Ok, first let me say that I'm just curious how other people would approach this situation. I often hear that people hate reading WE in a script. many readers say it's poor writing.
With that said, how would you write a scene like this:
A man walks into a room. He found some money in the room, but doesn't want anyone to know. So he locks the door when he enters and looks at the floor. We don't see what he's looking at, but it's obvious he's hiding something. It's mysterious as to what he's doing and what he's hiding. In the film, you'd probably see the camera on him while he's at the door, locking it, listening to see if someone's coming, then looking at something off camera.
Now, how would you go about writing something like that in a way in which you never use WE, or talk in film language like "Off sceen."
I've already written the scene out, but it's hard not to use WE in this situation. It's the only time I use WE in the entire script. So without being insulted for not being David Mamet or Charles Kaufman, and without getting smart ass remarks, I'd like to hear how some people might write that short little scene.
Thanks
With that said, how would you write a scene like this:
A man walks into a room. He found some money in the room, but doesn't want anyone to know. So he locks the door when he enters and looks at the floor. We don't see what he's looking at, but it's obvious he's hiding something. It's mysterious as to what he's doing and what he's hiding. In the film, you'd probably see the camera on him while he's at the door, locking it, listening to see if someone's coming, then looking at something off camera.
Now, how would you go about writing something like that in a way in which you never use WE, or talk in film language like "Off sceen."
I've already written the scene out, but it's hard not to use WE in this situation. It's the only time I use WE in the entire script. So without being insulted for not being David Mamet or Charles Kaufman, and without getting smart ass remarks, I'd like to hear how some people might write that short little scene.
Thanks
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