Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

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  • #31
    Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

    This is a much bigger issue than picking apart a single example, although of course it's a good idea to highlight some to demonstrate the point.

    The thing is, when people use that as a style choice, they don't do it once. They do it for EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. FOR. EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. (See how I did that? Annoying isn't it?)

    I read a script chock full of these very recently. Great story, fun characters, but I started skipping the intro/summaries to see what the character actually DID. I almost didn't keep reading because I started heckling the author in my head. What life story is this minor-character-that-barely-needs-a-name going to get? Etc.

    Overwriting is annoying. Just tell the story.
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    • #32
      Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

      Originally posted by figment View Post
      But isn't "doesn't know how pretty she is" the same exact thing?

      If a woman isn't aware she's pretty, she's not going to walk into a room full of men boldly, looking every one in the eye, or being demanding. She'd be humble or vulnerable. In that one small line, I know a TON about that woman.

      That line leads to specific types of movements and attitudes -- I'd just think an actor (or casting agent) would appreciate the "doesn't know" part.

      I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm trying to figure it out the difference.
      It's not the same thing, because I can't see it in the moment.

      I could see this:

      Ellen walks through the room. Timid. Nervous. The sort of look you see on someone who doesn't feel like they belong.

      That is something to play. It's about what I'm seeing in the moment. It's not a general insight into the totality of this persona, which is impossible to portray, and more important to my point here, bad writing.

      It's giving away way too much. Let the audience come to discover this persona. Don't fortune cookie it to them.

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      • #33
        Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

        I agree with the overall point that Craig is making. Revealing character through action is the strongest way, but I also believe sometimes you need to use unfilmables.

        When writing character intro/descriptions, you're painting a picture of your characters for the reader. The reader wants to know who your character "is." Not just what they look like, but their nature. This familiarizes them so they can comprehend their action and dialogue, and not be disorientated by how the characters are reacting in the story situations.

        For example, the character intro/description of Forrest Gump "not being all there," explains his upcoming actions and dialogue, where he acts in a way a normal adult male wouldn't act. The reader doesn't have the benefit of seeing Tom Hanks acting, facial expressions, body movements and slow speech, "not being all there.-

        Other examples:

        I AM SAM: Can't help it if she's smarter than anyone else in the room.

        BLADE: Squirming around in the passenger seat is DENNIS, a model/actor boy-toy with a sub-zero IQ...

        L.A. CONFIDENTIAL: PIERCE PATCHETT, 50, tuxedoed, watches off to one side. A behind-the-scenes power broker, Patchett exudes authority much more than the Mayor does.

        EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS: JOSHUA TAFT, (70s), scrutinizes the bug. This old codger is more comfortable studying bugs than socializing with people.

        A character description I heard from Michael Cain in a interview:

        (CHARACTER NAME) swims through life like a duck. Calm on the surface, but paddling like hell underneath.

        What to include for character intro/description is a personal choice for the writer and what he or she feels works for them and their story.

        But again, I agree with Craig. If you could -- not saying you MUST -- get a character's nature or whatever across with action, then strive to do that.

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        • #34
          Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

          Here's an example that caught my eye. It's from GLIMMER by Carter Blanchard:

          BEN JOHNSON, 17, blows away killer robots on Tyler’s
          computer. Ben is a shapeless geek with a spatter of acne
          who fancies himself much cooler than he is or ever will be.


          He pans to TYLER, driving, a geek in transition; only now
          growing into his own skin. He’s got a lot more going for
          him than poor Ben, but he’d be the last one to know it.
          I very much noticed these descriptions & they pulled me out of the read.

          BUT...

          I think this was handled well. I wouldn't do it this way, but most would probably say the writing works.

          "Trust your stuff." -- Dave Righetti, Pitching Coach

          ( Formerly "stvnlra" )

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          • #35
            Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

            Hey Craig, can you just elaborate a little more.

            You're not saying that we can pretty much leave out character description/traits, are you?

            I don't think you are.

            The ONE place where I have always been told that an unfilmmable can exist is in the character description. Is this not accurate?

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            • #36
              Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

              I know, I know ... yet another Elliott and Rossio excerpt -- but look how much we know about Will Turner (and Elizabeth Swann) after reading this relatively short scene. Note how the so-called "unfilmables" are used here. Note how, when Elizabeth shows up, there's not one direct word about her physical appearance, but we clearly know she is beautiful because of the reaction from Will and from the writer's aside "... holy smokes!" It reads effortlessly.

              There's six Elliott & Rossio screenplays posted on WordPlay, plus one by Marsillii & Rossio (Deja Vu). I honestly think you could learn more by reading (and re-reading) these seven scripts, with the intent of learning, (as opposed to the desire of trying to pick them apart) then by reading 50 "guru" books.

              Code:
              INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION - FOYER - DAY
              
              The caller, dressed in rough clothing, stands in the foyer, 
              looking very out of place, and knowing it. He holds a long
              presentation case. He polishes the toes of his boots on the 
              back of his calves, but it doesn't help.
              
                                   SWANN
                        Ah, Mr. Turner! It's good to see 
                        you again!
              
              The caller turns -- it is WILL TURNER. Handsome, with a watchful 
              demeanor that gives him a weight beyond his years.
              
                                   WILL
                        Good day, sir. 
                             (holds out the case)
                        I have your order.
              
              Swann hurries to him, opens the case. Inside is a beautiful 
              dress sword and scabbard. Swann takes it out reverently. 
              
                                   WILL (CONT'D)
                        The blade is folded steel. That's 
                        gold filigree laid into the handle. 
                        If I may --
              
              He takes the sword from Swann, and balances it on one finger at 
              the point where the blade meets the guard.
              
                                   WILL (CONT'D)
                        Perfectly balanced. The tang is 
                        nearly the full width of the blade. 
              
                                   SWANN
                        Impressive ... very impressive. 
                        Commodore Norrington will be 
                        pleased, I'm sure. Do pass my 
                        compliments on to your master.
              
              Will's face falls. Clearly, the work is his, and he is proud 
              of it. With practiced ease, he flips the sword around, catches 
              it by the hilt and returns it to the case. 
              
                                   WILL
                             (bows slightly)
                        I shall. A craftsman is always 
                        pleased to hear his work is 
                        appreciated --
              
              He stops speaking abruptly, staring past Swann --
              
              Elizabeth stands on the stairs. Granted, the dress may be 
              painful to wear, but holy smokes!
              
                                   SWANN
                        Elizabeth! You look stunning!
              
              Will tries to speak, but can't. He gives up, smiles to himself, 
              and simply nods emphatically.
              
                                   ELIZABETH
                        Will! It's so good to see you!
                              
              Her hand goes to the chain around her throat (the medallion is
              hidden in the bodice of her dress).
              
                                   ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
                        I dreamt about you last night.
              
              Will reacts with surprise: "Really?"
              
                                   SWANN
                        Elizabeth, this is hardly 
                        appropriate --
               
                                   ELIZABETH
                             (ignores her father)
                        About the day we met. Do you 
                        remember?
              
                                   WILL
                        I could never forget it, Miss Swann.
              
                                   ELIZABETH
                        Will, how many times must I ask you 
                        to call me 'Elizabeth'?
              
                                   WILL
                        At least once more, Miss Swann. 
                        As always.
              
              Elizabeth is disappointed and little hurt by his responce.
               
                                   SWANN
                        Well said! There's a boy who 
                        understands propriety. Now, we must 
                        be going.
              
              Swann takes the case from Will, opens the door for Elizabeth.
              
              Elizabeth straightens her back, gathers her skirts and strides 
              past Will.
              
                                   ELIZABETH
                        Good day, Mr. Turner.
              These scripts are available here ...
              http://www.wordplayer.com/archives/welcome.html
              Last edited by Centos; 06-23-2012, 04:48 PM.
              STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                Laura:

                I'm not saying people don't do it, or that people who sell scripts don't do it.

                I'm saying... don't do it, because it's not good craft and it will hurt the read. Will it hurt a great script? No. Nothing does. Will it hurt a good script? Yes, I think so.

                Hey Craig, can you just elaborate a little more.

                You're not saying that we can pretty much leave out character description/traits, are you?

                I don't think you are.

                The ONE place where I have always been told that an unfilmmable can exist is in the character description. Is this not accurate?
                I'm saying yes... leave out things I can't see. What this forces you to do, of course, is SHOW ME, in the introduction, what it is you want me (and the audience) to know.

                It forces you to think about how you want to parcel out information about your character to the audience.

                It forces you to visualize the traits that you want us to know RIGHT NOW, and it forces you to plan on how to reveal the traits you want us to know LATER.

                Centos:

                Where are the unfilmables in that section?

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                  Originally posted by Craig Mazin View Post
                  Centos:

                  Where are the unfilmables in that section?
                  There weren't any. That's why I put "unfilmables" (in quotes). But I'll edit the comment to make it clearer what I meant.

                  But just in case anyone is following this, what I would have once described as "unfilmable" would be the italicized portions of the following ...

                  "The caller, dressed in rough clothing, stands in the foyer, looking very out of place, and knowing it."

                  "The caller turns -- it is WILL TURNER. Handsome, with a watchful demeanor that gives him a weight beyond his years."

                  "Will's face falls. Clearly, the work is his, and he is proud of it."

                  "Elizabeth stands on the stairs. Granted, the dress may be painful to wear, but holy smokes!"
                  STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                    Craig --

                    How do you feel about something like this?

                    Tess makes a beeline for the only EMPTY STOOL, but --

                    REX VARNER (40s, asshole to the core) plops his ass down on it before she can get there... and then SMIRKS as he raises his Budweiser in a fake toast to her.

                    REX
                    Next time, sweetheart.

                    To me, his actions make the parenthetical seem a bit superfluous. Generally, I try to do a VERY brief personality description and then dramatize the dominant character trait almost immediately.

                    Yet I sometimes feel as though that sorta thing doesn't quite work because of the redundancy issues. So maybe I could just drop the second part of the parenthetical entirely?

                    (I stole the parenthetical-as-intro thing from Bill Wheeler.)

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                      Originally posted by Centos View Post
                      There weren't any. That's why I put "unfilmables" (in quotes). But I'll edit the comment to make it clearer what I meant.

                      But just in case anyone is following this, what I would have once described as "unfilmable" would be the italicized portions of the following ...

                      "The caller, dressed in rough clothing, stands in the foyer, looking very out of place, and knowing it."
                      You can shoot that. The clothing makes him look out of place. "Knows he's out of place" means he's looking around, embarrassed.

                      "The caller turns -- it is WILL TURNER. Handsome, with a watchful demeanor that gives him a weight beyond his years."
                      That's totally fine. Entirely about his appearance. His demeanor IN THE MOMENT.

                      My real beef is with character sum-ups that give us some kind of deep psychological insight into the person we're meeting.

                      "Will's face falls. Clearly, the work is his, and he is proud of it."
                      Yes, an actor can portray that. Pride in an object... this is in the moment. Perfectly acceptable.

                      "Elizabeth stands on the stairs. Granted, the dress may be painful to wear, but holy smokes!"
                      Well, the holy smokes is really for us, as in, "she's really, really hot."

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                        Originally posted by SuperScribe View Post
                        Craig --

                        How do you feel about something like this?

                        Tess makes a beeline for the only EMPTY STOOL, but --

                        REX VARNER (40s, asshole to the core) plops his ass down on it before she can get there... and then SMIRKS as he raises his Budweiser in a fake toast to her.

                        REX
                        Next time, sweetheart.

                        To me, his actions make the parenthetical seem a bit superfluous. Generally, I try to do a VERY brief personality description and then dramatize the dominant character trait almost immediately.

                        Yet I sometimes feel as though that sorta thing doesn't quite work because of the redundancy issues. So maybe I could just drop the second part of the parenthetical entirely?

                        (I stole the parenthetical-as-intro thing from Bill Wheeler.)
                        "asshole to the core" does seem superfluous. Actually, worse than that. It's annoying, because you're not letting me draw a conclusion from the action you've written, so you're hurting the stuff next to it.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                          Originally posted by Craig Mazin View Post
                          "asshole to the core" does seem superfluous. Actually, worse than that. It's annoying, because you're not letting me draw a conclusion from the action you've written, so you're hurting the stuff next to it.
                          Thank you. Seriously. I think you might have just freed me from some nonsense that I always felt was obligatory. Weird how that (feeling certain things are obligatory, but not remembering why) happens, isn't it?

                          What if the parenthetical were something like "40s, decked out in his finest leisure suit"?

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                            Most of the time those kinds of descriptions stop action. It's like hitting a brick wall. And it's almost never necessary. I hate it. I might have done it on my first script but I usually can't stand it. Sometimes someone like Mann or Bass will do it and I like it. So, if you're that good, go for it.

                            I would stray away from explaining why. Meaning, I don't even care to get as specific as Craig does about what makes it work or not.

                            Again, so much of this sh!t should be intuitive.

                            One instance I recall using those kinds of descrips was in a meeting scene with secondary characters. I felt it was necessary to lock down the dynamic in the scene, right off the top.

                            But for lead characters or even recurring, it's almost never necessary.

                            Imo.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                              Originally posted by Craig Mazin View Post
                              Laura:

                              I'm not saying people don't do it, or that people who sell scripts don't do it.

                              I'm saying... don't do it, because it's not good craft and it will hurt the read. Will it hurt a great script? No. Nothing does. Will it hurt a good script? Yes, I think so.
                              I agree. I agree. If you're talking to young or amateur writers, I would definitely give the advice not to do it. I try not to do it for the reasons you state.

                              "Trust your stuff." -- Dave Righetti, Pitching Coach

                              ( Formerly "stvnlra" )

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Stop "Summing Up" Your Characters

                                Originally posted by SuperScribe View Post
                                Thank you. Seriously. I think you might have just freed me from some nonsense that I always felt was obligatory. Weird how that (feeling certain things are obligatory, but not remembering why) happens, isn't it?

                                What if the parenthetical were something like "40s, decked out in his finest leisure suit"?
                                Perfectly fine.

                                Comment

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