When it comes to reading other writers, especially as inspiration for my own work, I’ve always been eclectic. I once shocked a couple of my literary friends discussing poetry when I said that some rap lyrics top my list as the best contemporary poetry, ever. They looked at me as if I’d decapitated their cat. Literary snobs irk me.
As aspiring screenwriters, we talk about the importance of hooking a reader with our opening image and description. Novelists and poets have the same challenge.
Because a skilled, evocative opening tells the reader: I know what I’m doing, you won’t be bored or disappointed. In a sense, you want the reader to agree to date you for 100 pages. Your opening is like a killer pick-up line delivered to a total stranger in a bar. If you blow it, you’ll never get their number. They’ll never take the time to discover how fascinating you are.
I’ve seen objections to this reality by writers who get annoyed that industry readers will toss a script after a few pages. Some tosses occur as early as page one. “But-but, if they read my entire script, they’ll see how fascinating I am….” It may not be fair but it is what it is. And writers of other types of fiction are also judged by their opening salvos.
So I thought it would be an interesting exercise to look at non-screenplay openings to analyze why these draw in the reader.
(Other than the poem, I avoided using examples from novels utilizing metaphor and similes. Using such devices is frowned upon in screenwriting. But I still think we can sneak in one or two in an opening and get away with it to hook the reader.)
Novel: The Red Badge of Courage, by Stephan Crane, published 1895.
Poem: Strange Fruit, by Abel Meeropol under the pen name, Lewis Allan, published in 1937, adapted as a song by Billie Holiday in 1939.
Novel: 1984, by George Orwell, published 1949.
Novel: The Girl on the Train, by Paula Hawkins, published 2015, adapted for the screen and released 2016.
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Let’s look at the opening of the script, Michael Clayton, by Tony Gilroy. IMO, this could easily be the opening of a novel without changing a word:
Gilroy breaks a rule with this opening by describing what the building will be like "Seven hours from now..." He also slips in a bit of a metaphor: "... in the heart of the Sixth Avenue Canyon."
Before anyone objects, "He's a pro, he can get away with it!" I'll state up front I disagree. It makes the reader sit up and take notice. And now they want to date Gilroy for the next 100-plus pages. But wait -- read what follows the above -- a series of shots with a long VO introducing the character of Michael Clayton before he appears on screen. More rules broken:
The VO continues through the end of page four. Page four! As Gilroy takes us through shots of other floors and rooms of the building.
Anyway – care to discuss?
As aspiring screenwriters, we talk about the importance of hooking a reader with our opening image and description. Novelists and poets have the same challenge.
Because a skilled, evocative opening tells the reader: I know what I’m doing, you won’t be bored or disappointed. In a sense, you want the reader to agree to date you for 100 pages. Your opening is like a killer pick-up line delivered to a total stranger in a bar. If you blow it, you’ll never get their number. They’ll never take the time to discover how fascinating you are.
I’ve seen objections to this reality by writers who get annoyed that industry readers will toss a script after a few pages. Some tosses occur as early as page one. “But-but, if they read my entire script, they’ll see how fascinating I am….” It may not be fair but it is what it is. And writers of other types of fiction are also judged by their opening salvos.
So I thought it would be an interesting exercise to look at non-screenplay openings to analyze why these draw in the reader.
(Other than the poem, I avoided using examples from novels utilizing metaphor and similes. Using such devices is frowned upon in screenwriting. But I still think we can sneak in one or two in an opening and get away with it to hook the reader.)
Novel: The Red Badge of Courage, by Stephan Crane, published 1895.
The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. As the landscape changed from brown to green, the army awakened, and began to tremble with eagerness at the noise of rumors.
Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black body swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black body swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.
There is a pile of clothing on the side of the train tracks. Light-blue cloth – a shirt, perhaps – jumbled up with something dirty white. It’s probably rubbish, part of a load dumped into the scrubby little wood up the bank. It could have been left behind by the engineers who work this part of the track, they’re here often enough. Or it could be something else.
Let’s look at the opening of the script, Michael Clayton, by Tony Gilroy. IMO, this could easily be the opening of a novel without changing a word:
INT. KENNER BACH & LEDEEN/VARIOUS SHOTS -- NIGHT
It’s 2:00 a.m. in a major New York law firm. Ten floors of office space in the heart of the Sixth Avenue Canyon. Seven hours from now this place will be vibrating with the beehive energy of six hundred attorneys and their attendant staff, but for the moment it is a vast, empty, half-lit shell.
It’s 2:00 a.m. in a major New York law firm. Ten floors of office space in the heart of the Sixth Avenue Canyon. Seven hours from now this place will be vibrating with the beehive energy of six hundred attorneys and their attendant staff, but for the moment it is a vast, empty, half-lit shell.
Before anyone objects, "He's a pro, he can get away with it!" I'll state up front I disagree. It makes the reader sit up and take notice. And now they want to date Gilroy for the next 100-plus pages. But wait -- read what follows the above -- a series of shots with a long VO introducing the character of Michael Clayton before he appears on screen. More rules broken:
A SERIES OF SHOTS emphasizing the size and power of this organization; shots that build quietly to the idea that somewhere here -- somewhere in this building -- there’s something very important going on. MUSIC and CREDITS already mixing with the crazed, manic, express train chatter of –
ARTHUR EDENS (V.O.)
...Michael. Dear, Michael. Nurse Michael.
Dr. Clayton. Secret Hero. Keeper of the
Hidden Sins. Of course it’s you. Who else
could they send? Who else could be trusted?
Smoke on the horizon -- hole in the bucket –
voices crying from Milwaukee to Manhattan,
“Where’s our hero?” “Where’s our Cleanser Of
The Hidden Sins?” And here you are, sleeves
rolled up, lips sealed -- broom -- dustbin –
bankroll at the ready! Fifties, is it still fifties?
When you came to Boston, you remember?
God, you must’ve had a thousand of them!
The cash -- the smile -- the quiet word in the
corner -- of course it’s you, Michael, who else
could it ever be? But Michael, please, before you
sweep, please just hear me out -- just try –
because it’s not like Boston -- it’s not an episode –
relapse – **** up -- I’m begging you, Michael,
make believe it’s not just madness, because
it’s not just madness --
Dr. Clayton. Secret Hero. Keeper of the
Hidden Sins. Of course it’s you. Who else
could they send? Who else could be trusted?
Smoke on the horizon -- hole in the bucket –
voices crying from Milwaukee to Manhattan,
“Where’s our hero?” “Where’s our Cleanser Of
The Hidden Sins?” And here you are, sleeves
rolled up, lips sealed -- broom -- dustbin –
bankroll at the ready! Fifties, is it still fifties?
When you came to Boston, you remember?
God, you must’ve had a thousand of them!
The cash -- the smile -- the quiet word in the
corner -- of course it’s you, Michael, who else
could it ever be? But Michael, please, before you
sweep, please just hear me out -- just try –
because it’s not like Boston -- it’s not an episode –
relapse – **** up -- I’m begging you, Michael,
make believe it’s not just madness, because
it’s not just madness --
Anyway – care to discuss?
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