Re: Truncated, incomplete sentences. Bad grammar or good staccato?
I don't mean to hijack the thread, but today I'm polishing a 2017 script and came across this paragraph: (This is the first time I've ever posted anything to this place!)
It's currently 3 perfectly full lines, and for the polish I've decided not to change anything, but I thought it was so uncannily similar to the OP's post that some of you might want to take a crack at it. Or maybe not.
As a bit of backgrounder, the character "Roger" is a decidedly-neglectful, reprobate dad who's left his kids in their hotel room while he goes on a bender next door. This is the entire scene: We need to know where he goes, before we return to the kids who are the subject of the story.
I don't mean to hijack the thread, but today I'm polishing a 2017 script and came across this paragraph: (This is the first time I've ever posted anything to this place!)
INT. STRIP JOINT AND TAVERN - NIGHT
Ear-splitting rock music and indistinct conversation throbs
all around Roger as he drops onto a bar stool, wags a finger
at the bartender, gets a whiskey, and downs it in one gulp.
Ear-splitting rock music and indistinct conversation throbs
all around Roger as he drops onto a bar stool, wags a finger
at the bartender, gets a whiskey, and downs it in one gulp.
As a bit of backgrounder, the character "Roger" is a decidedly-neglectful, reprobate dad who's left his kids in their hotel room while he goes on a bender next door. This is the entire scene: We need to know where he goes, before we return to the kids who are the subject of the story.
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