techinical question

[victorian]

I'm having a "description" problem and I need some input. Here is how I did it. Let me know if that's the correct way:

"EXT. BLAH BLAH BLAH

Gail attepts to get up but stumbles back down. She looks up to see a

STRONG HAND

that reaches out to her."


Is this the correct way? Or maybe

"Gail attempts to get up but stumbles back down. She looks up to see a

STRONG HAND

reaches out to her."

STRONG HAN

[dpaterso]

You could always DO IT WITHOUT THE CAPS.

Gail attempts to get up but stumbles back down.

She looks up. A strong hand reaches down toward her.

...Although now you have me wondering what a "strong hand" looks like. Big? Hairy? Dirty fingernails?

-Derek

-----------------------

My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies.

[jimjimgrande]

This isn't a question of right or wrong, it's a choice you're making for emphasis.

I would say that it is a poor choice because what you're emphasizing - "a strong hand" - isn't a particularly visual image.

Too much of that tends to prove annoying and then becomes a distraction rather than an effective technique.

[Queen Uhuru]

It's a very good thing to "see" the movie as you write it. That's how I write, as if the movie is happening in front of me and I'm writing it down as it happens. Well, most of the time I write that way.

It can be a problem when putting words to paper to let go of your "darlings," those visual touches and other moments and bits that give you the feeling, as a writer, that you've included all the finishing touches to make your story as visual as possible.

It's a problem when your great vision becomes directing-on-paper. So you have to stand back and ask if that SHOT and CAMERA LANGUAGE is absolutely essential to the telling of the story. If the same thing can be told as a line of action description (as someone has already illustrated here), why would you want to revert to directing on paper?

Would your story, without a particular camera shot written in, still be the same story?

[ComicBent]

I have never been a fan of the

STRONG HAND

method of describing action.

It tends to

INTERRUPT

my attention, mainly because my internal "reading voice" suddenly shouts "STRONG HAND".

It also takes up more space to write this way.

But there is nothing wrong with using this technique if you want to.

[nickj]

I really dislike it, especially when it runs through the whole script. It's a crutch. Format tricks can't substitue for great writing.

[Manilow in Blue]

Nevermind

[Edison Vandall]

Format tricks can't substitute for great writing.

So true - it's a juvenile form of expression; as is screenwriting.

Time to grow up.