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Old 05-25-2018, 01:28 PM   #1
dpaterso
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Default Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

Here are the results! Because there were so few entries, the voting was pretty darn close!

Code:
1st 2nd 3rd Total The Writers' Group - Southern_land 1 1 5 The Cringe - Concar 1 1 3 Eyes - Centos 1 2 1 8 The End of Screenwriters - StoryWriter 2 1 1 9 There's Something About Ursula - dpaterso 1 2 5
Congrats to StoryWriter whose The End of Screenwriters just pipped Centos's Eyes at the post.

Well done all for getting something written for the contest. It's all about the writing practice. Don't feel bad about not getting as many votes as you'd hoped for, a different set of readers could easily have swung things the other way.

Thanks also to Mark Somers for taking time to read and vote.

1st place vote = 3 points, 2nd = 2, 3rd = 1

Everyone voted, so no need for bonus voting points.

Feel free to post your thoughts and comments in this thread. Tell us why you thought you deserved to win instead! Or indeed be smug about your amazing score.

For posterity, the discussion thread is here and the entries thread is here.
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Old 05-26-2018, 04:14 AM   #2
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

I think this is something of a watershed moment for me... NOT LAST!!!!

---except when you sit down, extrapolate the data, plot the mean averages, divide by the number you first thought of... Something I churned out 5 years ago has gotten second to last (equal) whereas my last few entries have gotten last...

Oh ****, I'm getting worse!
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Old 05-26-2018, 11:15 AM   #3
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

The voting in these contests has always been utterly incomprehensible to me, except on those rare occasions I've won, when it all makes perfect sense.
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Old 05-26-2018, 11:20 AM   #4
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

For what it's worth, my votes went like:

1st - The End of Screenwriters
2nd - Eyes
3rd - The Cringe

And my thoughts went like:

The Writers' Group

It didn't help that this entry just cuts off. I found the dialogue ran smoothly enough but there was an awful lot of it, and no offense to these guys, they are no Ocean's Eleven, Bob failed to make any of them interesting for me, sorry. I'd hate to have to read their scripts. Just kidding!

The Cringe

Smooth enough read. It's a clever game they're playing but not clever enough to make me believe they could be successful at not being identified and tracked down after this major theft, which is about to be reported in 20 seconds. It also relies upon their meeting a complete d!ck like Erik and his falling for their game by leaving them alone with his expensive car.

Eyes

Norm's closing reaction made me nod in understanding, never mind the mysterious otherworldly shenanigans going on, he just wants some peace and quiet. I wouldn't have minded there being more of a story with his visitor, she appears, she heals, she eats, she leaves, without explanation. But shrug, the fae, what can ya do.

The End of Screenwriters

I warmed to this more on the second read, "It's drama." made me crack a smile, and the conglomasaurs were amoosing.

There's Something About Ursula

Mine! The Valentine's Day 2012 contest was a washout but it spawned the beginning of this short which I tidied and expanded. Ursula was set up as spooky so maybe the reveal wasn't too cheesy. Hey it's hard to be subtle in an 8-page short. Thanks to those who voted for it. I've no idea why everyone didn't vote for it, best characters, best dialogue, outright winner written all over it.
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Old 05-27-2018, 10:33 PM   #5
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail. Here's how I voted ...

1st - The Writer's Group
2nd - The End of Screenwriters
3rd - There's Something About Ursula

In my opinion the two of the shorts I could vote on all suffered from the same malady – SES (Sudden Ending Syndrome). The first eight pages of the script couldn't help itself in this regard.

So why did I vote the way I did? Basically I flipped a coin. I thought for various reason all three shorts I could vote on were nearly at a dead heat.

I thought The Writer's Group had an interesting premise, but there was WAY too much dark space here. Definitely needed to be broken up with questions(back and forth). And not so "on the nose." There's also the issue that the introduction is taking up close to a tenth of the script. But I voted for it because, despite the density of the dialogue and description, I thought the description (itself) was pretty descriptive.

I nearly voted The Cringe in at 2nd or 3rd, but (besides the "unluck" of the draw) I thought the ending was WAY to abrupt. This is where you linger, let the mark (adequately described as a total creep) twist in the wind a little. The ending just seemed too quick. Pretty good build-up, though.

The End of Screenwriting got my number 2 vote because the dialogue was fairly sharp and it moved well ... right up until the time it bogged down, that is. I think I kind of get the gist of the ending, but this one definitely needed a STRONGER finish.

I liked There's Something About Ursula mood and description (and its characters) but it ultimately got my third place vote instead of higher because it seemed to meander. I really didn't see the point of the Grandmother/Grandson scene. I also thought (like all the shorts in this contest, including mine) that the ending was too abrupt. But, again I like the way the characters are drawn up.

As for my mine. It probably should be disqualified because it wasn't one that I had started writing before. I had two that I worked on before that I was going to enter into this contest (one anyhow) but (for various reasons, I was working on my car and gone on a 4 day vacation) I didn't get them done. I also realized there was probably a good reason why these two didn't get finished (like they sucked). So Eyes was what I wrote that on the last day of the contest – not knowing where I was going (and it showed). Sorry.

BTW, congratulations to StoryWriter.
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Old 05-28-2018, 04:18 PM   #6
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

Quote:
Originally Posted by Centos View Post
I liked There's Something About Ursula mood and description (and its characters) but it ultimately got my third place vote instead of higher because it seemed to meander. I really didn't see the point of the Grandmother/Grandson scene. I also thought (like all the shorts in this contest, including mine) that the ending was too abrupt. But, again I like the way the characters are drawn up.
That's something at least. I wanted her to have a spooky talent, being able to earn a living in this world through talking to the dead and discovering secrets no one could know seemed like a fun way to show there's something unusual about her, for reals. The usual happened, lines got trimmed to pull everything down to 8 pages, resulting in a whirlwind wrap-up scene.

Quote:
As for my mine. It probably should be disqualified because it wasn't one that I had started writing before. I had two that I worked on before that I was going to enter into this contest (one anyhow) but (for various reasons, I was working on my car and gone on a 4 day vacation) I didn't get them done. I also realized there was probably a good reason why these two didn't get finished (like they sucked). So Eyes was what I wrote that on the last day of the contest not knowing where I was going (and it showed). Sorry.
Just shocking lol. These things happen, what can ya do. Wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me.

What a quiet thread.
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Old 05-28-2018, 10:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

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Originally Posted by dpaterso View Post
What a quiet thread.
Everything seems pretty quiet on Done Deal Pro now. About the only time you can get any one riled up is when you start talking about screenwriting "gurus." I hate to admit it, but I think these forums are fading into the sunset (kind of like newsgroups a few years back). Unfortunately everyone seems to like to the "social networks" which just don't work well for something like posting short scripts. Hopefully Done Deal Pro (and a few others) can hang for a few more years.
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Old 05-28-2018, 10:19 PM   #8
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

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Originally Posted by dpaterso View Post
That's something at least. I wanted her to have a spooky talent, being able to earn a living in this world through talking to the dead and discovering secrets no one could know seemed like a fun way to show there's something unusual about her, for reals. The usual happened, lines got trimmed to pull everything down to 8 pages, resulting in a whirlwind wrap-up scene.
I like your characters, mood and description. I'm not sure why your entries haven't done better. I sure wouldn't worry about these "contests" too much, though.
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Old 05-29-2018, 04:52 PM   #9
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

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Originally Posted by dpaterso View Post
Mine! The Valentine's Day 2012 contest was a washout but it spawned the beginning of this short which I tidied and expanded. Ursula was set up as spooky so maybe the reveal wasn't too cheesy. Hey it's hard to be subtle in an 8-page short. Thanks to those who voted for it. I've no idea why everyone didn't vote for it, best characters, best dialogue, outright winner written all over it.
1st - There's Something About Ursula
2nd - The Cringe
3rd - Eyes

There's Something About Ursula: Well, I voted for it as number one. I liked the characters. I especially liked that the nasty critter didn't end up winning.

The Cringe: I liked this one for a lot of the same reasons I liked number one. Interesting characters (although a little more caricaturistic) and the lech lost in the end.

Eyes: Another one of those Centos stories that kind of leaves you scratching your head, but the characters are likable and the writing is really visual.

The Writers' Group: This one came really close to getting a vote. In the end their was too much black on the page and it seemed like the opening scene to a longer story. Honestly, I think your writing has improved over the years. For me at least, I think I just have a different taste in stories.

The End of Screenwriters: Mine. It wasn't supposed to be a mystery, but it's a mystery to me why anyone would vote for this. (Thanks, but what's wrong with your judgement?) I had the same problem with this as I had the first time I tried to write it. It's a set-up -- but there's no story or ending. I tacked on that tacky ending at the last moment. The Conglomasaurs have had their brief run. Now they're, thankfully, extinct.
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Old 05-31-2018, 10:36 AM   #10
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Default Re: Results - "That short script you didn't finish" contest

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There's Something About Ursula: Well, I voted for it as number one. I liked the characters. I especially liked that the nasty critter didn't end up winning.
Thanks for that. I found a little notes file that suggested a longer story (her arrival in town, her cute meet with Willie, mysterious disappearances, rising dark mystery) that could have pushed this into a full length spec script. 10 years ago I might have. Now, kinda meh, never gonna happen.

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The End of Screenwriters: Mine. It wasn't supposed to be a mystery, but it's a mystery to me why anyone would vote for this. (Thanks, but what's wrong with your judgement?) I had the same problem with this as I had the first time I tried to write it. It's a set-up -- but there's no story or ending. I tacked on that tacky ending at the last moment. The Conglomasaurs have had their brief run. Now they're, thankfully, extinct.
Weird how everyone pokes sees or imagines more faults in their script than readers ever do!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Centos View Post
Everything seems pretty quiet on Done Deal Pro now. About the only time you can get any one riled up is when you start talking about screenwriting "gurus." I hate to admit it, but I think these forums are fading into the sunset (kind of like newsgroups a few years back). Unfortunately everyone seems to like to the "social networks" which just don't work well for something like posting short scripts. Hopefully Done Deal Pro (and a few others) can hang for a few more years.
Yeah you're not wrong, we shall have to see, again. I dunno when renewal time is or if donations are due to cover expenses, I guess that will be announced if and when.
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