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Old 10-15-2019, 01:47 PM   #1
Jab2019
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Default Scene within a scene

Hi Guys,

I was wondering if you could help.

I am writing a scene where a couple are at a fair. They start off on a Helter Skelter and then go on other attractions with different reactions. It is one persons first time at a fair.

They go into a haunted house next. I donít want to write about what happens in the haunted house as we all know what happens in them. It is simply to show them going in and then the reaction as they come out.

After this they go to some games and we see them after the games having won at one of them. I again, donít want to write about the games because we all know how hook a duck or ring toss works. It is more about the outcome and reactions.

I donít want to do it as a montage so am wondering do I just do a transition as in CUT TO?

Anyway, I hope this is kind of clear and any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks

James
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Old 10-15-2019, 02:29 PM   #2
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Default Re: Scene within a scene

If I understand what you are asking, I think that a series of very short scenes would serve you best.

I am not a stickler about definitions. You might call this a Scene Sequence or a Series of Shots. As I said, I am not hung up on definitions. Also, you might do this in a number of ways. You can even have your characters say a few words in each of these mini-scenes. Do a cutaway shot showing "fairground things" between each of the mini-scenes to indicate a transition.

If the fairground activities shift to an interior location, do another Master Scene Heading with INT. instead of EXT.

I would do this:
Code:
EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - NIGHT SCENE SEQUENCE: "Fun at the Fair" HAUNTED HOUSE Bob and Sally go into the Haunted House. They come back out. BOB That was not scary. SALLY Not a bit. RING-TOSS BOOTH Sally tosses a ring, and it lands on the peg. END SCENE SEQUENCE: "Fun at the Fair"
Just because of the way that I prefer, I would probably use EXT. with each of the locations above, so I would have EXT. HAUNTED HOUSE. But that is just a personal preferences. Most people seem to like mini-slugs.

Just make yourself clear.
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Old 10-17-2019, 12:41 PM   #3
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Default Re: Scene within a scene

Your question's been answered, so let me ask another, if this isn't interesting to you, and it sure sounds as if it isn't, why write these scenes at all? Why not put them into a more interesting setting and surroundings instead?

What's the tone of the script? Drama, comedy?
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Old 10-17-2019, 06:45 PM   #4
Jab2019
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Default Re: Scene within a scene

The going in and the coming out have reason and are interesting. I donít feel it necessary to show what happens in there as we all know.
Much like when you see a shot of someone walking into a casino and the next shot is them coming out with loads of money. We know they have won but we donít need to see a ball spinning around a roulette wheel. It simply isnít needed to make the scene work.
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Old 10-18-2019, 04:34 AM   #5
Jab2019
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Default Re: Scene within a scene

Thank you for the response and help. I thought I had sent a thank you but apparently I had not.

Thanks


Quote:
Originally Posted by ComicBent View Post
If I understand what you are asking, I think that a series of very short scenes would serve you best.

I am not a stickler about definitions. You might call this a Scene Sequence or a Series of Shots. As I said, I am not hung up on definitions. Also, you might do this in a number of ways. You can even have your characters say a few words in each of these mini-scenes. Do a cutaway shot showing "fairground things" between each of the mini-scenes to indicate a transition.

If the fairground activities shift to an interior location, do another Master Scene Heading with INT. instead of EXT.

I would do this:
Code:
EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - NIGHT SCENE SEQUENCE: "Fun at the Fair" HAUNTED HOUSE Bob and Sally go into the Haunted House. They come back out. BOB That was not scary. SALLY Not a bit. RING-TOSS BOOTH Sally tosses a ring, and it lands on the peg. END SCENE SEQUENCE: "Fun at the Fair"
Just because of the way that I prefer, I would probably use EXT. with each of the locations above, so I would have EXT. HAUNTED HOUSE. But that is just a personal preferences. Most people seem to like mini-slugs.

Just make yourself clear.
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Old 10-18-2019, 01:37 PM   #6
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Default Re: Scene within a scene

Thanks, Jab, but really no need to thank me.

I have been answering questions here, as best I could, for about twenty years. I have learned a lot from experienced screenwriters here. I take all the things that I know and then look logically at any situation that someone asks about.

Happy writing!
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Old 10-18-2019, 01:41 PM   #7
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Default Re: Scene within a scene

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jab2019 View Post
Much like when you see a shot of someone walking into a casino and the next shot is them coming out with loads of money. We know they have won but we donít need to see a ball spinning around a roulette wheel. It simply isnít needed to make the scene work.
Fair enough, can't argue. So it's a comedy. :) Good luck with it.
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