my script hee, hee

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  • my script hee, hee

    Does anybody like to read my - supernatural / horror - Condemned Souls
    Log-line
    Four friends venture out on a camping trip that they'll never forget. After their car breaks down, they become stranded in a ghost town haunted by an evil spirit. The fire is their only protection, they must keep it going, till dawn or they die.

    Sound interesting?
    ACTOR

  • #2
    Re: my script hee, hee

    i think its interesting. i jus think the logline needs to be tightened up. maybe play around with some different titles too. reading the title i flashed back on Lost Souls..i think that movie flopped: http://imdb.com/title/tt0160484/business but when i read the logline i was like "oh"


    thats a nice little concept man good luck, i read where you trying to find a producer and have generated interest in the script already. if your writing/storytelling skills are up to par i think it would do good.
    One must be fearless and tenacious when pursuing their dreams. If you don't, regret will be your reward.

    The Fiction Story Room

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    • #3
      Re: my script hee, hee

      thanks Juno, I'm looking for feed back, if you like feed back youself, I will do the same.
      I'm knew to writing, but, when it comes to acting, I'm coaching as well. it's a take a little, give a little, with all your peers.
      ACTOR

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      • #4
        Re: my script hee, hee

        Where's the hook?
        What kind of spirit?
        What kind of town? Salem? The ok corral? Is there some kind of historical reference that adds to the story?
        What kinds of kids?
        What makes this different from all the other ghost/evil spirit/car broke down and something bad happens stories out there?

        Why is the fire important enough to mention? Will it only burn human bodies and every two hours they have to choose who's going to burn and who will live?

        Okay, as an actor what catches you about this logline? What does this logline REALLY tell you about what you might be doing? If somebody handed you THIS logline and you had to decide based on THIS would you take the job? Or would you want to know a bit more info?

        Consider this one.
        When a youth minister struggling with his faith and his group of troubled teens becomes stranded in a ghost town they must prove their faith in a trial by fire with Satan as Judge.

        Not stellar but hopefully it provides more character info and hints at a bit more story.

        Pull out what is compelling and unique about your story and build the logline around the protag, the antag and the opposition between the two.
        Last edited by scripter1; 11-17-2005, 07:23 PM.
        Are you going to write "Trust me" in the query?"
        by BellaBella

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        • #5
          Re: my script hee, hee

          You do make a good point scripter1
          But, aren't horror stories predictable anyway? like,

          wrond turn.
          jeepers chreepers
          cursed
          I can go on and on but,

          there's always a twist at the end of my scripts when I write, if there's no twists and turns it will suck ( though you might think so even after a read, who knows).
          And It's mostly the thrill ride anyway, and if your lucky enough to have paid to see a "horror" and there is an interesting twist at the end you got your moneys worth, in my opinion, for the horror genre'.

          actor

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          • #6
            Re: my script hee, hee

            Originally posted by ACTOR
            You do make a good point scripter1
            But, aren't horror stories predictable anyway? like,

            wrond turn.
            jeepers chreepers
            cursed
            I can go on and on but,

            there's always a twist at the end of my scripts when I write, if there's no twists and turns it will suck ( though you might think so even after a read, who knows).
            And It's mostly the thrill ride anyway, and if your lucky enough to have paid to see a "horror" and there is an interesting twist at the end you got your moneys worth, in my opinion, for the horror genre'.

            actor
            ya, but those movies all sucked, lol. i actually walked out of that movie Cursed right when the werefolf stuck his middle finger up at the policeman. and we laughed at jeepers creepers especially when the damn monster/man started growing wings and flying all around in part 1 after being hit and run over by a car like 15 times, lol. to me, horror movies are supposed to be scary, thrilling at the very least. all horror movies arent predictable either.

            some better examples are Scream, Silence of the Lambs, Aliens, Saw, Psycho, Misery, Rosemary's Baby, etc. None of those were predictable and they all had twists and turns. You didnt have to sit thru the entire movie in order to get the twist or to be entertained. Some are even considered classics. they all did good numbers too.
            One must be fearless and tenacious when pursuing their dreams. If you don't, regret will be your reward.

            The Fiction Story Room

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: my script hee, hee

              The logline ISN'Tfor the audience.
              It's for the studio hunting for that next big money maker, that really awesome concept and story to hook their star on.

              The logline has to stand up and SCREAM "I'm going to make you want more."

              You must provide them with enough info that images pop into their mind right away and they begin "seeing" the movie.
              They can look at a logline and say "Didn't Johny Depp say he's always wanted to play a minister/Satan in a horror film?"

              They should be able to sit down and know what they've got, what they will be working off, where the story will go.

              You may have a twist in your script Actor but it sure as shooting ISN'T in the logline and it should be. THAT twist is what the studio is interested in.

              What new direction have you taken the genre?

              Where IS the thrill ride? Honestly, what is thrilling about huddling around a campfire? Why is keeping the fire going such a problem that it would create thrills? Once you know that the spirit won't come near the fire you each take a burning log with you, go break down a door or grab a couple of chairs and make yourself a nice bonfire.

              Or heck, just set the nearest building on fire. If the whole town goes up it will burn all night and could get rid of the spirit. Not to mention attract attention and bring rescue.

              There, problem solved. And your script just ended shortly after page 30.




              (sorry Actor. I'm being really snarky tonight.)
              Last edited by scripter1; 11-17-2005, 07:56 PM.
              Are you going to write "Trust me" in the query?"
              by BellaBella

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: my script hee, hee

                so true, I own all those, I find them good but, "silence of the lambs" was good hands down,But that was to me a sphycological thriller not 'Horror/ sashers"
                'scream" was good but, to me another teenage slasher flick, Yes, I had to watch the ending to see who done it, however, the movie itself was just entertaining, not popcorn/ hair raising scary.

                one last thought
                sphycological / thrillers (misery-Silencse Of The lambs ETC.- to me are different the HORROR itself genre' there not horrors to me.

                mine is a SUPERNATURAL/ HORROR, who knows how mine will turn out, if it gets made, that's all that matters right?

                actor

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                • #9
                  Re: my script hee, hee

                  Scripter1, I'm working on my log-line now. you do make awesome points though, thanks
                  actor

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                  • #10
                    Re: my script hee, hee

                    Originally posted by ACTOR
                    mine is a SUPERNATURAL/ HORROR, who knows how mine will turn out, if it gets made, that's all that matters right?

                    actor
                    cool, i guess examples in that category would be Rosemary's Baby, Poltergeist, Exorcist, etc.
                    One must be fearless and tenacious when pursuing their dreams. If you don't, regret will be your reward.

                    The Fiction Story Room

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: my script hee, hee

                      See "Construction of a log line." Two Adverbs website. Very helpful to clear this all up.

                      However, Scripter1 was right on. Totally understand the "snarky" thing. I was speechless, myself. <could be snarky at the moment as well> Sorry.

                      Good luck with the idea, truly.

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                      • #12
                        Re: my script hee, hee

                        Don't worry, feed back is always good no matter how it comes. One's 2cents is a stepping stone for the other.
                        thanks
                        ACTOR

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