E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

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  • #31
    Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

    Originally posted by acquaformosa View Post
    • Logline: A troubled teenager jeopardizes his future plans and alienates himself in the local community when he claims that a magical glow stick enables him to see and talk to his best friend who was recently killed in a tragic accident.
    In which way is the conflict being created? And how can talking to a dead friend alienate everybody and risk the teenager's plans (drop the "future": all plans are for the future)? Sorry, but told like this, the story doesn't make any sense to me.
    "Ecco il grande Zampano!"

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    • #32
      Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

      Fantasy Teen Drama? I can't help but wonder if Peter Jackson hasn't killed this one for you with The Lovely Bones, people may be steering clear of the genre.
      It's the eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight

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      • #33
        Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

        Some good advice in this thread.

        My two cents: I'd try to label the genre anything other than drama, since dramas are such a tough sell. And I'd definitely mention being a Nicholl finalist. That carries weight. I'd omit praise from any readers/consultants, and also leave out anything about how you'll send them a copy if they're interested. That goes without saying and adds extraneous words to the query.

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        • #34
          Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

          Well, when I've said, I'd send them a copy if they're interested, I've had a couple people respond specifically to that statement and say "Sure, I'd love to take a look, send it to me."

          It hasn't hurt me yet. *shrugs*

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          • #35
            Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

            Originally posted by UltraSuperMegaMo View Post
            Maybe a title like "AFTER GLOW" in reference to the spirt of the dead friend.
            After Glow is way worthier. Maybe I need counseling, but Glow Stick channels self-gratifying devices found in re-imagined porn flicks.

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            • #36
              Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

              Originally posted by acquaformosa View Post
              Just a quick vent or cry for help (depending on your POV).

              For my latest script, I have a "Recommend" from Barb Doyon, as well as a quote of hers I've tried to leverage in my query emails, ". . . an exceptional piece of work! By far one of the best screenplays I've read in months and the best so far in 2010!". I've also tried to leverage placing really high at a previous Nicholl competition.

              And yet . . . after sending about 15 email queries (to mgrs mostly) that were reasonably well-written (I think) and rather brief and to-the-point . . . nothing. Dunno. Maybe it's concept. Maybe it's spam filter. Or maybe I shouldn't wear brown socks on Tuesdays. Of course, I'll probably send another 15 e-mail notes sometime quite soon.

              So I ask:
              Any random thoughts out there about the finer art of seduction via cold e-mail query? All silver bullet thoughts and panaceas are welcome. It's the socks, isn't it?
              No offense, but who the heck is Barb Doyon?

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              • #37
                Re: E-mail Seduction - Can't Get a Read

                Originally posted by SBScript View Post
                No offense, but who the heck is Barb Doyon?
                It's who you go to when you can't afford Linda Seger

                Acqua. Some good suggestions and help here in this thread. You can't quote paid script consultants. Screams amateur. Nicholl is good though. Did Barb give you feedback on the logline? I agree with others here. It needs work.
                Blog: http://writinglounge.blogspot.com
                Email: kidcharlemagne108[at]yahoo[dot]co[uk]

                "What is your greatest ambition? To become immortal and then die." - Breathless

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