Click here for Done Deal Pro home page

Done Deal Pro Home Page

Loading

Go Back   Done Deal Pro Forums > About the Craft > Writing Exercises
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-08-2009, 02:10 PM   #1
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,184
Default SIZZLING SUMMER WRITING entries

THE INSULT THAT MADE A MAN OUT OF MAC

Code:
EXT. BEAUTIFUL BEACH - DAY It's a glorious day. Surf lolls lazily up onto the golden sand, while MR. SUN generously sprinkles cancer causing UV rays over sunbathing morons. MAC and MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH recline on a large beach blanket, enjoying the shade offered by their parasol. Mac is 19. Skinny and pale with dark hair. He looks like an anemic Pee Wee Herman with bulimia. Mac's Snotty Bitch looks like somebody put Megan Fox and Scarlett Johansson in a blender then poured the resulting babeshake into the worlds most indiscreet bikini. How they got together in the first place shall forever be a mystery. SUDDENLY, like the wrath of God Almighty, a BIG BRUTE OF A MAN runs past, kicking sand into Mac and his snotty bitch's faces. MAC Hey! Quit kicking that sand in our faces! MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH That man is the worst nuisance on the beach. The sound of their whining reaches the ears of the lumbering behemoth, who stops dead in his tracks. He stomps back to Mac and Mac's Snotty Bitch, towering over them like a volcano of pain about to erupt in their faces. He grabs Mac by his twig-like arm and pulls him to his feet, like a huge guy pulling a small skinny guy to his feet. Mac's Snotty Bitch just sits there, apparently unconcerned. BIG BRUTE OF A MAN Listen here. I'd smash your face...Only, you're so skinny you might dry up and blow away. The Big Brute stares into Mac's eyes, reveling in his power, unaware of how his lack of knowledge of his own sexuality effects his every action. Happy with having asserted himself, the Big Brute strides away, in search of a discreet place in which to masturbate. Publicly humiliated, Mac turns to his snotty bitch for consolation. But there is none. She looks at him with something that is the sum of hatred multiplied by loathing to the power of contempt. Mac tries to regain a sliver of dignity. MAC The big bully! I'll get even some day. Mac's Snotty Bitch stands and strikes a sexy pose, showing him the prize that he was not strong enough to hold on to. MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH Oh don't let it BOTHER you little boy! PAN up to some SEAGULLS gliding lazily on an updraft, unconcerned about the minutiae of human relationships. Their cares are different from ours. I mean, have you ever seen how excited they get over a bit of pizza crust? A ****ing pizza crust! We don't get that excited over a whole pizza. Hell, we wouldn't get that excited over 10 pizzas. We should all be seagulls. INT. MAC'S LIVING ROOM - DAY Mac, dressed in a suit jacket with shirt, tie and trousers, IS PISSED! How do we know he's pissed? Well, for one thing, he's KICKING A CHAIR, sending it sailing across the room. It's a good thing Mac doesn't have a dog, or right now I'd be describing something that I really don't approve of. And just in case you're still unclear how PISSED Mac is, let me also draw your attention to the fact that the seismic waves of fury emanating from him cause a small lamp to fall over and a picture to suddenly hang squint on the wall. Not fall. It just hangs there, squint. Think about that. Think about the anger that would cause such a thing to happen. But that's not all that's going on with Mac right now. As great as his anger is, it is nothing compared to the DETERMINATION we see set in his face. See, not only is he stomping around his living room and making it untidy, but he is simultaneously READING A BOOK! And talking to himself. MAC Darn it! I'm sick and tired of being a scarecrow! Charles Atlas says he can give me a real body. All right! I'll gamble a stamp and get his free book! INT. MAC'S BEDROOM - DAY SUPER: LATER Mac is in front of his dresser mirror admiring himself. Why? Because Mac is TRANSFORMED. Gone is the skinny wisp of a man that Mac once was. Now, preening in front of the mirror, stands an ADONIS. If Mother Nature could be persuaded to look the other way for five minutes so that HERCULES could impregnate SUPERMAN, this would be the resulting child if it was raised by a monastery of bodybuilders. The camera moves loving around Mac, reveling in this physical perfection. If the camera was a tongue, it would lick Mac. It wants to. It wants to lick him so badly. AND SO DO YOU. MAC Boy! It didn't take Atlas long to do this for me! What muscles! That bully won't shove me around again! SMASH CUT TO: EXT. BEAUTIFUL BEACH - DAY Mac, a God bestriding the Earth, punches The Big Brute in the face with the force of a thousand special effects shots. Watching from her position under the parasol where we first saw her, Mac's Snotty Bitch watches this in wonder and probably starts ovulating instantly. MAC What! You here again? Here's something I owe you! The Big Brute crumbles under the force of Mac's devastating blow, out cold. Mac's Snotty Bitch rushes to grab Mac's arm before every over woman on the beach can throw herself at him. MAC'S SNOTTY BITCH Oh Mac! You are a real man after all! Nearby a MAN and WOMAN gaze at Mac with a mixture of wonder, envy and lust. They both want Mac. Almost as you do. ADMIRING WOMAN Gosh! What a build. ADMIRING MAN He's already famous for it! Mac just stands there, somehow brighter than the sun that beats down on them all. Mac's Snotty Bitch hangs on his arm, tragically unaware that she is no longer good enough for him. Why is she no longer good enough? Because he's the HERO OF THE BEACH! FADE TO BLACK.
__________________


Hey! You might do it in your house, but in this house we don't lick our butts. -- Mother Teresa

Mark Somers is offline  
Old 06-10-2009, 12:45 AM   #2
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,184
Default Re: SIZZLING SUMMER WRITING entries

SEX... DEATH ON THE BEACH ( Part 1 of 3 )

Code:
FADE IN: EXT. BEACH - DAY KEITH (25) a tall, deep tanned beach God sits perched high up in his lifeguard's chair. He scans the water for people in trouble. THROUGH A TELESCOPE Keith turns to gaze straight into our telescope. Keith smiles, waves, blows a kiss. BACK TO SCENE LAUREN COOPER (40) a stunner in the way that only women with unlimited time and money to spend on themselves can be. She pulls her beautiful face away from the telescope, runs her hand through her long raven hair. Smiles, waves to Keith. A tuxedo cat, KITTY, in her prime, rubs against Lauren's leg. Kitty is a very big cat. The markings on her face resembles a permanent "Cheshire grin". Lauren glares down at Kitty. Shoos her away with her foot. LAUREN Why can't he have a dog like a real man?... Get away from me. Kitty struts away, her white-tipped tail in the air. INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY The room is a contemporary vision in European styling. Glass, marble, leather, high tech. DONALD COOPER (60) fit for his age, deep tan, a heavy gold Rolex on his wrist enters from the master bedroom. He wears a towel around his waist. His thin gray hair is still wet from the shower. Kitty enters the room through the open glass doors. Donald picks her up, pets her. DONALD (baby talk) Hello Kitty. How's my favorite little ***** today? Kitty purrs, loves his attention. Donald turns his gaze out the glass doors to the pool deck. Lauren catwalks by the infinity pool as if she was a model on a photo shoot. Donald strolls out onto the... EXT. POOL DECK - DAY ...where he scans the beach in the same direction the telescope points to. EXT. BEACH - DAY Keith brings the binoculars down from his face. He stares at Lauren and Donald. EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Donald startles Lauren. She jumps. Quits posing. LAUREN Jeez, Donald! You scared me. I thought you were doing your work out. She slides up to him in a sexy feline way. She glances at Kitty with contempt then kisses Donald. Donald grabs her, his arm around her waist. Pulls her in tight. DONALD I rather do my work-out with you. He pulls her close for a kiss. She pulls away. LAUREN Maybe later, okay? I'm going down to the beach for a little while. If you don't mind of course. Donald glances towards the telescope. DONALD No, why would I? Lauren grabs a towel from a pool chaise, hurries down the wooden stairs to the beach. She spins around, blows Donald a kiss. Donald blows one back to her. He pets Kitty, while he watches Lauren head over to the lifeguard tower. EXT. BEACH - DAY Lauren strides along the waters edge. The towel in her hand. Hips sway from side to side. She glances towards Keith. A smile beams on her face. Keith notices her. His handsome face smiles back at her. Lauren lays the towel down on the sand, sits down. Keith jumps off the Lifeguard chair, strolls up to Lauren. They both glance towards Lauren's house. The house stands proudly. Donald is nowhere in sight. Keith kneels down close to Lauren. KEITH I've missed you. LAUREN I've missed you too. I'm going crazy at night when I'm in bed with him. All I can think of is you. EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Donald exits the house. With Kitty in his arms he steps toward the telescope. He looks into the eye-piece. THROUGH TELESCOPE Lauren sits on the towel. Keith puts lotion on her back. KEITH (V.O.) When do you want me to do it? LAUREN (V.O.) Tomorrow morning. When he goes for his swim. Keith wipes his hands, gazes into her eyes. KEITH (V.O.) So soon? LAUREN (V.O.) I can't stand it anymore. Can't stand his hands on me. BACK TO SCENE Donald pulls away from the telescope. He stares out over the beach at Lauren and Keith. Keith and Lauren embrace in a romantic kiss. Donald pets Kitty. Kisses her on top of her head. DONALD Tell me, Kitty. Is something going on here during the day when I'm at work? Kitty rubs her head against Donald's face. She purrs. DONALD I don't like that ******'s hands all over my wife. Kitty pins back her ears. Hisses. DONALD He obviously doesn't know who's wife he's dealing with. Kitty licks his face. Rubs against him. Kitty loves him. EXT. POOL DECK - DAY The morning sun rises over the calm ocean. Lauren sits at a table with her breakfast in front of her. Donald enters through the open glass doors. He wears swim shorts, a towel around his neck. DONALD Just going for my-- LAUREN Are you going for your-- DONALD/LAUREN --swim. DONALD I'll be back in thirty minutes. Lauren watches him, shoots him a fake smile. LAUREN Okay honey. Be careful out there. Lots of riptides... Donald moves on past her down to the beach. Lauren watches him go with an icy stare. EXT. BEACH - DAY Keith with binoculars pressed against his face. He follows Donald as he enters the water. Donald glances in Keith's direction. His eyes narrowed. He proceeds into the water, begins to swim out. EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Lauren swings the telescope towards the sea, towards Donald. She watches him swim out far. EXT. LIFEGUARD TOWER - DAY Keith sees Lauren behind the telescope. He turns his gaze through the binoculars to Donald. EXT. SEA - DAY Donald swims with powerful strokes. He glances back at the beach. It's pretty far away. Not many people on the beach this early. He sees Keith up on his perch. Donald starts to flap his arms around. Fakes him drowning. DONALD HELP! HELP! EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Lauren makes a double take through the telescope, swings it around towards Keith. EXT. LIFEGUARD TOWER - DAY Keith stares at Donald surprised. He turns to Lauren. He puts his hands up as if to say "What the ****!"... EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Perplexed, Lauren stares at Keith. She shakes her head as if to say "I have no idea?"... EXT. LIFEGUARD TOWER - DAY Keith puts away the binoculars, grabs his lifeguard gear, jumps down then runs towards the water.
__________________


Hey! You might do it in your house, but in this house we don't lick our butts. -- Mother Teresa

Mark Somers is offline  
Old 06-10-2009, 12:50 AM   #3
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,184
Default Re: SIZZLING SUMMER WRITING entries

SEX... DEATH ON THE BEACH ( Part 2 of 3 )

Code:
EXT. SEA - DAY Keith dives into the sea, swims out to Donald. Donald fakes drowning. He glares at Keith who swims towards him. DONALD (to himself) Come on you mother-******. Keith swims closer, closer. He reaches Donald. For a moment both men stare each other down then Donald swings at Keith, punches him on the nose. Pow! Keith's nose bleeds. He lunges at Donald. A wild fight breaks out as they both attempt to drown each other. EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Lauren watches in horror as the two men fight. Keith struggles. He spends a lot of time under water. Lauren clenches her fists. LAUREN Come on baby. Kill that *******. EXT. SEA - DAY Keith is in bad shape. Donald has his hands around his neck. Keith goes under for a long time. Donald holds on tight. After a moment, Donald relaxes some. Keith's body breaches the surface. He's out. Donald pushes him under one more time for good measure. EXT. POOL DECK - DAY Lauren covers her mouth in horror. She paces back and forth on the deck. EXT. SEA - DAY Keith's dead body bobs up and down with the water. Donald swims back to the beach. INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT Donald and Lauren at the dinner table. Candles lit. Wine and gourmet food on the table. Donald eats with gusto. Lauren picks at her food. She is quiet, looks upset. She drinks a glass of wine. Kitty sits on a chair, watches them. DONALD What's the matter? You're not happy I survived? Lauren fakes it. LAUREN Of course honey. I'm just upset because I realize... how close I came to losing you. Kitty pins back her ears, growls. Lauren glare at the cat. Donald shrugs, drinks some wine. DONALD I feel bad about that poor lifeguard. I don't know what came over me? I guess I must have panicked. That can happen you know. Lauren is mortified. DONALD You get a supernatural strength almost. Heck, I don't even remember exactly what happened? Lauren's looks like she has an idea. She smiles to herself. LAUREN You're right. Instead of thinking what could have happened, let's celebrate you're still here alive and well. After all, that's all that matters. She picks up the wine glass. LAUREN To Donald the amazing. Donald smiles, raises his glass. DONALD To us. Lauren turns on the charm, flirts with him. LAUREN Let's celebrate full force. Donald gazes into her eyes with anticipation. DONALD What do you have in mind? She winks at him. LAUREN Your favorite. They clink their glasses together, "cheers" - drink. EXT. POOL DECK - NIGHT Donald sits on a lounge chair. His wrists are shackled behind his back with handcuffs. He's got a choker around his neck. Lauren holds on to the chain attached to it. Kitty watches from another lounge chair. Lauren gives him some wine. He gulps it down. She tightens her grip on the chain. LAUREN You'll get more too if you're a good boy and do exactly what I tell you to. Donald nods. DONALD Yes, Mistress. Lauren tugs on the chain, pulls him up into a standing position. She pulls him in tight, glares into his eyes. LAUREN You shouldn't have killed him, Donald. Donald looks surprised. DONALD What are you talking about? He twists his hands. Feels the handcuffs. Nervous. LAUREN Don't play innocent with me. I watched you. He takes a step away from her. She yanks him back, takes a step closer to the pool. Donald resists. She takes a firm grip on the chain. Pulls hard. He stumbles. She pushes him into the pool. Kitty watches, pins back her ears, hisses. Lauren jumps into the pool. Donald thrashes about, struggles to swim up to the surface. Lauren pulls on the chain with both hands, forces his head under the water. Donald kicks wildly. Leans in to bite hear. He is unable to do anything with his hands behind his back. After a long struggle Donald's body goes limp then floats to the pool surface. Lauren climbs out of the pool out of breath. Kitty growls. Lauren pulls Donald's dead body to the edge then pulls him out. She removes the handcuffs and the leather choker. There are no marks on Donald. Lauren rolls dead Donald onto his back. She gets up, grabs a cell phone on the table, dials.
__________________


Hey! You might do it in your house, but in this house we don't lick our butts. -- Mother Teresa

Mark Somers is offline  
Old 06-10-2009, 12:53 AM   #4
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,184
Default Re: SIZZLING SUMMER WRITING entries

SEX... DEATH ON THE BEACH ( Part 3 of 3 )

Code:
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Lauren sits on the couch. She appears very upset. There's a bottle of vodka on the coffee table. A glass in her hand. Across from her sit two POLICEMEN. One of them writes on a note pad. The other one asks questions. LAUREN (sniffles) I don't know... It's so horrible... All I can think is... he was so upset about the lifeguard who drowned... and he drank too much then he was just too... too drunk to swim. Policeman #1 watches her closely while Policeman #2 writes. Policeman #1 glances around the luxurious living room. POLICEMAN #1 How long were you married? Kitty enters the room. She takes a seat on the couch. Lauren glares at her then gets back to business. She cries. LAUREN Only six months. POLICEMAN #1 Would you say your marriage was good? LAUREN Yes! We loved each other very much. We were very close. Kitty pins back her ears hisses, growls. The two policemen glance surprised at Kitty. POLICEMAN #1 Is that your cat? LAUREN She's was my husband's little darling. INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT A big luxurious bath. Lauren lies submerged in a heart shaped whirlpool tub full of bubble-bath surrounded by lit candles. Her arm dangles over the edge. A bottle of vodka clasped in her hand. She takes a swig. LAUREN I'm glad you're gone... I'm pissed you had to take Keith with you though... I really liked him. Kitty enters the bathroom. LAUREN What do you want? She downs another slug of vodka. LAUREN Just so you know, as soon as the pound opens tomorrow, you're history... Kitty jumps up on the counter near the tub. She stretches, watches herself in the wall to wall mirror. She sits down, licks her paw, fixes her yellow eyes on the back of Lauren's head. Lauren turns around, glares at Kitty. LAUREN I can't stand that ugly grin of yours. She turns back. LAUREN Never understood what he saw in you. Kitty tip-toes around the many items on the counter. She sits down by a flat-iron plugged into the electrical outlet Her yellow eyes dart from the iron to Lauren and back. A grin. The Cheshire grin. Menacing. Kitty swipes hard at the flat-iron. It drops into the water. Lauren spasms. Drops the bottle. The Vodka bottle cracks when it hits the marble floor. Vodka pours onto the bathroom tiled floor. Lauren spasms wildly in the tub. She knocks one of the candles down. It lands in the vodka. Flames dance around the tub. Kitty jumps down. Struts out of the bathroom. Her white tipped tail flicks arrogantly in the air. FADE OUT: THE END
__________________


Hey! You might do it in your house, but in this house we don't lick our butts. -- Mother Teresa

Mark Somers is offline  
Old 06-11-2009, 02:51 AM   #5
Mark Somers
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,184
Default Re: SIZZLING SUMMER WRITING entries

THE SAND CASTLES

Code:
FADE IN: EXT. SEASHORE BEACH - DAY A hot sun bakes the holiday crowd on a sizzling summer day. HAROLD, (about 10 years old), labors upon a small plot of sand near the high water mark. With a waxed milk carton as his only tool, he scoops damp sand from a moat and constructs the ramparts of a sand castle about a yard long on each side. Teenagers and adults walk along the wave-swept portion of the beach and give a passing glance at the construction project. Small children point it out to one another, laugh with glee, and scamper off. Harold smooths the domes of the corner towers; and, satisfied with his efforts, he steps back to admire it. A GREY-HAIRED MAN, (in his 60s), shuffles up from the water's edge and offers Harold a handful of sea shells. GREY-HAIRED MAN Nice work, kid. Would you want to use these to decorate it? HAROLD (taking the sea shells) Sure. Thanks, mister. Harold arranges the shells upon the domes and castle's gate. He steps away from his sand castle and searches for more shells on the wave swept portion of the beach. From there, he sees a gang of TEENAGE RUFFIANS race toward his castle. Feet batter the ramparts and explode them into clouds of sand. Domes crumble into the moat. The molded arches of the castle's gate disappear under the trample of giants. HAROLD Hey! Why'd you do that? That was mine! TEENAGE RUFFIAN #1 Thought you were finished with it. TEENAGE RUFFIAN #2 Yeah. No one was guarding it. TEENAGE RUFFIAN #3 Tough luck. TEENAGE RUFFIAN #4 What'cha gonna do about it? Huh? Harold realizes that he is outnumbered and outsized. He shades his eyes against the glare of the Sun. He summons up as strong a warning as one can muster in the face of an unfair battle. HAROLD Don't do it, again, okay? I'm warning you. TEENAGE RUFFIAN #4 (laughing) Look at who's warning us off. TEENAGE RUFFIAN #1 Look, you little jerk, this is a public beach. You don't tell us what to do. Get it? TEENAGE RUFFIAN #2 Build another castle, if you want, but you'd better guard it. TEENAGE RUFFIAN #3 Don't even bother. We'll smash it, too! The Teenage Ruffians walk off down the beach and kick up clouds of sand to taunt Harold. LATER Harold digs a deep hole in the midst of the sand castle's ruins. Harold speaks with the Grey-Haired Man, who responds by pointing up to a spot in the sand dunes behind the high water mark. Harold marches off in that direction. LATER STILL The hole and ruins have been replaced by a new sand castle. Wet sand glistens in the sunlight. Ramparts reach twice as high as before, and domed towers rise up from the ramparts, rather than the corners of the castle. The fortress has no gate, and just a handful of sea shells adorn its walls. Harold scoops out a deeper moat and piles the sand along an outer wall. With a stick, he scratches a warning sign on the new castle's walls: "Don't Touch". Harold shade his eyes from the Sun's glare. He steps back to admire his new construction. He glances up and down the beach, then walks into the breaking waves, to wait chest-deep in the water, facing the beach. Coming down the beach, the gang of Teenage Ruffians returns. They spot the new castle, glance about for Harold, then assemble to conduct their siege. IN THE WAVES Harold turns to one side, kicks off, and swims parallel to the beach. About a hundred feet further down the beach, he washes ashore with the waves. He spots the Grey-Haired Man. GREY-HAIRED MAN Want some more shells for your castle? HAROLD No thanks. GREY-HAIRED MAN Did you find those clumps of driftwood? HAROLD Yeah. It was exactly what I needed to shore up and reinforce the walls of my castle. FADE OUT.
__________________


Hey! You might do it in your house, but in this house we don't lick our butts. -- Mother Teresa

Mark Somers is offline  
Closed Thread


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:59 AM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Done Deal Pro

eXTReMe Tracker