Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

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  • #16
    Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

    Originally posted by haroldhecuba View Post
    You mean my current WIP about a mime trapped in an imaginary box is already behind the times? But I'm almost done. I'm in the middle of him trying to push his way out...it's a kick-ass action scene. Lots of facial contortions.

    HH
    finish this, dood. seriously, i can't stop laughing.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

      Originally posted by emily blake View Post
      I feel like we're coming to the end of the extremely contained thriller phenomenon. At this point, by the time you finish the script it will be out of fashion.
      I hope not. I just finished outlining a CT about a man stuck in his own body.
      Frustrated? Click here for help:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning...3Kruger_effect

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      • #18
        Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

        I would go with this...

        INT. TRUNK - NIGHT

        The character in the trunk twidles her thumbs.

        THE TRUNK IS OPENED -

        By another character. The two characters talk. When they're done, the trunk is closed.

        INT. TRUNK - DAY

        The character in the trunk wakes. Sees cracks of sunlight. She twidles her thumbs.

        THE TRUNK IS OPENED -

        By a new character. They talk.

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        • #19
          Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

          Originally posted by Mycroftbrett View Post
          I hope not. I just finished outlining a CT about a man stuck in his own body.
          Innerspace?
          Chicks Who Script podcast

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

            You could also do this. Still retains the POV of girl in trunk.


            INT. TRUNK - DAY

            Rachel wakes. She peers through a crack at

            EXT. GAS STATION - DAY

            A MAN talking to a WOMAN at the cashier booth.

            The Man turns toward the car. Walks to it. Opens the trunk.

            MAN
            Good nights sleep?

            RACHEL (O.S.)
            F you.

            The Man slams the trunk shut.

            INT. TRUNK - DAY

            RACHEL (O.S.)
            Bastard

            Through the crack Rachel sees the
            Man smile.

            MAN
            Buckle up.


            Forget that she could scream for help.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

              Back to the OP, this sounds almost like a cheap "Buried" rip-off if the character is locked in a trunk the whole time. But if you're going to do it anyway, might as well at least read that script to see how sluglines were handled (even if the coffin was never partially opened).

              Well I don't think it's fair to call it a cheap 'Buried' rip-off. There are already a couple of produced films that take place in a trunk. So did 'Buried' copy these films.

              If it didn't, there is of course the Quentin Tarantino episode of CSI that takes place predominantly in a coffin. Did 'Buried' copy this too?

              The INT. vs. EXT. decision depends on camera POV, not on the location of the action being watched.

              If the camera is exterior, then you use EXT.

              If the camera looking out is obviously in the trunk (because of what you see), then you use INT., even if you are looking out at actions in a parking lot. However, if the camera is in the trunk, but you cannot determine this from anything in the picture, then you would use EXT.


              Well I would say predominatly we (and the camera) is in the trunk.

              On the few occasions where someone else opens the trunk, I imagine the camera may cut between the trunk, and perhaps outside, looking over the persons shoulder who opened it. But the camera wouldn't be viewing wide-shots of the scene. The camera wouldn't be looking down over the scene, seeing the whole car, etc.

              However, I don't feel this is justified for me to talk about. I'm not the director. I don't decide the shot. I am simply writing the screenplay. But when I imagine it, the camera pretty much stays with our main character, and we don't see much of the outside world, even when we open the trunk.

              Except to the OP -- given your timing, and given recent the history of films actually produced... Would you write a script about someone "buried" in a coffin? Or stuck in an "ATM" (it's in post-production in case you didn't know)?

              Oh, my recent history of films. You must know me so well. I love when complete strangers throw personal jibes at you for no reason.


              Because at this point, if you put your lead in a trunk -- well...

              You won't be just another script -- you'll be a script coming on the heels of something more complete...


              Well this can be seen in two very different perspectives. 'Buried' and 'ATM' got made for a reason. Either I should write it becuase this is a popular genre. Or I shouldn't because the market is inundated with this, and no one wants to see it again.

              I feel many people here are very unfair on writers. One minute some of us are writing stuff becuase we hear it's popular and will sell. We're told not to do this because we are writing for the chase of money, and our hearts won't be in it.

              One minute we are told not too pursue certain scripts, because there are other films out there just like it.

              Also, as others mentioned, this feels like a BURIED derivative. It's not a bad thing if you are trying to learn how to write self-contained thrillers. But it'll be hard to get the attention of Hollywood for reasons people mentioned.

              Yeah, you know what, 'Buried' certainly did inspire me to go for a super-contained thriller. And I saw the film recently. I liked it very much. But I have always loved contained thrillers. Panic room blew me away, I liked flightplan too, Rope, Dial M for Murder, Wait Until Dark, etc. I'm a huge fan of the genre. Love it. So this is my time to write one.

              After I saw the CSI epsiode that Tarantino made. I remember asking (I think here at DD) why has no one ever made a whole film set in a coffin. And back then people told me it's an impossible sell, and that contained thriller were out.

              I wish I hadn't listened to anyone back then.

              I feel like we're coming to the end of the extremely contained thriller phenomenon. At this point, by the time you finish the script it will be out of fashion.

              I actually don't agree, for the reasons I've stated above.

              All your sluglines seem fine, just drop the one with the ()'s.

              Hey, if you can make it work, make it work. I don't think there's a genre out there that is not played out.

              EXACTLY. I couldn't agree more. Anytime anyone mentions a script on here, people pounce on them telling them a million other films exist like thta already.

              Every idea has been done to death.

              The only real difference is how you do it, how you tell it. Your writing. Your use of words. How you capture the readers attention.

              No idea is actually original. Sorry but it's true.

              Just write what you want to write don't listen to the other people here(unless it's westerns it better have some god damn aliens)

              Thanks buddy. That's exactly what i'm going to do. But I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the matter.

              I think you'll have fun with it. But push the boundary. This is your sample of what you can do as a writer of a contained thriller.

              Yeah I am actually finding it incredibly fun to write. Everything is coming together farly well and I am having a blast with it. It's surprisingly action-packed, more so than I thought.

              My advice is to stay away from the whole POV thing, it's pretty cheesy. You'll have more fun without it anyway. And POV is hard to engage people with. Not to mention that once it's broken, it's hard to go back to it.

              Actually, when I said POV I don't mean 'literally'. I've palced any POV shots in my script of anything. In fact one fo the few things I utterly detest in screenwriting is POV. I think is so rarely works well, either on the page or in a finished movie.

              When I mentioned POV I just mean in a general sense. When my character is in the trunk, we are in the trunk with that character. I never cut outside of it when it is not open. Nothing ever happens when she isn't seeiong it or hearing it herself. NEVER. We know only what she knows.

              .....................

              Thanks everyone, good advice so far. I'll have a finshed draft in a couple of weeks, I might put up a few pages.
              Last edited by fanatic_about_film; 03-31-2011, 07:28 PM.

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              • #22
                Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                OP,

                I think you should figure out exactly what you're seeing in your mind and make that a slugline. You need to be as clear as possible and, i suspect, that EXT./INT. stuff isn't gonna paint the scene the way you want.

                Trust me. Please.

                Please, trust me.

                Please.

                Trust me.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                  Originally posted by fanatic_about_film View Post
                  After I saw the CSI epsiode that Tarantino made. I remember asking (I think here at DD) why has no one ever made a whole film set in a coffin. And back then people told me it's an impossible sell, and that contained thriller were out.

                  I wish I hadn't listened to anyone back then.
                  Originally posted by fanatic_about_film, two months ago
                  After I saw I that CSI episode, I actually thought to myself "that's done it, we're not going to see any films set in a coffin for a good few decades atleast", but here we are with 'Buried'.
                  So the voices in your head gave you bad career advice, and you remember it coming from other people?

                  Not a good sign, dude.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                    So the voices in your head gave you bad career advice, and you remember it coming from other people?

                    Not a good sign, dude.


                    Voices in my own head???????????????

                    No, I never said that.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                      If I were doing this, I'd just slug the location and leave it at that. Don't bother with INT. or EXT. or whatever. Make in literary. We'll understand it's all in one space if you write it that way.

                      Like this:

                      THE TRUNK

                      LEE wakes up. Dark. Rope around her ankles. Hands zip-tied together. Rhythmic whoom-whoom-whoom, tires on highway asphalt.

                      BRAKE LIGHTS, TURN SIGNAL brightens the space. Lee struggles, disoriented, the car slowing, tires on gravel now.

                      The car stops. A door. Feet on gravel.

                      TRUNK POPS OPEN

                      Night, the side of the freeway, a woman stands over her. Looks mean.

                      WOMAN
                      This is where I leave you.

                      TRUNK SLAMS CLOSED

                      Feet on gravel -- walking away.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                        Originally posted by jcgary View Post
                        If I were doing this, I'd just slug the location and leave it at that. Don't bother with INT. or EXT. or whatever. Make in literary. We'll understand it's all in one space if you write it that way.

                        Like this:

                        THE TRUNK

                        LEE wakes up. Dark. Rope around her ankles. Hands zip-tied together. Rhythmic whoom-whoom-whoom, tires on highway asphalt.

                        BRAKE LIGHTS, TURN SIGNAL brightens the space. Lee struggles, disoriented, the car slowing, tires on gravel now.

                        The car stops. A door. Feet on gravel.

                        TRUNK POPS OPEN

                        Night, the side of the freeway, a woman stands over her. Looks mean.

                        WOMAN
                        This is where I leave you.

                        TRUNK SLAMS CLOSED

                        Feet on gravel -- walking away.
                        This reads well.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                          Originally posted by jcgary View Post
                          THE TRUNK

                          LEE wakes up. Dark. Rope around her ankles. Hands zip-tied together. Rhythmic whoom-whoom-whoom, tires on highway asphalt.

                          BRAKE LIGHTS, TURN SIGNAL brightens the space. Lee struggles, disoriented, the car slowing, tires on gravel now.

                          The car stops. A door. Feet on gravel.

                          TRUNK POPS OPEN

                          Night, the side of the freeway, a woman stands over her. Looks mean.

                          WOMAN
                          This is where I leave you.

                          TRUNK SLAMS CLOSED

                          Feet on gravel -- walking away.
                          This does read well. But does it paint the picture that you desire.

                          TRUNK POPS OPEN

                          Night, the side of the freeway, a woman stands over her. Looks mean.

                          You show us the woman, standing over Lee. Do we also see Lee or do we see only the Woman? It seems that the OP never wants us to see Lee, but somehow that has to be noted on the page.

                          You don't have to give camera direction. The director can decide how to shoot this. Shoot it POV from the trunk, from Lee's POV, or a wide closeup of the Woman and Lee.


                          P.S. Clearly show, on the page, what you want the reader to visualize and the audience to see. That can be done without directing the camera.
                          Last edited by jonpiper; 03-31-2011, 09:42 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                            Originally posted by fanatic_about_film View Post
                            Voices in my own head???????????????

                            No, I never said that.
                            My point is that you saw that CSI and decided there was no market for a movie in a coffin for the next 30 years. Two months later, the story changed to you wanting to write a movie in a coffin, but the evil DoneDealers talked you out of it.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                              Originally posted by haroldhecuba View Post
                              You mean my current WIP about a mime trapped in an imaginary box is already behind the times? But I'm almost done. I'm in the middle of him trying to push his way out...it's a kick-ass action scene. Lots of facial contortions.

                              HH
                              OK, that was clever. I chuckled.


                              "Trust your stuff." -- Dave Righetti, Pitching Coach

                              ( Formerly "stvnlra" )

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Difficult slugline question - contained thriller

                                Originally posted by jonpiper View Post
                                This does read well. But does it paint the picture that you desire.
                                Well, it paints the picture *I* desire. FaF, I can't speak for him.

                                You show us the woman, standing over Lee. Do we also see Lee or do we see only the Woman? It seems that the OP never wants us to see Lee, but somehow that has to be noted on the page.
                                It really doesn't. I'm just telling the story of a woman trapped in a trunk, and I'm giving you the details I feel are important. How that's interpreted by a director and a producer is up to them.

                                That's what I feel would work best for this sort of tense, weird, contained suspense film. You might feel differently. That's why we're different writers with different voices.

                                When people talk about "calculate less," this is the kind of thing they mean.

                                P.S. Clearly show, on the page, what you want the reader to visualize and the audience to see. That can be done without directing the camera.
                                Or just tell the story. I've gotten a lot further when I stopped worrying about precisely exactly what I wanted to put on screen and just started writing the story.

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