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Old 02-16-2019, 02:28 PM   #1
dpaterso
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Default Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

Here are the results for the Feb 2019 Valentine's Day contest:

Code:
1st 2nd 3rd Total Martin Is Nice - Lil Drowzy 1 1 1 6 Midnight Caller - dpaterso 2 3 12 First Time - Centos 1 1 4 Fallin' - StoryWriter 2 1 2 10 The Waiting Game - Concar 1 2 4
Congrats to... dammit, me... for Midnight Caller, and to StoryWriter for a close second with Fallin'. Well done all for writing something for the contest regardless of how many points you scored. It's all about practicing writing to theme and deadline.

Thanks also to Mark Somers for voting!

1st place vote = 3 points, 2nd = 2, 3rd = 1. Note that if I'd included bonus 3 points for everyone who voted, excluding myself because I did the admin, the results would be different!

You're welcome to post thoughts and comments in this thread.

For posterity's sake, the discussion thread is here and the entries thread is here.
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Old 02-16-2019, 06:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

Congratulations dpaterso, Storywriter and Lil Drowzy. And, finally, dpaterso, you didn't penalize yourself for doing the work of administrating. I'll try to post a few comments about who I voted for and why by tomorrow (or the next day).

Thanks again for the contest.
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

Comments on the entries.

My first place vote went to Fallin'. The idea intrigued me and it ended with a Valentine theme. There was a lot to take in here and it looked like the writer was condensing a longer story into the shorter space, so it came across as rushed.

My second place vote went to the winner, Midnight Caller. Until the end I thought the dialogue seemed unrealistic when considering the situation. But once I realized there was to be a twist I "got it." I wasn't quite sure how the ending played out, were these vampires or vampire killers (or both)?

My third place vote went to Martin is Nice. The writer was successful in creating an unlikable (constant chip on the shoulder) protagonist but I thought the ending mellowed her out a bit. The beginning, with the old Polish guy's bankruptcy scam, didn't come across as realistic and I couldn't place the room decor description, but I got the idea it translated to "sparse."

Unless I missed something, I couldn't quite figure out The Waiting Game. It seemed like the start of a longer script and then just ended. I kept thinking the car "not starting" had some deeper meaning. Maybe this was an endless loop?

First Time, mine, was just another one of my maudlin scripts. I liked it, but then I usually like what I write. But I think I'm about the only one who does. Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this.

Next writing exercise?
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Old 02-17-2019, 12:51 AM   #4
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Default Re: Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

My votes went like:

1st - Fallin'
2nd - Martin Is Nice
3rd - The Waiting Game

And my comments, for what they're worth:

Martin Is Nice

I smiled at the opening lines which delivered voice, and I liked the portrait of Eliza's life, and I liked the easy dialogue. Towards the end however I didn't quite get the uncomfortable number of youths thing, like what did Eliza do to gather these people (in their 20s... but children?), and that gave me a last moment wobble. Just missed my 1st place vote.

Midnight Caller

Mine! As I posted the entries, I re-read this for typos, and realized at that fateful point that as I edited the script from 11+ pages down to 8 pages, I'd pruned the low-key romance spark between Izzy and Willy that qualified the story as suitable for Valentine's Day. I wonder if anyone noticed? Why did it get so many votes? Which were unexpected. Maybe y'all just liked the idea of a family of vampire hunters and their unwitting visitors?

First Time

Nicely written all the way, good character interplay and dialogue, but Jeebus what a downer ending, even though I saw it coming from the beginning. Sorry for not voting for it!

Fallin'

This held my attention, I think I would have enjoyed watching the film or however it ended up, gets a vote.

The Waiting Game

A readable slice of life, glad it all ended well, good closing line, gets a vote.
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Old 02-17-2019, 11:46 AM   #5
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Default Re: Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

Congratulations to dpaterso!

My # 1 -- First Time: In my opinion this was the best written script, with characters you could really relate to. But I agree with dpaterso -- put Centos on suicide watch. I was hoping for a twist, happy ending.

My # 2 -- Midnight Caller: I'm a sucker for stories that are written with characters acting normal in really weird situations. Well done.

My # 3 -- The Waiting Game: It had a realistic feel to it, and in my opinion it went on a little too long in a couple of scenes. But the characters were believable, and I kept getting the feeling this is something that the writer may have really experienced.

Martin Is Nice: Although it got better as it went (in my opinion), I had a really hard time with this one out of the gate. About thirty years ago I went through a bankruptcy and my lawyer was exactly opposite from Eliza in this story. He was a devious b*st*rd who came up with scams I would have never dreamed of. Eliza, on the other hand, acted more like a prosecutor. (Maybe things have really changed in thirty years?)

Mine -- Fallin': About a hundred pounds of crap stuffed into a fifty pound sack. Centos was right -- I needed more room. At least ten pages would have been great. I also broke a rule I normally set for myself in these short competitions. This is a story I'm playing with for a full length screenplay. Kind of it's own "alternate time line". Missing is any sense of peril. In the real story people murdered Danny's parents and since he has no idea who, he goes after scumbags, more or less randomly, then escapes. Silvia's group, aren't exactly the greatest people on earth, and could be responsible for the murders of Danny's parents. They despise "Stringers" and in the full length version so did Silvia (who is kind of brainwashed), at first. It takes her thirty or forty pages to change her mind and fall for Danny and help go after his parents killers. I tried to hint at some of this stuff, but in eight pages that's a lost cause and only causes confusion.

General Comments
I'm probably preaching to the choir, but I wish more people would use these contests. It's a great -- no cost -- way to play with new things and find out what might work and what's a disaster. I played around with a lot things, in this contest, that I've never tried before. A couple of things I'm kind of happy with and will work on -- a couple of things -- not so much. What's great about more people and more comments is if fifteen out of twenty have the same criticism, that's probably something you ought to look at.

In my opinion this is the most valuable forum on Done Deal.

Thanks again, dpaterso, for putting this together.
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Last edited by StoryWriter : 02-17-2019 at 12:26 PM.
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Old 02-18-2019, 02:01 PM   #6
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Default Re: Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

Thanks for the comments, appreciated!

Eyeballs on your writing and free feedback, what's not to like.

Yep more people would be nice, alas we've lost too many over the years and/or they just don't visit as frequently any more, what can ya do.
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Old 02-19-2019, 12:05 AM   #7
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Default Re: Results - Valentine's Day '19 contest

Quote:
Originally Posted by dpaterso View Post
First Time

Nicely written all the way, good character interplay and dialogue, but Jeebus what a downer ending, even though I saw it coming from the beginning. Sorry for not voting for it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by StoryWriter View Post

My # 1 -- First Time:
In my opinion this was the best written script, with characters you could really relate to. But I agree with dpaterso -- put Centos on suicide watch. I was hoping for a twist, happy ending.
What's funny is that I didn't consider this script a "downer" at all. I looked at it as a successful life, well lived. (Maybe I'm insane?)
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