Liberal Usage of HDWK...

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  • Liberal Usage of HDWK...

    These are excerpts from the first few pages of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck's script. According to the site, it is what Matt Damon and Ben Affleck originally wrote on paper before the movie was made.

    I am confused. I would love to write descriptions like this but I've been told that it's a major no-no. Again, these examples are from just first four pages.

    MY QUESTION IS: What's acceptable and what's not? There seems to be a bit of editorialization in this award-winning screenplay.

    ***
    INT. L STREET BAR & GRILLE, SOUTH BOSTON -- EVENING

    The bar is dirty, more than a little run down. If there is
    ever a cook on duty, he's not here now. As we pan across
    several empty tables, we can almost smell the odor of last
    nights beer and crushed pretzels on the floor.

    ***
    The guy holding court is CHUCKIE SULLIVAN, 20, and the largest
    of the bunch. He is loud, boisterous, a born entertainer.
    Next to him is WILL HUNTING, 20, handsome and confident, a
    soft-spoken leader. On Will's right sits BILLY MCBRIDE, 22,
    heavy, quiet, someone you definitely wouldn't want to tangle
    with. Finally there is MORGAN O'MALLY, 19, smaller than the
    other guys. Wiry and anxious, Morgan listens to Chuckie's
    horror stories with eager disgust.

    All four boys speak with thick Boston accents. This is a rough,
    working class Irish neighborhood and these boys are its product.

    ***
    EXT. SOUTH BOSTON ROOFTOP -- EARLY AFTERNOON

    SEAN McGUIRE (52) sits, FORMALLY DRESSED, on the roof of his
    apartment building in a beat-up lawn chair. Well-built and
    fairly muscular, he stares blankly out over the city.

    On his lap rests an open invitation that reads "M.I.T. CLASS
    OF '67 REUNION."

    While the morning is quiet and Sean sits serenely, there is a
    look about his that tells us he has faced hard times. This is
    a man who fought his way through life. On his lonely stare we:
    ***

    This is from the first four pages of the original script. Can anybody let me know if what was done above is okay or not?

  • #2
    well it won an academy award, so it's safe to assume that whatever that was done that "shouldn't have been done", was either done well, or overlooked in light of the award winning story.

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    • #3
      It's probably worth keeping in mind that GWH didnt go through the usual spec channels, they had good inside help. The "rules" about spec writing you hear about are really just tips on getting it into the right hands the easiest way possible, and that includes making it is as easy to read as possible. Big blocks of flowing text make it harder to go through the system, thats all. Harder, not impossible.

      Row.

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      • #4
        What is done above is better than okay. It is brilliant writing. Anyone who tells you brilliant writing is a mistake on your part or not your goal is, um, confused.

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        • #5
          Okay...if Matt Damon and Ben Affleck can get away with some liberties, can I do this?

          ****

          Andrew separates from this pack and heads to a little room on the corner. Barry, 22, looks frail and wiry. His nervous motions and general impatience seem to indicate that he hasn't laughed or smiled since the Reagan administration.

          ***

          BTW, this is set in 1992...so only 4 years since Reagan Administration.

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          • #6
            separates from what pack? he heads to a little room in the corner, and then what? he sees barry -- how? did he meet barry in the corridor along the way? or did he open the room door and is now in the room, where barry is?

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            • #7
              You can do it, Blue, but you have to write better than that to pull it off.

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              • #8
                Girlin,

                I just pulled out two sentences. So it seems slightly out of context. Also, I edited it a bit.

                I just want to give the bored reader a reason to smile.

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                • #9
                  I haven't found my voice yet. But I liked the editorial humor and liberties of some scripts I read. It makes for a easier and better read. But I'm not there yet with tech skills to be able to screw around with editorial liberties, me thinks.

                  *edited --- Blue, talk to me tonight in chat*

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                  • #10
                    I don't quit understand the reason my post was deleted, was there something that wrong with it?

                    Sometimes when one moderates he shows his or hers inability to put personal issues aside.

                    Everything i say should be written in a bible on words that help ones life.

                    S.D.

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