Is Prince Charming making a comeback?

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  • Is Prince Charming making a comeback?

    Man, my SP's getting creamed on Triggerstreet. In the script, I join a pair of newlyweds in progress, on their honeymoon. Melvin's a milquetoast mechanical engineer and Belle's an older bombshell slut. 5 out of 6 readers ask "Why would Belle marry Melvin?" They can't get past it.

    I didn't think I had to justify this, but I did glance over it near the start when Ally, Belle's neighbor and confidante, asks her why she cheats:

    ***
    ALLISON
    I don't understand you, Belle. Don't you love your husband?

    BELLE
    Of course I do. Melvin's so smart, and stable, and considerate ... and he loves me, Ally. He really does. I know because he tells me so.

    ***

    I seem to remember back in the 90's when there was a feminist movement to reject physical attributes and attract a more sensible, successful mate.

    I think one makeup ad back then showed a glamourous woman walking past some snazzily dressed stud in a lounge and taking the arm of a slight, bespectacled man. The ad summed everything up with a curt "Grow up."

    I was pretty much counting on that attitude to carry me into the script without having to address the characters' courtship. Did this movement fizzle out entirely? How out of touch am I?

  • #2
    Re: Is Prince Charming making a comeback?

    Either your readers skimmed your pages and missed it or they think in stereotypes (hot girl must get hot guy and vice versa). Or it's a combination of both.

    If you want to tighten this up -- look closer at the female character. Is she a gold-digger type and you want her to be on the b1tchy side -- let her flash a big 6-carat diamond ring when her neighbor poses that question.

    Or, if you want her to play against hoochie mama type and give her a bigheart -- maybe she actually says something deeper, more in subtext, to reveal she loves who he is inside.

    This dialogue:

    BELLE
    Of course I do. Melvin's so smart, and stable, and considerate ... and he loves me, Ally. He really does. I know because he tells me so.

    Is, in my opinion OTN yet too vague at the same time. Try writing dialogue where she says this in subtext.

    Hope that helps.
    Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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    • #3
      Re: Is Prince Charming making a comeback?

      ALLISON
      I don't understand you, Belle. Don't you love your husband?

      BELLE
      I like to be taken care of. Melvin takes care of my long-term needs, and xxxx takes care of my immediate needs.

      Or something like that.

      HH

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      • #4
        Re: Is Prince Charming making a comeback?

        Thanks, both of you. I'll have to think about this. I'll either adjust the dialog or just delete the passage altogether.

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        • #5
          Re: Is Prince Charming making a comeback?

          Maybe the readers can't figure it out because Belle is sleeping around, so yeah, why get married? (especially if this is the honymoon stage and not 20 years later and she's bored). It could also be that you haven't shown the attractive qualities of the husband enough to make the relationship believable. Guys don't need to be studs in the movies, look at the current trend with the Apatow gang. However the characters are funny and smart or whatever, so the attraction is believable. Woody Allen ain't exactly stud material either, but his wit and his intellect and the fact that he was so comfortable and confident around women made it believable back in the days when he was paired up with Keaton or Farrow or whoever else in his movies. My guess is you're not showing enough of the dynamics between your characters to make their actions believable.

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