Phone conversations

nightporter · 01-19-2006, 10:47 PM

How do you guys write a phone conversation? Do you clump it all together, or do you put (Beats) inbetween, or do you break it up altogether by having action lines.

Here are different ways to have a phone conversation:

BOB
I'm thinking of seeing you tonight. What do you think about that?
(listens)
Really? You don't want to see me? Why not?
(listens)
Well screw you!

Or...another way:

BOB
I'm thinking of seeing you tonight. What do you think about that?

Bob listens.

BOB
Really? You don't want to see me? Why not?

He becomes angry.

BOB
Well screw you!

I've seen it done both ways, but I'm curious how you guys do the structure of a phone conversation, especially if the phone conversation is kind of long. Are paranthesis acceptable at this point? I know that readers HATE seeing them. Most screenwriting books tend to discourage people from using them. The second example eats up too much room on a script. Does anyone know of a good script where the phone conversation was done well - but you only hear one side of the conversation.

geozero · 01-19-2006, 11:07 PM

Do you not want the audience to "hear" the other person? You could put it as a full dialogue with INTERCUT. Otherwise we only hear one side of the conversation. Would depend on your goal for the scene.

nightporter · 01-19-2006, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geozero

Do you not want the audience to "hear" the other person? You could put it as a full dialogue with INTERCUT. Otherwise we only hear one side of the conversation. Would depend on your goal for the scene.

No I don't want the other person to be heard. I want to keep it a mystery. So I can only have one person's dialogue on there. I was just curious if you break it up with action lines, or if you use (Beats) or (pauses) to break up the conversation from one end.

I've seen it done both ways, but I'm just curious how other people do it.

dpaterso · 01-20-2006, 02:19 AM

Shrug, I don't think it matters.

Just an idea, to save space (if it matters) you could use ellipses to signify pauses, e.g.

BOB
I'm thinking of seeing you tonight.
What do you think about that? ...
Really? You don't want to see me?
Why not? ... Well screw you!

...or you could use mood change parentheticals to act as natural breaks, e.g.

BOB
(charming)
I'm thinking of seeing you tonight.
What do you think about that?
(surprised)
Really? You don't want to see me?
Why not?
(angry)
Well screw you!

Shrug, just a thought.

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

vanpet · 01-20-2006, 08:58 AM

You should avoid telephonic conversations. they are not visual, not interesting and boring.

dpaterso · 01-20-2006, 09:08 AM

Unfortunately a world without telephones is entirely unrealistic. They exist, people use them, they can advance the story and show character. Just keep the calls short and interesting.

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Deus Ex Machine · 01-20-2006, 10:24 AM

A STRANGER IS TELEGRAMMING doesn't have the same menacing impact, but it would be unexpected

ExtHollywoodDay · 01-20-2006, 04:32 PM

This is Western Union central office! STOP.
The cad is telegraphing you from INSIDE YOUR HOMESTEAD! STOP.
RUN! STOP.
DON'T STOP RUNNING WHEN WE SAY "STOP". STOP.

Biohazard · 01-21-2006, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanpet

You should avoid telephonic conversations. they are not visual, not interesting and boring.

I can think of about two dozen classic films off the top of my head that used telephone conversations. Rear Window is one of the better examples.

And there is nothing wrong with some non-visual scenes in a screenplay. Dialogue is not visual, so do you mean to say that 12 Angry Men is crap because of it? You'd be hard-pressed to find a single person who believes that.

dpaterso · 01-21-2006, 01:15 PM

Test audience reacted badly to "12 Angry Men Having A Telephone Conversation" so they decided to stick 'em all together in a room.

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

01-19-2006, 10:47 PM	#1
nightporter User Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 99	Phone conversations How do you guys write a phone conversation? Do you clump it all together, or do you put (Beats) inbetween, or do you break it up altogether by having action lines. Here are different ways to have a phone conversation: BOB I'm thinking of seeing you tonight. What do you think about that? (listens) Really? You don't want to see me? Why not? (listens) Well screw you! Or...another way: BOB I'm thinking of seeing you tonight. What do you think about that? Bob listens. BOB Really? You don't want to see me? Why not? He becomes angry. BOB Well screw you! I've seen it done both ways, but I'm curious how you guys do the structure of a phone conversation, especially if the phone conversation is kind of long. Are paranthesis acceptable at this point? I know that readers HATE seeing them. Most screenwriting books tend to discourage people from using them. The second example eats up too much room on a script. Does anyone know of a good script where the phone conversation was done well - but you only hear one side of the conversation.

01-19-2006, 11:07 PM	#2
geozero Regular Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Writer/Director - Hollywood Posts: 387	Re: Phone conversations Do you not want the audience to "hear" the other person? You could put it as a full dialogue with INTERCUT. Otherwise we only hear one side of the conversation. Would depend on your goal for the scene.

01-20-2006, 02:19 AM	#4
dpaterso Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Caledonia Posts: 5,850	Re: Phone conversations Shrug, I don't think it matters. Just an idea, to save space (if it matters) you could use ellipses to signify pauses, e.g. BOB I'm thinking of seeing you tonight. What do you think about that? ... Really? You don't want to see me? Why not? ... Well screw you! ...or you could use mood change parentheticals to act as natural breaks, e.g. BOB (charming) I'm thinking of seeing you tonight. What do you think about that? (surprised) Really? You don't want to see me? Why not? (angry) Well screw you! Shrug, just a thought. -Derek -> <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.* ________________________________________________ Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

01-20-2006, 08:58 AM	#5
vanpet Regular Join Date: May 2005 Location: Belgium Posts: 201	Re: Phone conversations You should avoid telephonic conversations. they are not visual, not interesting and boring.

01-20-2006, 09:08 AM	#6
dpaterso Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Caledonia Posts: 5,850	Re: Phone conversations Unfortunately a world without telephones is entirely unrealistic. They exist, people use them, they can advance the story and show character. Just keep the calls short and interesting. -Derek -> <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.* ________________________________________________ Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

01-20-2006, 10:24 AM	#7
Deus Ex Machine Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,823	Re: Phone conversations A STRANGER IS TELEGRAMMING doesn't have the same menacing impact, but it would be unexpected __________________ Fortune favors the bold - Virgil

01-20-2006, 04:32 PM	#8
ExtHollywoodDay Regular Join Date: May 2005 Location: Hollywood, CA Posts: 350	Re: Phone conversations This is Western Union central office! STOP. The cad is telegraphing you from INSIDE YOUR HOMESTEAD! STOP. RUN! STOP. DON'T STOP RUNNING WHEN WE SAY "STOP". STOP.

01-21-2006, 01:15 PM	#10
dpaterso Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Caledonia Posts: 5,850	Re: Phone conversations Test audience reacted badly to "12 Angry Men Having A Telephone Conversation" so they decided to stick 'em all together in a room. -Derek -> <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.* ________________________________________________ Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

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