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Old 10-27-2019, 06:46 PM   #1
Congo326
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Default Looking for an agent

I have a television drama series pilot script and would like to get in touch with an agent to help me take it to the next level.

Logline:

Marcus faces struggles with juggling his school life, love life and his street life. He faces violence and gangs in his own neighborhood and faces racial conflicts at his school.

Synopsis/Details:

Marcus lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Him and his best friend, Jeremy, are low key drug dealers. Marcus has to come home everyday day to face his drug addict mother and help her in anyway he can. Seeing his mother like this makes him constantly rethink the life he is currently living. He knows deep down he is better than a drug dealer.

One day while walking down the street, Marcus and his best friend Jeremy have a run in with some other gentlemen. Jeremy is gunned down and Marcus is left severely beaten. Detectives continuously question Marcus hoping he can help them solve the murder but to their bad news, someone else takes matter into his own hands.

One day at school Marcus meets a beautiful white girl named Alecia. He plays shy until she decides to come up to him and speak eith him. They meet up a few times after school and hit it off. Alecias ex boyfriend Ricky doesn’t like that at all. Ricky is a tough shite street kid that always seems to get into trouble. He confronts Marcus a couple of times and they end up in a fight. Now Marcus has an ex boyfriend of his current girlfriend after him, peers are talking behind his and Alecias backs, Marcus is nervous knowing soon he will have to meet Alecias parents, anxiety starts building in Marcus due to these struggles.

One night while sitting at home some people pull up in a car outside of his house and shoots the place up. Marcus survives without a scratch but doesn’t know who it was. He’s not even sure if he’ll ever find out.

Last edited by Done Deal Pro : 10-27-2019 at 07:12 PM. Reason: Spacing and layout
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Old 10-27-2019, 11:04 PM   #2
Vango
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

Just some thoughts:

I'm not understanding the hook of this show. What is keeping me engaged? It is a good depiction of urban life, but I think it starts to get a little boring when the girl and her ex-boyfriend are brought into the picture.

Originally I was getting vibes of Requiem for Dream and perhaps The Wire in your first paragraph.

Then in the second paragraph, I thought "maybe this kid is about to be a mole now a la The Departed."

After the next paragraph, that's when the excitement stopped for me. It did not go in either or those two directions and became more of a common story about racial conflicts, which have been getting overdone of late imo.

I like the track you are on though. Best of luck with the agent submission. Make sure your pilot is 100% ready to go before you submit, because a first impression dictates everything. And you're going up against the best writers in the world.

You can find agent information online or you can also cold call places and speak to assistants and can persuade them to read your work.
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Old 10-28-2019, 07:15 AM   #3
Congo326
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

Thank you for the feedback. I do need to work on my synopsis a bit. The pilot script is ready for action.
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Old 10-28-2019, 08:56 AM   #4
Satriales
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

IMO, this will not get an agent interested even with a more compelling logline.
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Old 10-28-2019, 10:15 AM   #5
JS90
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

TV guy here. I’m not sure what makes this a series and not a movie. And even if it was a movie, what is the hook? Would also help to know what the genre is.

I’d move this over to the logline section of the forum and get some help workshopping it.

Also worth noting that the common wisdom for new writers is “manager before agent”. And to get a manager you should have at least 3 good scripts. Do you have two other good pieces of writing?
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Old 10-28-2019, 10:35 AM   #6
Satriales
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

Strong disagree on the three good scripts thing. Maybe have three good ideas ready to go. And of course this will vary from manager to manager but I had no problems getting offers to rep based off of one read.
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Old 12-06-2019, 08:37 AM   #7
Darthclaw13
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

Hi Congo,

Thank you for posting your logline/synopsis and asking the board for assistance. You have been given lots of good advice from others here so I will not rehash what they have suggested. I will, however, put my own thoughts on something I noticed.

In your synopsis I saw several grammatical errors. I understand these errors would not be errors if it is a character speaking, but when you are sending in a logline/synopsis to a manager and/or agent they will first and foremost notice any grammatical errors before they even finish reading the synopsis. (they may not even continue reading once they see an error).

The manager/agent could think you are a novice with no experience and that if you have grammatical errors in your "first impression" email/letter, then you would have many in your actual script and pass on you without ever giving you a chance.

So my advice is to go over your logline/synopsis and make sure it is grammatically correct and everything is spelled correctly first. Then go back through your script with a fine tooth comb and have someone else, like a friend, read it with fresh eyes to check for any errors.

People in the industry can be harsh and they will quickly let you know if you make any mistakes (either by outright telling you or just ignoring you).

In a professional situation like this where you are being judged on not just your story but your "correctness" in your writing you want to make sure you give a great first impression.

I have an example below to help you get started.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Congo326 View Post
Marcus lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Him and his best friend, Jeremy, are low key drug dealers.
Your second sentence should read "He and his best friend........" Not "Him and his best friend....." I know many folks speak the way you have it written but in a professional synopsis you want to write "correct" Standard English.

I wish you all the best.
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Old 12-06-2019, 10:38 AM   #8
grumpywriter
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

That you lived this is good because it would answer one of the key questions for any agent: WHY YOU TO WRITE THIS?

But the problem, as others have mentioned, is that there is nothing unique about this idea.

Agents are looking for ideas that are:

1. Unique (ie, never been done before or at least never been done in THAT WAY)
2. Timely
3. Personal to the writer in some way

You've got number 3 but the other two are missing. So, no agent is going to read it.
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Old 12-10-2019, 05:22 PM   #9
Mintclub
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

Hey Congo,

I know lots of folks on here have offered you sound advice on your pitch and that’s great and hopefully helpful for you moving forward. In terms of how to get an agent, I’m an agented writer. Got mine through my managers. Normally managers are a great place to start but with all the disruption of the WGA/ATA stand-off they’re probably much harder to pin down right now. That said, IMDb pro is your friend. Do a month’s free trial and trawl through the various management companies on there. Not all of them but some of them do have their contact details to hand for you to query them with an introductory email. A simple hello, who you are and the logline for your show. Keep it short and polite.

There’s plenty of great threads on done deal talking about how best to query, what to say and also other threads with the most popular/ successful managements.

Aside from that a handful of the better contests are an alternate way to get reads from reps. Dependent on how far you go in them. But they cost money.

Best of luck,
Hope you get some reads.

Ps for what it’s worth the script that my agents signed me off of didn’t have a killer hook. Nor was it a flashy high concept. It was about a father trying to save his son. It was set in Ireland. And is currently budgeted at under 5 million dollars. My agents loved the characters. The tone. The voice.
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Old 12-10-2019, 06:38 PM   #10
finalact4
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Default Re: Looking for an agent

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mintclub View Post
It was about a father trying to save his son. It was set in Ireland. And is currently budgeted at under 5 million dollars.
this is a universally compelling story that any human being across the world can identify with. i would read/watch this movie.

it's a story that matters.
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