THE INSULT THAT MADE A MAN OUT OF MAC
Code:
EXT. BEAUTIFUL BEACH - DAY It's a glorious day. Surf lolls lazily up onto the golden sand, while MR. SUN generously sprinkles cancer causing UV rays over sunbathing morons. MAC and MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH recline on a large beach blanket, enjoying the shade offered by their parasol. Mac is 19. Skinny and pale with dark hair. He looks like an anemic Pee Wee Herman with bulimia. Mac's Snotty Bitch looks like somebody put Megan Fox and Scarlett Johansson in a blender then poured the resulting babeshake into the worlds most indiscreet bikini. How they got together in the first place shall forever be a mystery. SUDDENLY, like the wrath of God Almighty, a BIG BRUTE OF A MAN runs past, kicking sand into Mac and his snotty bitch's faces. MAC Hey! Quit kicking that sand in our faces! MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH That man is the worst nuisance on the beach. The sound of their whining reaches the ears of the lumbering behemoth, who stops dead in his tracks. He stomps back to Mac and Mac's Snotty Bitch, towering over them like a volcano of pain about to erupt in their faces. He grabs Mac by his twig-like arm and pulls him to his feet, like a huge guy pulling a small skinny guy to his feet. Mac's Snotty Bitch just sits there, apparently unconcerned. BIG BRUTE OF A MAN Listen here. I'd smash your face...Only, you're so skinny you might dry up and blow away. The Big Brute stares into Mac's eyes, reveling in his power, unaware of how his lack of knowledge of his own sexuality effects his every action. Happy with having asserted himself, the Big Brute strides away, in search of a discreet place in which to masturbate. Publicly humiliated, Mac turns to his snotty bitch for consolation. But there is none. She looks at him with something that is the sum of hatred multiplied by loathing to the power of contempt. Mac tries to regain a sliver of dignity. MAC The big bully! I'll get even some day. Mac's Snotty Bitch stands and strikes a sexy pose, showing him the prize that he was not strong enough to hold on to. MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH Oh don't let it BOTHER you little boy! PAN up to some SEAGULLS gliding lazily on an updraft, unconcerned about the minutiae of human relationships. Their cares are different from ours. I mean, have you ever seen how excited they get over a bit of pizza crust? A ****ing pizza crust! We don't get that excited over a whole pizza. Hell, we wouldn't get that excited over 10 pizzas. We should all be seagulls. INT. MAC'S LIVING ROOM - DAY Mac, dressed in a suit jacket with shirt, tie and trousers, IS PISSED! How do we know he's pissed? Well, for one thing, he's KICKING A CHAIR, sending it sailing across the room. It's a good thing Mac doesn't have a dog, or right now I'd be describing something that I really don't approve of. And just in case you're still unclear how PISSED Mac is, let me also draw your attention to the fact that the seismic waves of fury emanating from him cause a small lamp to fall over and a picture to suddenly hang squint on the wall. Not fall. It just hangs there, squint. Think about that. Think about the anger that would cause such a thing to happen. But that's not all that's going on with Mac right now. As great as his anger is, it is nothing compared to the DETERMINATION we see set in his face. See, not only is he stomping around his living room and making it untidy, but he is simultaneously READING A BOOK! And talking to himself. MAC Darn it! I'm sick and tired of being a scarecrow! Charles Atlas says he can give me a real body. All right! I'll gamble a stamp and get his free book! INT. MAC'S BEDROOM - DAY SUPER: LATER Mac is in front of his dresser mirror admiring himself. Why? Because Mac is TRANSFORMED. Gone is the skinny wisp of a man that Mac once was. Now, preening in front of the mirror, stands an ADONIS. If Mother Nature could be persuaded to look the other way for five minutes so that HERCULES could impregnate SUPERMAN, this would be the resulting child if it was raised by a monastery of bodybuilders. The camera moves loving around Mac, reveling in this physical perfection. If the camera was a tongue, it would lick Mac. It wants to. It wants to lick him so badly. AND SO DO YOU. MAC Boy! It didn't take Atlas long to do this for me! What muscles! That bully won't shove me around again! SMASH CUT TO: EXT. BEAUTIFUL BEACH - DAY Mac, a God bestriding the Earth, punches The Big Brute in the face with the force of a thousand special effects shots. Watching from her position under the parasol where we first saw her, Mac's Snotty Bitch watches this in wonder and probably starts ovulating instantly. MAC What! You here again? Here's something I owe you! The Big Brute crumbles under the force of Mac's devastating blow, out cold. Mac's Snotty Bitch rushes to grab Mac's arm before every over woman on the beach can throw herself at him. MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH Oh Mac! You are a real man after all! Nearby a MAN and WOMAN gaze at Mac with a mixture of wonder, envy and lust. They both want Mac. Almost as you do. ADMIRING WOMAN Gosh! What a build. ADMIRING MAN He's already famous for it! Mac just stands there, somehow brighter than the sun that beats down on them all. Mac's Snotty Bitch hangs on his arm, tragically unaware that she is no longer good enough for him. Why is she no longer good enough? Because he's the HERO OF THE BEACH! FADE TO BLACK.
Comment