Writing flashback sounds..?

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  • Writing flashback sounds..?

    What is the proper way to write a sound that a character 'hears' from a memory? Something like this...

    =====================
    Bob sits quietly in his home office, reminiscing a pleasant memory. A light KNOCK ON THE DOOR and he turns to an already open door, no one there...

    WOMAN (V.O.)
    How long are you going to work, darling?
    You must be starving by now.

    Bob enjoys the thought a moment longer, then returns to his work.
    ======================

    So the character hears the sound in his head before the voice over.
    Is there a specific way to format this?

    thanks!
    chip
    My first crack at a logline usually makes a great synopsis!

  • #2
    Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

    You'd be better of writing it so the woman DOES appear at the door and then as he turns away, if he double takes and she isn't there, we know it's in his head.

    Sounds sad, I'm taking the woman left him or died?

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

      Originally posted by one seven spectrum View Post
      You'd be better of writing it so the woman DOES appear at the door and then as he turns away, if he double takes and she isn't there, we know it's in his head.

      Sounds sad, I'm taking the woman left him or died?
      That's an interesting idea. He is an older man, having memories
      of his wife who passed away. Not intended to be sad, but more
      about showing how much he still cares about her.
      My first crack at a logline usually makes a great synopsis!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

        Was there something they used to do together? i.e. Did they walk together on the beach and he collect pretty shells for her? Or did he used to leave her flowers? He could still do that, even though she's gone. Sort of like how parents leave toys on children's graves (though cliche).

        Just a thought.

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        • #5
          Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

          all usual disclaimers and grains of salt apply:

          It's confusing, because the flashback dialogue should accompany a visual, but since you don't, it just doesn't play smooth... it's odd that he goes back to reverie after the door startles him. If you want Bob to go back to day dreaming about the past after he's startled out of it, you'll need to identify flashback so we know it's not some confusing voice over.

          Bob in reverie.

          FLASHBACK

          dialogue
          action line

          knocking

          Back to Present:

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

            Originally posted by one seven spectrum View Post
            You'd be better of writing it so the woman DOES appear at the door and then as he turns away, if he double takes and she isn't there, we know it's in his head.
            Much better way of writing it.
            I'm always up to help/read/cover/provide notes for/etc other screenwriters. Just toss me a PM!

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

              Can't really answer the technical question, except to say something has to cue the reader that were not in the present time -- or it doesn't flow very well. Maybe the writer is in front of a typewriter instead of computer monitor -- maybe he's younger. I don't know... something.

              I think these kinds of things also work better with a "touchstone" (as Bill Martell would call it). Instead of telling us that Bob is having a "pleasant memory" -- show him holding something that his wife gave him. And, in the flashback (and I would have his wife in it, as others have said) show when he got the whatever "touchstone" or his wife joking about the "ugly thing" or whatever. A happy time. Then back to him setting the "touchstone" on the desk and going back to work. I would even have the room brighter during the flashback, for more contrast.

              As it stands now, this reminiscence doesn't seem to do much to drive the story forward. "How long are you going to work?... you must be starving." Not much there. Think of "Braveheart" when William Wallace is talking to his dead wife. He doesn't want to "leave" but she's giving him a warning, he *must* wake up. The exchange serves two purposes. You know he misses his wife *and* there is a purpose for the visit.

              It doesn't necessarily have to bas dramatic as "Braveheart" but it would be better, in my opinion, if something his wife says in the flashback somehow helps Bob solve a current problem.
              STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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              • #8
                Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

                Prefatory remark: In my own philosophy of script writing, the goal is clarity. The reader should not have to figure things out.

                If your voice-over is part of the flashback, too, as I think it is, you should just write the whole thing (the sound of the knocking, and the voice-over) as a flashback scene.

                Since the flashback does not literally flash back to a different location, you do not need to write a complete scene heading (as I usually recommend). Instead, you can just use a minislug:

                FLASHBACK

                Sound of knocking at the door.

                WOMAN (V.O.)
                Etc., etc.

                END FLASHBACK


                If (for whatever reason) you want to indicate some recurring flashback sound or voice by itself within a scene, just call it what it is:

                FLASHBACK SOUND: A knocking at the door.

                Or if it is just a voice:

                FLASHBACK VOICE:

                WOMAN (V.O.)

                Etc., etc.


                Then go straight back to your scene. It is obvious that the voice-over is the only element that is a flashback, since you have used FLASHBACK VOICE.

                "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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                • #9
                  Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

                  Originally posted by ChipC View Post
                  ... Bob sits quietly in his home office, reminiscing a pleasant memory. A light KNOCK ON THE DOOR and he turns to an already open door, no one there...

                  WOMAN (V.O.)
                  How long are you going to work, darling?
                  You must be starving by now.

                  Bob enjoys the thought a moment longer, then returns to his work.
                  ...
                  It's not really a flashback because he is "hearing" this in the now and present - even if it already was a previous scene earlier in the movie.

                  What you have works for me.
                  "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
                  - Clive Barker, Galilee

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

                    Originally posted by TwoBrad Bradley View Post
                    It's not really a flashback because he is "hearing" this in the now and present - even if it already was a previous scene earlier in the movie.

                    What you have works for me.

                    If you're the only one who gets it, he needs to fix it for the rest of us.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

                      To me, the idea of any character hearing these "voices from the past" is the problem. It's a little like a character staring meaningfully out a window. I suggest coming up with another way of accomplishing the same emotional beat.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

                        Special effects being what they are today, couldn't the writer put a "ghostly" image of his past wife in the doorway and have her speak her lines?

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                        • #13
                          Re: Writing flashback sounds..?

                          Special effects being what they are today, couldn't the writer put a "ghostly" image of his past wife in the doorway and have her speak her lines? Butch Jarvinen
                          You could if he was haunted.
                          (Only kidding), I get your point and agree that there a lot of ways you could show this, ie: Having him look through a scrap book, wedding video, etc., and then fb to a different/happier time, and show/hear his wife:



                          KWV

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