Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

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  • Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

    I remember reading that commas and complete sentences are good to convey a slow pace whereas terse sentences and full-stops are good for urgency... but, shouldn't we use commas for quickness, since they are the shorter pause?

    Can anyone help me?

  • #2
    Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

    No. I don't think so. Concise sentences create a rhythm.

    Long sentences, on the other hand, through their overuse of commas, can create an overly complex, slower and more difficult to read sentence that can, if you're not careful, tend to slow the reader down and kill any sense of rhythm or momentum.

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    • #3
      Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

      Although that staccato style of writing can be really annoying to read, hard to visualise, causing you to put a script aside for that reason alone.

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      • #4
        Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

        And yea, commas can sometimes give better flow to fast action.

        e.g.

        He takes a run up and leaps to the adjacent rooftop, rolls to break his fall, then takes long strides towards the next rooftop.

        Just don't overdo it. I generally aim for no more than one comma per sentence. Balance is the key. And the way you're writing it is pacing it.

        So you need breathers.

        And Bauhaus, you have no training in screenwriting and no experience in screenwriting, I can understand how you can have opinions on content, but I'm wondering what qualifies you to tell people how to screenwrite.

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        • #5
          Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

          ...but I'm wondering what qualifies you to tell people how to screenwrite.
          Screenwrite?

          ....


          Bauhaus' post makes more sense than yours.
          One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. - French Proverb

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          • #6
            Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

            Originally posted by maralyn View Post
            And Bauhaus, you have no training in screenwriting and no experience in screenwriting, I can understand how you can have opinions on content, but I'm wondering what qualifies you to tell people how to screenwrite.

            Wow.
            Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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            • #7
              Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

              Originally posted by Hazeem View Post
              I remember reading that commas and complete sentences are good to convey a slow pace whereas terse sentences and full-stops are good for urgency... but, shouldn't we use commas for quickness, since they are the shorter pause?

              Can anyone help me?
              Experiment. Try writing an action line several different ways to see which one works.

              I've seen some pro scripts where what's essentially one sentence is broken over 2-3 lines to control the pace.

              Yet at the same time don't micromanage your action lines, that's distracting too.

              Read some of the better action scripts which have been produced. Play around with different ways for different story needs.

              The best example I can think of is the famous dance scene in Risky Business, Cruise sliding into the doorway etc. On the script it simply reads: He dances.

              Try not to get rattled by rules like -- only one comma per sentence. Or, only two lines of action allowed.

              The thing is to strive for writing that never makes the reader pop out of the story and think, "Huh?"

              Keep them engrossed to the point they forget they're looking at words on the page.
              Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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              • #8
                Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                Marilyn wrote:
                He takes a run up and leaps to the adjacent rooftop, rolls to break his fall, then takes long strides towards the next rooftop.

                Now see how it reads this way:

                He runs.

                Leaps to the next rooftop. Rolls to break his fall.

                Long strides toward the next rooftop.

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                • #9
                  Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                  He runs. Leaps to the next rooftop. Rolls to break his fall.

                  He runs...leaps to the next rooftop...rolls to break his fall.

                  HE RUNS! LEAPS TO THE NEXT ROOFTOP AND ROLLS TO BREAK HIS FALL!!!111



                  Now...what if it's not the style but the words that convey the emotion...
                  One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it. - French Proverb

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                  • #10
                    Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                    Here's a dandy article posted by Dues on the Two Adverbs site.
                    Do not miss it - a professor from Portland breaks out the structure and mechanics of action screenwriting from five different contemporary screenplays. Very good.

                    http://www.twoadverbs.com/sc/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2863

                    I'm not certain whether you'll have to subscribe or not but you should probably be a member anyway IMHO.

                    Bot

                    As a note of interest: When I started writing I used to use the style set out in Example Three because I liked reading it much better than other styles. It tends to add page count but I think it reads faster. The author of this article says it has gone out of style (it was in vogue in the 80's) though and I've found newer readers object to it for some reason. Probably just because its a format foul but if I'm shooting the script on a small project (I don't direct features) I always write it this way. The reason is that besides reading better IMO, when you punch out index cards in Final Draft this format creates a shot list that I can take onto a set and shoot. Each card will have a scene heading and then the action needed to be shot on the card or list. I'll stop now. This comment is longer than my original post. Do I have to go to the penalty box now?
                    Last edited by Robot17; 09-16-2007, 08:40 AM. Reason: Adding a comment
                    Since I sensed a sudden lack of appreciation for my presence, I hopped out of the Jumpy-jump, snatched my glow-stick from the fridge and galloped away on the Rent-A-Pony. - Stolen from Jcorona

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                    • #11
                      Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                      Originally posted by maralyn View Post
                      And Bauhaus, you have no training in screenwriting and no experience in screenwriting, I can understand how you can have opinions on content, but I'm wondering what qualifies you to tell people how to screenwrite.
                      My qualifications include the proper use of commas, the ability to avoid run-on sentences and a rough understanding of the English language. My major weakness might be a tendency to favor the AP style as evidenced by the omission of the final comma before "and" in the previous sentence.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                        Originally posted by Robot17 View Post
                        Here's a dandy article posted by Dues on the Two Adverbs site.
                        Do not miss it - a professor from Portland breaks out the structure and mechanics of action screenwriting from five different contemporary screenplays. Very good.

                        http://www.twoadverbs.com/sc/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2863
                        That's a great article. This part shows how sentences that use a lot of commas can still maintain a good momentum:
                        The writers here also prefer compound to simple sentence structures,
                        a choice that better conveys the wider focus of the action, with
                        many things going on at once: "The wheeled cart hurtles toward an
                        unsuspecting gunman, crashes into him from behind and sends him
                        flying head first into a row of ice buckets."

                        Another example: "Indy sees the vial of antidote kicked again
                        and it spins across the marble floor - feeling the poison, Indy
                        shakes his head groggily and splashes water on his face."

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                        • #13
                          Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                          So -

                          It may also be written like:

                          THE WHEELED CART
                          hurtles toward an unsuspecting gunman, crashes into him from behind and sends him flying head first into a row of ice buckets

                          INDY SEES
                          the vial of antidote kicked again -- it spins across the marble floor.

                          INDY
                          shakes his head. He feels the poison and splashes water on his face

                          or something.

                          Bot
                          Since I sensed a sudden lack of appreciation for my presence, I hopped out of the Jumpy-jump, snatched my glow-stick from the fridge and galloped away on the Rent-A-Pony. - Stolen from Jcorona

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                            Originally posted by maralyn View Post
                            He takes a run up and leaps to the adjacent rooftop, rolls to break his fall, then takes long strides towards the next rooftop.
                            Marilyn, I agree with sc111: "Yet at the same time don't micromanage your action lines, that's distracting too.

                            "The best example I can think of is the famous dance scene in Risky Business, Cruise sliding into the doorway etc. On the script it simply reads: He dances."

                            I think you need to let the director and stunt coordinator determine how he runs and lands. For the scene and the story, I think you need to only to get him leaping across rooftops to show action which illustrates his athletic abilities.

                            Try:

                            EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT

                            . . . He sprints toward the edge. A deep, wide chasm.

                            He Leaps. Makes it. Sprints. Leaps. Building to Building.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Narrative desc. - complete and incomplete sentences.

                              Since when should you limit yourself to one or the other?

                              Use both.

                              It's annoying to read no short, quick, concise sentences. It's also annoying to read only long, dragged out sentences that work at times, but will only slow the reader if overused.

                              Screenwriting shouldn't be different than normal writing stylistically in a punctuation sense.

                              Whoever told you you couldn't do both was whacky.

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