Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

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  • #16
    Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

    Well, that joke back-fired. If it's any consolation, before I made that post, I looked it up to make sure it's a real word.
    They cursed us forever, making us prefer dreams to lives.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

      Originally posted by BottomlessCup
      Well, that joke back-fired. If it's any consolation, before I made that post, I looked it up to make sure it's a real word.
      i knew it was a joke. =)

      but i did look it up because i thought it was spelt perfunctory. but it's spelt both ways
      Aiming for mediocrity and falling well short =)

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

        OK, I only had the last two to read and comment on, so here goes nuthin'. My humble opinion, etc. Take the following comments with a pinch of salt, if you take 'em at all.

        1. What the cat dragged in. Reads better second time around, has a real creepy vibe that captures how a lot of people feel about cats. Spooky ending.

        2. Extra Time. Too intentionally cutesey for my tastes. Author needs to read some horror scripts to better understand the genre. And things like this just can't happen anyway.

        3. The Shortcut. Not bad, tho' truthfully I wanted to see Billy's grandfather's story instead of just a passing "how it all began" reference.

        4. Demon Squad. Horror or comedy? In this case it's an uneasy alliance of the two. Dialogue tries to be too cool and as a result it's painful. Horror movie creatures? Puh-leeze.

        5. Lesser Of Two Evils. Cute, with an undeniably British humour vibe and a nice ending.

        6. Trick Or Treat. Could'a been something, but the excitement's all over and done by Page 5.

        7. The Siren. Feels as if it's a rip-off of something much better and more clever from the Hammer Horror era. How much would it cost to build a full-size castle? Author just isn't thinking straight.

        8. Off Night. Personal tastes decides these things, but I found this to be kinda unfunny, so sorry.

        9. Preta. Very nice, the little girl and the Chinese legend stuff were used to good effect, but the last page and a bit disappointed, I felt the skinheads were an intrusion rather than integral to the story, maybe the Old Chinese Woman or the Buddhist Priest, or both, ought to have made a guest appearance here?

        10. Bed, Bath and Beyond. Not sure about this one, it's got the right people and the right buildup but I didn't get a Halloween or Horror vibe (which other entries had). Maybe it's the Fortune Teller who isn't spooky enough, or maybe it's just that I'm perfectly OK with Manning shooting Gary, I'm not dreading this or imagining myself in Gary's place, I'm urging Manning on, yeah go ahead, blow the mofu away, I'd want to do the same if he talked to me like this.

        11. Trash Night. The size of this damn file! And the time it took me to download it! I was biased before I read a single word. It ends up a heartwarming family tale but started off kinda weird, with Ed as Mr. Grumps About Everything, not just Halloween. Maybe more focus on the event, and a logical reason why he's so against it, might not go amiss (did I blink and miss this?). But a fun read.

        12. The Looking Glass. The size of this damn file! And the time it took me to download it! I was biased before I read a single word. Has a definite menace vibe, and an unsettling mix of uncertainty over what's real and what's fantasy. Funny ending.

        -Derek
        My wittle web page - hack stories, failed novels, dud screenplays, terminal writer's block.
        The fool, the meddling idiot. As though his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the Krell.

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        • #19
          Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

          Hmph.

          Well, who cares what the Scots think anyway?

          Thanks for posting 'em, Dpat.


          Anybody else?
          Last edited by BottomlessCup; 11-03-2005, 07:37 PM.
          They cursed us forever, making us prefer dreams to lives.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

            I'll post my comments tomorrow. Right now, after a week of being flu-ish, I have actual work for money to do and must get done before tomorrow morning.

            I might actually be able to eat this week. Wowsers!

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

              Originally posted by BottomlessCup
              BTN -- Nope. Just makin' stuff up. So nobody let anything depress and/or elate you too much.
              Hey it's all good. I've learned to take something constructive from every bit o' feedback I get.

              BTN
              "Only he is an emancipated thinker who is not afraid to write foolish things.-
              -Chekhov

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

                Originally posted by BottomlessCup
                Well, who cares what the Scots think anyway?
                That kinda narrows things down as to which entry was yours.

                -Derek
                My wittle web page - hack stories, failed novels, dud screenplays, terminal writer's block.
                The fool, the meddling idiot. As though his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the Krell.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

                  I dug up the printouts and typed in my INITIAL thoughts that I wrote on the first page of the script. I scribbled comments in the scripts themselves, but that's just too much effort to type all those in! :-)

                  From these comments, you can't really tell how I voted. Scripts I loved, but thought the Halloween aspect didn't play out were scratched off.

                  Kudo to everybody and ComicBent and DPaterson for organizing the contest! Unfortunately I ran out of time and didn't submit one myself. Now I am in NaNoWriMo hell...

                  The shortcut
                  - Ewwww
                  - Transistion from normal world to scary world is abrupt
                  - What about the girl? Unresolved.
                  - Gory but fun
                  - Dad is great

                  Extra Time
                  - Fantastic dialogue (snarky - even though a little stereotypical)
                  - Great characters
                  - Awesome plot
                  - A little crass, could have been more subtle
                  - Cliche, but fun
                  - A little talky
                  - Halloween oriented!

                  Looking Glass
                  - Psychological, creepy, overall awesome!

                  Trash Night
                  - Good writing and good use of strong verbs
                  - Good setup
                  - Bad ending (trite) - feels forced and explainy

                  Preta
                  - Very confusing, so subjectively I didn't like.
                  - Loved the concept, but as a short it's too narratively compressed.

                  Bed, Bath and Beyond
                  - No dramatic tension (it tried)
                  - Manning is alien to reader and other characters
                  - Very creepy though, but would work better in a longer form with more setup

                  Off Night
                  - Great characters
                  - Funny satire!
                  - A little to punny (jokewise)
                  - Great plot
                  - Great ending
                  - One instance of summarization that could be fixed (the pushing match)

                  Demon Squad
                  - Cheesy
                  - Great twist
                  - Didn't see it as black comedy initially (not sure if this is a bad thing - could have been set up better)

                  The Siren
                  - Suspenseful
                  - Mysterious
                  - Visual
                  - Halloween related? (Didn't vote for it because of this)
                  - Creepy
                  - Well-written
                  - Some action and description problems/issues early one, especially with all the scene changes.

                  The lesser of two evils
                  - Great setup
                  - Funny
                  - Could be a kid's story
                  - Characters are wild, snarky and fun
                  - Dialogue is fantastic (for the target audience and characters)
                  - Great plot, albeit a bit predictable. For the genre I don't think this is a problem.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Halloween Comments: PRÊTA

                    Thanks for the comments and those who participated in this little contest, (and especially to Comicbent and Derek, for their efforts). There were simply too few of us, but I'm glad to see some writers practicing their skills before their peers.

                    I'd like to explain a bit about my lone entry, "Prêta," which Voxel said was "very confusing," and which Derek considered a "Chinese legend."

                    About a year ago, I came across an item up for auction at eBay: a locket that still had a lock of hair, a photograph of a small boy, and one of his teeth. It was a piece of "mourning jewelry." Probably his mother kept these mementos of her dead son.

                    The Tibetans keep religious objects, (prayers, charms, pictures of deities, etc.), in a "ghau," (an oversized pendant), which is a portable shrine. If you'll consult the Tibetan "Book of the Dead," (the Bardo Thodol), you'd discover that the soul of a dead person lingers a while among the living before going on to their next karma, (which, if you're exceptionally good, is nirvana, or reborn in human form for another try, or as an animal if you're not so good, or to Hell, if you're bad). Another possibility is becoming a "prêta," (a hungry, insatiable ghost), trapped in a limbo. Thus, it's not so much a Chinese legend as it is a Buddhist belief, going back to the Bonpo shamans of Tibet.

                    The story follows the "prêta" back to her mother's tomb but turns upon its antagonist, Ray, when he fails to return the "ghau." What better fate for a tomb robber than to be locked up in the mausoleum of one of his victims, on the night when Lord Yama opens the gates of Hell and would reunite a mother and daughter in a game of catch-the-ball? The Buddhist belief is that the dead can be deluded by what they see, (illusions of demons, gods, etc., which are only products of their own minds), often making the wrong choices: the prêta playing ball with Carol, and Ray left in a bad situation with a bouncing ball.

                    The supernatural elements are confined to an image in a mirror, death apparitions, and a playful poltergeist, (and, perhaps, a "hungry" ghost without a tooth, not a typical vampire character). These elements could be readily filmed without expensive special effects: an edit for the Chinese Girl's face in the mirror, a dissolve for the fading away of the death apparitions, and reversing the film, (ie. running it backwards), to have a ball fly out from under furniture or bounce off walls back to the characters. If the POV of being clobbered is Ray's, and "cut to black," the camera can be the stuntman, with a shield to stop the shovel from damaging it. The only set that may need to be constructed would be the door and interior of the mausoleum. Twelve pages did restrict my telling of the Chinese mother's actions, which may be better told by V.O narration over a fast-paced series of shots, (and, maybe, an identification of the Old Chinese Woman, as a household servant). Having taken photos in some Vermont cemeteries, this past July, I've seen grave markers that were toppled by vandals; thus, I'd not think my use of a skinhead, as a dispenser of punishment, (and future victim), is an unwarranted intrusion. These twelve pages were expanded from some notes and four rough draft pages, (begun a year ago).

                    Oh, yes, the Da Zhuan characters, (used in ancient Chinese seal writing), are a bit of research that I learned, in order to identify the inscriptions on Chinese porcelain seals found in Ireland, since the 18th century, (which I managed to identify as originating from Te Hua, in Fujian province). I've interpreted the inscriptions of similar seals for the National Museum in Dublin, the Ulster Museum in Belfast, the Ashmolean Museum at Oxford, the British Museum in London, the Oriental Museum at Durham, and at Alnwick Castle, in Northumberland.
                    Agreement among archæologists that there were no relations, in the remote past, between China and Ireland; That no other objects, from ancient Chinaâ€- virtually, I supposeâ€- have ever been found in Ireland;

                    The great distances at which these seals have been found apart.

                    After Mr. Smith's investigationsâ€- if he did investigate, or do more than recordâ€- many more Chinese seals were found in Ireland, and, with one exception, only in Ireland. In 1852, about 60 had been found. Of all archæologic finds in Ireland, "none are enveloped in greater mystery." (Chambers' Journal, 16-364.) According to the writer in Chambers' Journal, one of these seals was found in a curiosity shop in London. When questioned, the shopkeeper said that it had come from Ireland.

                    In this instance, if you don't take instinctively to our expression, there is no orthodox explanation for your preference. It is the astonishing scattering of them, over field and forest, that has hushed the explainers. In the Proceedings of the Royal Irish Academy, 10-171, Dr. Frazer says that they "appear to have been sown broadcast over the country in some strange way that I cannot offer solution of." ~ Fort's The Book of the Damned, ch. 11
                    I'll see if I cannot take a photograph of my own "dragon ghau" and post a link to it. Meanwhile, here's a link to some other images of Tibetan ghaus.
                    JEKYLL & CANADA (free .mp4 download @ Vimeo.com)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

                      voxel, appreciate the comments, so noted and added to the script files. If I ever find a use for these short scripts, I'll give 'em a good working over first.

                      Always interesting, Fortean. A little s-scary too, but always interesting.

                      Even as I typed "Chinese legend" I knew they were the wrong words, but hoped I'd at least caught the gist of the mood and feel that you were aiming for.

                      And maybe you have a point about cemetery vandals but I'll stick with my intrusive skinheads comment. Even tho' I may be wrong. Use the Force to guide you.

                      -Derek
                      My wittle web page - hack stories, failed novels, dud screenplays, terminal writer's block.
                      The fool, the meddling idiot. As though his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the Krell.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Halloween Comments - Read the scripts and vote first!

                        I just wanted to thank Comic and Dpat for running this thing and for everyone who took the time to read the scripts! It was a lot of fun!

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