I have seen some good feedback from a few people on the board and couldn't resit. Anyway, here is the first scene which translates to the first page and 3 lines.
I would apreciate comments as to how well it flows, etc.
Thanks.
FADE IN:
EXT. RAVINE -- EVENING
A young man, RICHARD, in his early twenties runs to the top of a ravine. It is empty. The clouds are dark and the wind is blowing strongly, trees swaying calmly. There is a rustling in the bushes. RICHARD stops and turns in the direction of the movement.
CHARLES
Richard, what are you doing here?
RICHARD
There's a party today.
CHARLES
What?
RICHARD
A party. Bunny's there now.
Three more step out from behind a tree.
FRANCIS
See, told you.
HENRY
How do you know he's at the party?
RICHARD
He left a note in the library.
CHARLES
Let's go home.
HENRY
Damn. I hoped we'd get this over with.
CAMILLA
I'm hungry.
HENRY starts to walk off towards the woods.
FRANCIS
Where are you going?
HENRY
I'm going to go dig up some ferns. Then we can leave.
Page 2
FRANCIS
Oh, let's just forget about that. Nobody's going to see us.
HENRY
Somebody might. If they do, I want to have an excuse for being up here.
HENRY continues and disappears into the woods. FRANCIS pulls out a cigarette and leans against a tree.
CUT TO:
EXT. RAVINE -- LATER
www.zappnetwork.com
I would apreciate comments as to how well it flows, etc.
Thanks.
FADE IN:
EXT. RAVINE -- EVENING
A young man, RICHARD, in his early twenties runs to the top of a ravine. It is empty. The clouds are dark and the wind is blowing strongly, trees swaying calmly. There is a rustling in the bushes. RICHARD stops and turns in the direction of the movement.
CHARLES
Richard, what are you doing here?
RICHARD
There's a party today.
CHARLES
What?
RICHARD
A party. Bunny's there now.
Three more step out from behind a tree.
FRANCIS
See, told you.
HENRY
How do you know he's at the party?
RICHARD
He left a note in the library.
CHARLES
Let's go home.
HENRY
Damn. I hoped we'd get this over with.
CAMILLA
I'm hungry.
HENRY starts to walk off towards the woods.
FRANCIS
Where are you going?
HENRY
I'm going to go dig up some ferns. Then we can leave.
Page 2
FRANCIS
Oh, let's just forget about that. Nobody's going to see us.
HENRY
Somebody might. If they do, I want to have an excuse for being up here.
HENRY continues and disappears into the woods. FRANCIS pulls out a cigarette and leans against a tree.
CUT TO:
EXT. RAVINE -- LATER
www.zappnetwork.com
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