Re: How to surprise the reader?
Yeah, I think he's better off approaching it through dialogue/character than just showing something mundane, which I get what he's going for, but isn't very dramatically interesting.
INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM.
We could be anywhere. A bar. A bedroom. A nice restaurant.
We see A MIDDLE AGED MAN, fastidious, vaguely Mid-western,
pleasant smiles on his face, speaking to an unseen person across from him.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
I just want to say one thing before we go any further.
We’ve only known each other for a short time,
but I - I don’t know - feel a connection. Like kindred spirits maybe.
Us here. In this place. You sitting across from me -
looking at me the way you are. I’m having a really good time.
(takes a drink)
But I think we've reached the stage where we need to take
things to the next level. Try something new, keep things fresh,
spice things up, right? I think you know as well as I do that
these kind of relationships can get boring very quickly.
I mean, if we’re being honest.
(beat)
What are your feelings about how our relationship has progressed?
REVERSE ANGLE ON:
HENRY KIEVER
Bound on a metal chair, feet shakled. Burns on his chest, cuts on his face.
Barely conscious. He's been tortured, though evidently not enough.
He spits up a bloody string of saliva.
BACK TO
MIDDLED AGED MAN. And that smile that seemed so pleasant a
minute ago looks positively sinister now.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
Nothing? No opinion on the matter? I mean, you of all people...
Okay, so lets try something new then.
His hand reaches across the table for the only object. A CATTLE PROD.
He gets up, his metal chair screeching against the white tiled floor.
He moves towards HENRY.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
This, I promise you, will not be boring.
**kinda cheesy, but you get the gist.
Originally posted by ChadStrohl
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INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM.
We could be anywhere. A bar. A bedroom. A nice restaurant.
We see A MIDDLE AGED MAN, fastidious, vaguely Mid-western,
pleasant smiles on his face, speaking to an unseen person across from him.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
I just want to say one thing before we go any further.
We’ve only known each other for a short time,
but I - I don’t know - feel a connection. Like kindred spirits maybe.
Us here. In this place. You sitting across from me -
looking at me the way you are. I’m having a really good time.
(takes a drink)
But I think we've reached the stage where we need to take
things to the next level. Try something new, keep things fresh,
spice things up, right? I think you know as well as I do that
these kind of relationships can get boring very quickly.
I mean, if we’re being honest.
(beat)
What are your feelings about how our relationship has progressed?
REVERSE ANGLE ON:
HENRY KIEVER
Bound on a metal chair, feet shakled. Burns on his chest, cuts on his face.
Barely conscious. He's been tortured, though evidently not enough.
He spits up a bloody string of saliva.
BACK TO
MIDDLED AGED MAN. And that smile that seemed so pleasant a
minute ago looks positively sinister now.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
Nothing? No opinion on the matter? I mean, you of all people...
Okay, so lets try something new then.
His hand reaches across the table for the only object. A CATTLE PROD.
He gets up, his metal chair screeching against the white tiled floor.
He moves towards HENRY.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
This, I promise you, will not be boring.
**kinda cheesy, but you get the gist.
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