How to surprise the reader?

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  • #16
    Re: How to surprise the reader?

    Originally posted by ChadStrohl View Post
    I envision some sort of extended monologue while we see the first man. I also get the sense his tone and subject will be some subtle sleight of hand - something light and casual but underlined with a sinister subtext. That way, when we get the reveal it will be all the more powerful.
    Yeah, I think he's better off approaching it through dialogue/character than just showing something mundane, which I get what he's going for, but isn't very dramatically interesting.

    INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM.

    We could be anywhere. A bar. A bedroom. A nice restaurant.
    We see A MIDDLE AGED MAN, fastidious, vaguely Mid-western,
    pleasant smiles on his face, speaking to an unseen person across from him.

    MIDDLE AGED MAN
    I just want to say one thing before we go any further.
    We’ve only known each other for a short time,
    but I - I don’t know - feel a connection. Like kindred spirits maybe.
    Us here. In this place. You sitting across from me -
    looking at me the way you are. I’m having a really good time.
    (takes a drink)
    But I think we've reached the stage where we need to take
    things to the next level. Try something new, keep things fresh,
    spice things up, right? I think you know as well as I do that
    these kind of relationships can get boring very quickly.
    I mean, if we’re being honest.
    (beat)
    What are your feelings about how our relationship has progressed?

    REVERSE ANGLE ON:

    HENRY KIEVER
    Bound on a metal chair, feet shakled. Burns on his chest, cuts on his face.
    Barely conscious. He's been tortured, though evidently not enough.
    He spits up a bloody string of saliva.

    BACK TO

    MIDDLED AGED MAN. And that smile that seemed so pleasant a
    minute ago looks positively sinister now.

    MIDDLE AGED MAN
    Nothing? No opinion on the matter? I mean, you of all people...
    Okay, so lets try something new then.

    His hand reaches across the table for the only object. A CATTLE PROD.
    He gets up, his metal chair screeching against the white tiled floor.
    He moves towards HENRY.

    MIDDLE AGED MAN
    This, I promise you, will not be boring.



    **kinda cheesy, but you get the gist.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: How to surprise the reader?

      Originally posted by omovie View Post
      Yeah, I think he's better off approaching it through dialogue/character than just showing something mundane, which I get what he's going for, but isn't very dramatically interesting.

      INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM.

      We could be anywhere. A bar. A bedroom. A nice restaurant.
      We see A MIDDLE AGED MAN, fastidious, vaguely Mid-western,
      pleasant smiles on his face, speaking to an unseen person across from him.

      MIDDLE AGED MAN
      I just want to say one thing before we go any further.
      We've only known each other for a short time,
      but I - I don't know - feel a connection. Like kindred spirits maybe.
      Us here. In this place. You sitting across from me -
      looking at me the way you are. I'm having a really good time.
      (takes a drink)
      But I think we've reached the stage where we need to take
      things to the next level. Try something new, keep things fresh,
      spice things up, right? I think you know as well as I do that
      these kind of relationships can get boring very quickly.
      I mean, if we're being honest.
      (beat)
      What are your feelings about how our relationship has progressed?

      REVERSE ANGLE ON:

      HENRY KIEVER
      Bound on a metal chair, feet shakled. Burns on his chest, cuts on his face.
      Barely conscious. He's been tortured, though evidently not enough.
      He spits up a bloody string of saliva.

      BACK TO

      MIDDLED AGED MAN. And that smile that seemed so pleasant a
      minute ago looks positively sinister now.

      MIDDLE AGED MAN
      Nothing? No opinion on the matter? I mean, you of all people...
      Okay, so lets try something new then.

      His hand reaches across the table for the only object. A cattle prod.
      He gets up, his metal chair screeching against the white tiled floor.
      He moves towards HENRY.

      MIDDLE AGED MAN
      This, I promise you, will not be boring.



      **kinda cheesy, but you get the gist.
      I like that. A lot.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: How to surprise the reader?

        What is it with screenwriters and torture porn?
        Hell of a Deal -- Political Film Blog

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: How to surprise the reader?

          Originally posted by ChadStrohl View Post
          I envision some sort of extended monologue while we see the first man. I also get the sense his tone and subject will be some subtle sleight of hand - something light and casual but underlined with a sinister subtext. That way, when we get the reveal it will be all the more powerful.
          That's not quite how I saw it, but pretty close. Someone doing his job. And using "INTERROGATION ROOM" would definitely throw it off.

          Code:
          INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM
          
          STAN, 50s, big and balding, in a rumpled business suit,
          squints as he silently reads a hand-written note. When he's
          finished he stares across the desk, rubbing the stubble on
          his chin. 
          
          He shifts in his chair, then clears his throat before
          speaking.
          
                                STAN
                    I'm disappointed, Alan. I had
                    thought we were closing in on a
                    mutually beneficial agreement here.
          
          Without looking over, he reaches for a pack of off-brand
          cigarettes on the edge of the desk.
          
                                STAN
                    Apparently I haven't stressed in
                    strong enough terms how important
                    it is that we find a timely
                    resolution in this matter.  
          
          He taps the pack, pulls out a cigarette, sticks it in his
          mouth.
          
          He leans forward.
          
                                STAN
                    Honestly I'm disappointed, Alan.
                    I've put some of my best work into
                    this project.
                           (lights the cigarette)
                    I expected the same level of
                    committement from you.
          
          He leans back into his chair, puffs the cigarette, then
          crinkles his nose as he looks at it.
          
          He laughs as he tamps out the cigarette in an overflowing
          ashtray.
          
                                STAN
                    I would never smoke that crap
                    brand. See how flumoxed you've got
                    me, Alan? These things can kill
                    you.
          
          He chuckles at some inside joke, reaches into his inner coat
          pocket, pulls out a pack of Benson & Hedges. 
          
                                STAN
                    Now here's a real brand. Remember
                    those old ads? ... bent cigarettes?
                          (beat) 
                    Ah, you're probably too young.
                          (he lights up)
                    Most kids think these things are
                    square. They still say "square,"
                    don't they?
          
          The smile fades as he leans back into his work.
          
                                STAN
                    Probably not.
          ...
          Last edited by Centos; 05-22-2012, 10:17 PM.
          STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: How to surprise the reader?

            Torture is over rated, if you want info from someone it only takes a few minutes, no punches neccesary. Someone who is resisting to save his family will simply give false information as much as he can. Anyone else is going to divulge what they know almost immediately if you don't mind leaving marks. But hollywood likes to dramaticize it so it will always be out there.

            I would love to see a torturer doing a crossword puzzle in between beatings, maybe even asking a partner if he thinks an answer is right, before they reveal who they really are.
            Eric
            www.scriptreadguaranteed.com

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: How to surprise the reader?

              This kind of scene will always have an element of cheese to it. It's the dramatic set up and payoff that makes it so -- a guy says some innocuous stuff blah blah blah, philosophizing, and then we reveal he's torturing a guy. It's pretty easy for it all to degrade into B-movie schlock (although I think Fincher handled it well with DRAGON TATTOO). Having him do something like a crossword puzzle, or reading Chaucer is like a cheese sandwich with mayo on white bread, deep fried.

              Comment


              • #22
                "How to surprise the reader?"

                Code:
                INT. HOLLYWOOD STUDIO CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT
                
                Max Reger's [URL="http://www.virtuallybaroque.com/audio/reg_59_05_eng.mp3"]Tocotta[/URL], (Opus 59 no. 5), dominates the sounds 
                in the room.  
                
                REFLECTED UPON A GLASS WALL
                
                JONATHAN SHIELDS, mid-30s, standing in a tuxedo, lights up a 
                cigarette. He looks out the window from behind a wing-back 
                chair at the head of a long conference table. Through the 
                window, he admires the twinkling lights and glowing landscape 
                laid out on a grid of streets that reaches far into the 
                distance. His cigarette glows red hot as he sucks upon it, 
                then, blows out a long stream of smoke.
                
                AT THE HEAD OF THE CONFERENCE TABLE
                
                Shields flicks his shiny gold lighter closed and tucks it 
                away into a pocket. He gives the screenplay set in front of 
                the wing-back chair a cursory glance, picks it up for a moment 
                to read its title, grimaces, and tosses it back onto the 
                table.
                
                                      SHIELDS
                          When an audience pays to see a picture 
                          like this, what are they paying for?
                
                                      MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
                               (haggard)
                          To get the pants scared off of 'em.
                
                Shields grins with smug satisfaction and sets his cigarette 
                upon the lip of a gilt-edged ashtray. He flips a switch 
                beneath the edge of the conference table. A motor whirs. A 
                curtain slides alongside the glass wall and blocks out the 
                view of the city.
                
                                      SHIELDS
                          And what scares the human race more 
                          than any other single thing?
                
                Shields flips another switch beneath the edge of the 
                conference table. The lights go out.
                
                                      MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
                          The dark!
                
                In the dim red glow of his cigarette, only Shields' face 
                remains illuminated, as he draws another breath. Smoke 
                diffuses the glow, as he blows out a small cloud.
                
                                      SHIELDS
                          Of course. And why? Because the dark 
                          has a life of its own.
                
                                      MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
                          I know, I know. Like you've said: In 
                          the dark, all sorts of things come 
                          alive.
                
                A switch flips. The room's light flicker on. Shields sits 
                upon the edge of the conference table and slides the 
                screenplay to
                
                THE OPPOSITE END OF THE CONFERENCE TABLE
                
                FRED, 40s but looks older, worn-out, rumpled jacket, bleary-
                eyed, and in need of a haircut and shave, stops the sliding 
                screenplay. He picks it up with disdain.
                
                                      SHIELDS (O.S.)
                          What were the first ten pages like?
                
                                      FRED
                               (the Man's Voice)
                          I'm not sure.
                
                                      SHIELDS (O.S.)
                               (angry)
                          What do you mean, you're not sure? 
                          You read it, didn't you?
                
                                      FRED
                               (peels back the 
                               screenplay's cover)
                          The idiot used Roman numerals to 
                          number the pages--
                
                                      SHIELDS (O.S.)
                               (very agitated)
                          So, by page ten, which would be X.
                
                Fred rips the cover off the screenplay.
                
                                      FRED
                          He stopped numbering them at page 
                          six!
                
                                      SHIELDS (O.S.)
                          So, just four more pages!
                
                                      FRED
                               (choking upon his 
                               words)
                          After the seventh page, none of them 
                          were in the right order.
                               (sobbing)
                          I had to go ahead, page after page, 
                          then back, page after page, to make 
                          any sense of it.
                
                ON SHIELD'S FACE
                
                                      SHIELDS
                          Was it any good?
                
                ON FRED'S FACE
                
                Fred wipes his sweaty brow with a handkerchief and wipes the 
                tears from his eyes.
                
                                      FRED
                          It was great, which surprised me.
                               (blows his nose)
                
                                                                   FADE OUT.
                Last edited by Fortean; 05-23-2012, 10:32 AM.
                JEKYLL & CANADA (free .mp4 download @ Vimeo.com)

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: How to surprise the reader?

                  Originally posted by Centos View Post
                  Why do you have to call it "Interrogation Room?" Why not something like ...
                  That.

                  - Bill
                  Free Script Tips:
                  http://www.scriptsecrets.net

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: How to surprise the reader?

                    INT. THAT - NIGHT

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: How to surprise the reader?

                      Originally posted by SuperScribe View Post
                      INT. THAT - NIGHT

                      Works for me.
                      Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: How to surprise the reader?

                        I would go with Chad's example - it sets up the scene and flows without stopping to explain what is happening. And the word usage fits the situation well.

                        Oh, and why would we need to describe it as the INTERROGATION ROOM. If we already have established the location.

                        POLICE STATION -

                        GUATANAMO BAY -

                        TONY'S GOODFELLAS RETREAT -

                        etc.

                        Besides through character interaction and dialogue - will get the point. that this beaten-to-a-pulp fool has been interrogated, to within an inch of his life.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: How to surprise the reader?

                          Originally posted by wks2001 View Post
                          Oh, and why would we need to describe it as the INTERROGATION ROOM. If we already have established the location.
                          I think the whole point is that you aren't supposed to know it's an "interrogation room" until the reveal. That's why I thought something like "dimly lit room" would be better. Once we find out that it's actually an interrogation, then the room can be described in more detail (if necessary). The only way something like this could work is if you stay close in on the interrogator until you see the victim -- so you wouldn't be seeing much of the room during the one-sided conversation anyhow.
                          STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: How to surprise the reader?

                            Originally posted by polfilmblog View Post
                            What is it with screenwriters and torture porn?
                            I don't think it has to be "torture porn." I think the whole point of setting the scene up, the way the OP wants to do it, is the surprise of revealing the true circumstances of the conversation. Once that's done, any further action in that scene would be anti-climatic.
                            STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: How to surprise the reader?

                              Re: How to surprise the reader?

                              Jump out of the page and shout, "Surprise!!!!"

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: How to surprise the reader?

                                Originally posted by Why One View Post
                                Re: How to surprise the reader?

                                Jump out of the page and shout, "Surprise!!!!"
                                Or make your story jump from the page and grab the reader by the throat. Pleasant surprise.

                                But seriously, the more you can lead the reader in one direction before something unexpected happens or before you reveal something unexpected, the more you surprise the reader.

                                It's that simple.

                                The misdirection should be original of course. [I feel profound today.]

                                P.S. If you hint at the reveal, you may lose the surprise, but you may gain a feeling of dread, suspense, or other emotion.

                                Comment

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