Click here for Done Deal Pro home page

Done Deal Pro Home Page

Loading

Go Back   Done Deal Pro Forums > About the Craft > Screenwriting
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-17-2018, 04:06 PM   #1
socalwriter1
Regular
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 333
Default Communicating Energy to the Page

Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.

Problem: I just cannot convey the energy I have in my head for this scene onto the page. Any ideas? Any movies come to mind with a scene like this? (Not Dirty Dancing as this is ballroom, not "raunchy" dancing.) Thanks!
socalwriter1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2018, 07:01 PM   #2
StoryWriter
Member
 
StoryWriter's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 932
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Quote:
Originally Posted by socalwriter1 View Post
Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.

Problem: I just cannot convey the energy I have in my head for this scene onto the page. Any ideas? Any movies come to mind with a scene like this? (Not Dirty Dancing as this is ballroom, not "raunchy" dancing.) Thanks!
Footloose. Has several scenes where Kevin Bacon is convincing people to dance.
__________________
"I just couldn't live in a world without me."
StoryWriter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2018, 11:09 AM   #3
sc111
Member
 
sc111's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 7,904
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

I remembered reading script pages here a looong time ago and I was blown away by the description of dancing. So I did a trusty search with the keyword: Dance and found the pages -- posted in 2010:

The irresistible driving force of HOT LATIN POP MUSIC:

BONGOS and CONGAS and TIMBALES, saucy tenor TRUMPETS, a
clinking syncopated PIANO running wild up and down.

Glimpses of gyrating HIPS. Trim TUMMIES and tight BUTTS. A
FLASH OF SHOULDERS, a SWIRL OF HAIR.

FOREPLAY ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

INT. A SMALL HOTEL BALLROOM, DETROIT - NIGHT

A BRIGHTLY LIGHTED DANCE FLOOR. Surrounded by hazy dimness.
As if the sideline is just a dream and the golden dance
floor the only reality.

And in that hot-white light SEVERAL PAIRS OF DANCERS peacock
with all they've got. Strutting. Pulsating. Posing.

The entire sequence is worth a read:

http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/...ighlight=dance
__________________
Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. “Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.”
sc111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2018, 11:28 AM   #4
Joaneasley
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,548
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

I think what you need to do is show her initiative. HOW does she get the shy people to dance? How does she get people together, make them smile and feel comfortable? Let us see that, see what makes her great at doing this.



Quote:
Originally Posted by socalwriter1 View Post
Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.

Problem: I just cannot convey the energy I have in my head for this scene onto the page. Any ideas? Any movies come to mind with a scene like this? (Not Dirty Dancing as this is ballroom, not "raunchy" dancing.) Thanks!
Joaneasley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2018, 11:35 AM   #5
nguyensquared
User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 114
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Quote:
Originally Posted by sc111 View Post
I remembered reading script pages here a looong time ago and I was blown away by the description of dancing. So I did a trusty search with the keyword: Dance and found the pages -- posted in 2010:

The irresistible driving force of HOT LATIN POP MUSIC:

BONGOS and CONGAS and TIMBALES, saucy tenor TRUMPETS, a
clinking syncopated PIANO running wild up and down.

Glimpses of gyrating HIPS. Trim TUMMIES and tight BUTTS. A
FLASH OF SHOULDERS, a SWIRL OF HAIR.

FOREPLAY ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

INT. A SMALL HOTEL BALLROOM, DETROIT - NIGHT

A BRIGHTLY LIGHTED DANCE FLOOR. Surrounded by hazy dimness.
As if the sideline is just a dream and the golden dance
floor the only reality.

And in that hot-white light SEVERAL PAIRS OF DANCERS peacock
with all they've got. Strutting. Pulsating. Posing.

The entire sequence is worth a read:

http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/...ighlight=dance
I would add to this to be wary of world/mood building "fluff" - that is, lots of vivid and energetic action/description with little suggestion as to its importance to the characters.

This is a common problem in scripts that take place in another culture/time/world (sci-fi and period pieces particularly) where there's lots of stuff happening but reads like laying down pipes on the page.
nguyensquared is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2018, 02:34 PM   #6
socalwriter1
Regular
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 333
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Thanks guys. Joaneasley - yes, that's shown in the story. sc111 - glad you have a great memory. nguyensquared - caution noted. SW - glad you remembered Footloose.
socalwriter1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2018, 09:35 AM   #7
JoeNYC
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New York City
Posts: 1,021
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Quote:
Originally Posted by socalwriter1 View Post
Set-up: Dance floor -- people dancing with people on the sidelines, those too shy to ask others to dance. Hero comes in and through her initiative, she gets everyone to dance. The dance floor comes alive with a new energy... vibrant, warm, cheerful, etc. because of everyone dancing now.
An excellent example of a hero stepping in and bringing energy to a dead party is in Jennifer Garner’s “13 Going on 30” movie. (Great film for comedy/romance fans.)

At a boring and dead corporate party, Garner’s character approaches the party’s DJ and asks him to play Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” She proceeds to shyly and awkwardly perform Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography.

She notices her childhood friend enter the room and pleads with him to join her, and then, one by one, the party goers join in, where the choreography builds to a full blown production of the “Thriller” video.

This type of dance scene, where a hero changes the dead into alive, or getting shy people to connect and dance together has been done in numerous films.

The idea is to study these films, not to copy (not saying you intended to copy; speaking generally), but to evoke a spark of creativity to fire up your imagination to create something original from something familiar.

The reason: Familiar is boring.(Majority of the time. I strive not to make blanket statements because there are always exceptions.

Notice how I cleverly avoided saying that four letter word in screenwriting -- Rule.
JoeNYC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2018, 02:35 PM   #8
UneducatedFan
Regular
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 216
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeNYC View Post
An excellent example of a hero stepping in and bringing energy to a dead party is in Jennifer Garner’s “13 Going on 30” movie. (Great film for comedy/romance fans.)

At a boring and dead corporate party, Garner’s character approaches the party’s DJ and asks him to play Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” She proceeds to shyly and awkwardly perform Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography.

She notices her childhood friend enter the room and pleads with him to join her, and then, one by one, the party goers join in, where the choreography builds to a full blown production of the “Thriller” video.

This type of dance scene, where a hero changes the dead into alive, or getting shy people to connect and dance together has been done in numerous films.

The idea is to study these films, not to copy (not saying you intended to copy; speaking generally), but to evoke a spark of creativity to fire up your imagination to create something original from something familiar.

The reason: Familiar is boring.(Majority of the time. I strive not to make blanket statements because there are always exceptions.

Notice how I cleverly avoided saying that four letter word in screenwriting -- Rule.
I was going to say the same thing but the screenplay isn't available online that I could find.
__________________
You know Jill you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month, he must have been a happy man.
UneducatedFan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2018, 03:14 PM   #9
Timmy
Regular
 
Timmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 341
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Old school: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMZ9_yrCIqU
Timmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2018, 05:00 PM   #10
bioprofessor
Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,262
Default Re: Communicating Energy to the Page

Quote:
Originally Posted by nguyensquared View Post
I would add to this to be wary of world/mood building "fluff" - that is, lots of vivid and energetic action/description with little suggestion as to its importance to the characters.

This is a common problem in scripts that take place in another culture/time/world (sci-fi and period pieces particularly) where there's lots of stuff happening but reads like laying down pipes on the page.
This is such great advice.

I think this scene from Pleasantville (below), although it has nothing to do with dancing, gets to the core dramatic theme you're trying to convey. If you think about it, your "dance scene" isn't really about dancing. It's about your hero trying convince people to let go of their preconceived notions, their self-doubt, etc.

https://youtu.be/4fCMTQXzoXo
bioprofessor is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Done Deal Pro

eXTReMe Tracker