Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

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  • #16
    Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

    I got this one this morning, part of a generic "No Unsolicited" response:

    "Please be advised that your e-mail has not been read"

    ....

    The person I sent the message to politely passed, so they had read it.

    I've saved the original email response from the Manager. You never know when it will come in handy.

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    • #17
      Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

      Not really a funny email response, but ...

      Don't you hate it when you find the website, research the perfect contact name, the site specifies a PDF release has to go with the query (even just a logline), so you scan it in, attach the file, send it all off... and two minutes later it's returned as UNDELIVERABLE.

      15 minutes work down the drain!

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      • #18
        Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

        Originally posted by catcon View Post
        The ones that always cause my heart to stop... have had two of these...
        I've got this one a couple of times. I jokingly turned it around on them "I'll tell you if you read my script" and then tell them where I found their email in a PS. Last time it worked and I got a read out of it.

        I found what I thought was a producer's email, but it turned out to a identically named person not in the entertainment industry and I got "I'm a plumber, but I'd love to read your script".

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        • #19
          Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

          Originally posted by UltraSuperMegaMo View Post
          I've got this one a couple of times. I jokingly turned it around on them "I'll tell you if you read my script" and then tell them where I found their email in a PS. Last time it worked and I got a read out of it.

          I found what I thought was a producer's email, but it turned out to a identically named person not in the entertainment industry and I got "I'm a plumber, but I'd love to read your script".
          Except there are "spam" laws coming that might let them chase us down and drag us away by our heels! It'll be the end of blitz querying as we know it! So let's hope we're all famous by then and won't have to even query any more!

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          • #20
            Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

            Back in the fall of '87(19' not 18', I'm not THAT old) I was moving from Chicago as a broke wannabe playwright to L.A. where at least I could get a tan...Broke down in Oklahoma for a few months, but sent off a few queries.

            Got one back, and suspected that it was basic sarcasm. Handwritten, it simply said "call me when you get to L.A."

            Finally rolled into L.A. in February of '88.....Damn writer's strike

            Midnite

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            • #21
              Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

              A reply from an English literary agency: "In my haste to reply I didn't realise this was a script". See? They were in such a hurry to pass that they didn't even realise it was a script. Maybe they thought it was a book of recipes or something.
              Last edited by SweetFlowerMoon; 05-20-2011, 01:02 PM.

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              • #22
                Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                Originally posted by SweetFlowerMoon View Post
                A reply from an English literary agency: "In my haste to reply I didn't realise this was a script". See? They were in such a hurry to pass that they didn't even realise it was a script. Maybe they thought it was a book of recipes or something.
                In a hurry? Seen that before. Like the one I got from Mosaic re: my script, "The Hag of Beecroft":

                Your email addressed to Jake Kurily regarding your unsolicited request to submit "THE HAG OF BEERCROFT" has been forwarded to this department for response.

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                • #23
                  Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                  I was pitching a rom com that starred older actors in late fifties to early sixties and I used the word "senior" in the pitch. This so called producer got so offended that he wrote me a nasty reply tellling me I was so prejudice and I could never work for Willima Morris as they would so kick me out and then said my name even sounded fake? I have a common name?

                  Glad to report other producers thought it sounded fun and requested it?

                  Racoon

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                  • #24
                    Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                    Not a screenplay, but I was shopping around a short story a few years ago, and received a personalized rejection letter (which is not the norm). However, I guess the editor was in a hurry or something 'cause they got my name wrong, and had 4 or 5 typos and grammatical errors in a short 2 paragraph note.

                    I marked up all the typos and errors in red, and sent it back to them saying I rejected the rejection letter. Yeah, spitting into the wind, but it made me feel better.

                    HH

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                    • #25
                      Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                      Originally posted by haroldhecuba View Post
                      Not a screenplay, but I was shopping around a short story a few years ago, and received a personalized rejection letter (which is not the norm). However, I guess the editor was in a hurry or something 'cause they got my name wrong, and had 4 or 5 typos and grammatical errors in a short 2 paragraph note.

                      I marked up all the typos and errors in red, and sent it back to them saying I rejected the rejection letter. Yeah, spitting into the wind, but it made me feel better.

                      HH
                      ha ha, well, not a screenplay either, but about 35 years ago I sent a resume out for a position, and weeks later it was returned. "We have no openings and have returned your resume in case you have further use for it." It's not like there weren't photocopy machines in those days!

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                      • #26
                        Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                        Silliest thing for me was I was on the phone with a guy who had produced on pretty woman and been featured in a book about how to get reads and so on, he said to me, "Producers and agents are DYING to read your scripts so just call. Our job is to find new material!"

                        So I said to him, "So will you read it?"

                        "Well, no."

                        Apparently OTHER producers are dying to.

                        Although he did give me some good advice that led to Gersh sending out the script I wanted him to read.

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                        • #27
                          Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                          A little out-of-place, but ha ha ha, from Brightlight Pictures, their unsolicited policy:

                          If you chose to disregard our policy and you submit screenplays, creative or story ideas, creative suggestions, ideas, notes, drawings, concepts, or other information (collectively, the "Submissions"), the Submissions shall be deemed, and shall remain, the property of Brightlight Pictures. None of the Submissions shall be subject to any obligation of confidence on the part of Brightlight Pictures, and Brightlight Pictures shall not be liable for any use or disclosure of any Submissions. Without limitation of the foregoing, Brightlight Pictures shall exclusively own all now known or hereafter existing rights to the Submissions of every kind and nature, in perpetuity, throughout the universe and shall be entitled to unrestricted use of the Submissions for any purpose whatsoever, commercial or otherwise, without compensation to the provider of the Submissions.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                            Just yesterday, I received a delayed response to one of my queries I sent ages ago. Well, I thought it was a few months, but then I looked closer at the original email note in the thread and it was dated Feb 14, 2005!

                            So this place (True Talent Management) took 6+ years to respond and it was a simple one-liner: "Are you still pursuing writing?"

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                            • #29
                              Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                              Originally posted by acquaformosa View Post
                              Just yesterday, I received a delayed response to one of my queries I sent ages ago. Well, I thought it was a few months, but then I looked closer at the original email note in the thread and it was dated Feb 14, 2005!

                              So this place (True Talent Management) took 6+ years to respond and it was a simple one-liner: "Are you still pursuing writing?"
                              You should wait six years and respond back: "Yes."

                              HH
                              Last edited by Richmond Weems; 06-14-2011, 09:36 AM. Reason: screwed up the punchline

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                              • #30
                                Re: Silliest Replies to Queries: A little levity

                                Originally posted by haroldhecuba View Post
                                You should wait six years and respond back: "Yes."

                                HH

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