Evocative writing: can we learn from novelists and poets?

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  • Evocative writing: can we learn from novelists and poets?

    When it comes to reading other writers, especially as inspiration for my own work, I’ve always been eclectic. I once shocked a couple of my literary friends discussing poetry when I said that some rap lyrics top my list as the best contemporary poetry, ever. They looked at me as if I’d decapitated their cat. Literary snobs irk me.

    As aspiring screenwriters, we talk about the importance of hooking a reader with our opening image and description. Novelists and poets have the same challenge.

    Because a skilled, evocative opening tells the reader: I know what I’m doing, you won’t be bored or disappointed. In a sense, you want the reader to agree to date you for 100 pages. Your opening is like a killer pick-up line delivered to a total stranger in a bar. If you blow it, you’ll never get their number. They’ll never take the time to discover how fascinating you are.

    I’ve seen objections to this reality by writers who get annoyed that industry readers will toss a script after a few pages. Some tosses occur as early as page one. “But-but, if they read my entire script, they’ll see how fascinating I am….” It may not be fair but it is what it is. And writers of other types of fiction are also judged by their opening salvos.

    So I thought it would be an interesting exercise to look at non-screenplay openings to analyze why these draw in the reader.

    (Other than the poem, I avoided using examples from novels utilizing metaphor and similes. Using such devices is frowned upon in screenwriting. But I still think we can sneak in one or two in an opening and get away with it to hook the reader.)

    Novel: The Red Badge of Courage, by Stephan Crane, published 1895.

    The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. As the landscape changed from brown to green, the army awakened, and began to tremble with eagerness at the noise of rumors.
    Poem: Strange Fruit, by Abel Meeropol under the pen name, Lewis Allan, published in 1937, adapted as a song by Billie Holiday in 1939.

    Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
    Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
    Black body swinging in the Southern breeze,
    Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.
    Novel: 1984, by George Orwell, published 1949.

    It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.
    Novel: The Girl on the Train, by Paula Hawkins, published 2015, adapted for the screen and released 2016.

    There is a pile of clothing on the side of the train tracks. Light-blue cloth – a shirt, perhaps – jumbled up with something dirty white. It’s probably rubbish, part of a load dumped into the scrubby little wood up the bank. It could have been left behind by the engineers who work this part of the track, they’re here often enough. Or it could be something else.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Let’s look at the opening of the script, Michael Clayton, by Tony Gilroy. IMO, this could easily be the opening of a novel without changing a word:

    INT. KENNER BACH & LEDEEN/VARIOUS SHOTS -- NIGHT

    It’s 2:00 a.m. in a major New York law firm. Ten floors of office space in the heart of the Sixth Avenue Canyon. Seven hours from now this place will be vibrating with the beehive energy of six hundred attorneys and their attendant staff, but for the moment it is a vast, empty, half-lit shell.
    Gilroy breaks a rule with this opening by describing what the building will be like "Seven hours from now..." He also slips in a bit of a metaphor: "... in the heart of the Sixth Avenue Canyon."

    Before anyone objects, "He's a pro, he can get away with it!" I'll state up front I disagree. It makes the reader sit up and take notice. And now they want to date Gilroy for the next 100-plus pages. But wait -- read what follows the above -- a series of shots with a long VO introducing the character of Michael Clayton before he appears on screen. More rules broken:

    A SERIES OF SHOTS emphasizing the size and power of this organization; shots that build quietly to the idea that somewhere here -- somewhere in this building -- there’s something very important going on. MUSIC and CREDITS already mixing with the crazed, manic, express train chatter of –
    ARTHUR EDENS (V.O.)
    ...Michael. Dear, Michael. Nurse Michael.
    Dr. Clayton. Secret Hero. Keeper of the
    Hidden Sins. Of course it’s you. Who else
    could they send? Who else could be trusted?
    Smoke on the horizon -- hole in the bucket –
    voices crying from Milwaukee to Manhattan,
    “Where’s our hero?” “Where’s our Cleanser Of
    The Hidden Sins?” And here you are, sleeves
    rolled up, lips sealed -- broom -- dustbin –
    bankroll at the ready! Fifties, is it still fifties?
    When you came to Boston, you remember?
    God, you must’ve had a thousand of them!
    The cash -- the smile -- the quiet word in the
    corner -- of course it’s you, Michael, who else
    could it ever be? But Michael, please, before you
    sweep, please just hear me out -- just try –
    because it’s not like Boston -- it’s not an episode –
    relapse – **** up -- I’m begging you, Michael,
    make believe it’s not just madness, because
    it’s not just madness --


    The VO continues through the end of page four. Page four! As Gilroy takes us through shots of other floors and rooms of the building.

    Anyway – care to discuss?
    Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

  • #2
    Opening with a well written monologue/V.O. sequence is a great way for a spec writer to catch the reader's attention and gain their confidence to continue. Tarantino said he opened True Romance with the Elvis monologue for specifically that reason. I would tend to stay away from the novelistic prose at the beginning though, for a spec writer it could come off like you just don't understand the format.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Jimmy View Post
      Opening with a well written monologue/V.O. sequence is a great way for a spec writer to catch the reader's attention and gain their confidence to continue. Tarantino said he opened True Romance with the Elvis monologue for specifically that reason. I would tend to stay away from the novelistic prose at the beginning though, for a spec writer it could come off like you just don't understand the format.
      Excellent point. True Romance is a great example of introducing a character through his/her dialogue alone. Tarantino used zero physical description of Clarence or the woman he's talking to. Just the setting and what we see:

      CLARENCE WORLEY, a young hipster hepcat, is trying to pick up an older lady named LUCY. She isn't bothered by him, in fact, she's a little charmed. But, you can tell, that she isn't going to leave her barstool.
      Then the awesome monologue follows. Yet I could just imagine the comments I'd get here if I posted a scene in the same vein.

      I did a little googling and found that, when True Romance sold, he was paid the WGA minimum: $50-grand. And then came Reservoir Dogs. And the industry wanted to date him for a long time.
      Last edited by sc111; 03-21-2021, 02:03 PM. Reason: typos
      Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by sc111 View Post

        Yet I could just imagine the comments I'd get here is I posted a scene in the same vein.
        This to me is the heart of disagreements on this board. And probably in real life. Because A list screenwriter had success doing it -- then that's the way we all CAN do it. I'm only being criticized for my work because I'm not successful.

        And why I have always believed that once you have a ton of success you can put your name on a napkin and sell it -- versus me and you who have to work crazy hard to break in -- that's not the same as realizing the person who broke in that special way earned it. Also maybe it's just really great writing.

        So this isn't an attack on you Sc111 or anyone, but that comment expressed perfectly how I feel most writers on this board feel when they defend their work. You are at least being very direct about it.

        But what's funny is -- the best part and worst part of not getting the benefit of the doubt -- is that you can win over anyone with strong writing. If you write a scene in the same vein and it's great -- we are in. We aren't going to NOT like it just because you aren't Quentin T.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Bono View Post

          This to me is the heart of disagreements on this board. And probably in real life. Because A list screenwriter had success doing it -- then that's the way we all CAN do it. I'm only being criticized for my work because I'm not successful.

          And why I have always believed that once you have a ton of success you can put your name on a napkin and sell it -- versus me and you who have to work crazy hard to break in -- that's not the same as realizing the person who broke in that special way earned it. Also maybe it's just really great writing.

          So this isn't an attack on you Sc111 or anyone, but that comment expressed perfectly how I feel most writers on this board feel when they defend their work. You are at least being very direct about it.

          But what's funny is -- the best part and worst part of not getting the benefit of the doubt -- is that you can win over anyone with strong writing. If you write a scene in the same vein and it's great -- we are in. We aren't going to NOT like it just because you aren't Quentin T.
          What I find funny is you using the royal "we".

          Back in the day when more members commented on pages, here, the nit-picking definitely happened to some really good openings. It would start with a few 'great job' posts out of the gate and, as if the comments were too congratulatory to bear, it started: "You can't use "we see," "You can't describe what's not on the screen," "Readers hate voiceover." And if you gave an example of a pro using a similar technique, "Pros can get away with it. Newbies can't."

          It happens less often now because fewer members post pages or comment on pages.
          Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by sc111 View Post

            What I find funny is you using the royal "we".

            Back in the day when more members commented on pages, here, the nit-picking definitely happened to some really good openings. It would start with a few 'great job' posts out of the gate and, as if the comments were too congratulatory to bear, it started: "You can't use "we see," "You can't describe what's not on the screen," "Readers hate voiceover." And if you gave an example of a pro using a similar technique, "Pros can get away with it. Newbies can't."

            It happens less often now because fewer members post pages or comment on pages.
            I agree. Let's just call each other at this point.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Bono View Post

              I agree. Let's just call each other at this point.
              Huh?
              Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

              Comment


              • #8
                A screenwriter can learn from any form of writing, really, including novels, poems, lyrics, commercials, ad campaigns, magazines, and even Twitter, especially when it only allowed 64 characters. I would caution using prose writing in novels, until a screenwriter has their craft to a point where they can discern the difference between showing and telling. A novel is a very different animal than a screenplay, because the form itself allows you to use all of the senses, and more, to create imagery. A screenplay, technically, is only sight and sound. Now, I say that with the caveat that a well-skilled writer can successfully infuse other senses like smell, and temperature, and when done well, can be quite powerful.

                Poetry is the closest to screenwriting, I think. But there is a great deal to learn from advertisers/commercials because they must communicate a story/message in short order. Hell, you can even learn from a YouTube "how to" video.

                The thing you should remember is there are no rules in screenwriting.

                I have never heard that metaphors and similes are frowned upon in screenwriting. Every writer I have ever read uses them. From pros to amateurs. Metaphors and similes are very powerful tools that, and when done well, can punch up description lines and dialogue. I highly recommend anyone wishing to elevate the action paragraphs to read or take Karl Iglesias book Writing for Emotional Impact by Karl Iglesias and - it instantly changed my writing. I have all of his DVDs and I think you can still find them on YouTube.

                So here are some examples.

                BLADERUNNER
                This is K. You’d peg him for 30 if you didn’t know better. Refined features, flawless skin. Intelligent eyes that breathe in detail and exhale warmth. Gifted with a grin that masks wry for earnest.

                BOURNE IDENTITY (opening line)
                EXT. OCEAN -- NIGHT 1
                The darkness is actually water.

                PROMETHEUS
                WATER. Intensely BLUE, untouched and PRISTINE as the rays of the SUN dance off its glasslike surface.

                PACIFIC RIM (opening line)
                BLACKNESS.
                A deep, thunderous BOOM, like a mountain hitting the ground.

                GAME OF THRONES
                EXT. KING’S LANDING BATTLEMENTS - DAY

                The Dothraki present their customary show of strength before
                the city walls, a cyclone of horse and steel and screaming
                warriors, swirling before the immobile Unsullied.

                Metaphors and similes can evoke provocative imagery-- like all things screenwriting, use them only when they have impact.

                What might be a fun exercise, is to take the opening of a novel and "script-i-fy" it to demonstrate how to eliminate the fat, what you can't see or hear, and still evoke powerful imagery and emotional impact.
                FA4
                "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy b/c you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say." -- Edward Snowden

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by finalact4 View Post
                  A screenwriter can learn from any form of writing, really, including novels, poems, lyrics, commercials, ad campaigns, magazines, and even Twitter, especially when it only allowed 64 characters. I would caution using prose writing in novels, until a screenwriter has their craft to a point where they can discern the difference between showing and telling. A novel is a very different animal than a screenplay, because the form itself allows you to use all of the senses, and more, to create imagery. A screenplay, technically, is only sight and sound. Now, I say that with the caveat that a well-skilled writer can successfully infuse other senses like smell, and temperature, and when done well, can be quite powerful.

                  Poetry is the closest to screenwriting, I think. But there is a great deal to learn from advertisers/commercials because they must communicate a story/message in short order. Hell, you can even learn from a YouTube "how to" video.

                  The thing you should remember is there are no rules in screenwriting.

                  I have never heard that metaphors and similes are frowned upon in screenwriting. Every writer I have ever read uses them. From pros to amateurs. Metaphors and similes are very powerful tools that, and when done well, can punch up description lines and dialogue. I highly recommend anyone wishing to elevate the action paragraphs to read or take Karl Iglesias book Writing for Emotional Impact by Karl Iglesias and - it instantly changed my writing. I have all of his DVDs and I think you can still find them on YouTube.

                  So here are some examples.

                  BLADERUNNER
                  This is K. You’d peg him for 30 if you didn’t know better. Refined features, flawless skin. Intelligent eyes that breathe in detail and exhale warmth. Gifted with a grin that masks wry for earnest.

                  BOURNE IDENTITY (opening line)
                  EXT. OCEAN -- NIGHT 1
                  The darkness is actually water.

                  PROMETHEUS
                  WATER. Intensely BLUE, untouched and PRISTINE as the rays of the SUN dance off its glasslike surface.

                  PACIFIC RIM (opening line)
                  BLACKNESS.
                  A deep, thunderous BOOM, like a mountain hitting the ground.

                  GAME OF THRONES
                  EXT. KING’S LANDING BATTLEMENTS - DAY

                  The Dothraki present their customary show of strength before
                  the city walls, a cyclone of horse and steel and screaming
                  warriors, swirling before the immobile Unsullied.

                  Metaphors and similes can evoke provocative imagery-- like all things screenwriting, use them only when they have impact.

                  What might be a fun exercise, is to take the opening of a novel and "script-i-fy" it to demonstrate how to eliminate the fat, what you can't see or hear, and still evoke powerful imagery and emotional impact.
                  FA4
                  Those are great examples. I do recall early on in my learning curve reading a couple of gurus who said leave metaphors and similes to novels, where they belong. I eventually dismissed the advice.

                  Also agree on inspiration from anywhere. YouTube is also great for getting regional accents and local sayings.

                  That exercise you suggest would be fun.
                  Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The idea that there are rules is very silly. And look, the guys who sold Keeper Of The Diary wrote dense walls of prose, as an example. You can do whatever you want. But until you prove you can do it, don’t.

                    Do you have a genius voice? Maybe go for it. Otherwise, I’d suggest keeping a clean page, one/two lines of action blocks each, left side of the page, drawing the reader down. That’s if you want to be in the spec game.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      More from the "Annals of the Dogma of Screenwriting": Avoid writing boring, static scenes with two guys sitting in chairs talking to one another likes this one: https://youtu.be/fuWkcKbBQkg

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You know in real life how many boring conversations people have. I try to avoid that in real life and for sure in my screenplays. That's why I get in trouble in real life for saying the wrong thing just to get a good joke off. But the 10% of the time it works, it's worth it to me. Same with screenwriting. Take out the boring parts. And the boring people. Leave only the interesting.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Satriales View Post
                          The idea that there are rules is very silly. And look, the guys who sold Keeper Of The Diary wrote dense walls of prose, as an example. You can do whatever you want. But until you prove you can do it, don’t.

                          Do you have a genius voice? Maybe go for it. Otherwise, I’d suggest keeping a clean page, one/two lines of action blocks each, left side of the page, drawing the reader down. That’s if you want to be in the spec game.

                          A bit of a Catch-22: Don't do it until you can prove you can do it?

                          How does that work? You break in "keeping a clean page, one/two lines of action blocks, left side of the page ...." then down the road you "prove" you can write "dense prose"?

                          Isn't that another version of the 'only pros can do' this or that rule.

                          Evocative writing doesn't have to be dense or laden with adjectives.

                          The first sentence of 1984 is clean as can be. But how did he decide on that image?

                          He created an entire world. Oceans of possibilities for an opening image. He could have opened with his protag in this world. Or one of the crazy meeting scenes later in the novel. Yet he chose:

                          "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."

                          Immediately telling the reader they're in an alternate universe. Like a door opening into this world.

                          Come to think of it. That's what the first half page of a script is: a door opening into the world the writer has created.

                          And it can be done with one or two action lines as you state. But it needs to be evocative and never derivative.
                          Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Bono View Post
                            You know in real life how many boring conversations people have. I try to avoid that in real life and for sure in my screenplays. That's why I get in trouble in real life for saying the wrong thing just to get a good joke off. But the 10% of the time it works, it's worth it to me. Same with screenwriting. Take out the boring parts. And the boring people. Leave only the interesting.
                            Take out the boring parts is a writing truism. I think it goes: fiction is life without the boring parts.

                            I'm attempting to discuss how to use prose in an opening in a way that seduces the reader and lets them know they're in good hands.

                            I'm not talking about purple prose. That's a mistake new writers make.

                            The Gilroy prose above isn't purple. It's juxtaposed against the 4-page voiceover. But look at how visually evocative the VO is. It's descriptive prose introducing a character in voiceover by another character!

                            We "see" the rolls of 50- dollar bills. His smile. His sleeves rolled up. His metaphorical dust bin.

                            Figment linked a Gilroy BAFTA talk where he said, with Michael Clayton, that he started with the idea to write about a fixer. That's all he had. And now I understand the opening to this script. It's brilliant.

                            Now, we can lapse into the "rule" only a pro can open a script in such a way. But I'm quite sure Gilroy always wrote this way.
                            Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              This thread might be about something else -- but I just want to point out -- that even a pro can write a great script -- and me a nobody can not like it. It's still opinion. Plenty of people hate Aaron Sorkin -- I love him -- but I can obviously see why people would hate him too. Quentin -- most of us film nerds eat that up -- but for sure I can see being annoyed by him. And I haven't liked all his movies either.

                              My point -- I know many writers love Michael Clayton -- I'm not one of them. And that's okay. So I'm just saying there is no 100% we all agree this is great writing. The closest we come are of course some of the PIxar movies and Roadhouse.

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