Click here for Done Deal Pro home page

Done Deal Pro Home Page

Loading

Go Back   Done Deal Pro Forums > About the Craft > Writing Exercises
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-15-2013, 04:01 AM   #1
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest 2013

Thanks to all who submitted entries for this year's Valentine's Day contest!

The 10 no make that 11 titles are:

Bestiality
You Had Me At "Hello"
It Would Have Been Great
Valentine's Days
Bad Romance
Buick
Secret Admirer
No Bunny
London Underground
She's The One
Oysters

Edit: the results thread is here.

[SPOILER ALERT] Here are the authors' names for quick reference, whited out in case you don't want to know who wrote what before reading the entries:

Bestiality - Rich Weems
You Had Me At Hello - Jai Brandon
It Would Have Been Great - Colin Holmes
Valentine's Days - Rene C
Bad Romance - polfilmblog
Buick - Centos
Secret Admirer - Mr. Earth
No Bunny - sc111
London Underground - Road Warrior
She's The One - dpaterso
Oysters - Umo


Participants are encouraged to check their own entries for any laundering and reformatting errors (the software isn't perfect and neither am I! Each PDF seemed to have its unique little quirks!). These can be quickly edited, just PM me.

Everyone is invited to read the entries and pick your 1st, 2nd and 3rd place favorites. PM these to me please, preferably in that order! Comments on the entries are also encouraged, and can be posted in the contest results thread once voting is done with. Tentative deadline for votes is next Friday (22nd).

...And please don't vote for your own entry, he added.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!


Last edited by dpaterso : 02-23-2013 at 03:52 AM.
dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:03 AM   #2
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
BESTIALITY FADE IN: INT. APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM - AFTERNOON Thunder RUMBLES. Rain PATTERS onto the sill from an open window. The screen has a tear in the bottom corner. Two rooms, including the bathroom. Filthy and Spartan. A mattress on the floor takes up most of the space in the room. A litter box in one corner. JOHN lies on his back on the mattress, stares at a water stain on the ceiling. He's naked, a sheet twisted around his mid-section. GLENDA stares at John with her blue eyes. She's a Siamese cat. (Other than where noted, we don't see any lip movements during any conversation; like it's all voiceover.) GLENDA Penny for your thoughts? John stares at the ceiling. The cat regards John for another moment, jumps off and heads to the litter box. Glenda does her business. Paws at the litter. John slowly gets up, shuffles over to the bathroom. Sounds of urination. He comes back out, goes to the window. Looks out at the rain. She jumps onto the window sill. Rubs against his arm. He ignores her. GLENDA (CONT'D) We could curl up together. He presses his head against the glass. Her tail twitches. She jumps down, heads to the mattress, and curls up among the stained sheet and pillow. John stares into the alley below his window. EXT. ALLEY A DOG, wet and scraggly looking, pokes around the garbage cans in the alley. INT. APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM John watches. JOHN (whispers) I've never had a dog before. GLENDA What's that? JOHN Nothing. I'm going out. GLENDA But it's raining. John takes a couple steps over to a cracked and chipped four drawer dresser. He pulls clothes out of it, gets dressed. Heads to the door, opens it... GLENDA (CONT'D) When will you be back? JOHN In a little while. He crosses through the door... GLENDA I love you. And closes it. EXT. ALLEY It's a deluge. John enters the alley, searching... A SCRAPE behind him. He turns...Through the pouring rain and the dim light The snout of the dog sticks out of a garbage can. John smiles, approaches. JOHN (whispers) Hey, girl...c'mere, baby... The snout retreats. JOHN (CONT'D) (whispers) I've got something for you... He digs into a pocket, pulls out a piece of beef jerky. JOHN (CONT'D) (whispers) C'mon, girl... Eyes glitter inside the garbage can. John CLUCKS, gently shakes the beef jerky in front of him. The dog moves forward... John's eyes light up. Trembling, the dog emerges out of the garbage can. She's beautiful. Big brown eyes, a white band around her neck, and even as skinny as she is, hair plastered and clumped around her...beautiful. He holds out the beef jerky. She hungrily takes it, downs it in one swallow. Licks her lips. JOHN (CONT'D) Haven't seen you around her before. What's your name? DOG I don't remember. JOHN Dixie. Your name is Dixie. Do you believe in love at first sight, Dixie? They look into each other's eyes And embrace there in the rain. Above them, Glenda watches through the window. INT. APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM - LATER John enters the apartment. Glenda lies on the mattress, ignores him as he strips naked. He grabs a towel, dries himself before collapsing onto the mattress. She doesn't move. Casually licks herself. GLENDA You were gone awhile. John stares at the water stain on the ceiling. She looks at him. GLENDA (CONT'D) You could've told me, you know. I would've understood. JOHN No. No, you wouldn't. She puts a paw on him. Outside, the RUMBLE of thunder. GLENDA Why? JOHN I...I don't know. What we had was special, but... GLENDA But what? JOHN But now it's over. It's not the same. Her blue eyes betray nothing, and then She HOWLS! HISSES!! SPITS!! She scratches him and scratches him and he takes the scratches and the pain and he closes his eyes and tears squeeze out and lightning CRASHES and the thunder ROARS and his SCREAMS join into her SCREAMS and BLACK INT. APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM - EVENING John opens his eyes to the SOUND of rain hitting the window sill. He sits up in the semi-darkness. Scratches cover his arms, chest, and back. Blood stains the sheet and mattress. He looks around. JOHN Glenda? No sign of her. Gets off the mattress, goes to the door. The chain is still on the door. Lightning flashes. The window screen is gone. He SCREAMS, races to the window. Rain lashes him as he cranes his head out the window. Lightning flashes... And he sees her in the alley, lying on the edge of a garbage can, belly up, back broken. JOHN (CONT'D) Oh, God. Oh, God... He staggers to his mattress in the dark. Sobs rack his body as the thunder BOOMS. DISSOLVE TO: MORNING DRIP DRIP of rain pooling on the window sill. Sunlight streams through the open window. He opens his eyes. JOHN Glenda. He sits up. Looks at the still open window. He hangs his head. EXT. ALLEY - MORNING The sun manages to find its way into the alley as John shuffles into it. He stops. Stares at Glenda lies belly up, an upside down V on the edge of the garbage can. Her blue eyes open and staring at the sky. A pigeon picks at her carcass. John runs forward, shoos the pigeon away. He ignores the flies and cradles her body in his arms. Holds her tight. INT./EXT. BUS John sits in the back of the bus holding a shoebox. He lifts the lid, shows it to the RATTY LOOKING GUY sitting next to him. JOHN This is my love. She killed herself because of me. The Ratty Looking Guy stares straight ahead. He rocks back and forth ever so slightly, MUTTERS to himself. Tears drip down John's cheeks. JOHN (CONT'D) Do you know what love is? Do you know how love and lack of love are intertwined? Do you!? Ratty rocks back and forth. John gazes down at his love in a shoebox. JOHN (CONT'D) Our love was not meant to be. EXT. VETERINARIAN'S SCHOOL - DAY John stands just outside the entrance. Cash in his hand instead of the shoebox. He's furious. JOHN Five dollars!? Is that all our love was worth?? Debates on going back in. Shoves the money deep into a pocket, stalks off. INT. PET STORE - DAY John wanders through the aisles, comes to the shelves of leashes and collars. Grabs a leash and collar, slips it into his pocket when no one's looking. Takes a package of dog beef jerky as he makes his way to the CASHIER. She doesn't even look at him as she scans the beef jerky. JOHN They gave me five dollars for my love. Five dollars...who can put a price on love? A doctor? You? He hands her the cash. The Cashier is an automaton; barely notices him. JOHN (CONT'D) Yes, you're right. I have to move on. She would have wanted it that way. She hands him his change. Immediately goes to the person behind him. He exits. EXT. ALLEY - DAY He holds out the doggy treat. JOHN Here you go, girl. Dixie wags her tail, rushes forward. Wolfs down the beef jerky. John crouches down next to her, hugs and pets her. JOHN (CONT'D) Do you know what today is, Dixie? She looks at him. JOHN (CONT'D) It's Valentine's Day. DIXIE What's that? JOHN A day for lovers. DIXIE A day just for us? JOHN I wouldn't lie to you. DIXIE What about her? JOHN She's gone. She licks his face. DIXIE I love you. JOHN I know, baby. I love you, too. He pulls out the collar and leash from his pocket. She takes a step back. JOHN (CONT'D) Just until we get home. Promise. She allows herself to be collared. He attaches the leash. They kiss and lick each other. Hugs her once more and he leads her out of the alley into the sunlight. They almost run into a GUY. John stops. The Guy has a COCKATOO on his shoulder. John stares. DOG What? JOHN Nothing. They continue on, Dixie scampering ahead. John glances back. Sees the Cockatoo and its beautiful plumage disappear around the corner. JOHN (CONT'D) I've never had a bird before. END
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:13 AM   #3
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
YOU HAD ME AT "HELLO." FADE IN: INT. AIRPORT - NIGHT JERRY sprints through an empty airport, determination etched across his face. INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME A GROUP OF WOMEN sit around gossiping, DOROTHY among them. SMART-ASS Well the way I see it, the problem is they all think the same. And they use the same head to think with. MS. OBSERVANT That's profound, Alice. ONE-LINER MEN ARE DOGS! KNOW-IT-ALL The neural pathways of the penis inhibit a period of sustained, intellectual thought. Henceforth, it's hard for men to conceptualize the consequences of their actions. LUSTY I'm sorry, guys, but this is kinda off topic. Anyone else hate these holidays? Makes me feel even more divorced. And it only gets harder-- SMART-ASS Divorced?! Patty, you've never had a man in your life! EXT. HOUSE - SAME Jerry exits a taxi, flowers and heart-shaped box in hand. He looks to the house. TAXI DRIVER (O.S.) Good luck, man. JERRY You're gonna wait, right? TAXI DRIVER Homie, whether you strike out, or knock it out, my time is money. So I ain't goin' nowhere til I'm paid. Ain't got no valentine waitin'. Jerry nods, returns his attention to the house. Takes a deep breath. INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME Dorothy interrupts the chatter... DOROTHY I have a confession to make. I've sat here listening to you all tell your sob stories and you know what? None of you know what the hell you're talking about. Dorothy gets up, dishes in hand, makes her way to the kitchen... DOROTHY (CONT'D) Especially you, Francine! Seriously, "neural pathways of the penis?" What the freak does that even mean?! MS. OBSERVANT Sounds like someone needs to get laid... DOROTHY I agree. (looks to Lusty) You've gone forty years without a man, yet continue to go on and on about a divorce that never happened? You've got to get married first, Patty! MS. OBSERVANT Actually, I was talking about-- DOROTHY I'll be in the kitchen. Come and get me when this nonsense stops. The chatter starts again, drowning the room in white noise. Dorothy bumps into a lamp, drops dishes on the floor. DOROTHY (CONT'D) **it! The front door opens, Jerry steps in unnoticed. JERRY Hello? The women continue to gossip. He makes his way through the living room... JERRY (CONT'D) Hello?! The chatter fades. All eyes look to the new guest. JERRY (CONT'D) I'm looking for my wife. Dorothy rises from behind the lamp shade, eyes fixed on Jerry. Starts to move to the kitchen... JERRY (CONT'D) Wait! She stops. JERRY (CONT'D) Okay. Just... okay. The couch potatoettes look to each other with contemptuous eyes, a clear disdain for Jerry. JERRY (CONT'D) This is gonna happen now. Right here. This is where it has to happen. Jerry sets the flowers and heart-shaped box on a table, his gaze never leaving Dorothy. JERRY (CONT'D) I'm not letting you get rid of me. How about that? Ha! More bug-eyed glances. JERRY (CONT'D) I'm normally good at these speeches. Usually my specialty, but... Jerry drops his head, finds courage at the pit of his stomach... JERRY (CONT'D) Tonight our little project, our company... had a very big night. A very, very, big night. (beat) But it wasn't complete. It wasn't nearly close to being in the same vicinity of complete, because I couldn't share it with you. (beat) I couldn't hear your voice, your laughter, that funny little thing you do with your teeth... I miss my wife. Dorothy scrutinizes Jerry with disapproving eyes. JERRY (CONT'D) I miss her and I want her back. No, I need her back. You're my other half, Dottie. My one and only valentine. (beat) You complete me. A long pause. The women swivel their heads back and forth, a live tennis match in progress. LUSTY Well I don't know what she's going to say, but babe, you had me at "hello!" Jerry looks to the rotund woman... JERRY I'm sorry? LUSTY Don't be. You did it for me, babe. ONE-LINER MEN ARE DOGS! Chatter crescendos... JERRY Ladies! Ladies! Can I have a moment with my wife?! Please? KNOW-IT-ALL Sir, you're incapable of processing the pain for which you caused this woman. Dorothy deserves much more than your fickle phallus can offer. As such, I think it's in the interest of both parties-- DOROTHY STOP! Just... stop! The talking heads quiet once more. All eyes shift to Dorothy; this is her moment. She looks to Jerry... DOROTHY (CONT'D) You're an ***hole. JERRY I know, Dottie. I'm an ass and I'm gonna do everythin-- DOROTHY Shut up, Jerry! Let me say what I have to say. JERRY Okay, that's fair. Go ahead, I'm sorry. DOROTHY You're an ***hole... And for as big of a jerk as you are, it hurts to admit that I still love you. (beat) I don't want to go on without you, Jerry. I don't. But things need to change. Oh boy, do they need to change. From now on-- JERRY I can change, Dottie. I'll change it all, I swear. This marriage is gonna-- MS. OBSERVANT/KNOW-IT-ALL/SMART-ASS SHUUUT UP! MS. OBSERVANT Let the girl speak! Damn! All heads swivel back to Dorothy. She looks to Jerry once more, condemnation clouds her eyes. DOROTHY I see your listening skills remain top notch. (beat) You know, I don't think you've heard anything I've said. This is one of those things, Jerry. You have to stop-- JERRY I'm sorry, Dottie. Please, say your piece. I'm just gonna shut up and listen now. Truly sorry. DOROTHY Yes, you are. And your sorry ass can get the **ck out of my house! **CK YOU, JERRY! Dorothy storms off to the kitchen. The women look to Jerry, their bug eyes burn a hole through his soul. Awkward. LUSTY So... Your place, or mine? The cabbie peeks through the doorway... TAXI DRIVER Yo, `cuz? He finds Jerry. TAXI DRIVER (CONT'D) What's the word? Rollin' out, or what? Jerry nods, looks to Lusty... JERRY Get your coat. She jumps up happily. MS. OBSERVANT Both of you ought to be shamed! Shamed! TAXI DRIVER Don't hate, lady. SMART-ASS Someone's getting action tonight! KNOW-IT-ALL That's not an appropriate take on this situation, Alice. But in weighing the unique circumstances regarding this case, it is incumbent upon me to say - for Patty's sake - "finally." LUSTY Happy "V Day," girls! Jerry and Lusty exit with the cabbie. ONE-LINER DOG! EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT The taxi pulls away from the house. Shrinks, as it travels up the road... LUSTY (O.S.) Babe, we go together like ham and cheese. Rice and beans. Peanut butter and goddamn jelly! (beat) You complete me. TAXI DRIVER (O.S.) Damn, that's some philosophical **it right there! (O.S.) Jerry GROANS.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:15 AM   #4
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT FADE IN Cash. Lots of it. The machine counts and sorts. Feminine hands wrap the notes into packets and scribble on the wrappers. The packets are added to a growing stack. INT. FIRST NATIONAL BANK BRANCH - DAY CINDY BRODY, 24, cute, blows her auburn hair out of her eyes and positions the last of the packets. Taps the keys of her computer and turns to MRS. ANTONIO, 50, short, fat, grumpy and waiting at the teller window. Cindy hands her the receipt. CINDY Here, you are Mrs. Antonio. Anything else I can do for you today? The woman just looks at her. Takes her receipt and empty cash bag. Trundles to the exit. CINDY Have a nice day! The bank branch is empty. Cindy turns to her co-worker JANINE EVANS a 30-something black woman with a bad case of bank teller's butt. JANINE Aren't you just too happy. CINDY It's Thursday. He comes in on Thursday. JANINE Oh, we know. She shares a look with the branch manager RICK CERVANTES, 35, chubby, trying to fight his way up the bank's management ladder. He checks the wall clock. RICK He's late, isn't he? Cindy notices the silver BMW pull up. CINDY Nope. Right on time. Cindy fidgets. Rearranges the pens in the cup. Blows her hair out of her eyes. Again. BROOKS RICHARDSON crosses the parking lot. He looks all of his 27 years of privilege. Open collar under the expensive sportcoat. Italian shoes. Sunglasses that cost more than Cindy's car. Then he's there. Right in front of her. The whitest smile money can buy. BROOKS Hi. CINDY Hi. Eyes meet. Angels sing. Rick clears his throat. CINDY Uhm. How can I help you today? BROOKS I seem to have forgotten a deposit slip. RICK Right over there at the counter. CINDY I have some right here! Too excited. She slides a slip across the counter. Finger tips touch. Were those actual sparks? Brooks pulls a Mont Blanc and the fountain pen scrawls on the form. Slides it and a check across. CINDY How would you like the cash back? Twenties? BROOKS Fifties and your phone number? The smile goes to 1500 watts. Cindy glances at Rick. He's watching like a hawk. CINDY I'm sorry, sir. It's against bank policy... Rick smiles triumphantly. CINDY ...for me to tell you it's 714-555- 3720. Brooks smiles. Winks at Rick. BROOKS Got it. How about dinner next Thursday? CINDY That's Valentines. BROOKS Yeah. I know. Swoon. INT. BANK - VALENTINES DAY Cindy wears a pink blouse and an excited, hopeful grin. The bank displays a half-hearted attempt at Valentine's decorations, but Cindy's station is festooned with pink and red hearts, bunting and balloons. She slides the receipt and a heart shaped lollipop across the counter to Mrs. Antonio with a smile. CINDY Happy Valentines Day, Mrs. Antonio! The old woman looks at the sucker. MRS. ANTONIO I'm diabetic. She trundles off. Leaving the candy. The door is opened for her. It's Brooks. Again with the smile. Cindy frowns. Checks the wall clock. CINDY You're early... BROOKS Couldn't wait to see you. Rick walks through behind Cindy, rolling his eyes. CINDY How can I help -- The doors explode in. TWO MEN in black ski masks. Long dark coats come open. Shotguns. The police report will say that both are medium build. Caucasian. One with a slight limp. The other does all the yelling. ROBBER (yelling) EVERYBODY! Get down! Now. Hands go up instantly. The excited Robber moves to Brooks. ROBBER I said DOWN! Move it pretty boy. Brooks turns. Eyes go wide. He thinks a beat. If he could just -- THUNK! The butt of the gun in his gut. Brooks doubles over. Crumples to the floor. Cindy SCREAMS. ROBBER SHUT UP! The gun barrel levels to her wide eyes. She catches her breath. Rick takes a baby step toward the silent alarm switch. The BLAST of the gunshot freezes him. Everyone looks to the Limping Robber. He's blown the security camera off the wall. Wires dangle from the smoking hole. The Yelling Robber points his weapon at Rick. ROBBER That's you if you aren't on the ground right ****ING NOW! Rick hits the floor faster than the camera. The gun levels on Cindy. A canvas laundry bag is shoved across to counter. ROBBER Fill that. Now. She scrapes Mrs Antonio's stack of cash into the bag. Hesitates a second. ROBBER Don't even think about the dye pack. He looks around the empty lobby. Points to the door at the end of the teller cage. ROBBER Open it. He shadows Cindy to the door. She steps over Janine. Opens the door. He grabs her arm. ROBBER Give me hers - Hurry. Cindy opens the cash drawer. Fills the bag. She's shaking like a leaf. IN THE LOBBY the Limping Robber approaches Brooks. Nudges him with the shotgun. LIMPING ROBBER Get up. Brooks stands uneasily. LIMPING ROBBER You're driving. BROOKS Look, there's no need for -- The shotgun argues otherwise. It moves to his midsection. LIMPING ROBBER You. Are. Driving. Cindy is marched into the lobby. Hands on her head. Fighting tears. The other shotgun in her back. ROBBER She's coming with us. Brooks glares at the robber. BROOKS You've got me. You don't need her. The shotgun waves his direction. The robber admires Cindy. ROBBER I like her. Brooks' eyes are daggers. ROBBER Move it. The Limping Robber herds them to the door. BEHIND THE COUNTER Janine and Rick are on the ground. A shout from the lobby. ROBBER ANYBODY moves in the next five minutes, I will blow her head clean off. Janine looks to Rick. A wordless debate. She motions him to the silent alarm. Rick shakes his head "NO." She's adamant. Finally she gives up on him. Gets to her knees. Starts for the alarm button. ROBBER I said five minutes. He's at the end of the counter. Janine's eyes go wide. The Robber points his finger at her as a pistol. ROBBER Boom. Janine lowers herself back to the floor. The robber is gone. Rick's expression says he told her so. INT. BMW - DAY The robbers sit in the back seats, hidden from traffic by the dark window tint. Brooks drives. Cindy is stoic but scared in the passenger seat. BROOKS OK, you're out. Let her go. You don't need her. Behind him the Yelling Robber nudges the seat back with the gun. ROBBER You need to remember the only thing between her and this 12 gauge is a little Corinthian leather. Brooks glares into the mirror. Cindy gives him a worried glance. ROBBER Blindfold her. Do her hands. Now she's really scared. She holds her hands up. The Limping Robber wraps a ziptie around them. Then produces a black hood. CINDY'S POV - The hood comes down and the world goes black. OVER BLACK. The brakes squeal. A turn signal clicks. The car accelerates. Brakes squeal again. He should fix that. ROBBER (V.O.) Over there. Brakes. The engine is shut off. BROOKS Let her go. She is just -- ROBBER Shut the hell up. THE LIMPING ROBBER Get out of the car. TIGHT ON THE BLACK HOOD. The Robber leans in and whispers. ROBBER I'm putting a web cam on the dash. It goes to my cellphone. Count backwards from one hundred. You move before zero and pretty boy here won't be quite so pretty anymore. BLACKNESS again. Three doors open and close. ROBBER I can just do her here and be done with it. BROOKS If you hurt her... ROBBER What? You'll shoot me in the foot? Nearby, three doors open and close. Another engine starts and the other car pulls away. Blackness. CINDY Ninety nine... Ninety eight... Ninety seven... INT. BMW - DAY Cindy sits in the car. Hooded. CINDY ... four, three, two... one. Her ziptied hands slowly move from her lap to the hood. She lifts it. Tentatively. Peeks out. The far edge of a supermarket parking lot. There is no web cam on the dash. ON THE DRIVER'S SEAT - a red envelope. She opens the Valentine. Across the red heart, a fountain pen has scrawled - "Sorry about this. It would have been great!" FADE OUT
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:17 AM   #5
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
VALENTINE'S DAYS FADE IN: EXT. CEMETERY - SAN FRANCISCO - DAY Long rows of headstones on a hill of well-manicured grass. Loretta (60s), dressed warmly in bright colors, leans casually against one of the headstones, sipping wine and looking out at the San Francisco Bay. REGINALD (O.S.) Remarkable. Loretta looks around to see REGINALD (50s), in a gray overcoat and hat, strolling slowly towards her. REGINALD (CONT'D) There's so much black around here, it's nice to see some color. Loretta smiles politely at him. On the headstone behind her: PAUL REDFIELD 1951-1985 Reginald gestures towards the headstone. REGINALD (CONT'D) Your husband? LORETTA Never married. They stand in silence for a moment. REGINALD Lovely day for Valentine's, isn't it? LORETTA (brightens) I met Paul on Valentine's Day. In a coffee shop, in `67. I was nineteen. INT. COFFEE SHOP - SAN FRANCISCO - 1967 - MORNING Young Loretta, 19, sits with TWO GIRLFRIENDS, giggling. PAUL (23), handsome, playful, serves them their coffee orders. He places a cappuccino in front of Young Loretta. She looks at it, confused. LORETTA (V.O.) He mixed up my order. I didn't really care, but he insisted on making it up to me. Paul, waving away her protests, hurries away with her cup. EXT. CEMETERY - PRESENT - DAY Reginald leans on the headstone next to Loretta. REGINALD Was that his way of asking you out? Loretta smiles warmly. LORETTA That was his way of asking everyone out. EXT. STREETCAR - SAN FRANCISCO - 1967 - SUNSET A streetcar rumbles along a street at the top of a steep hill. Paul and Young Loretta stand on the doorway platform, leaning from a pole. Paul leans in and kisses Young Loretta. LORETTA (V.O.) Our first kiss was on a streetcar overlooking the Bay. INT. YOUNG LORETTA'S APARTMENT - SAN FRANCISCO - 1967 - NIGHT A simple apartment filled with free furniture and hand-me- downs. Young Loretta, Paul, and SIX HIPPIES smoke hash in a lazy circle. Two of the hippies play guitar. LORETTA (V.O.) That was the Summer of Love, when the world came to San Francisco. We were completely caught up in it all. In each other. SMASH CUT TO: INT. YOUNG LORETTA'S APARTMENT - SAN FRANCISCO - 1967 - MORNING Young Loretta opens an envelope at her shabby kitchen table. On the TV in the BG, images of President Johnson and the Vietnam War. LORETTA (V.O.) Then my younger brother turned eighteen and was sent to Vietnam. Young Loretta holds a typed letter. Government letterhead. An official-looking seal. Her composure collapses as she reads. LORETTA (V.O.) He died less than a month later. A training accident. EXT. CEMETERY - SAN FRANCISCO - PRESENT - DAY REGINALD My sincere condolences. Loretta doesn't seem to hear, lost in the memory. LORETTA It hit me pretty hard. INT. YOUNG LORETTA'S APARTMENT - SAN FRANCISCO - 1967 - NIGHT Young Loretta, strung out on the floor, a total mess. Drug paraphernalia littered around her. Paul comes through the door, regards the scene with calm rage. LORETTA (V.O.) I tried to hide under a rock. Hashish. Paul checks her breathing. Pulls her eyelid back. Young Loretta begins to vomit so he turns her on her side. LORETTA (V.O.) Paul tried to help, but there wasn't much he could do. The last straw came when I spent our rent on drugs. LATER Paul puts on a hat, picks up a suitcase. Looks over Young Loretta curled in the fetal position on the floor. LORETTA (V.O.) It broke his heart to leave me, but he couldn't watch me self- destruct. Paul walks out the door, closes it behind him. EXT. CEMETERY - SAN FRANCISCO - PRESENT - DAY Loretta has a far-away look in her eyes. LORETTA (quiet) I barely knew he'd left. Reginald shuffles his feet uncomfortably. LORETTA (CONT'D) It took a few years for me to climb out of that hole. Then I went looking for him. I still loved him. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - 1973 - DAY A private hospital room. Paul lies on the bed, hooked up to machines to help him breathe. Young Loretta, now 25, enters hesitantly. Tears in her eyes when she sees him. LORETTA (V.O.) I found him in a hospital in New York, in a coma. A car accident. JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - 1973 - EVENING Young Loretta reads a newspaper to the sleeping Paul. LORETTA (V.O.) They didn't know if he'd ever wake up. For years I visited him, read to him, talked to him. JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - 1976 - MORNING Young Loretta places a Valentine's Day card on the night stand next to Paul. LORETTA (V.O.) Every Valentine's Day I'd bring a card. It was our day. I wanted him to know I remembered. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - 1979 - DAY Young Loretta, now 33, wearing a waitress outfit. She strokes Paul's hair lovingly. LORETTA (V.O.) But I never kissed him. I wanted to, but I didn't know if he still loved me. INT. HOSPITAL NURSE'S STATION - LATER Young Loretta leaves Paul's hospital room, passing a nurse's station. Five nurses stand around a television. On the screen is a news report about a large anti-nuclear demonstration in Times Square. LORETTA (V.O.) Then came the anti-nuclear protests and the country was in turmoil again. EXT. TIMES SQUARE - 1979 - DAY A crowd of protestors, large and unruly, faces a double- row of New York Police officers in full riot gear. Loretta stands in the crowd holding a sign: NO NUKES! LORETTA (V.O.) I got swept up in that, too. Things really got heated after the Three Mile Island accident. The crowd rushes forward, crashes against the line of police. The officers club protestors with batons. Loretta wrestles away a baton and raises it-- SMASH CUT TO: EXT. CEMETERY - SAN FRANCISCO - PRESENT - DAY An ambiguous smile on Loretta's lips. LORETTA I was arrested. They gave me seven years. REGINALD Seven? What did you do? LORETTA Aggravated assault on a police officer. REGINALD You--? Oh my. LORETTA I was angry. And, as a violent offender, they put me in a maximum security prison. Loretta strokes the grass beside her. LORETTA (CONT'D) I missed Paul terribly. Missed seeing him in the hospital. INT. PRISON VISITOR ROOM - 1982 - DAY Booths with seats on either side, separated by thick glass. Black telephones to let prisoners speak with their visitors. LORETTA (V.O.) For two years I dreamed of him lying in that bed. A guard escorts Young Loretta along the occupied booths. LORETTA (V.O.) Imagine my surprise when he came to visit me. Young Loretta comes to an empty chair. Across from her, through the glass, sits Paul. She stops short, caught in conflicting emotions. LORETTA (V.O.) Eight years in a coma, and then he just woke up. Paul picks up the telephone and gives Young Loretta a questioning look. Young Loretta leaps for the phone, clutches it to her ear. LORETTA (V.O.) He told me he couldn't stop thinking about me. All I could think of was how good it was to hear his voice again. JUMP CUT TO: INT. PRISON VISITOR ROOM - 1985 Paul in different clothes, different hair style. Young Loretta looks the same. LORETTA (V.O.) He visited me often and we talked and talked, always separated by glass. Paul holds his hand up to the glass. Young Loretta places her own against his. LORETTA (V.O.) But we were together. And then, one day... JUMP CUT TO: INT. PRISON VISITOR ROOM - 1985 Young Loretta argues with a guard. The guard looks at his clipboard, shakes his head. LORETTA (V.O.) ...he stopped coming. EXT. CEMETERY - SAN FRANCISCO - PRESENT - DAY Loretta looks off into the distance. REGINALD Was it someone else? LORETTA I drove myself nuts wondering just that. I imagined the worst things. Someone prettier. Someone younger. Loretta drains her glass. Takes a deep breath, collects herself. LORETTA (CONT'D) As soon as I got out I came looking for him. I deserved an explanation. She touches the headstone, runs her fingers over Paul's name. LORETTA (CONT'D) I found it, here. A brain aneurism. Reginald gives her a sorrowful look, his heart breaking for her. LORETTA (CONT'D) I was relieved! (beat) I'm ashamed to say it, but I was. Loretta pulls a Valentine's Day card from her purse and holds it to her. LORETTA (CONT'D) I've been coming here every year since. I talk to him, read him the news, or a book. (beat) It's not much different from when he was in a coma. REGINALD Did you ever love again? Loretta looks aghast. LORETTA Ever love--? I never stopped. He's the love of my life. They stand in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. REGINALD May I interest you in a cup of coffee? Loretta smiles at him but shakes her head. LORETTA That's very kind, but I'd like to get back to my date now. Reginald smiles, his face sad. REGINALD Happy Valentine's Day. LORETTA Yes, it is. Thank you. He walks back the way he came as she refills her glass and stares out over the Bay. FADE OUT.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:20 AM   #6
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
BAD ROMANCE Open bright, ethereal, dreamlike... The MUSIC of love... DARLA (18) in a dress, lit up, enraptured, slomo... INT. RESTAURANT - DAY Still dreamy, still slow, CRAIG (20s) steps in through the front door. They see each other, gazing into eyes. Closer together, in the empty restaurant (floating toward each other). Breeze in Darla's hair, they each look like fashion models on a collision course... Stopping, Darla faces Craig, his hand behind his back... She's curious, yet shy. He presents a gift, a BABY KITTEN, so cute... Darla's face, and she takes the kitten, up to her face, over to his eyes... BAM - REALITY Craig drops roughly down in a booth. Darla in waitress uniform, stalks closer to him. He's texting angrily, ignoring everyone. PHONE TEXT Bitch, I slept with stacy cause your fat ass waznt around bitch. So what? Darla stands there, flustered with her note pad. DARLA Hi! I'm Darla. I'll be your waitress today. CRAIG Ah, yeah, all right cool. He ogles her up and down. Craig licks his lips, looks up into Darla's eyes. CRAIG You're new here ain't ya? DARLA Ha ha, yeah, it's my first week. His PHONE calls out, but he silences it quickly. Darla's co-worker ZOE (20s) watches the exchange in the background as she works. CRAIG So like, what's your name again? DARLA I'm Darla. CRAIG You eighteen? DARLA Uh huh. CRAIG Huh. Virgin? DARLA Ver? Excuse me? CRAIG No, no, nuthin! So what's good here on the menu, Darla? DARLA Oh! Well I like the Cobb salad. CRAIG Oh screw that rabbit food. That's for chicks. Gimme a double-bacon cheeseburger, extra bacon, and more bacon on the side. DARLA Okay. CRAIG Well you're just a sweet little piece a ass ain't ya? DARLA Me? Uh? CRAIG Go on, get my food. I ain't got all day. He whips out his phone, returns to angry texting. DARLA Okay. She scurries off, but he takes a good look at the back side scurrying. CRAIG Mmmm. I am hungry. KITCHEN Darla places the order, and Zoe enters behind her. DARLA Oh my God, did you see that guy? ZOE Yeah. I saw him. DARLA Doesn't he look like (celeb)? ZOE Uhm. DARLA How do I look? Darla straightens her uniform, plays with hair. ZOE Dee? Serious? That guy? That guy's a royal scumbag. CRAIG'S TABLE Big sloppy double bacon chomp, chewing while talking... CRAIG Yo, you guys got beer? DARLA No. I'm sorry. CRAIG Hey, you know, you got a hot little body. DARLA Thank you. CRAIG I'm just buzzed looking at you. DARLA That's sweet. CRAIG You're sweet. DARLA Can, can I get you anything else? CRAIG Whole lotta things I could think of. His phone chirps out again. Grabs it. CRAIG Dammit! Slams his fist down LOUDLY, CRAIG God damned bitch. You know? DARLA I'll give you some privacy. Darla scoots away, almost running into Zoe. CRAIG (into phone) What? I'm trying to eat my lunch, huh? I told you go to hell. Yeah... Oh, you're sad. Like I give a rat's left testicle. You're feeling terrible. Boo hoo. What? You're gonna kill yourself? Ha ha. Yeah I'd love to see that! Do it! Do it! How you gonna do it? ...Skank! LADIES BATHROOM Zoe and Darla freshen up. ZOE Honey, what's it like your first day? DARLA Third. ZOE Haven't you had any boyfriends before? Darla's eyes drop. Fixes lip gloss. ZOE What do you live in a convent? DARLA I wasn't allowed to date. ZOE Ever? Oh, sweety, you could do so much better than that prick. Craig's his name. He's a nasty piece a work, and he treated his girlfriend like complete garbage. You don't want nothing to do with him. Trust me. DARLA He's been nice to me. ZOE Of course he's being nice. He wants your panties off. You really need to wise up in a hurry. All kinds of trash come in this place every day. Forget about em. You'll end up in a dumpster. Darla looks unconvinced. Zoe pokes her in the head with an index finger. ZOE Is this thing on? They exit the bathroom together, head down the hallway. Craig's table is empty. The bill sits there, but no money. Darla picks up the paper, reads it. ZOE No tip? Not one penny. DARLA Look, look. He left me his phone number. ZOE Oh suffering Christ. DARLA He says, I'll get my tip tonight. ZOE Oh my God. Throw it away. Throw it away. DARLA I? Wait? Zoe snatches it. Crumbles, takes it to the trash can and tosses it. Darla watches her, conflicted. BLACK. Inside the garbage can, lid flips open revealing Darla above. She reaches in. PAYPHONE Darla un-crumples, wipes off ketchup from the paper. Dials. CLICK. RETURN TO DREAM WORLD... Darla in bright dress, wind gusting. Kitten on top of the the payphone playing with her fingers. DARLA Hi Craig. I believe you owe me my tip... FADE OUT.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:22 AM   #7
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
BUICK EXT. SMALL CEMETERY -- DAY Large oaks shade the gravestones and the narrow highway beside it. A squirrel searches through the orange and yellow leaves, then darts up a tree as a car passes by. INT/EXT. BUICK PARK AVENUE -- CONTINUOUS LAYTON MACUR, 60s, in expensive but casual clothes, stares forward, his shoulders squared and his jaws set. His wife ELENA, 60s, way too thin, wears a simple dress with a matching bandanna over her head. Her eyes are sunken and her face is sallow. She points to the graveyard and the few houses that surround it. ELENA Oh, another one. Isn't it lovely? LAYTON Yes, dear. Just like all the others. He forces a half smile. ELENA I'm so happy you chose the scenic route. LAYTON We could have been there hours ago, and without all these dang curves. Valentine's is their busiest night. ELENA But it's such a beautiful day. She closes her eyes and tilts her head toward the sunlight, then covers her mouth as she yawns. ELENA I'm so sleepy. INT/EXT. BUICK PARK AVENUE -- LATER The shadows have lengthened. The sun is red in the sky. Layton reaches over and touches Elena's shoulder. LAYTON We're almost there. No movement. LAYTON Elena? He grabs her shoulder and shakes it. LAYTON Elena. The bandanna falls from her bare head as he shakes her more violently. LAYTON Elena! Her eyes flutter open. ELENA Layton? LAYTON Elena. ELENA (lanquidly) So beautiful ... She smiles as her eyelids slowly close. INT/EXT. BUICK PARK AVENUE -- DAY The sun is bright overhead. Layton is driving with one arm on the steering wheel, the other around Elena -- who's long hair blows in the breeze, her eyes are sparkling. They drive past a small town cemetery, its grass perfectly mowed. ELENA They just keep getting prettier. LAYTON They sure do. The car tops a hill. The road winds down into a wide, open valley and ends at a large building far below them. It's surrounded by closely mowed grass and rows of trees and gravestones as far as the eye can see. ELENA If that's a bed and breakfast. Can we stop? Layton looks in his rear view mirror and watches as the road fades away behind them. LAYTON I don't think we have much choice. EXT. HIGHWAY -- TWILIGHT Steam hisses from under a Buick Park Avenue, its front-end is smashed flat into a huge oak tree on the side of the road. Police cars, their lights flashing, are parked along the shoulder. Two POLICEMEN talk in hushed tones. POLICEMAN ONE No skid marks. POLICEMAN TWO (staring wide-eyed into the Buick) And no one inside.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:24 AM   #8
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
SECRET ADMIRER OPEN ON A cell phone screen displaying "CALLING AUNT ALICE" BROOK (30s) with a body still good enough to get some second looks depending on the lighting, holds the phone to her ear as she stands in the INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT AUTOMATED VOICE (through phone) The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave a message. BROOK Hey, it's about nine. I still need to talk to Tim about a few things, but then I'll be ready. It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours. I can't wait to see you. Love you. Brook hangs up and goes back to neatly overstuffing clothes into a large suitcase sitting on the bed. She nervously spins her wedding ring around her finger as she scans the simply decorated room for anything forgotten. Her gaze stops on the framed photo sitting on the nightstand of her husband TIM and their six year old daughter, HEATHER. INT. CAR - NIGHT Tim (30s) with a face as plain as his business casual clothes, motors down a winding suburban road in his non-distinct sedan. INT. BEDROOM Brook zips up the suitcase, checks her cell phone again before pocketing it, and then lugs the suitcase into the HALLWAY HEATHER (O.S.) Mommy? Brook positions the suitcase away from her daughter's door before going into HEATHER'S BEDROOM BROOK Yes, honey? Heather, a cutie in pajamas, is under the covers. HEATHER When's Daddy coming home? BROOK He should be here soon. Brook sits down on Heather's bed and strokes her hair. BROOK (CONT'D) Honey, I need to tell you something important. I want you to always remember that no matter what, I'll always come back for you, okay? HEATHER And Daddy, too. BROOK And Daddy, too. We'll always be there for you no matter what. HEATHER Okay. I'll be there for you, too. EXT. CAR - NIGHT Red and blue emergency vehicle lights color a crash site. A flashlight waving policeman in the road motions Tim around the recent accident. He drives slowly by and peers at a smashed up Range Rover that got the worst part of a collision with a tanker truck. INT. HEATHER'S BEDROOM HEATHER Mommy? BROOK Yes, sweetie. HEATHER Are you going on a trip to see Aunt Alice again? BROOK Yeah, but just for a couple of days. HEATHER Is Daddy going? BROOK No, not this time. HEATHER Will you bring me back a present? BROOK Don't I always bring you a present? Brook tickles a giggling Heather as headlights FLASH through the window and move across the bedroom. EXT. HOUSE IN SUBURBIA - NIGHT A tired Tim steps out carrying a small gift, beeps the locks, and moves with routine toward the middle class house. INT. FOYER Brook just misses Tim as he goes into the LIVING ROOM TIM Sorry I'm late. Matt dropped the MacGuffin file on my desk right when I was getting ready to leave and then there was this huge accident. BROOK You could have called. TIM My phone died and I forgot my charger. I was just sitting in traffic forever. What could I do? BROOK I called you at three. I left a message. You didn't call back. TIM I was in a meeting. I'm sorry. I should have called before I left. A doubting Brook studies Tim for a crack in his story. TIM (CONT'D) Got you something. He holds out the small package. BROOK What's that? TIM I know Valentine's Day is a couple days away, but I thought we've been going through some stuff, so I wanted to give it to you now. BROOK We said we weren't... She takes the gift and awkwardly rolls it around in her hands. BROOK (CONT'D) I don't have anything for you. TIM I don't want anything. BROOK Well, thank you. She places the gift on a nearby table. TIM It's okay to open it now. Tim picks up the box and tries to hand it back to Brook, but she won't take it. BROOK I'll get to it later. TIM Look. I'm trying here. I know things aren't great. But I'm trying. You could at least try, too. BROOK You think you can come home whenever you want after running around doing God knows what and then fix everything with a ****ing piece of jewelry? She fires the box just past Tim's head. It hits the wall with a THUD. BROOK (CONT'D) This is you trying?!? TIM Real mature. Throwing sh-- Heather, watery-eyed, appears from the connecting hallway. TIM (CONT'D) Great parenting, Brook. BROOK (to Heather) It's okay, sweetie. We're just talking. Go back to your bed, okay. Tim takes a seat on the couch and flips on the TV. TIM Everything's okay. Go back to bed. Heather, still upset, does as she's told. BROOK (fighting back tears) I'll be in there in a minute to tell you good night, okay? HEATHER (O.S.) Okay, mommy. Brook steels herself and moves to a loveseat near the couch. Tim blankly stares at the game on TV. BROOK I shouldn't have thrown your gift. TIM I'm not lying. I don't know what I have to do to make you believe me. BROOK It doesn't matter. TIM What do you mean? It doesn't matter if you don't believe anything I say? Jesus, that matters to me. BROOK I'm just not sure I can do this anymore. Tim pauses the TV and lets out an exhausted sigh. TIM We're doing this again? They are interrupted by WHAM'S WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO on Brook's cell phone. The display shows INCOMING CALL FROM AUNT ALICE. BROOK (into phone) Hello? No, this is Brook. Brook puts her hand over the phone. Tim unpauses the game and barely notices her slink away to the back of the room. BROOK (CONT'D) (into phone) Who is this? EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT A mangled Range Rover sits atop a flatbed tow truck. DEB, a manly looking tow truck driver, is on the other end of the line. INTERCUT BROOK AND DEB TELEPHONE CONVERSATION DEB This is Deb from City Towing. I wanted to see if this cell phone belonged to this job. BROOK Job? DEB There was a pretty bad accident. I found this cell phone in the street. I saw you were the last one to call this number. BROOK Is everything all right? DEB They took both drivers to the hospital. I'm sorry, I don't know nothing, but it looked pretty serious. Not sure which hospital though. Saint something. Probably Mary's. Brook looks nervously back to Tim, but he's zoned out. BROOK Oh, my God. DEB I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. So, does this phone belong in the Range Rover? BROOK Yes. DEB I'll put it under the driver's seat. Sorry to be the one to tell you this stuff, ma'am. INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS BROOK I understand. It's okay. Thank you. It'll all be okay. Thank you. Brook clicks the phone off and stares dumbfounded into space. TIM Who called? Tim turns to see Brook wiping away a tear. BROOK It was Alice. TIM What did she want? BROOK She was calling to see how I was. TIM And that made you cry? BROOK No, she said Jackson died. TIM Jackson? Her son? BROOK Jackson's her dog. TIM Oh. You're crying over her dog? BROOK Shut up. You just don't understand. TIM At least I won't have to miss work for a dog. You might have to see if you can get a day off from the housework though. BROOK You're an ***hole. Tim rolls his eyes before going back to the game. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Brook picks up the suitcase with some effort and starts hauling it back to her bedroom. HEATHER (O.S.) Mommy? INT. HEATHER'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Heather lays in bed in her dimly lit room. HEATHER Are you leaving now? BROOK No. No, I don't think so. HEATHER You said you were going on a trip. BROOK I know. Mommy was just pretending. You know, like you do sometimes. HEATHER Mommy? Will you still get me a present? BROOK Of course, sweetie. HEATHER Mommy? Why were you pretending by yourself? BROOK Mommy was just being silly. Now get some sleep. Love you. HEATHER Love you, Mommy. A gently smiling Heather closes her eyes as Brook lugs the suitcase back to her bedroom. FADE TO BLACK
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:27 AM   #9
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
NO BUNNY EXT. SMALL TOWN - MAIN STREET - DAY A fading, one-stoplight town nearing the end of its slow decline. Sandwiched between two abandoned storefronts - MELBA'S PET SHOP. In the front display window, THREE BABY BUNNIES snooze together under a RED PAPER HEART SIGN: You're No Bunny Till Some Bunny Loves You! A WORK VAN pulls up, parks. The side panel reads: HAWKWORTH PLUMBING. ELI HAWKWORTH (30s) swings out of the driver's seat headed for the rear van door. A bit chunky in his overalls, in need of a shave and haircut, Eli could be good looking if he took better care of himself. From the back of his van he takes out a WIRE CAGE with a LARGE BLACK AND WHITE RABBIT inside. Before he closes the van door, we glimpse a toilet bowl surrounded by pipes and plumbing supplies. Eli heads into the pet shop as POLICE SIRENS SQUEAL in the distance. INT. MELBA'S PET SHOP - BACK COUNTER MELBA (70s) pays no never-mind to the SQUAWKS, MEWS and BARKS of her inventory. Her eyes are glued to the small TV on her store counter. Eli sets his rabbit cage down beside it. MELBA Did ya hear? Someone just robbed that bank in the Super Walmart. ELI Is that so. MELBA Wouldn't put my money in there. Smells like stale popcorn. ELI Indeed it does. MELBA And that eyeglass place they got there? Those fools gave my pastor the wrong prescription. Ran his his truck in a ditch. ELI Heard about that. A shame. MELBA That Walmart ruined this town. Threw off the natural balance. ELI This is true. A man of few words, Eli tilts his head toward his rabbit cage. MELBA Ah, right. Sorry for rambling. (opens rabbit cage) Well, hello, Mr. Pitt. Ready to find your Miss Right? With the rabbit in her arms, she heads for the front. As Eli follows - ELI You sure about this? I think he's still grieving Angelina. MELBA And I think you're pro-jecting your own grief on your pet. Eli. Two years? ELI Only been a month. MELBA I'm talking about Stephanie, bless her soul. She'd want you to find someone else. There's a split-second of sorrow in his eyes but he overrides it. ELI Can we do this? Left a meatloaf cooking. MELBA Hit a sore spot didn't I? ELI In a hurry, that's all. MELBA Come on, Mr. Pitt. Show the man how it's done. She sets Eli's rabbit in with the sleeping bunnies. One awakens, twitches her nose at stoic Mr. Pitt, and hops toward him. EXT. MELBA'S PET SHOP - A LITTLE LATER Eli exits the store with the rabbit cage. In it, a white baby bunny snuggles Mr. Pitt. But when Eli opens the rear door of his van ... INT. BACK OF HAWKWORTH PLUMBING VAN ... he finds himself looking at the wrong end of a .38 caliber pistol. CRYSTAL MARKS (30s) is seated on the toilet. She keeps her gun trained on Eli but her hand is a bit shaky. With her free hand she places a forefinger to her lips. CRYSTAL Shhhh. You're looking at a desperate woman. He studies her - pink hospital scrubs, sneakers, an over-stuffed handbag on her lap. And it looks like she hasn't slept in a week. ELI You're welcome to sit up front. CRYSTAL I give the orders. Not you. ELI Suit yourself. He closes the door -- CRYSTAL Hey --! -- locks it, and carries the rabbit cage toward the front of the van. INT. MOVING VAN - A LITTLE LATER Eli drives, nonchalant, in spite of the gun behind his right ear. Crystal - crouched behind his seat - tries to keep her aim steady as the bumpy road rattles the pipes and plumbing supplies behind her. CRYSTAL Is this your only vehicle? ELI I can put you in a ride. After dinner. You like meatloaf? She eyes the rabbit cage in the passenger's seat. CRYSTAL I'm not hungry. INT. ELI'S HOUSE - MODEST KITCHEN - LATER Close on: a HEART-SHAPED MEATLOAF outlined with TUFTS OF MASHED POTATOES. It sits on a platter centered on the kitchen table. Crystal - her gun at the ready - stares at the steaming Valentine. CRYSTAL Seriously? ELI Sort of a family tradition. Wine? CRYSTAL Do you get what's going on, here - um - what's your name? ELI Eli. CRYSTAL This isn't a date, Eli. I'm holding you hostage. With a loaded gun. I'll use it if you give me half a reason. ELI Yeah. Desperate woman. Got all that. (opens fridge) Red or white? I'm guessing red. CRYSTAL Jesus Christ.... Yeah, red. ELI Always been a good guesser. LATER, DURING THE MEAL. It pleases Eli to watch Crystal eat - fork in her one hand, wine glass in the other. But he can't help notice she's left the gun within his reach. Finished, she stifles a yawn. CRYSTAL I need to catch the news. Where's your T.V.? ELI The den. We'll have coffee in there. Black, no sugar, right? Her annoyed silence confirms it. Eli smiles. ELI Two for two. IN THE DEN. Eli relaxes in his La-Z-Boy, coffee mug in hand. A TV commercial for 1-800-FLOWERS sells Valentine roses. He glances at the sofa where - Crystal dozes, head lolled sideways, mouth slightly open. Her hand, in her lap, loosely holds the gun. Not attractive but sadly vulnerable. TV ANNOUNCER'S VOICE We interrupt this program for a local news update.... He goes to her, slips the gun from her lap and empties the bullets into his hand. TV ANNOUNCER'S VOICE Police are on the lookout for a woman identified as Crystal Marks. He sets the gun back on her lap and studies her face, the dark shadows under her eyes, the hollows of her cheeks. TV ANNOUNCER'S VOICE Marks, thirty-two, is a suspect in connection to a bank robbery at the Super Walmart, just hours ago. He can still hear the T.V. as he heads into ... TV ANNOUNCER'S VOICE Details are still coming in but we were able to confirm the following. THE CENTER HALL. He opens a closet door revealing a tall GUN SAFE. He spins the combination lock, opens it, inside: assorted guns and rifles. TV ANNOUNCER'S VOICE Crystal Marks is the widow of Staff Sergeant Robert Marks, recently killed serving in Afghanistan. This news stops Eli cold. TV ANNOUNCER'S VOICE A confidential source also reports the suspect had been admitted to Grace Memorial Cancer Center, yesterday. The bullets fall from his hand and scatter on the wood floor. INT. ELI'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - MORNING Crystal sleeps under the green floral comforter. Her gun, on the pillow beside her. Her overstuffed handbag, on the foot of the bed. She awakens with a gasp, grabs her weapon, scans her surroundings. Pale green-striped wallpaper. White eyelet window curtains. An antique wing chair with a romance novel on its seat. On the dresser, a wedding photo: a YOUNGER ELI, in a tuxedo, kisses his RED-HAIRED BRIDE. Crystal gets out of bed - still in hospital scrubs - goes to the closet and opens it. On one side, men's clothes, the other, women's. She takes a pullover sweater from the shelf. INT. ELI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER Crystal - her hair damp, wearing the pullover sweater and jeans - enters to find Eli making pancakes. He smiles at her, clean shaven. ELI Good morning --. CRYSTAL Where's your wife --. ELI Sleep well? She pulls the gun from her waistband. One last attempt at tough girl. CRYSTAL Answer me. ELI I'm guessing, same place as your husband? There's a flash of empathy for him in her eyes. She opens a kitchen drawer, sets her gun inside and closes it. CRYSTAL How much do they know? ELI Enough. CRYSTAL Maybe you should turn me in. Get a reward or something. ELI Not before breakfast --. RAPID KNOCKS ON THE FRONT DOOR. Crystal is scared, about to speak, when Eli lightly touches her lips. ELI Sssshh. EXT. ELI'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY - MOMENTS LATER Eli stands in the open doorway facing SHERIFF MACK (40s). ELI Yeah. Saw all that on the news. SHERIFF MACK Just found her yellow GEO in an alley off Main Street.... INT. ELI'S HOUSE - DEN - SAME Crystal sticks close to the bookshelf to eavesdrop. SHERIFF MACK (O.C.) Miss Melba says you were in around the time of the robbery. ELI (O.C.) That's right. She senses another presence and looks down. Mr. Pitt and the little white bunny stare up at her. SHERIFF MACK (O.C.) See anything on your way out? She sees books on a lower shelf: SURVIVING CANCER, CHEMO MEDITATIONS. ELI (O.C.) Let me think, here .... CANCER IS NOT A 4-LETTER WORD. She runs a finger over the book spine. EXT. ELI'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - SAME ELI Sorry, no. Mack eyes Eli, looking for his tells. The mental poker game begins. SHERIFF MACK Damn that coffee smells good. The good guesser decides to up the ante. ELI Come on in and grab a cup. SHERIFF MACK I don't know. Need to stay on this. I mean - a woman can't just vanish into thin air, right? ELI Then again, sometimes they do. SHERIFF MACK Yeah ... I was thinking her story must hit close to home for you. ELI Sure you don't want that coffee, Mack? Mack considers it then - SHERIFF MACK Thank you, no. I'll be on my way. INT. ELI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - A LITTLE LATER Eli and Crystal eat breakfast. ELI Ever see the Grand Canyon? CRYSTAL No. But I always wanted to. ELI Me, too. They hold each other's gaze - with tenderness, with compassion - and for the first time we see Crystal smile. EXT. BEHIND ELI'S HOUSE - DAY Eli carries a suitcase in each hand. Crystal - her handbag slung over her shoulder - carries the wire cage with Eli's two bunnies inside. Up ahead, under a huge carport, a BIG RV CAMPER awaits. FADE OUT.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Old 02-15-2013, 04:32 AM   #10
dpaterso
Member
 
dpaterso's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Caledonia
Posts: 6,831
Default Re: Entries - Voluptuous Valentines contest

Code:
"LONDON UNDERGROUND" FADE IN: No windows, concrete, airless. Crates and industrial junk lines the walls, electrical equipment. A large SIGN warning of electrical current on a wall, 1000s of vaults. WOMAN What's happening? Pause. MAN I'm not sure. Pause. WOMAN Will they find us down here? Pause. MAN Maybe. WOMAN (re: his arm) What happened? The BOOMING way above somewhere unsettles the air. The man turns to look at her. MAN We went looking for food in a supermarket, they came. WOMAN It looks angry. MAN I should have redressed the bandage my now. WOMAN Let me see. She grabs a medical bag. WOMAN (CONT'D) Best to talk, you wont notice the pain quite so much. Silence. MAN We rolled in tanks, it made no difference. Another BOOM. Dust unsettles. WOMAN You were a soldier, yes? MAN Parachute Regiment. WOMAN I can read into peoples faces. MAN What did you read into my face exactly? Pause. WOMAN (smiles) That you were a soldier. Above, hundreds of feet above... a sound like THUNDER, continuing in waves. MAN They've started, it sounds worse than last time. WOMAN I wish it would stop, sometimes, just for a while. Pause. MAN They'll never stop. The woman's face turns into the candle light. Grabs the lint. Her features are white, delicate, beautiful. A lock of hair falls across her face as she unwinds the white bandage. WOMAN Does it hurt much? MAN Not anymore. She smiles again, her eyes gleaming. WOMAN You're a good liar. INT. EXTERIOR CORRIDOR - UNCERTAIN HOURS LATER - SUBJECTIVE CAMERA We push in slowly through this confined corridor. Ahead a sign reads: LONDON UNDERGROUND, CIRCLE LINE, WARNING ELECTRICITY. Plodding through heavy air and dust, BOOMING behind us down the corridor in the darkness. A hundred yards on, through the gloom towards a pale yellow light. Entering the little box of a room. The woman lies on a blanket. The man sleeps upright, he twitches occasionally as he sleeps. EXT. LONDON STREET - DUST AND FIRES - DAYS AGO A shroud hangs over London, rubbing out the sun. Here at street level, little light makes it through now. SCREAMS... PEOPLE They're coming again! The crowd of looters and soldiers scatters, shopping trolleys abandoned full of food, a man breaks from this mob. It's our MAN! MAN Spread out across the street lads, we'll send a ****ing wall of lead at them this time! He crouches down and takes up aim. MAN (CONT'D) Let's show these ****ers how it's done! Another paratrooper runs forward of the line, staring defiantly down the street, he trots back... SOLDIER Boss says we're making a stand, come on, move it lads! The SILENCE is tense. Crisp packets blow around, the updrafts of smoke nearly taking them funnel-like up into whatever lies above the smoke line... Shopping trolley, a wounded pigeon, FEAR on the air, and then... BACK UNDERGROUND: The man SCREAMS, his arms flailing, his fingers feel about at his sides, then he sleeps... SILENCE The candle flames flicker as WATER DRIPS somewhere... The woman asleep on a blanket in a fetal position. BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- continues EXT. GARDEN - CAMDEN - LONDON SUBURBS - DAY A small child skipping down a narrow pathway. Strong summer sun radiates this suburban garden. LITTLE GIRL ...Mum! The woman in the deck chair stirs. She dips her sunglasses, smiles. LITTLE GIRL (CONT'D) The man on the TV says everybody is to go indoors and that we're not to worry! A water sprinkler bursts into life, the sky darkens... INT. CONCRETE ROOM - Water, close, continuous dripping... The woman stirs, she wipes her eyes, tries to focus, the man is moving one of the larger crates. WOMAN ... dreams. He watches her, smiling. MAN It's raining up top. WOMAN That's feels comforting. MAN Maybe all day, I've heard it running in the walls over the last few hours. WOMAN Was I asleep that long? MAN You were very tired. Pause. WOMAN I never used to like rain much. I do now. The crate suddenly slides, an ominous tone SHUDDERS throughout the room. MAN That was the first mistake I've made. They stare at one another. SILENCE. An hour passes. MAN (CONT'D) It's okay now? WOMAN Are you sure? He watches her, she's appears to be struggling to contain her demons. After a beat: MAN Yeah... I'm sure. WOMAN I'll make us some food then. MAN That would be ... wonderful. She looks up and smiles. WOMAN Where were you stationed? MAN Here and there. WOMAN Such as? MAN Northern Ireland. Far East, Burma. WOMAN Burma, oh, that must have been interesting? MAN It was. WOMAN Very warm I'd imagine? Hours later. The woman is working on a bench, setting out the scraps of food. She stares down. Wipes her eyes. Turning bravely... WOMAN (CONT'D) (smiling) It's not much! MAN It's fine. They sit. WOMAN Did you enjoy being a soldier? MAN It felt like something I did well? (pause)) If that's what you meant? WOMAN I guess so. MAN What did you want to know... before I mean? Pause. WOMAN I've quite forgotten. Strange NOISES at the surface. The woman stares at the man. WOMAN (CONT'D) I was asking what day it was? MAN Sorry? WOMAN The day! MAN Well, it's February... (counting)) the 13th, wait... no, maybe it's the 14th by now. FADE TO BLACK Open on: The man crouching by the wall. WOMAN Is that a tap? MAN If I can turn it through a half revolution it may refill our bottles. WOMAN Wonderful. BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- continuing. INT. CONCRETE ROOM - 8.23PM SCREAMING. The man rushes over. He grabs her, folding his arms gently under her limp back. She wakes, pulling back, she beats at him with her fists... MAN It's okay, it's okay, we're safe. It's okay... She's quiet, watching him, unblinking, then slowly closes her eyes. They sit like that, for hours. INT. CONCRETE ROOM - MORNING - 7.33AM. The man is wiping over the face of his watch, the glass is cracked. It's brass, heavy, regimental. Officer's watch. A presentation piece. Above the BOOMING continues and then ceases. The woman stirs. WOMAN What's happening? MAN Here, drink this. I found some water, not much, a beaker's worth. She sits up and drinks. WOMAN What's wrong? MAN I'm not sure yet? WOMAN What does that mean? MAN ... we may have to leave. WOMAN Why, why do we have to go? You said we could stay down here! This is our home now, you said- MAN We've run out of water. Without it, we'll soon die. She falls quiet. Sleep overtaking her. INT. CONCRETE ROOM - 11.23AM An eerie UNNATURAL SOUND brings their attention over to the doorway, beyond the crooked makeshift barrier there are distant noises. WOMAN People? MAN I don't think so. The woman shudders. MAN (CONT'D) That's the outside barrier... Jesus ... I should have reinforced it. He sweeps up the rifle. EXT. CORRIDOR - 100 YARDS BEYOND THE BUNKER - MINUTES LATER Water cascading down walls, puddles, so many sounds, impossible to zero in on any of them. MAN Quick, over here. At a large rusted door, the man is a working the iron handle. It suddenly gives. More NOISES... WOMAN They're coming. MAN Nearly there. Touches his arm. WOMAN I've stopped shaking. The man glances at her, their eyes lock. They suddenly kiss and fumble in an ecstasy of passion. MAN Let's go. The door just open enough for... a slender woman. The man suddenly pushes her through. MAN (CONT'D) Take this watch, shake it when it stops. And this- Watching his face. MAN (CONT'D) Follow the shaft to the surface, stay low, wait for dark. He looks up at her. She holds out a hand. WOMAN You'll come later... by another route? MAN You have to go... WOMAN Jo. The man's already staring back down the shaft into the grim darkness there. The lonely RED SIGNAL lamp still bleeds some light. MAN What's that? WOMAN My name... it's Jo, it's Jo... I'm a nurse. MAN (softly) I know. WOMAN You know what? MAN I already knew that you were a nurse, Jo. (pause) I read people well. He smiles. Her expression changing. WOMAN Please, we can open it further, please (tugging on the door) Please, please, please... A great BOOM resounds down the shafts, sounds like multiple tube trains all CRASHING... MAN Go, please... get out now!!! She stares at him, frantic. His heads down though, straining. Heaving the iron door fast, her white face disappears in the torchlight as gloom now fills the corridor... INT. FURTHER DOWN EXTERIOR CORRIDOR - MOMENTS LATER The man is sprinting into the darkness, puddles splashing under his feet. At a junction box, he stops and listens. The BURST OF FIRE is deafening, it lights the shaft with a spout of orange flame, tracers bouncing of the concrete walls, like firecrackers exploding inside a tomb... CUT INTO BLACK EXT. LONDON STREETS - NIGHT A shadow climbs into an overturned YELLOW STREET CLEANING TRUCK. Searching through the rubbish she pulls a large blanket over herself, it's a good hiding hole. Chewing on a sandwich by torchlight she unfolds a piece of paper... Happy Valentine's Jo! I fell in love today, for the first time, Michael. She raises her slender hand to her mouth, she looks at the large loose watch on her wrist, she starts to weep... We begin to PULL BACK... EXT. LONDON STREETS - NIGHT Darkness. Flares in the sky. And somewhere in this twilight city: BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- BOOM -- and on and on and then... FADE TO WHITE.
__________________
Nobody knows anything, and I'm nobody.

Halloween contest results posted!
And maybe start thinking about a Yuletide contest also!

dpaterso is offline  
Closed Thread


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:05 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Done Deal Pro

eXTReMe Tracker