aw man, i have spent the better part of 20 years in offices, and too many of the last 10 or 12 in too many boardrooms but i am having trouble making this bit work
my protag walks into a boardroom, real late
his boss is pissed
the protag doesn't really care - he thinks he is secure in his job as he brings in beaucoup bucks to the firm
the two of them kinda have it out - not climactically: he won't get fired 'til somewhere in actII but this is like the fourth scene and is indirect foreshadowing (we know he is gonna be canned, eventually, and maybe he does too but hasn't really admitted it to himself yet)
so we are in the hightech and mahogany board room, hero and boss are bantering
problem i have is the action - it seems flat... he enters, the table is all but full, he gets a coffee, sits in the last empty chair, the boss starts hassling him, he fights back, then the boss really tears him a new one
boss talks, hero answers, boss talks, hero answers, boss slam his hand on the table and talks, hero pulls a file from his briefcase and slaps it on the table while he talks, the boss gets up to get a coffee while he talks, hero answers, boss sits down again, talking.. hero answers and slides the file down the table - boss looks at file, hero talks, hero gets up, picks up briefcase, talks again, walks to door, opens it, talks again
scene ends
------
after all that, yep i have questions
Boss stands, makes his way to the coffee urn, pours himself a cup
BOSS
talk talk talk
HERO
answer answer answer
BOSS OR Boss sits down
(sitting) BOSS
talks some more talks some more
........should i go action line or parenthetical here?
how boring is this?
any good online scripts you have seen and would recommend re board room crap like this?
should i just go with the dialog and not sweat the action here? it is a two page or so scene, btw
should i be saying "Boss returns to head of table and takes his seat" or would you assume that "Boss sits down" means he went back and did not just sit on the floor (or on the coffee machine?)
hope this is coherent - god knows my current copy of that scene doesn't feel like it... i intended to leave it and return later but it is bugging me and i want to clean it up a bit now just to get it out of my head space
thanks
my protag walks into a boardroom, real late
his boss is pissed
the protag doesn't really care - he thinks he is secure in his job as he brings in beaucoup bucks to the firm
the two of them kinda have it out - not climactically: he won't get fired 'til somewhere in actII but this is like the fourth scene and is indirect foreshadowing (we know he is gonna be canned, eventually, and maybe he does too but hasn't really admitted it to himself yet)
so we are in the hightech and mahogany board room, hero and boss are bantering
problem i have is the action - it seems flat... he enters, the table is all but full, he gets a coffee, sits in the last empty chair, the boss starts hassling him, he fights back, then the boss really tears him a new one
boss talks, hero answers, boss talks, hero answers, boss slam his hand on the table and talks, hero pulls a file from his briefcase and slaps it on the table while he talks, the boss gets up to get a coffee while he talks, hero answers, boss sits down again, talking.. hero answers and slides the file down the table - boss looks at file, hero talks, hero gets up, picks up briefcase, talks again, walks to door, opens it, talks again
scene ends
------
after all that, yep i have questions
Boss stands, makes his way to the coffee urn, pours himself a cup
BOSS
talk talk talk
HERO
answer answer answer
BOSS OR Boss sits down
(sitting) BOSS
talks some more talks some more
........should i go action line or parenthetical here?
how boring is this?
any good online scripts you have seen and would recommend re board room crap like this?
should i just go with the dialog and not sweat the action here? it is a two page or so scene, btw
should i be saying "Boss returns to head of table and takes his seat" or would you assume that "Boss sits down" means he went back and did not just sit on the floor (or on the coffee machine?)
hope this is coherent - god knows my current copy of that scene doesn't feel like it... i intended to leave it and return later but it is bugging me and i want to clean it up a bit now just to get it out of my head space
thanks
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