Displaying what you see on the screen, on the screen

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  • Displaying what you see on the screen, on the screen

    I have a scene where a character gets some information from an online source to which he shouldn't have access. The info he obtains is important, but what is more important is the fact that he is able to access the data source in the first place. Instead of showing the computer screen, I'd like to incorporate the information being gleaned into the scene itself by superimposing text.

    Here's how I have the scene structured now:

    Sam enters the password and the information from the website is superimposed over the scene we are watching.

    SUPER: "THE NAME OF THE SUSPECT IS JOHN SMITH - DOB 11/18/72 - LAST KNOWN ADDRESS 327 ELM ST CHICAGO IL - TREAT AS ARMED AND DANGEROUS..."


    Is there a better or more acceptable way to handle this?

    ~Dixon

  • #2
    Re: Displaying what you see on the screen, on the screen

    Originally posted by Dixon View Post
    I have a scene where a character gets some information from an online source to which he shouldn't have access. The info he obtains is important, but what is more important is the fact that he is able to access the data source in the first place. Instead of showing the computer screen, I'd like to incorporate the information being gleaned into the scene itself by superimposing text.

    Here's how I have the scene structured now:

    Sam enters the password and the information from the website is superimposed over the scene we are watching.

    SUPER: "THE NAME OF THE SUSPECT IS JOHN SMITH - DOB 11/18/72 - LAST KNOWN ADDRESS 327 ELM ST CHICAGO IL - TREAT AS ARMED AND DANGEROUS..."


    Is there a better or more acceptable way to handle this?

    ~Dixon
    It's perfectly fine to do it that way. The only thing that I'd suggest is that if you're going to go this route, you need to be very specific about what we're seeing on-screen over which this stuff is going to be superimposed.

    That is -- you say, "the scene we are watching" -- but is the scene we are watching simply going to be a shot of Sam starting at an off-screen computer screen with this stuff superimposed over his face?

    If that's what it is, so be it, but then you need to be specific about that -- because obviously, you've decided that there's some reason why we should be looking at his face this whole time rather than at what he's looking at -- why? Because of his reaction?

    I don't know. You don't mention it.

    But it's a question that probably needs to be answered.

    NMS

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    • #3
      Re: Displaying what you see on the screen, on the screen

      NMS,

      Thanks. Great suggestion. The computer is a mobile device and the main character is standing outside a location associated with the suspect when the text is superimposed on the screen. I've set that up earlier in the scene but it certainly could be reinforced with a few words to make everything crystal clear to the reader.

      ~D

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Displaying what you see on the screen, on the screen

        Originally posted by Dixon View Post
        Sam enters the password and the information from the website is superimposed over the scene we are watching.

        SUPER: "THE NAME OF THE SUSPECT IS JOHN SMITH - DOB 11/18/72 - LAST KNOWN ADDRESS 327 ELM ST CHICAGO IL - TREAT AS ARMED AND DANGEROUS..."
        Nothing wrong with this, formatwise. You can also get away with less, eg:

        Same enters the password. A name pops up on the screen: "JOHN SMITH." There's a last known address and the words: "ARMED AND DANGEROUS."

        The reason I would (personally, not saying what you're doing is wrong) go for something like the latter is because less is more. Audiences don't like to read. Give them a wall of text and they'll skip it.

        What matters? I'd be inclined to give the audience just that.

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