details discussion

[warrenP]

Hey all. In the research section we had a good discussion on the level of detail in a script. I thought others might want to chime in on this subject, so I copied the last post to here. The discussion is regarding the level of detail required in the screenplay when describing things, such as a gun. Here is as good a post as any to get right into the flow....

I say details and research are the signs of a good writer. I read a Grisham novel set in the early 1970s. Grisham had a PI shoot a Glock pistol. The problem is that Glocks were not made or sold in the USA until the mid 1980s. This is an eample of what I mean. How many of you have read a script or novel where a revolver shot 12 times or had a safety. I know of many authors/writers who use a lot of details.

Example:

He pulled his big HK USP .45 from a black Galco shoulder holster. He racked the slide and loaded a Black Hills 230 grain JHP.

This is better than;
He pulled a large black .45 pistol from a leather shoulder holster and racked the slide.

A novel is totally different from a screenplay in regards to these things. Your above example line one is perfect for a novel, and your above line two is perfect for a script.

Unless the actual gun is part of the story, then the type/make/model means nothing in the actual screenplay. No reader, other than a gun fan, will know: HK, USP, Galco, Black Hills 230 grain JHP. All that looks like to the reader is bragging. It means zero to moving the screenplay forward. Especially if is it used in description.

The prop guys, and the weapons advisor for the movie, will ensure that the character is using the proper weapon, to avoid the problem of the example you wrote above regarding the age of the Glock.

The only time that type of thing (the brand/model/etc) should be in the screenplay is in the event that a character is speaking it, just as during a forensic investigation, when it does become part of the story...

[dclary]

Where it's important to the story, or works within the writer's voice, detail is important.

Where it's not, or it doesn't, then it's not.

[Joaneasley]

Screenplays are about the story. Sure, if a certain device wasn't invented at the time of your story, it shouldn't be in there. But just because you know all about guns, or computers, or whatever, it doesn't mean we have to hear everything you know. You need the space for story, and you shouldn't bore us or bog us down.

Tell us enough to give us the quick mental picture without pulling us out of the read. Only go into minute detail about an object in a screenplay if it's later going to be important to the story, like the particular tire tracks in My Cousin Vinnie that figure in the court case.

[roscoegino]

Detail does help to brighten up description as long as it is kept to an absolute minimum. The word "gun" is so dry and flat. I like "black cherry 9 millimeter" myself.

[odriftwood]

I'll tell you where detail is essential: comedy, especially in the dialogue. The more specific you get, the funnier it is.

[Exit Stage Right]

Originally Posted by warrenP

Unless the actual gun is part of the story, then the type/make/model means nothing in the actual screenplay. No reader, other than a gun fan, will know: HK, USP, Galco, Black Hills 230 grain JHP. All that looks like to the reader is bragging. It means zero to moving the screenplay forward. Especially if is it used in description.

The prop guys, and the weapons advisor for the movie, will ensure that the character is using the proper weapon, to avoid the problem of the example you wrote above regarding the age of the Glock.

The only time that type of thing (the brand/model/etc) should be in the screenplay is in the event that a character is speaking it, just as during a forensic investigation, when it does become part of the story...

I got slightly different advice in two situations.

1st situation was in a historical piece. I was told I needed to explain a particular gun, because it was an unusual gun and the use of it was historically important.

2nd situation was a contemporary piece where I referred to the gun as "a Mare's Leg." No one seemed to know what that was, so it was suggested I explain.

But in both cases, the type of gun was an important reflection of the character's personality.

[dpaterso]

Yeah, I add more details when writing prose too, esp. if the novel warrants that kind of "boy's toys" angle (action, adventure, thriller). Tho' this can become tedious if repeated. That Grisham blooper is too funny, who doesn't know Glocks are relatively new? Stick to the courtroom scenes, John.

Script-wise I'd reduce it to, "He draws his gun, pulls back the slide." or similar. Just the actions. Who cares about the make, caliber, even where he wears his holster? Unless it's pivotal, e.g. Dirty Harry draws his Magnum and thumbs back the hammer.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity.

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