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  • Overheard

    What are some of the best overheard lines you might be able to use in the future. Prompted by: I had lunch in a local hamburger joint. A woman came in and ordered -- "I'll have a cheeseburger with no cheese."

    No fair making things up. Are you listening, Sweet Bill?


  • #2

    I worked in a convenience store while in college. We had a guy that came in almost everyday to
    buy the large 32 oz. bottles of Miller beer. This was 20 years ago. The beer deliveries had been delayed for some reason and for two or three days the guy came in, walked straight to the beer cooler searching for his 32 oz. Miller. He was so disappointed. The 3rd or 4th day came along and I was working alone that evening. The guy walks in and heads to the cooler. I said, "Man, we don't have the 32 ounce bottles yet." He looks in the cooler, turns to me, and I swear he said, "And you're still out of the quart bottles too!" It was all I could do to keep a straight face as he walked sadly out of the store.


    • #3
      my uncle

      fish and chips without the fish...

      granted, french is his first language, but it cracked us up anyway


      • #4
        My Favorite Overheard

        I was sitting in a restaurant on Sunset Blvd and heard this one - it was so good I wrote it down:

        "Sorry (I'm late) I've been living on rock and roll time."

        - Bill


        • #5
          "Whatever rings your chime..." - don't remember what the reference was. Just stuck in my head.
          "You can be powerful, but you can't be almighty." - a friend to the owner of the videostore I frequent. I guess the owner was humorously threatening not to reserve a tape to show this guy who was boss.
          "I got plenty of charity in my heart. Just don't f--k with me." - a very Sopranos-like Italian I know.



          • #6
            Here are two real ones from a Post Office:

            1. Supervisor finds custodian in an upstairs storage area comfortably seated in a large chair, feet up on a stool, with a newspaper opened in front of him. Custodian realizes supervisor is there and says, "I was just getting ready to go take my break."

            No sense wasting your break time to read the paper, eh?

            2. Angry maintenance guy to supervisor, "You sleep in your office for eight hours every night and we never know where to find you."

            If you didn't catch that, read it again.

            I think I'm going to write a screenplay about the night shift at a post office and call it "Going Postal".

            Bill M.


            • #7
              Overheard in a Government Agency in DC

              A woman from Public Relations was leading a tour of prospective employees through the building, and I heard the PR woman answering a question as I walked by...

              _______PR WOMAN
              Yes, most of our basements are

              I assume that the person who asked the question is now gainfully employed by the Federal government.


              • #8
                Online Bingo Chatroom

                Was playing bingo online where they had this chat feature to go with it. Was snoozing along, reading the chat lines as they came up, mostly your usual 'age/sex/underwear' yadda yadda, but then one little gem came up as:

                person1: What happens if you call bingo, but you don't really have a bingo?

                person2: you're what's wrong with society.

                Cracked me up. Course, I realized two seconds later that these two people were involved in completely seperate conversations and it was just pure chance that I read one line and assumed the next to be a reply to it. And it really really disappointed me that no brilliant bit of banter would ensue. But oh well. Liked the sentiment so much wrote it down and put it up on my wall.


                • #9
                  walk in


                  I was a Private in the Marines, at school, assigned to clean up the Major's office before class.

                  I walk in and the Major is talking to another officer. This is what I hear as I emptied the trash.

                  He said he was just picking up some change
                  he dropped...of course that doesn't explain why
                  his head was up her skirt



                  • #10
                    A few years ago I went camping in Maine. I didn't have my watch on, so I walked up to this older fella:
                    "Excuse me, Sir, do you know what time it is?"
                    He answered in a Pepperidge Farm accent:
                    "Do you mean right now?"

                    keep on swingin'


                    • #11
                      Now that I think about it, I guess my story doesn't really qualify as 'overheard.' I hereby retract.


                      • #12
                        Can't retract. Made me laugh.



                        • #13
                          From years ago...

                          Art history student to beginning rock-musician:

                          "What do think of intermezzo, or staccato?"

                          Rock musician: "Dunno. I never eat Italian food."


                          History buff to artist: "How do you view Horatio Hornblower?"

                          Art-student (curling lip): No idea. I don't watch man-to-man porn."


                          • #14
                            True story:

                            The day before the last postal rate hike, I had to reset the office postal machines. I wasn't sure if the new rate was .33 or .34 cents, so I called the post office. Now, you no longer get the post office these days, if you ask for them you are put through to some 800 line (privately run company) who are supposed to answer all your postal questions. I have yet to have them answer one correctly, but this was my first introduction to them:

                            U.S. Post Office. How may I help you?

                            I know the postal rates go up tomorrow. Is it .33 or .34 cents an ounce?

                            (Long Pause)


                            I don't know ma'am, I'll have to check with my supervisor.

                            CLICK. She hung up on me.

                            Hello? Hello? @#$*&!!


                            • #15
                              From Catholic School...

                              A mean-ass teacher, determined to frighten some students before he sends them off to the Headmaster's office, lines up several boys to do the old "Ask questions to sweat them" game, going from to the next, asking, "And what would your father have to say if I told him about your behaviour today?"

                              Each of the kids mumble a quiet reply until he reaches the last student. "And you?" he asks the teen-ager.

                              "Couldn't tell you, sir."

                              "And why is that?"

                              "'Cuz my Dad's been dead for ten years, sir. You should know... you were at his funeral."