What's wrong with this?

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  • What's wrong with this?

    ZEP
    (cutting him off) His name is John,
    Dr. Gordon. (He looks down at the patient,
    who we see is a man in his late forties-early
    fifties, hairless except for a small
    white goatee. His head is to the side
    and he is sleeping. On the tray table
    in front of him is a notebook and some
    colored pencils. As Zep looks at him
    and speaks of him, there is caring in
    his voice, something Dr. Gordon has
    yet to display regarding this patient.)
    He's a very interesting person.


    Why is the parenthetical so long?

    And this is from a prodcued film screenplay!!! Holy cow, talk about breaking rules. What rules? Maybe it's just okay to write anyway you want. Hmmm... I'm going back to my re-write...
    Writer / Director available for your project.

  • #2
    Re: What's wrong with this?

    It's from the SAW screenplay, and it's full of stuff like that. I don't get it...
    Writer / Director available for your project.

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    • #3
      Re: What's wrong with this?

      Damn aussies...
      One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. - French Proverb

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      • #4
        Re: What's wrong with this?

        Doesn't everyone do this?
        TimeStorm & Blurred Vision Book info & blog: https://stormingtime.com//

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        • #5
          Re: What's wrong with this?

          Not me...I've evolved

          I do it like this:

          His name is John, Dr. Gordon.

          ZEP
          (He looks down at the patient,
          who we see is a man in his late forties-early
          fifties, hairless except for a small
          white goatee. His head is to the side
          and he is sleeping. On the tray table
          in front of him is a notebook and some
          colored pencils. As Zep looks at him
          and speaks of him, there is caring in
          his voice, something Dr. Gordon has
          yet to display regarding this patient.)

          He's a very interesting person
          One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. - French Proverb

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What's wrong with this?

            Saw wasn't a spec sale, they filmed a scene, showed it around and based on the strength of that scene (reverse bear trap, I believe) got up and running to do a feature.

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            • #7
              Re: What's wrong with this?

              Originally posted by OzFade View Post
              Not me...I've evolved


              I do it like this:
              Way to throw a curve ball at all those execs who only read dialogue / only read action. They'll think you're some kind of savant.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What's wrong with this?

                Everything you read and hear about what 'not to do' in a screenplay on this board, you'll see all the time in produced screenplays: VOs, Flashbacks, bricks of narrative, long dialog speeches, CAPPED PHRASES, etc...

                It all depends on the story and how good it is, if the story sucks listing a long paranthetical would be just one of the things you mention, if the story works no agent or producer would say a word about it.

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                • #9
                  Re: What's wrong with this?

                  Don't forget, many scripts available on-line are not scans of the original documents.

                  So, who knows who did what to whatever.

                  BTW, I just looked up Saw on SimplyScripts. Their script version is an 'excellent word for word transcript in html format.' So long as it's 'excellent.'

                  pc

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                  • #10
                    Re: What's wrong with this?

                    SAW - written, produced, directed by the same guys. So, no one cared if it was written in crayola on toilet paper. The script was never sold.

                    The scripts you want to use as examples are sold specs.

                    - Bill
                    Free Script Tips:
                    http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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                    • #11
                      Re: What's wrong with this?

                      Originally posted by wcmartell View Post
                      SAW - written, produced, directed by the same guys. So, no one cared if it was written in crayola on toilet paper. The script was never sold.

                      The scripts you want to use as examples are sold specs.

                      - Bill
                      I disagree...

                      Looking at other screenplays by notable writer/director types (M. Night, Cohen Bros, Wachowski, Peoples, etc) are all well written. It's just bad writing IMO, and there's no denying that.

                      I think all those writers of "How To" books are making a mint...
                      Writer / Director available for your project.

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                      • #12
                        Re: What's wrong with this?

                        The guys from Saw where offered money for their script from various production comanies. Their manager negotiated a deal whereby they could direct it as well. Which is why those chose Twisted Pictures. It is a good example to use.

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