Anyone Else Have This Problem?

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  • #16
    Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

    Abstract any irrelevant details and use "power verbs". Then you should have no problem keeping your paragraphs short

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    • #17
      Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

      Originally posted by WritingIsArt View Post
      Abstract any irrelevant details and use "power verbs". Then you should have no problem keeping your paragraphs short
      Keeping short paragraphs is easy ( I think), it's mainly knowing when to break a new paragraph because when I have shots that are horribly short then the page just becomes a list of fragments of shots.

      So I'm pretty much having to figure, OK, should I keep these shots together or what? My script is really bare dialogue-wise at points. . .
      Smile Is Best Makeup!

      -A Grammatically Incorrect Japanese Proverb

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      • #18
        Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

        Originally posted by Stephen Wegmann View Post
        True. So how do you do it?
        Honestly, picture anything in your description that is not plot-essential, and will be someone else's decision --and cut it.

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        • #19
          Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

          Originally posted by Joe Unidos View Post
          Honestly, picture anything in your description that is not plot-essential, and will be someone else's decision --and cut it.
          Best advice I've heard in a while. Sometimes you dont think: Does anybody even need to know this?
          Smile Is Best Makeup!

          -A Grammatically Incorrect Japanese Proverb

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          • #20
            Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

            Remember that you're writing action not description. Think in terms of pacing and how your action will play out on screen. If you have problems breaking up your paragraphs through actions and shots, chances are you're describing too much static scenery and not enough action.

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            • #21
              Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

              Originally posted by mtlancas View Post
              Remember that you're writing action not description. Think in terms of pacing and how your action will play out on screen. If you have problems breaking up your paragraphs through actions and shots, chances are you're describing too much static scenery and not enough action.
              Good point. And I do describe lots of static scenery. I guess I'm trying to paint too much of a picture. If it was a picture it'd be hanging on a wall (if it didnt suck so much).
              Smile Is Best Makeup!

              -A Grammatically Incorrect Japanese Proverb

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              • #22
                Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                I have the same problem with describing scenery, but I'm getting better. In fact, my location establishing paragraphs are the ones that get the most attention when I rewrite. I try to get them down to 1-2 lines, usually less.

                Obviously, if you're writing sci-fi or fantasy, you need to devote more time to establishing scenes and I think there's a bit more leeway in those genres.

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                • #23
                  Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                  Originally posted by mtlancas View Post
                  I have the same problem with describing scenery, but I'm getting better. In fact, my location establishing paragraphs are the ones that get the most attention when I rewrite. I try to get them down to 1-2 lines, usually less.

                  Obviously, if you're writing sci-fi or fantasy, you need to devote more time to establishing scenes and I think there's a bit more leeway in those genres.
                  Describing scenery is a small problem for me compared to knowing when to end a paragraph of action and start a new one.
                  Smile Is Best Makeup!

                  -A Grammatically Incorrect Japanese Proverb

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                  • #24
                    Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                    How about describing te scenery when the protag or a character is actually interacting with it? Sure you can set it up, paint the picture, but try to minimize the setting description to what the characters do with it or in it. If they're in the car, describe the car briefly and then the objects they touch. If it's in a room, same thing: Quiet cubicle. John opens a fed-ex envelope laying on his tidy desk.
                    By doing this, you can avoid static moments.

                    Going back to writing 4 lines or more, I still believe that you can get away with those paragraphs. BASED on that you don't use it all the time. And as I have said, open up your script by following all the rules, how many lines in a paragraph, on page 5 inciting incident happens, characters are introduced, etc. Follow all the rules in ACT 1. Then, if you NEED TO, start breaking the rules. Mix it up. Not all the time. Don't abuse it. But if you do have a piece that you can clearly convey in a long paragraph, 6-8 lines MAX, it better be good. Actually, great. And believe me, you won't have many of these GREAT 6-8 lines! Don't worry.

                    Regardless of who you are, or if you aren't directing the film, once they recognize that you know the rules of screenwriting AND have the ability to manipulate it, that, IMO shows confidence and courage. It may also mean that they might put your script down. So, are you willing to take the risk?

                    A new action will always break up shots. As everyone has said, once you switch focus, you can go into the next paragraph. New focus, new
                    line.

                    Different POV can also free you from the paragraph. 2 characters in the same setting can and will do two seperate actions, even if the other is directly interacting with one another, for example, a fight. You can always switch POV.

                    I'm sure you've heard, "Get out early, come in late" when writing your scenes. Always keep this in mind when you want to end your sentences and start a new one. Find the essential action within the description, write it, then get out.

                    good luck.

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                    • #25
                      Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                      Stephen,

                      Why don't you post a small sample paragraph so that we can get an idea where the problem lies. It doesn't have to be from your script, but maybe you could write a similar example and post it here.

                      I mean, we can talk about this to the cows come home, but it isn't going to do you any good until we get a clear picture of what you're talking about.

                      KWV

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                      • #26
                        Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                        Describing scenery is a small problem for me compared to knowing when to end a paragraph of action and start a new one.
                        Then don't start a new one. Limit yourself to only one action paragraph (of no more than 4 lines). Then a character must speak before you can write another action paragraph -- or if no one speaks, you have to start a new scene.

                        Think about it. Could be interesting.

                        -Derek
                        My Web Page - sci-fi, fantasy, horror, cyborgs, AIs, dragons, vampyres.
                        It wasn't until about the fifth draft that I really began to figure it out. It was then that I realized he's dead. It took me five more drafts to execute it right. ~M. Night Shyamalan

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                        • #27
                          Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                          FADE IN ON

                          Exotic fish, flopping on soggy velvet carpet. A wave of water carries the fish away, replacing them with

                          Government documents, stamped and signed - but the ink washes away from the signature and a torrent of water carries them away and into

                          The arm of a dead woman, complete with bullet holes to the head and chest. A leather-gloved hand pries a pen from her fingers.

                          Big black army boots sink into the carpet next to the corpse. A MUFFLED RATTLING spins the boots round on a dime and sends them rushing off as

                          - - -

                          Thats part of the first page of the first scene of my script. Look like I'm screwing up any? And I do caps "muffled rattling" right?
                          Smile Is Best Makeup!

                          -A Grammatically Incorrect Japanese Proverb

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                          • #28
                            Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                            I thought it was fine, Stephen, [I'm not going to judge content], but "a leathered gloved hand..." I would have given it's own line, being a different shot/image, since we are no longer focusing on the bullet holes in the woman's head and chest - but on a gloved hand, removing a pen. But that's just me.

                            And I wanted to add that I liked your visuals:



                            KWV

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                            • #29
                              Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                              I almost never go over 4 lines per paragraph, but I often use one sentense paragraphs during certain moments during the script to keep the reader's eye moving down the page. During tense scenes, in particular.

                              Using the same paragraph-break style for every single scene will make for quite a dry read.

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                              • #30
                                Re: Anyone Else Have This Problem?

                                Depending on the director, that could be one continuous shot.

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