Hollywood = McDonalds

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  • Hollywood = McDonalds

    With a few of these "I have a 199 page feature... and I refuse to cut a word!!!" threads going around I wanted to make an analogy (feel free to make your own. Best one wins!)

    First off, for the sake of this discussion: Let's all assume that your 199 page magnum opus is in fact genius and perfect. Let's move on...

    Here's the problem: You're essentially trying to convince McDonalds to add a $50 caviar burger to the menu. Maybe it's fukking delicious. But, it's expensive and takes much longer to make. 1) McDonalds isn't in the business of gourmet food. They're in the business of "inexpensive meets volume." 2) No way in hell a McDonalds audience is going to pay $50 for a cheeseburger and wait 30 minutes for you to make it. McDonalds is quite aware of that, they've run the numbers. Speed = money.

    The folks who make the most expensive burger in the world (is it still Hubert Keller at $5000?) have a long wait list to get a table (sometimes years). They seat far fewer than McDonalds in a year. And make far less money than McDonalds. These chefs have their Michelin stars and their James Beard awards, but most of them aren't rich. They're considered haute couture, or, "Indie."

    POINT: Your gourmet movie is being pitched to the wrong people if you're attempting to pitch to Hollywood. You're essentially trying to pitch McDonalds a 36 course tasting menu that takes 6 hours to eat. Maybe there's an audience for it, but it's simply not McDonalds.

    Maybe you dudes (dude-ets) have a better analogy...
    Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

  • #2
    Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

    And to continue: as the Buyer (person who decides what to add to the McD menu) is walking around BurgerCon sampling bites of different burgers, you're asking her to sit down for a full course meal just to get the full flavor and texture. She simply ain't got time for that. She'd rather keep moving. A lot of bites to sample, after all...

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    • #3
      Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

      Now I just want McNuggets which leads me to my thing.

      Let's say you love McNuggets like I still do (really the sauces).

      Now sometimes I've been know to get a 20 pc, but a 6pc is probably the right number. And sometimes maybe I want 10pc. But even though I got a 20 pc (you're supposed to share) I always eat them all because I paid for them and I'm fat, so I'm going to push through and eat all 20 of them, but halfway through I just wish it was over and there weren't so many McNuggets to eat.

      And even though 6 of those disgusting things taste like heaven with Sweet and Sour and Hot Mustard sauces... by the time I'm on 14, I don't feel so good and I'm not enjoying my meal. But do I stop? No?

      So just make your script is the size that most people would order off the menu and give yourself the best chance of not making the person reading it wish it was over already even if they were enjoying it...

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      • #4
        Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

        Originally posted by Hernan Giaggio View Post
        And to continue: as the Buyer (person who decides what to add to the McD menu) is walking around BurgerCon sampling bites of different burgers, you're asking her to sit down for a full course meal just to get the full flavor and texture. She simply ain't got time for that. She'd rather keep moving. A lot of bites to sample, after all...
        Fo realz!
        Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

          Originally posted by Bono View Post
          Now I just want McNuggets which leads me to my thing.

          Let's say you love McNuggets like I still do (really the sauces).

          Now sometimes I've been know to get a 20 pc, but a 6pc is probably the right number. And sometimes maybe I want 10pc. But even though I got a 20 pc (you're supposed to share) I always eat them all because I paid for them and I'm fat, so I'm going to push through and eat all 20 of them, but halfway through I just wish it was over and there weren't so many McNuggets to eat.

          And even though 6 of those disgusting things taste like heaven with Sweet and Sour and Hot Mustard sauces... by the time I'm on 14, I don't feel so good and I'm not enjoying my meal. But do I stop? No?

          So just make your script is the size that most people would order off the menu and give yourself the best chance of not making the person reading it wish it was over already even if they were enjoying it...
          Ha! Yup!
          Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

            When is the McRib coming back? McDonalds needs to stop jerking us around and just give us a heads up on when they usually sell that sandwich.


            McDonalds profits went through the roof when they started listening to their customers and making breakfast an all day thing. I guess my pleas to them were heard! Obviously, studios would love to figure out which one is their egg mcMuffin. Pure profit. The irony is that a lot of these IPs started out as artistic gambles taking root in a writer's mind that they gambled on.



            And whoever thought of using an English muffin is a genius. Many other chains have tried to copy it by changing it to a biscuit, but it's just not the same. I am not going to Carl's to get an egg biscuit.

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            • #7
              Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

              When is the McRib coming back? I ask when is the RomCom coming back...it's been off the menu for years. The public just isn't buying much RomCom...It's been so long since there was a year with memorable RomCom that the younger generation doesn't even know what it is...Like the McDLT and the McHula Burger.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                Originally posted by RogerOThornhill View Post
                When is the McRib coming back? I ask when is the RomCom coming back...it's been off the menu for years. The public just isn't buying much RomCom...It's been so long since there was a year with memorable RomCom that the younger generation doesn't even know what it is...Like the McDLT and the McHula Burger.

                The best ones are overseas these days. I saw a bunch of good ones at those specialty theaters that host them. Why hasn't it made a comeback? Because everyone these days wants to be too cool for school and be afraid of delving into the sweeping romantic gestures. They are giving us 500 days of summer where everyone's just too hip. I want Pretty Woman. I want Tootsie. The ones overseas aren't afraid to do the Pretty Woman and say "I love you." The last really good ones I remember loving were Love Actually and Wedding Crahsers. Give me romantic cue cards at the doorway. That's what I want.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                  There will always be those who to be safe will push Quarterpounder--The Nightmare Continues. And certainly, it is less work to read a script that fits the boundaries over one that is way too long. Life is too short to waste time with the next wannabe new thing. But ten page is ten pages, whether the script is 120 or 170 pages long. Others will steal our life away in five minute segments if we let them. But I wonder if occasionally these scripts are perused just to look for a hidden gem:

                  "Sir, did you enjoy McDonald's newest delectable?"
                  "I did not. It fogged up my pince-nez (Old English for 'the rabbit in my underwear'.)

                  Sorry. It has been a long week.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                    If you’re trying to break in, whether or not the script is producible shouldn’t be your top concern. Very few projects start as original specs. You’re auditioning to get a job. If the story you choose to tell takes more pages to be great, then take the pages.

                    I’ll try to use the analogy: you’re not selling to consumers, you’re auditioning to create new menu items.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                      Well, it's time for another one of my 'poverty' jokes: "Quarter Pounder? You can afford that?!" Me? It was their regular hamburgers. I remember when they were 25 cents.

                      One time, after a severe ice skate-a-thon (I was about 17), the gang and I stopped at at Mickey D's, and I was a bottomless pit: 7 of them thar hamburgers, a milkshake, and a coke. Arrgh! (I think of that every time I see that finale in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, where they buy about 20 mini-burgers each).

                      So, the analogy? I don't mind movie length (or bulk), if it's entertaining. Despite being a fan of 'dark alternative', I couldn't get through the first half-hour of Dogville (3 hrs), but I have watched Emmerich's silly 2012 (2:40) about 5 times.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                        Originally posted by JeffLowell View Post
                        If you're trying to break in, whether or not the script is producible shouldn't be your top concern. Very few projects start as original specs. You're auditioning to get a job. If the story you choose to tell takes more pages to be great, then take the pages.

                        I'll try to use the analogy: you're not selling to consumers, you're auditioning to create new menu items.
                        True.

                        So, if you want it to be on the menu, it's gotta fit their criteria. "Can we make it cheap and fast and a lotta people will buy it?"

                        Maybe Taco Bell would be a more fitting analogy. "Bruh, turn this taco on it's ear and we'll give you a job, but make it cheap. And don't go outside the box. We ain't Jack" Uhhh... How 'bout a shitty taco wrapped in shitty burrito?" "PERFECT! YOU HIRED,,, FOO!"
                        Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                          Originally posted by GucciGhostXXX View Post
                          True.

                          So, if you want it to be on the menu, it's gotta fit their criteria. "Can we make it cheap and fast and a lotta people will buy it?"

                          Maybe Taco Bell would be a more fitting analogy. "Bruh, turn this taco on it's ear and we'll give you a job, but make it cheap. And don't go outside the box. We ain't Jack" Uhhh... How 'bout a shitty taco wrapped in shitty burrito?" "PERFECT! YOU HIRED,,, FOO!"

                          Can you make it fusion? And do you have it in a Vegan option?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                            Originally posted by Friday View Post
                            Can you make it fusion? And do you have it in a Vegan option?
                            And gluten free! ;-)
                            Bruh, fukkin *smooches*! Feel me? Ha!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Hollywood = McDonalds

                              Originally posted by RogerOThornhill View Post
                              When is the McRib coming back? I ask when is the RomCom coming back...it's been off the menu for years. The public just isn't buying much RomCom...It's been so long since there was a year with memorable RomCom that the younger generation doesn't even know what it is...Like the McDLT and the McHula Burger.
                              YESTERDAY has pulled in over $125 million off a $26 million budget. Yeah, there's also marketing $$. Yeah, it was a Richard Curtis script, not your average schlub.. But still, it outperformed.
                              Seeing more prodcos looking for romcoms. I think the cycle is sbout to start back up.

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