Need help with Romance/comedy!

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  • Need help with Romance/comedy!

    I need help with a Romance/comedy but I don't want to reveal too much of my idea, so I'll try and describe a similar movie you may have seen before:

    The main character of my story is stuck in a menial job. However, the one enjoyment is that it takes him around town where he meets all sorts of weird and interesting customers. On one trip he meets a girl at a party. She starts to flirt with him and begs him to stay. But he says he can't and has to get back to the office. Over the next few days, he carries on working, but can't stop thinking about her.

    The others in the office (who provide comic relief) say he'll never see this girl again and forget her. But one night on a delivery run, he meets her again. He parties with her at the party. He's very late and his boss is furious. He apologises. The next night he promises to go out with her, but realises he has to work.

    Then he has the night from hell. Non-stop deliveries, nearly being kidnapped and beaten up. Will he make it through the night? Will he summon the courage to ditch the job and keep the girl?

    I haven't mentioned the place of work or location where it's set, but that's pretty much the plot.

    I'm not asking if it's unique, because's it's not.

    But how would you write this? What kind of logline could you do?
    Last edited by MPrince; 08-01-2006, 12:25 PM.
    I post too much.

  • #2
    Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

    First off, I would simplify the story a bit. There is a lot of extra fat you don't need.

    Take out meeting the girl twice, hitting it off, and then having to go back to work. For me the conflict resides in the one night where he is trying to get back to her and is stuck in a night of work hell.

    You could approach it from two directions:

    Make her already a girlfriend and he has promised to be there, but then obstacles are put in his path on what is supposed to be a big night for them.

    Or make it the girl of his dreams that he meets (or reconnects with) near the beginning of the movie, and the rest of the time he is trying to get back to her.

    The key depends on what you put in his path that prevents him from getting to her (just general "work" in itself is not a big enough obstacle), and how funny you make these situations as he must overcome them to achieve his goal.

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    • #3
      Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

      I'm not asking if it's unique, because's it's not.
      That's kinda of big problem. If you think this way, why are you writing it and why would Hollywood care? Yes, when it comes to romantic comedies there are a mere handful of paradigms to play with but the challenge is in creating UNIQUE characters and putting them into UNIQUE situations. Don't sell yourself short and before you go too much further, have you seen AFTER HOURS?

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      • #4
        Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

        Yeah really why aim for mediocrity and familiarity.

        /does handstand... skirt falls over head

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        • #5
          Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

          Originally posted by MPrince
          I need help with a Romance/comedy but I don't want to reveal too much of my idea, so I'll try and describe a similar movie you may have seen before:

          The main character of my story is stuck in a menial job. However, the one enjoyment is that it takes him around town where he meets all sorts of weird and interesting customers. One one trip he meets a girl at a party. She starts to flirt with him and begs him to stay. But he says he can't and has to get back to the office. Over the next few days, he carries on working, but can't stop thinking about her. The others in the office (provide comic relief) say he'll never see this girl again and forget her. But one night on a delivery run, he meets her again. He parties with her at the party. He's very late and his boss is furious. He apologises. The next night he promises to go out with her, but realises he has to work. Then he has the night from hell. Numerous deliveries, nearly being kidnapped and beaten up. Will he make it through the night? Will he summon the courage to ditch the job and keep the girl?

          I haven't mentioned the place of work or location where it's set, but that's pretty much the plot.

          I'm not asking if it's unique, because's it's not.

          But how would you write this? What kind of logline could you do?
          I don't mean to pass the buck here, but you are probably the best person to write the logline.

          Why don't you give it shot, post it and we'll all try to help shape it up a bit...if it needs it, that is.
          Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for the preparation of saleable screenplays. WHO WILL JOIN ME!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

            Sounds more like a workplace comedy (a comedy about a job) than a romantic comedy (a comedy about a romance) because the couple aren't in many scenes together.

            And idea is everything - what is the unique idea, here? Unless your story is based on existing material (comic book, cartoon, novel, TV show, etc) you need that interesting idea to get your script read (and later, the film seen). Think 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN or WEDDING CRASHERS - two films that are rom-coms second and some other kind of com first (workplace and buddy). In both cases, title tells all.

            Now, you may not be telling us that cool idea - that's okay. Just make sure you have one. Then, since it's a rom-com second, make sure the focus matches the first place you are finding comedy. Look at 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN - story is about the guys at work discovering our hero is still a virgin at 40 and trying to get him laid. They do all kinds of things, from speed dating to strippers to setting him up with sluts* to deal with the virgin issue. The workplace is the center of the story - and the fellow workers include:

            1) A guy who is obsessed with his ex-girl friend.
            2) A guy with lots of theories bout how to pick up girls.
            3) A married guy who cheats on his wife.
            4) A sexually agressive woman co-worker.
            5) The two adult immigrant guys who offer grown up advice - sort of.

            Notice how each of these characters show a different side of male/female reltionships, so that they connect to the comedy concept of a 40 year old virgin. If they all showed different sides of how to deal with strict corporate policy, they'd be perfect for some other movie dealing with *that* subject. The supporting characters are there to support the story.

            We also have two main women roles in the film: The slut* who works at the book store next door and the nice woman his age who is a customer in the store. These are two extremes - and both offer solutions to the "virgin problem". He can either have wild pointless sex or enter into a serious relationship. Lust or love? These characters also support the story - they're characters connect to the concept.

            All of his buddies at work vote for lust. And comedy comes from the various attempts at getting him laid - the speed dating scene is like two dozen hell-dates in about 5 minutes of film. The night club scenes allow for similar terrible relationships - like the drunk girl.

            While these things are going on, our hero is pursuing the nice woman... and finds that her "go slow" theory works perfect - he never has to tell her he's a virgin if they aren't going to sleep together for 20 dates. It's the easy way out! And that means his secret (that he's a virgin) turns into a big lie - and that will eventually destroy the relaionship. "Easy ways" just postpone the conflict and allow it to escalate until it explodes.

            Once things explode, we're in Act 3 territory - which is kind of where the rom-com stuff kicks in - because we want our couple to be together, but concept-related circumstances keep them apart. Act 1 & 2 are workplace comedy with the rom-com stuff in the background, and now it comes to the foreground. Now we get the typical rom-com series of scenes that bring the couple together only to pull them apart - she finds the big ol' box of porn, he blows up that she forced him to sell his stuff, etc. Then they finally come together (usually with that race to the airport or wedding scene in a rom-com, here it's him chasing her car on his bicycle). Blam! They get together, apologize, say they love each other, kiss, and live hapily ever after... closing credits.

            But the thing that sets it all in motion is that unique interesting comedy idea - the 40 year old virgin or the two guys who crash weddings to eat, drink, and sleep with bridesmaids. Gotta have one of those ideas.

            - Bill
            *slut = woman with healthy sexual desires in this case.
            Free Script Tips:
            http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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            • #7
              Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

              PS: So the logline would focus on whatever your unique concept is (as all good loglines do). That 40 year old virgin or those guys who crash weddings to drink free booze a screw bridesmaids.

              - Bill
              Free Script Tips:
              http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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              • #8
                Thank for the responses and...

                I have a few words too...

                scrub 9x: "Make it the girl of his dreams that he meets (or reconnects with) near the beginning of the movie, and the rest of the time he is trying to get back to her. The key depends on what you put in his path that prevents him from getting to her (just general "work" in itself is not a big enough obstacle), and how funny you make these situations as he must overcome them to achieve his goal."

                You're right. This is the type of plotline I'm thinking about. The main character is a pizza delivery guy. The obstacles are non-stop deliveries, strange/attractive/dangerous customers, nearly being robbed, run over by cars, being sabotaged by rivals (damaging his bike), etc.

                Odriftwood: I have seen After Hours, it was... interesting, but I think I can make my story far more interesting and exciting.

                Berlin Stardust: Thanks for nothing.

                Writerman: I will get to work on one ASAP.

                WCMartell: "Sounds more like a workplace comedy (a comedy about a job) than a romantic comedy (a comedy about a romance) because the couple aren't in many scenes together."

                You've also got the plot right as well. The main comedy comes from a) the wild/attractive/dangerous customers and places they're at and b) the chefs and waiters who work at the restaurant. Still the romance is from meeting the girl and desperately trying to track her down.

                The original synopsis I created was: "Character X is a pizza delivery guy, who enjoys his job, but feels he could do better. Every Saturday night, different pizza guys deliver. However this Saturday night it's his turn. He delivers to all sorts of wild and crazy locations from house parties, to expensive apartments, to shelters and gets involved in some mad adventures. Before the night is over he will have nearly lost his life (several times!), found a new girlfriend and gained the self-confidence to realise his dreams."

                Using this synopsis, could you or anyone else come up with a quick logline?
                I post too much.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Thank for the responses and...

                  Originally posted by MPrince
                  Using this synopsis, could you or anyone else come up with a quick logline?
                  No, but I might steal your idea. *sinister laugh* HAHAAHAAHA!
                  A lovely being, scarcely formed or moulded,
                  A rose with all its sweetest leaves yet folded.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

                    Here's a film with the *exact same plot* you have described... and I think it was written & directed by a DD poster...

                    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0422966/

                    (Or maybe just a guy who hangs out at my website - he sent me a copy of the DVD.)

                    Problem is - you do not have a unique idea. That is the basic requirement for a script.

                    And you don't seem to have a central conflict - another basic requirement.

                    Back to the drawing board!

                    - Bill
                    Last edited by wcmartell; 08-01-2006, 03:26 PM.
                    Free Script Tips:
                    http://www.scriptsecrets.net

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Thank for the responses and...

                      Originally posted by MPrince
                      these situations as he must overcome them to achieve his goal."

                      You're right. This is the type of plotline I'm thinking about. The main character is a pizza delivery guy. The obstacles are non-stop deliveries, strange/attractive/dangerous customers, nearly being robbed, run over by cars, being sabotaged by rivals (damaging his bike), etc.
                      So it's a TV series?
                      http://wasitsomethingiwrote.blogspot.com/

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                      • #12
                        Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

                        WCMartell: You broke my heart by showing me that movie! What do I do now I better scrap this idea and start on another.
                        I post too much.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

                          I don't think you have to scrap your idea. You need to see that movie though. And you can finish the script and use it as part of the learning curve. Hey, at the end of the day you've come up with an idea that got sold in Hollywood. That's a positive straight away and who's to say yours won't be better or there's not room for two of these movies? Personally, I don't think it's time to give up just yet. Keep on improving and good luck.
                          A lovely being, scarcely formed or moulded,
                          A rose with all its sweetest leaves yet folded.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

                            Originally posted by Mister Q
                            I don't think you have to scrap your idea. You need to see that movie though. And you can finish the script and use it as part of the learning curve. Hey, at the end of the day you've come up with an idea that got sold in Hollywood. That's a positive straight away and who's to say yours won't be better or there's not room for two of these movies? Personally, I don't think it's time to give up just yet. Keep on improving and good luck.
                            I agree. Look at Armageddon and Deep Impact. Armageddon may have pulled in more money, but I personally enjoyed Deep Impact so much more.

                            Sixth Sense and Stir of Echoes...

                            The list goes on and on...

                            Just make your story better. (Easier said than done, I know)
                            Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for the preparation of saleable screenplays. WHO WILL JOIN ME!

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                            • #15
                              Re: Need help with Romance/comedy!

                              The problem is - there isn't much of an idea to begin with. No high concept at all, no discernable conflict (just a bunch of subplot conflicts). So - scrap it. Come up with 50 ideas for movies... select the best one.

                              - Bill
                              Free Script Tips:
                              http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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