How do I format...

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  • How do I format...

    when a person slowly opens his eyes after being drugged? I want the audiance to see his eyes open and see blurry figures.

    I'm having a mind melt and I can't figure it out.

    Thanks in advance.
    Never let the competition know what you're thinking... and never tell the unseen masses your story idea.

    -- Rule 85, Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (updated by cmmora)

  • #2
    Re: How do I format...

    This is how I've done it.

    BACK TO REALITY - EXT. CITY STREET - BELOW BRIDGE - NIGHT

    Jim wakes. He's semiconscious. He sees a frenzied blur of activity above him. An EMERGENCY MEDICAL TECHNICIAN (E.M.T.) moves INTO FRAME.

    E.M.T.
    Don't get up, stay down.

    The idea being that when it says HE SEES its a POV shot.

    Just one way.

    In these sitiuations I'll also slow the read such as:

    BACK TO REALITY - EXT. CITY STREET - BELOW BRIDGE - NIGHT

    Jim wakes. Drifting in... and then out... and back into consciousness. We see blurred shapes above. His eyes focus on an EMERGENCY MEDICAL TECHNICIAN as the E.M.T. moves INTO FRAME.

    E.M.T.
    Don't get up, stay down.

    Something like that. I've had too many people question scenes that are fantasy, dreams or memory hits that I now underline it in the slug coming in and out. Just makes it easier to follow IMO.

    Bot
    Since I sensed a sudden lack of appreciation for my presence, I hopped out of the Jumpy-jump, snatched my glow-stick from the fridge and galloped away on the Rent-A-Pony. - Stolen from Jcorona

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    • #3
      Re: How do I format...

      See his eyes open from his POV?

      He opens his eyes, eyelids heavy and drooping. As his slowly vision returns, he sees blurry figures moving in front of him.

      Maybe?

      "We're all immigrants now, man."
      - Zia (Patrick Fugit), "Wristcutters: A Love Story"

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      • #4
        Re: How do I format...

        Mike slowly opens his eyes. The room swims out of focus. A blurry figure moves closer.

        HENCHMAN #1
        Herr Doctor, he is awake.

        DOCTOR DEATH
        Excellent. Beat him up.

        -Derek

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        • #5
          Re: How do I format...

          I've started a new kick since reading Gilroy's screenplays and a few words of advice from workshop. Showing what the movie is with your words. Exactly what the viewers are going to see. Gilroy says he does it without giving actors stage direction and blocking cues. Basically you just describe what you want to see on the screen. All this in an attempt to make the reading process better, more fluid, and easier on the eyes.

          I'm no where near where I should be with it but here goes...

          - - - - - -

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

          CARL is on a gurney. HARRY THE BASTARD is pulling supplies from the cabinets setting up a tray of clamps, knives, and gauze.

          CARL groans. Spittle runs down his jaw. You can see the bubbles. His pupils dilate. His lids flutter, then a hard blink.

          CARL's POV is too blurry to make out the room.

          His lids blink harder scrunching up his face, crows feet spider outward.

          Back to CARL'S POV, it's slightly better but now there's a strange torso shaped shadow looming over him as...

          (if you're worried about it, put a "BACK TO SCENE" here, otherwise...)

          HARRY THE BASTARD squeezes the bubbles out of a syringe. He leans into CARL needle first.

          HARRY THE BASTARD
          A little poke here.

          - - - - -

          Something along those lines.

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          • #6
            Re: How do I format...

            Unless you're writing a story about someone suddenly and mysteriously aging on camera, I'd lose the spidering crow's feet.

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            • #7
              Re: How do I format...

              I'd probably do something like this.

              Jim struggles to sit up, grabs his throbbing head. Slowly, his eyes open. He squints.

              JIM'S POV
              A blurry MALE FIGURE runs out of the room.

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              • #8
                Re: How do I format...

                My mind has been cleared. Thanks guys.
                Never let the competition know what you're thinking... and never tell the unseen masses your story idea.

                -- Rule 85, Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (updated by cmmora)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How do I format...

                  I would suggest reading the opening scene of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

                  Actually, here ya go. I'll save you the work.

                  ***


                  INT. JEAN-DO'S ROOM, NAVAL HOSPITAL - DAY

                  Blackness. Silence.

                  The blackness slowly, veryslowly, begins to lighten.

                  As if at a distance THE SOUND OF TWO VOICES, a man's and a woman's
                  chatting, little more than intermittent murmurs.

                  Then, suddenly close:

                  A FEMALE VOICE
                  (urgent)
                  Look! He's waking -

                  A MALE VOICE
                  Page Dr. Cocheton. Quickly.

                  Almost immediately:

                  THE FEMALE VOICE
                  Dr. Cocheton, come to room 11 9 please,
                  Dr. Cocheton to room 11 9, please -

                  A SUDDEN FLASH: the faces of TWO NURSES, one male, the other female.
                  Then, just as suddenly, blackness again.

                  THE MALE VOICE
                  No, no, Jean-Dominique, open your eyes -

                  Like a flickering eyelid a picture begins to take shape: a small, bare hospital
                  room, the faces of the NURSES either side of a bed, both looking down
                  expectantly, directly into CAMERA.

                  THE CAMERA IS JEAN-DOMINIQUE BAUBY, KNOWN AS JEAN-DO.

                  As his eyes open he sees first the foot of his bed, then curled, paralysed
                  hands on the yellow sheets, the I.V. pole hanging over him, and THE TWO
                  NURSES, smiling, leaning towards him.

                  ***

                  Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the line "the camera is...", because we just got that information from the MALE VOICE. Then again, this was an Oscar nominated script and one of the best films I've seen in a long time, so who am I to critique it?

                  Overall I think it's a brilliant execution of the concept you asked about.
                  For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
                  Jonny Atlas Writes!

                  - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

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