Which one sounds better?

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  • Which one sounds better?

    I have a line of action in my current script that has me perplexed. I wrote it one way, but then second guessed myself on the grammer and use of the colloquilal expression.

    The original sentence:
    The former victims rip their former friends from limb to limb.

    The "second guess" version:
    The former victims rip their former friends limb from limb.

    Help?

    The normal expression is "ripped limb from limb" (past tense), right? Does "from limb to limb" work here? It has a better rhythm when you read it (IMO), but I want to make sure I'm not making myself out to be a fool by misquoting a common phrase. :/

    Help me Done Deal, you're my only hope!
    For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
    Jonny Atlas Writes!

    - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

  • #2
    Re: Which one sound better?

    Both of them sound a little strange because of the "former" stuff - but the answer to your question is that the 2nd version is better, IMO.
    Sent from my iPhone. Because I'm better than you.

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    • #3
      Re: Which one sound better?

      Originally posted by Naudikom View Post
      Both of them sound a little strange because of the "former" stuff - but the answer to your question is that the 2nd version is better, IMO.
      Understandable. It sounds less odd in context (isn't that what they always say?). When I write freeform, alliteration tends to creep in. lol. Who knows if I will keep it in the rewrite...

      I figured the second version was right, but I wanted some outside opinions.
      For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
      Jonny Atlas Writes!

      - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

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      • #4
        Re: Which one sound better?

        The former victims ripped their past friends to shreds.

        Or something like that. The way you have it, you are repeating TWO words, in one short sentence, and that sounds awkward.

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        • #5
          Re: Which one sound better?

          Or ...

          The former victims eviscerate their ex-friends and tear limb from limb. Blood flows. Entrails spalt against the walls. Absolute carnage.

          (If there are limbs being torn -- why not lay on the splatter)

          Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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          • #6
            Re: Which one sound better?

            Originally posted by sc111 View Post
            Or ...

            The former victims eviscerate their ex-friends and tear limb from limb. Blood flows. Entrails spalt against the walls. Absolute carnage.

            (If there are limbs being torn -- why not lay on the splatter)

            Oh, there's splatter. I was just trying to get advice on the limb from limb/from limb to limb issue.
            For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
            Jonny Atlas Writes!

            - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

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            • #7
              Re: Which one sound better?

              Originally posted by JonnyAtlas View Post
              Oh, there's splatter. I was just trying to get advice on the limb from limb/from limb to limb issue.
              Yeah, it's "limb from limb". I like sc111's version!


              "We're all immigrants now, man."
              - Zia (Patrick Fugit), "Wristcutters: A Love Story"

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              • #8
                Re: Which one sound better?

                Awesome. Thanks for your input, everyone.
                For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
                Jonny Atlas Writes!

                - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

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                • #9
                  Re: Which one sound better?

                  The victims rip their former freinds limbs off.

                  ode

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                  • #10
                    Re: Which one sound better?

                    The idiom is, in fact, to "tear someone limb from limb." It is a little difficult to puzzle through the syntax, since it is not entirely rational, as far as I can tell. But this is the correct form.

                    The reason that to "tear someone from limb to limb" sounds okay (sort of) is that it is a syntactically logical construction on the model of something like "bruising someone from head to toe."

                    "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Which one sound better?

                      Originally posted by ComicBent View Post
                      The idiom is, in fact, to "tear someone limb from limb." It is a little difficult to puzzle through the syntax, since it is not entirely rational, as far as I can tell. But this is the correct form.

                      The reason that to "tear someone from limb to limb" sounds okay (sort of) is that it is a syntactically logical construction on the model of something like "bruising someone from head to toe."
                      ComicBent, you are my hero. That is totally what I was looking for. I'll be going with "limb from limb" (and removing the alliteration), but it's good to have a clear explination as to why the other way seemed to work. Thanks.
                      For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
                      Jonny Atlas Writes!

                      - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Which one sounds better?

                        As a side note, please forgive any typos or misspellings in my posts. I do most of my posting from my phone, and Opera Mini doesn't support the in-post editing for some reason, so I can't go back and fix errors that I catch after the fact.
                        For more of my thoughts on screenwriting, check out my blog.
                        Jonny Atlas Writes!

                        - Sic Semper Tyrannis.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Which one sounds better?

                          Heh.

                          The benefit of being a linguist with a background in teaching college English before I went into medicine.

                          "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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