Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

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  • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

    ...
    Note #17: Tired and overused Harvey Weinstein references. Everybody's doing this in their scripts these days...


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    • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

      Oh, great. One of my New Year's resolutions is to improve my time management skills, and now thanks to this highly suspenseful showdown, I just know I'll be sitting at the edge of my seat watching the barbs fly as the hours tick on by.

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      • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

        Steve has communicated with me.

        He sent me the link to the script, and I have actually read it already.

        I see no reason not to post the link tonight instead of waiting until late tomorrow night. That will give people a chance to start reading the script if they want to.

        I will also post a few pages on the board to whet people's appetite. Steve had no objection to my doing this.

        So you can check back later. I want to get the first five pages or so prepared for posting, which I will do after a while.

        I will leave a message here, but the script will be in the Script Pages forum. I will link to it when I post here later tonight.

        "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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        • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

          If we only had such anticipation, and suspense in our stories, we'd be in great shape.

          See, right about now is when Jeff and I reveal that we want everyone to send $19.99 to this paypal account: [email protected] if you want to sweat the contest and read our reviews. What a nice twist that would be.

          Seriously, I'm glad to see this has livened up the community. I've seen some usernames in this thread that I have not seen in a long time, I can only imagine who is lurking.

          I look forward to writing a real strong review this week.

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          • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

            I have posted the first few pages of Steve's TV pilot in the Script Pages Feedback forum here.

            There you will see the opening pages and also a link to the whole script on Google Drive.

            If you have any questions or comments, post them here. I will have more to say about voting sometime tomorrow. We will definitely have the duel between Jeff and Cyfress. However, some other people are interested in writing a review, and of course many people will be commenting on the script after the anonymous reviews are in. We will have some kind of voting. Stay tuned.
            Last edited by ComicBent; 12-31-2017, 01:40 PM.

            "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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            • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

              Let's end further discussion of the subject in this forum, and move over to the thread in Script Pages Feedback to continue discussion of the Cyfress vs Jeff challenge.

              Be sure to read my latest post there, in which I invite people to write reviews of Steve's pilot. These additional reviews will not be part of the duel between Cyfress and Jeff, but you will be able to comment on them. See the post in the other forum.

              "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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              • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                (Wow: make a snarky comment, walk away, celebrate the holidays, return and LOOK at the firestorm!)

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                • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                  Originally posted by Cyfress View Post
                  There is a sect that wants me to get embarrassed away from the boards, I can promise you. That's not gonna happen.

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                  • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                    Probably already been said but with 13 pages I don't think I want to read through it all to see if it's already been said.

                    My biggest amateur gripe: OPENING THE SCRIPT WITH THE HERO TURNING OFF AN ALARM CLOCK AND GETTING OUT OF BED!!

                    I see this AAAALLLLL the time.
                    Professional Screenwriting Services

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                    • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                      Originally posted by TimAucoin View Post
                      Probably already been said but with 13 pages I don't think I want to read through it all to see if it's already been said.

                      My biggest amateur gripe: OPENING THE SCRIPT WITH THE HERO TURNING OFF AN ALARM CLOCK AND GETTING OUT OF BED!!

                      I see this AAAALLLLL the time.
                      INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

                      BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

                      An alarm clock on the nightstand flashes 6:00am.

                      A groggy HERO (pick anyone you like) MOANS, rolls over and fumbles trying to hit the button on the alarm to make it stop.

                      He finally succeeds and...

                      BOOM!

                      EXT. HERO'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

                      Explosive flame bursts through all the windows on that floor of the apartment building.

                      A window mount air conditioning unit CRASHES into the yard, smolders.

                      FADE OUT:
                      You know Jill you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month, he must have been a happy man.

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                      • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                        > hero... bed

                        I've done exactly that! And it was the hero. But it was on page 7.

                        It was my ode to Terry Gilliam's Brazil (1985), which also introduced the hero (Jonathan Pryce as Sam Lowry) in such a way.

                        In Brazil, and my own story, there was a very strange bit of frenetic action to start the story, which then segued to a mundane scene of the hero's introduction/awakening. Just another sort of "save the cat" device, really.

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                        • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                          Made me think of Kevin Kline in A Wish Called Wanda, two alarm clocks go off, he sits up in bed, fast as a snake, and shoots one then the other. Subversion of the waking up trope.

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                          • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                            Would you say that Shawn (of Shawn of the Dead) changed throughout the course of the film?

                            I see it as Shawn being revealed to be a hero, rather than him becoming a hero. Another way to say that is, I saw no inflection point. He simply took action. From the start.

                            Thoughts?
                            Many men, perhaps even most, are unhappy in their souls. We burn so hard but shed so little light it makes us crazy and sad. - CLIVE BARKER

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                            • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                              Originally posted by UneducatedFan View Post
                              INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

                              BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

                              An alarm clock on the nightstand flashes 6:00am....
                              Another ...

                              Code:
                              INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
                              
                              LESTER GROG sleeps. Dark drapes dim the room, except for one
                              bright beam of light shining through a crack and settling on
                              the far wall. In the distance, the muted cries of gulls and
                              the thunder of rolling waves.
                              
                              A SMARTPHONE vibrates to life, music softly playing.
                              
                              Lester rolls away from it and covers his head with a pillow.
                              
                              The volume gets louder.
                              
                              He groans, covers his head with a second pillow.
                              
                              The sound intensifies.
                              
                              Lester sits up, bleary-eyed, blinking.
                              
                              The smartphone ceases to play music and begins a loud and
                              obnoxious BEEP, BEEEP, BEEEEEP!
                              
                              Lester stabs at it, runs his finger over its surface until he
                              hits the DOZE BUTTON.
                              
                              Silence.
                              
                              He yawns, sinks back into the bed ... eyes close ...
                              
                              WHIRRING!
                              
                              BANG! The bed suddenly collapses on one side, rolling Lester
                              into a HOLE that has opened on the floor.
                              
                              A SLIPPERY SLIDE. Water flowing, Lester picking up speed,
                              hurtling down its winding course. He screams just as he
                              WHOOSHES feet first into the cold water, finally stopping
                              deep under the surface.
                              
                              EXT. MORNING - OCEAN
                              
                              A BUTLER stands on the deck of a SMALL YACHT, staring at the
                              water where ...
                              
                              Lester bobs to the surface, sputtering.
                              
                              The Butler throws a rope ladder to him.
                              
                                                   BUTLER
                                         Good morning, Master Grog. Your
                                         UNCLE will be so happy you could
                                         join us. And on time for a change.
                              
                                                   LESTER
                                              (climbing the ladder)
                                         Where to this time?
                              
                                                   BUTLER
                                              (holding out a towel)
                                         Cairo ... I believe.
                              STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

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                              • Re: Things I see over and over in amateur writing...

                                I have to agree with Cyfress on how writers come to the real story by rewriting and rewriting. One of Alan Ball's first drafts of American Beauty was about a serial killer (it was the drug dealing outcast who befriends Lester's daughter). Through the process of cutting scenes, characters, etc. and creating new ones, thinking through the structure over and over, the story emerges--an invention: a new creature is born. For Alan Ball, American Beauty was born. And it took a lot of work.
                                "Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December; And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor--"

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