his phone. He fumbles with its keypad.
                    
                                               BRETT
                                 It's ... dead.
                    
                    Behind Brett, with both hands, April holds aloft a rock.
                    
                                               APRIL
                                         (mock mall rat)
                                 Yeah, I know. Like, totally dead.
                    
                    April dashes the rock on Brett's head with a dull CRUNCH
                    and he falls back down. A spatter of blood soaks into
                    April's cardigan, almost vanishing, red into red.
                    
                    April positions the rock on the ground against the crown
                    of Brett's head and kicks it into place. Blood runs over
                    gray flint. She lays the shotgun next to the dumb corpse.
                    
                    April looks up. The lone timber wolf watches nearby.
                    April meets its intense stare. She gives it a friendly
                    little wave, then bares her teeth, opens wide and snaps
                    them shut.
                    
                    April turns away and heads out of the woods.
                    
                                               THE END

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: April Fool's entries

                      Bump! Votes needed!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: April Fool's entries

                        Just saying, if you want to include a link to the entries thread in your signature,

                        [CENTER]Check out the
                        [URL="http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/showthread.php?t=80522"]April Fool's short script entries[/URL]
                        in Writing Exercises forum.
                        Your votes needed![/CENTER]

                        Everywhere you post on the board, people gonna see it...

                        Comment

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