about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

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  • #31
    Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

    I'd have to agree with Deus that just using a sword that the bad guys have your protag might not be enough to make the scene ineteresting. I'd suggest using the environment to make your protag seem clever and skilled. Maybe he spots something behind the bad guys that he can use to take them out via the sword.

    Kinda like the old chandelier escape routine, but something original.
    "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you"
    "If I didn't have inner peace I'd totally go psycho on you guys all the time." - Carl Carlson

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    • #32
      Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

      The only problem with that is that they wouldn't really be samurais. They'll just be guys with swords.

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      • #33
        Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

        Come on M4estro... I'm not one of the people on this board who refuse to take any criticism. If you read some of my other threads, you will see that I have been extremely thankful for the help/criticism I have received. Dpaterso, for example, has been very helpful.

        Instead of adressing the originality (what I was interested in), you address the plausibility... Of course, I realize that my scene is not particularly original... however, it is a minor scene in a large story full of originality (shamless I know), and I was wondering if the seppuku twist would be 'enough'... I don't want script readers to jump from their chairs shouting "BLASHEMY!!!" when they read my script.

        However, as someone stated the scene is probably too 'obvious', so I will most likely have to come up with something better.

        "So why ask a question when all you're going to do is question our answers?"

        Of course, I question the answers. And obviously I have to seeing that some of you have wildly opposing opinions. I mean, you can't all be right. And wouldn't I be stupid NOT to question this: "you have to make your protagonist do the opposite of what the audience would do in his situation"?

        "And seeing as how there is a consensus that your set up might not work, you refuse to listen"

        Mac H. agreed with me. He explained in detail why. I think that the consensus that you're talking about is based on a misunderstanding.
        Last edited by fubar; 09-22-2005, 03:41 PM.

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        • #34
          Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

          You know, in the old days of Fixer /Jordan Rivers this thread would have been knocked on the head PDQ.

          Never in a million years thought I'd hear myself saying I miss the guy. Aaaah nostalgia.
          http://wasitsomethingiwrote.blogspot.com/

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          • #35
            Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

            "I'd have to agree with Deus that just using a sword that the bad guys have your protag might not be enough to make the scene ineteresting.

            I tend to agree. At least, you and Deus have adressed the issue I was concerned about, and you have convinced me that my scene needs a more original approach. I will work on that. Unfortunately, the scene takes place in a weed field... there is not a whole lot of interesting environment props for my protag to interact with :/ Maybe I should rethink the setting as well :>

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            • #36
              Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

              The most pointless thread has become the fastest growing one.

              If I was write this scene? Stick to the weed field. The chasing samurais have the protag surrounded. The samurais and the protag perhaps know each other. The "senpai" of the samurais challenges the protag to test his skill. Thus, he gives him a katana of one of his other "kohai". Protag tries to convince this "senpai" that the master is corrupt, but the "senpai" refuses to listen and says that he believes in his master and will always remain loyal to him, whatever action he takes. The "senpai" effectively forces protag to accept the challenge as he makes his strike. It's a kill or be killed situation. And of course, the protag demonstrates his skill on the quick draw.

              Samurai fights are instant. And the bushido way is often about challenges. In the above scene, you have demonstrated that the protag is skillful, the bad guy in the scene having dimensions, and that the protag was forced into a situation of killing him.

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              • #37
                Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                "The most pointless thread has become the fastest growing one."

                Thanks to a bunch of useless off-topc replies.

                I appreciate, though, that you are beginning to add some more valuable suggestions that are more specifically addressing the issues I initially raised. I still don't see a lot of originality, but that is of course my job. Now you have at least given me some thoughts to play with.

                Anyway, back to the drawing board...

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                • #38
                  Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                  Originally posted by fubar
                  Thanks to a bunch of useless off-topc replies.
                  I love that people on DD think they can control the replies they get to their threads. It probably wouldn't hurt if instead of taking issue, they thought about what was said and why.

                  But the ones who take issue usually have fubar'd attitudes anyway.
                  "Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.-
                  ― Ray Bradbury

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                  • #39
                    Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                    Originally posted by fubar
                    "The most pointless thread has become the fastest growing one."

                    Thanks to a bunch of useless off-topc replies.

                    I appreciate, though, that you are beginning to add some more valuable suggestions that are more specifically addressing the issues I initially raised. I still don't see a lot of originality, but that is of course my job. .
                    Yes it is. But if you had any originality you wouldn't be asking others to write your scenes for you.
                    http://wasitsomethingiwrote.blogspot.com/

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                    • #40
                      Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                      "I love that people on DD think they can control the replies they get to their threads. It probably wouldn't hurt if instead of taking issue, they thought about what was said and why."

                      I never said or believed I could control the replies. The guy says that this thread has become one of the fastest growing. I simply explained why. If people had focused on the issues I had raised, we probably wouldn't have had a blazing, pointless discussion spanning a trillion posts.

                      It probably wouldn't hurt if instead of taking issue, they thought about what was said and why.

                      I defended the plausibility of my story. A story that people were attacking without even knowing it -- instead of focusing on the issues raised. Also, I refused to simply follow advice such as "you have to make your protagonist do the opposite of what the audience would do in his situation" because it made absolutely no sense. Is that taking issue?

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                      • #41
                        Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                        Well my comment was.......meh ...torn between scathing comment and platitude.

                        Well...good luck then.
                        http://wasitsomethingiwrote.blogspot.com/

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                        • #42
                          Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                          Originally posted by fubar
                          I defended the plausibility of my story. A story that people were attacking without even knowing it -- instead of focusing on the issues raised.
                          People commented on larger issues they saw with your story. It's like calling an exterminator to your house to kill a wasp for you. Well, suppose he notices your walls are riddled with termites and your house is about to fall down. Shouldn't he perhaps mention it? Even though you only called him there to kill the wasp.

                          Originally posted by fubar
                          Also, I refused to simply follow advice such as "you have to make your protagonist do the opposite of what the audience would do in his situation" because it made absolutely no sense. Is that taking issue?
                          There's always the tried and true tactic of saying, "Thank you for your feedback" whether you agree with it or not.
                          "Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.-
                          ― Ray Bradbury

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                          • #43
                            Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                            People commented on larger issues they saw with your story.
                            Absolutely not. Because they didn't know the story. They just didn't trust me, and started digging for larger things instead of concentrating on the issue raised. Imagine calling for an exterminator, and instead of doing his job in the bathroom, he goes to the living room and rips down all your wall tapestry, just to see IF there happened to be any termites behind it.

                            Dave was downright offensive, attacking my story based upon a small excerpt that he had read in the script pages section. It was a mere action scene that, without context, was absolutely insignificant. And yet he goes on to draw conclusions about my story and originality...

                            There's always the tried and true tactic of saying, "Thank you for your feedback" whether you agree with it or not.
                            I think it's better to state one's disagreement, thereby giving them a chance to elaborate on their opinion.

                            I don't know why you are trying to villainize me. I guess you have probably only read a small part of this thread. If you sat down and read it from start to end, you will perhaps realize that I'm not that evil after all. Really, I am appalled by some of the attitudes I have met in here.

                            Dave seems to start each post with 'you suck' and end each post with 'good luck', yet all the artillery is focused on me.
                            Last edited by fubar; 09-22-2005, 05:10 PM.

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                            • #44
                              Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                              Can I nominate this thread for a Razzie?
                              ------------------------------------------
                              "I suffer as always from the fear of putting down the first line. " - John Steinbeck

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                              • #45
                                Re: about-to-be-executed-scene -- cliché?

                                Now hold on a sec Fubar. I made one post with suck in it. Two now.

                                Consider if you will, - if you can - you post on here a question about samurais, then get all uppiity when people have an issue with what you are wanting this samurai to do. Then what- magically we are supposed to divine oh hang on he isn't a REAL samurai. In fact - this is all set in the future - on some other planet? Gee thanks for telling us. You know we could have really wasted our time there.

                                But no, instead of taking on board that people might have some suggestions/criticisms based ON WHAT YOU POSTED, you attack them for not getting it. That sucks.

                                Good luck though.
                                http://wasitsomethingiwrote.blogspot.com/

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