Halloween 2014 results

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  • #16
    Re: Halloween 2014 results

    Well done. Congrats to all. Regardless of placement, the important thing is you are working.

    It was one of these Done Deal competitions that actually landed me a manager back in the day.
    "Take the thing you love, and make it your life"--Californication. [email protected]

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    • #17
      Re: Halloween 2014 results

      Originally posted by Margie Kaptanoglu View Post
      This was interesting and kept me reading. But it fell short for me because we don't know any of the characters, not even the man with The Touch, so I didn't care what happened to any of them. Also, I anticipated the twist, possibly because I read or saw something very similar to this before.
      I'm not aware of anything very similar, but admittedly the twist is just a variation on the standard "it didn't die after all" horror closer.

      I had a feeling that the (intentionally) minimalistic nature of the piece might work against me. I was going for the vibe of those simple, often dialogue-less short films from the '70s and '80s. Stuff like The Dummy and Recorded Live. I made a point of avoiding the old horror tropes like graveyards, vampires, etc.

      I don't think it sucks, honestly, but I can see why some of the others were more popular with voters. It just goes to show how hard it is to please people. None of the pieces earned Top Three approval from the majority of voters.

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      • #18
        Re: Halloween 2014 results

        Originally posted by MrZero View Post
        I'm not aware of anything very similar, but admittedly the twist is just a variation on the standard "it didn't die after all" horror closer.

        I had a feeling that the (intentionally) minimalistic nature of the piece might work against me. I was going for the vibe of those simple, often dialogue-less short films from the '70s and '80s. Stuff like The Dummy and Recorded Live. I made a point of avoiding the old horror tropes like graveyards, vampires, etc.

        I don't think it sucks, honestly, but I can see why some of the others were more popular with voters. It just goes to show how hard it is to please people. None of the pieces earned Top Three approval from the majority of voters.

        It's a tricky process, voting. I thought that your submission was very well executed and at one point, it had my number 1 vote, and then I switched my selection criteria.

        This is one of the problems, we have to decide upon a criteria by which to judge or award our points. That will, perhaps unfairly at times even, knock a few scripts out of the running.
        Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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        • #19
          Re: Halloween 2014 results

          we have to decide upon a criteria by which to judge or award our points.

          I ran into this last year - a huge part of my criteria was filmability. Was the script viable as a potential short film. After the results came in, it seemed like that wasn't a criteria anyone else was really using so this year I just picked the ones that appealed to me most in terms of setting and characters.

          I picked Norma Rae, Echoes in the Mist and Heart of the Dragon.

          Various other thoughts:

          Haunting of Silver Oaks: Once I realized what it was, I was totally on board for the ride, but was disappointed in the reveal. I absolutely think Velma would snap and murder the rest of the gang, but a heretofore unmentioned dog allergy didn't work for me as a motivation. I always figured she'd snap because she just got tired of dealing with idiots who, after decades of cases in which it is never a ghost, still consider the possibility that it might be a ghost.

          Killing Fool: One of the things that really put me off this script was that the characters were generically called "Man", "Woman", "Brother." Such a wasted opportunity. Sure, you can't name everyone, but these are literally the only three characters in the script. Why not give them some kind of identification beyond the most basic? A name tells you something about who these people are. A Melvin connotes something different from a Derek or a John or a Moses. This isn't the only script that did that sort of thing, but it was the script that I felt most suffered from these sort of cipher characters.

          Pyro: I had a hard time buying into this, because I didn't think Devon's reactions to the inkblot test were particularly disturbing. Certainly not to the proportion that Elle was taking them. There was an old episode of Criminal Minds (yes, I watched it, don't judge) with a psychiatrist and a teenage patient who was about to be released. The psychiatrist protested his release based on the kid's journal, which the audience did not see or get any details about. The horrificness, as it were, of whatever its contents might be was entirely conveyed by the psychiatrist's reaction to it. The audience was left to imagine what might be in there, and that was much more spooky than anything the writers could have showed. The rest of the episode gave more clues about the kid's particular brand of perversion, until he was finally revealed to be a cannibal.

          As for my own entry, I forgot to FADE OUT, so it ended rather abruptly. I thought about actually saying that the photograph was Flo from the sitcom Alice, but I figured people who would get it didn't need it, and for the ones who wouldn't get it - that wouldn't make any difference. I know anyone under forty isn't likely to get it, but I couldn't think of anyone else more fitting to be the patron saint of waitresses.

          And, as my daughter is a waitress at a sports bar, this was a gift to her - since she won't let me come to her workplace and personally berate the customers who treat her badly.
          Last edited by bmcthomas; 11-01-2014, 04:10 PM.

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          • #20
            Re: Halloween 2014 results

            Cannibalism is wrong? Can I claim ignorance on this one?

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            • #21
              Re: Halloween 2014 results

              Agh! I knew I would come last lol. I knew I should have included a build up at the start but was too lazy to do it. I should have gone for the other story I had which was a man hearing voices in his head which slowly makes him go crazy, but I was too lazy to copy the document and cut down on the pages lol. No I'm joking, been busy with many other shorts and drama is one I'm normally comfortable with but horror was something new. I had lots of fun with this contest though and participating with you guys

              For my story chase in the woods, I tried to establish that the most fearful thing isn't ghouls, vampires, werewolves or anything like that, it's us... People. For you can simply walk along a street (or in this case in the woods) and somebody can just attack you. What's the reason? Does a killer ever give their victims a reason when they kill or do they just do it? That's what I tried to go for but razzmatazz it a bit. I I tried to create an image in readers kind as if they were Kevin in his situation with his point of view.

              But I honestly did think myself as well that my story didn't really have a story lol. With the feedback I think I will change the concept slightly at the start. Will make it Emma goes speed dating but over the years she gets rejected and becomes more desperate. Then on present day, Kevin who is a kind guy, meets Emma on speed dating and it seems like they hit it off but Kevin rejects her as Emma turns to becoming needy. Emma becomes needy with Kevin's friend Phil but Phil says over my dead body when Emma asks him out. Phil leaves early as Kevin overheard everything and Emma cries.

              Then Kevin goes into woods (not drunk) and finds Phil and go from there.

              That's all thanks to you guys for your feedback. Btw my voting were:

              3rd - The Haunting of Silver Oaks

              (Clever reference with scooby doo which I was a big fan as a kid)

              2nd - The Touch

              (Nice and simple, something Stephen King may have written if you gave him eight pages to work with)

              1st - She Works Hard for the Money

              (I have a thing for evil women as you would know from reading my piece. Like the way it was built up where gradually you know she is going to lose it)

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              • #22
                Re: Halloween 2014 results

                Originally posted by mmkp1990 View Post
                Agh! I knew I would come last lol. I knew I should have included a build up at the start but was too lazy to do it. I should have gone for the other story I had which was a man hearing voices in his head which slowly makes him go crazy, but I was too lazy to copy the document and cut down on the pages lol. No I'm joking, been busy with many other shorts and drama is one I'm normally comfortable with but horror was something new. I had lots of fun with this contest though and participating with you guys

                For my story chase in the woods, I tried to establish that the most fearful thing isn't ghouls, vampires, werewolves or anything like that, it's us... People. For you can simply walk along a street (or in this case in the woods) and somebody can just attack you. What's the reason? Does a killer ever give their victims a reason when they kill or do they just do it? That's what I tried to go for but razzmatazz it a bit. I I tried to create an image in readers kind as if they were Kevin in his situation with his point of view.

                But I honestly did think myself as well that my story didn't really have a story lol. With the feedback I think I will change the concept slightly at the start. Will make it Emma goes speed dating but over the years she gets rejected and becomes more desperate. Then on present day, Kevin who is a kind guy, meets Emma on speed dating and it seems like they hit it off but Kevin rejects her as Emma turns to becoming needy. Emma becomes needy with Kevin's friend Phil but Phil says over my dead body when Emma asks him out. Phil leaves early as Kevin overheard everything and Emma cries.

                Then Kevin goes into woods (not drunk) and finds Phil and go from there.

                That's all thanks to you guys for your feedback. Btw my voting were:

                3rd - The Haunting of Silver Oaks

                (Clever reference with scooby doo which I was a big fan as a kid)

                2nd - The Touch

                (Nice and simple, something Stephen King may have written if you gave him eight pages to work with)

                1st - She Works Hard for the Money

                (I have a thing for evil women as you would know from reading my piece. Like the way it was built up where gradually you know she is going to lose it)
                Thanks for your entry and pleased you enjoyed it. I'm sure we've had a few entrants in the past who don't vote and after the fact, if they don't win never come back but that is wrong and silly, even.

                We'll see you back for more pain and pleasure at Valentine's then I hope?
                Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Halloween 2014 results

                  bmcthomas; I ran into this last year - a huge part of my criteria was filmability. Was the script viable as a potential short film. After the results came in, it seemed like that wasn't a criteria anyone else was really using so this year I just picked the ones that appealed to me most in terms of setting and characters.
                  I think this is where I am going wrong in both voting and forgetting what matters with film writing.

                  When I watch films I also recognise how limited the script is, there's only so much you can describe, so knowing the limitations of a screenplay is probably as much an issue as what you put in it...

                  And why, why, why do I keep going weird. as we all do to some extent, on titles and content and plot and what works....

                  How about solid titles such as:

                  DEMON

                  THE POSSESSED

                  THE HAUNTING OF. . .

                  THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF. . .

                  THE MASK

                  THE STRANGER

                  THE DISAPPEARANCE OF. . .

                  THE CASTLE OF. . .

                  and so it goes. . . on and on.... tried and tested, simple, links the writing to the title, we're somewhat limited in terms of solid plots and twists and titles.

                  It's that old rule:

                  "same but different."
                  Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Halloween 2014 results

                    Originally posted by The Road Warrior View Post
                    Thanks for your entry and pleased you enjoyed it. I'm sure we've had a few entrants in the past who don't vote and after the fact, if they don't win never come back but that is wrong and silly, even.

                    We'll see you back for more pain and pleasure at Valentine's then I hope?
                    Yeah I will be participating in the Valentine's Day one. Already have a romantic short, just need to cut it down slightly to make it 8 pages.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Halloween 2014 results

                      Pyro: I had a hard time buying into this, because I didn't think Devon's reactions to the inkblot test were particularly disturbing. Certainly not to the proportion that Elle was taking them. There was an old episode of Criminal Minds (yes, I watched it, don't judge) with a psychiatrist and a teenage patient who was about to be released. The psychiatrist protested his release based on the kid's journal, which the audience did not see or get any details about. The horrificness, as it were, of whatever its contents might be was entirely conveyed by the psychiatrist's reaction to it. The audience was left to imagine what might be in there, and that was much more spooky than anything the writers could have showed. The rest of the episode gave more clues about the kid's particular brand of perversion, until he was finally revealed to be a cannibal.
                      Thanks to all who provided detailed notes for Pyro.

                      These notes above from bmcthomas (thank you!) are consistent with others. What I had in my head, and failed to do on the page, was to have the pyromaniac kid (who we learn knows a lot about Elle's past) exploit the fledgling psychiatrist's pyrophobia, i.e. dramatic irony. Elle's odd reactions to the kid's fiery ink blot answers were intended to reveal her growing anxiety as the kid toyed with her. The challenge was to establish Elle's psychosis, while keeping the story focused on the tension and creepiness of the interview. I think I addressed this in a rewrite with a quick 1/4 page flashback that reveals the origin of Elle's pyrophobia.

                      I also tried to fix the timeline issues, i.e. how can the kid be in two places at once? I could've made him a ghost or a time shifter, but that's not my style.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Halloween 2014 results

                        Thanks all for your comments. Truth to tell, I was in two minds whether to enter Echoes in the Mist, which wasn't singing to me. I'd considered re-attacking with Demon Squad, a contest entry from 2005 (!) which failed, but still tickles me. With hindsight, maybe I should've! Nevermind, was fun, and I'd do it again next year.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Halloween 2014 results

                          Originally posted by The Road Warrior View Post
                          When I watch films I also recognise how limited the script is, there's only so much you can describe, so knowing the limitations of a screenplay is probably as much an issue as what you put in it...
                          I think this is the crux of the matter.

                          Someone once said that screenwriting doesn't really have much to do with "writing", and one in which I'm slowly starting to agree with. That's not to put down screenwriting, it's just that actual screenwriting is the catalyst to the end product itself and that no one other than other screenwriters and amateurs care about the writing itself.

                          To be clear, good writing will always win out over bad writing, whether it's in screenwriting or Hallmark cards, but far fewer people that matter care about a well turned phrase as opposed to a well thought out story.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Halloween 2014 results


                            Sorry for the late reply but was unable to get on yesterday. Anyway, imagine my surprise and joy as it was my first deadline ever. You guys made my year!

                            Thanks for the votes. I know how subjective this is and I am so honored to have received any. With so many good stories...it would likely be a different vote on another day. So thank you.

                            Thank you for the feedback and tips on all the shorts, very helpful to see how perceptions are so varied.

                            So many great stories, congrats to everyone!

                            My three votes (wished I had 6)
                            1. Life is but a Dream
                            2. Killing Fool
                            3. Haunting of Silver Oaks


                            DPaterso and Road Warrior a big THANKS for your time!

                            Please take my comments with a cup of salt, just the mutterings of one reader.

                            The Haunting of Silver Oaks
                            I loved this one. It was such a creative idea to use an aged Scooby Doo cast. Even as someone was raised on Scooby Doo I did not make the immediate connection to the names until they had all been introduced. Once I realized it I was glad to see the old gang still at work. Liked the line, “Yeah, that’s weird no one ever dies on our cases.” My only disappointment was the end where they all died and Velma was in on it. Very clever idea for a story!

                            The Heart of the Dragon
                            I thought this started out good with good imagery and the background story about the snake. But I had a bit of difficulty following the storyline with the cast of characters added, although on a second read it I got it. I did not quite know what Callie’s motive was throughout. I did think it odd she would have continued to follow Oktran once he ran away from the water, because he was a real creep, I thought she would take the opportunity to escape him at that point. I was also left wondering what happened to Oktran in the end after the blast.

                            Echoes in the Mist
                            This was really creepy. I was reminded of Misery. Very nice job setting up the story and the feeling of isolation for Adam. Really good characters, Adam and Maggie were just creepy enough to seem real. The entire story their questioning and odd behavior made me think they were making sure no one knew Adam was there. And I thought for sure she was poisoning him with that tea. Good suspense. And nice twist at the end where we find it all an innocent misunderstanding about the ghost relative that is haunting them. BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ADAM?! Also wanted to vote for this.

                            Killing Fool
                            I loved the setup and characters. His entire vibe was that of a serial killer. A lot of suspense with several great twists or surprises that would have had me jumping in my seat if on screen. Crisp description that had hidden meanings throughout such as the description of how he handled the knife with speed and dexterity. I liked the surprise ending with the twin coming in and finding out he really play a prank, but LOVED the additional twist where we find the newspaper clippings do belong to the first man and he REALLY is a serial killer.

                            Life is but a Dream
                            Another of my favorites. Nice succinct description, story was easy to follow even though it had some twists along the way. The characters and their behaviors were so quirky and odd that you couldn’t turn away. I know some didn’t like the dream ending but the fact that it was a dream within the dream made it work for me. The story was clever and each horrifying scene managed to top the one prior to it.

                            Pledge Night
                            Great descriptions, I could really feel being in that creepy hospital. A lot of suspense throughout and nice twist at the end where they were feeding the girl to the ghosts and not just an innocent pledge night. This was also well written and I could only vote for three and no real reasons it didn’t make the cut because it was good.

                            She Works Hard for the Money
                            Okay, so I am old enough to remember Flo and spent many a day waiting tables when I was younger. I too dreamed of Flo coming in and telling the nasty customers to kiss my grits. Nothing wrong with the characters or writing I just wanted to hear more from Flo rather than just a massacre. Clever idea though.

                            Pyro
                            This one started of fantastic. Loved the kid knowing everything about the doctor including her cell number. You could feel the hairs on her neck stand up when her phone rang. But…I didn’t get how he could have started her house on fire. He really did not even know this doctor was supposed to see him at the last minute anyway so how or why did he know everything about her? I was also confused as to how he was out walking the street right after that. A good base for a psychological thriller, but I felt some of the details needed to be worked out so it didn’t take me out of the story.

                            Clown at the End of the Road
                            I really liked this Freddy character and the whole premise of his franchise. Such a great play on McDonald’s and how they move in and turn everyone into overweight zombies. Really good character description and evolution down to his wicked laugh, dirty gloves, stained clothes and stench. Peter’s voice over is good as narrator early on pointing out the realities that the rest of the town can’t see. I don’t know how I would change the ending but it felt like there should have been a different fate for Freddy, or something more to the story. Just a gut feeling and can’t say why. One of my top vote contenders.

                            The Mask, the Crypt and the Urchin
                            I liked the story and the characters were good but I did have a hard time following the story or the characters at times. I think one spot where character was mislabeled, which threw me off. I do like the stories where someone is looking out for the underdog.

                            Norma Rae
                            Great story, characters, writing, dialogue but…when David stuck his hands in her rotting body and sucked his fingers…eeek. So only the gross out factor took me out.

                            Chase in the Woods
                            This story was another one of my favorites. Such a good twist where he drunkenly trips on something in the woods and it turns out to be his friend, sans Adam’s apple. Freaked me out. I would have liked to know what Emma’s motive was. Some clue early on as to her hate for these men. I also wondered the significance of the Adam’s apples for her. Maybe something added in early on about that. Almost a black comedy maybe, with the description of Kevin’s croaking in the end that was silenced.

                            The Touch
                            Great story concept and the writing was good. I only wanted there to be more to the story because it felt we just followed “the touch” through from person to person or scene to scene. Something additional to invest us in the characters or one character.
                            Last edited by ChickenScratch; 11-02-2014, 07:15 AM. Reason: thank you hosts!

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                            • #29
                              Re: Halloween 2014 results

                              Originally posted by MrZero View Post
                              I'm not aware of anything very similar, but admittedly the twist is just a variation on the standard "it didn't die after all" horror closer.

                              I had a feeling that the (intentionally) minimalistic nature of the piece might work against me. I was going for the vibe of those simple, often dialogue-less short films from the '70s and '80s. Stuff like The Dummy and Recorded Live. I made a point of avoiding the old horror tropes like graveyards, vampires, etc.

                              I don't think it sucks, honestly, but I can see why some of the others were more popular with voters. It just goes to show how hard it is to please people. None of the pieces earned Top Three approval from the majority of voters.
                              Mr. Zero, I remembered what The Touch reminded me of, and it's quite different than what you wrote. There's an animation on Youtube called "Banana Phone", wherein a character has this terribly annoying Banana Phone song in his head, and the song is passed from friend to friend by touching the infected person. I'd include a link, but the song is so annoying, you don't want to get it stuck in your head.

                              I like your story much better, and I appreciate that you didn't go with the classic horror tropes. I think it just needs some reason to make us care, and then it should work quite well. Then again, it obviously worked for some other readers who put it in their top three, so you don't have to listen to me.

                              My website:www.marjorykaptanoglu.com

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Halloween 2014 results

                                That's a good question re what is the judging criteria. If I had made a chart with headings like Dialogue, Characters, Structure, Description, Plot, Theme... and ranked each script this way... I definitely would've come up with different winners. But we were not given any instructions about how to judge, so I did it my preferred way.

                                I judged them according to which stories I would most enjoy watching as a short film. I ended up choosing three that had something beyond the usual scares. One had a character desperately seeking closure, another had a twist with a big laugh, the third had a plot involving love and jealousy.

                                Pledge Night and Chase in the Woods and The Touch were simple and direct horror stories. All three would work fine as short films. But to me they didn't have that little something extra.

                                However, it's possible I judge like this because, in fact, I'm not a fan of horror. I love mysteries, suspense, and thrillers, but not horror because it seems like it's only about frightening or repulsing people. Of course, this may make me a terrible judge for a Halloween script contest.

                                Lastly, re bmcthomas' comment about judging according to whether or not the script was viable as a potential short film... you'd have to take into account budget to make this judgment. But since the parameters of the contest said nothing about budget, I think it would be unfair to judge the scripts on that.

                                On the other hand, I would be happy to see budget become one of the parameters because it's really important when it comes to making short films. If we all write with budget in mind, it's much more likely we'll eventually get to see our short scripts made into films. That said, I think most of the entries did take budget into account and would be quite inexpensive to make.

                                Overall, this contest is a great example of how subjective judging is, and how much the judge's personal likes and dislikes come into play. We could try to make it more objective by setting guidelines, but I'm sure we'd still end up with a wide variety of choices.

                                My website:www.marjorykaptanoglu.com

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