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www.screenwritersutopia.com/modules.php?name=ScriptSwap&op=viewScript&sid=263
Reviewer: janice253
Overall Stars: ***
Premise: Excellent
Story: Excellent
Characterization: Excellent
Dialogue: Excellent
Critique:
First the bad part, there are some serious formatting errors which can easily be remedied: The font MUST be courier 12 pt, all pages MUST be numbered, there is no need to repeat a scene heading for the same scene (EXT. SPACE first page), NEVER start a scene at the bottom of the page (first page) NEVER end a page with a characters name with the dialogue on the following page (Marriet on the third page). It's a good idea to read as many scripts as you can and try to emulate the formatting style.
Now the good part.
I LIVE, WHAT A GREAT STORY!! The gripping pace, the wonderful rhythm, the fabulous characters practically jumped off the page and grabbed me, the dialogue is oustanding, I really couldn't put this down. I loved the inter-action between Gimpo and Jesse; the ideal foils. The aliens Jesuz, Jason and Michael are perfect. But for me, the chemistry between Peter and Carolyn is compelling, the two could head an inter-galactic cop show on their own. Their relationship is exactly as it should be, not wanting to give too much away, the little twist re Carolyn; inspired. The whole thing puts Men in Black deeply in the shade and I sincerely hope it gets picked up.
Now, I'm going to treat myself and read it again.
Excellent stuff!!
Kind regards,
Janice Sampson
******************************
Still a lot of the same things you guys said first, but I'm glad SOMEONE is liking them. They need rewrites I know, but it's good to know they (I LIVE & X-STREAM) WEREN'T as bad as you all made out. And I guess she's talking about the fact that it was uploaded in rtf which leaves out page number (unless you remember to put them in - my bad)
Reviewer: janice253
Overall Stars: ***
Premise: Excellent
Story: Excellent
Characterization: Excellent
Dialogue: Excellent
Critique:
First the bad part, there are some serious formatting errors which can easily be remedied: The font MUST be courier 12 pt, all pages MUST be numbered, there is no need to repeat a scene heading for the same scene (EXT. SPACE first page), NEVER start a scene at the bottom of the page (first page) NEVER end a page with a characters name with the dialogue on the following page (Marriet on the third page). It's a good idea to read as many scripts as you can and try to emulate the formatting style.
Now the good part.
I LIVE, WHAT A GREAT STORY!! The gripping pace, the wonderful rhythm, the fabulous characters practically jumped off the page and grabbed me, the dialogue is oustanding, I really couldn't put this down. I loved the inter-action between Gimpo and Jesse; the ideal foils. The aliens Jesuz, Jason and Michael are perfect. But for me, the chemistry between Peter and Carolyn is compelling, the two could head an inter-galactic cop show on their own. Their relationship is exactly as it should be, not wanting to give too much away, the little twist re Carolyn; inspired. The whole thing puts Men in Black deeply in the shade and I sincerely hope it gets picked up.
Now, I'm going to treat myself and read it again.
Excellent stuff!!
Kind regards,
Janice Sampson
******************************
Still a lot of the same things you guys said first, but I'm glad SOMEONE is liking them. They need rewrites I know, but it's good to know they (I LIVE & X-STREAM) WEREN'T as bad as you all made out. And I guess she's talking about the fact that it was uploaded in rtf which leaves out page number (unless you remember to put them in - my bad)
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