Re: This Violates Screenplay Format -- SHOWING
Expressions such as, "Sarah's stomach flips" and "A pause that's killing him," is your voice. Readers have their biases and personal taste and choices. This is what I believe the criticism that you're receiving is coming from and I suggest for you to ignore.
I believe a true constructive criticism would be the way you use the line "Sarah's stomach flips" in the context of the scene that you've presented.
"stomach flips" is usually used to express a nervousness to get across a passionate, romantic love.
In this scene, it's to express a pit in Sarah's stomach about Ted's attempted suicide, which it could be used to convey this, but because of its association with "passionate love" it may cause confusion, therefore, I would suggest to select an alternative.
Originally posted by Unfinishe
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I believe a true constructive criticism would be the way you use the line "Sarah's stomach flips" in the context of the scene that you've presented.
"stomach flips" is usually used to express a nervousness to get across a passionate, romantic love.
In this scene, it's to express a pit in Sarah's stomach about Ted's attempted suicide, which it could be used to convey this, but because of its association with "passionate love" it may cause confusion, therefore, I would suggest to select an alternative.
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